CAPAlert in financial trouble!

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2008-01-07 01:39pm

Well, raving imbeciles and Marina.

Junghalli · Post by **Junghalli** » 2008-01-07 09:04pm

Darth Wong wrote:Most of the review is devoted to his breathless praise of 19th century disciplinary techniques and society in general. I liked the movie too, but not in an "I wish I lived in that time" kind of way. Only a raving imbecile would view the movie that way.

Actually it makes perfect sense: fundies really would rather live in the 19th century, and their greatest dream is to return society to something like that state.

Bug-Eyed Earl · Post by **Bug-Eyed Earl** » 2008-01-08 03:04am

Darth Wong wrote:OMG, you guys have to read this idiot's review of "Master and Commander".

To summarize, he says it's great seeing real discipline onscreen (the scene where a guy is given the lash), and that we need to have more of this in real-life because we've become such pussies for not using those methods any more. He also interprets the argument between Aubrey and the Doctor as an example of insolent and immoral defiance of authority, which is rightfully put down by a strong leader (most other critics interpreted it as the clash of two different ways of looking at the world).

Most of the review is devoted to his breathless praise of 19th century disciplinary techniques and society in general. I liked the movie too, but not in an "I wish I lived in that time" kind of way. Only a raving imbecile would view the movie that way.

I know they think children are practically their parents' property, citing scenes like in Freddy vs. Jason where the kids who are committed against their will to cover up the existence of Freddy escaping is defiance of authority.

ANY portrayal of children defying their parents, no matter how bad the paretns are, is thought of as bad. Like the Indian girl in Bend it like Beckham who played soccer against her parents will.

Bug-Eyed Earl · Post by **Bug-Eyed Earl** » 2008-01-08 03:05am

BTW- this guy has about 8-10 kids.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2008-01-08 03:11am

Bug-Eyed Earl wrote:BTW- this guy has about 8-10 kids.

I guess he can't have any more because his whipping arm is getting tired.

Zablorg · Post by **Zablorg** » 2008-01-08 03:24am

How could they possibly go through with having sex 10 FUCKING TIMES???

And a good 5 of them would be girls!

And to make it even worse, when they get to 13 years you won't be able to sit on anything anymore!

Bug-Eyed Earl · Post by **Bug-Eyed Earl** » 2008-01-08 03:34am

Darth Wong wrote:
Bug-Eyed Earl wrote:BTW- this guy has about 8-10 kids.
I guess he can't have any more because his whipping arm is getting tired.

That occurred to me, but my reason for posting that was an added dimension to the humor of the financial situation.

Junghalli · Post by **Junghalli** » 2008-01-08 04:07am

Bug-Eyed Earl wrote:ANY portrayal of children defying their parents, no matter how bad the paretns are, is thought of as bad. Like the Indian girl in Bend it like Beckham who played soccer against her parents will.

Since their entire moral system is literally a gigantic appeal to authority I'm somehow not surprised.

And I wouldn't be surprised if their ranks are full of sadists too. I mean a huge part of the message of their religion (especially their particular brand of it) is that we all should walk around in a perpetual state of self-loathing for being the evil sinners we are. That's gotta fuck you up mentally.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2008-01-09 10:59am

One of the most absurd things about CAPAlert is that they don't call their movie reviews "reviews". Instead, they call them "analyses". It reminds me of the Trektards at certain webboards who call everything they say an "analysis".

MJ12 Commando · Post by **MJ12 Commando** » 2008-01-09 11:19am

Darth Wong wrote:One of the most absurd things about CAPAlert is that they don't call their movie reviews "reviews". Instead, they call them "analyses". It reminds me of the Trektards at certain webboards who call everything they say an "analysis".

Pseudo-intellectualism. It goes with everything, even, apparently, religious fundamentalism.

white_rabbit · Post by **white_rabbit** » 2008-01-09 01:06pm

Has anyone read the Beowulf review ?

I'm surprised the reviewers brain didn't explode....TEH NAKED BODY ON DISPLAY!

And the Christian priest was a greedy conniving arsehole.

which is totally unrealistic, and obviously completely in contrast to reality.

Aaron · Post by **Aaron** » 2008-01-09 01:30pm

Read The Birdcage review, he turns it off after 25 minutes because of too much homosexuality.

andrewgpaul · Post by **andrewgpaul** » 2008-01-09 02:26pm

Would it be wrong to visit every page on this site, repeatedly, to drive up their bandwidth costs?

andrewgpaul · Post by **andrewgpaul** » 2008-01-09 02:29pm

In fact, no. I can feel parts of my brain dying just reading it.

Junghalli · Post by **Junghalli** » 2008-01-09 07:43pm

Zablorg wrote:How could they possibly go through with having sex 10 FUCKING TIMES???

It's probably OK as long as you feel bad for enjoying it.

Zablorg · Post by **Zablorg** » 2008-01-09 07:58pm

There's nekkids in Beowulf?

Post by **weemadando** » 2008-01-09 08:05pm

Darth Wong wrote:
Feil wrote:Incidentally, what is the "most foul of foul words" they keep referencing? Belgium?
I can't make up my mind whether it's "fuck" or "hell". I seem to recall that they referenced this "most foul of foul words" in regard to a film which I'm pretty sure did not contain the word "fuck", but it would take too much effort to confirm this.

Perhaps he means:
Female.
Woman.

Or some other such affront to God?

Thag · Post by **Thag** » 2008-01-09 08:41pm

Just for shits and giggles, I read some of his Trek reviews. Does anyone else find it amusing that he claims to be a TOS fan yet berates TNG for Riker's womanizing? Does the fact that half the people in the galaxy by that point are probably James Kirk's decendents fly completely over his head?

Zablorg · Post by **Zablorg** » 2008-01-09 08:49pm

They hyphenated "Shaged" in "The Spy Who Shagged Me"

For fucks sake, if everyone knows what you're talking about, why censor it?

Zablorg · Post by **Zablorg** » 2008-01-09 08:55pm

Oh yes, they also classify references to homosexuality as bad. Which is ironic because they are probably gay, as anyone can observe through their rantings and ravings about "sexual dress" (a.k.a skin tight) and female anatomy ghosting through somewhat transparent clothes (OMFG A LEG!!).

Zablorg · Post by **Zablorg** » 2008-01-09 09:00pm

On Transformers:

Vulgar gesture. Porn pics in a teen boy's room. Request for sex innuendo. Intercourse innuendo. Masturbation innuendo. Camera angle to force viewer on private parts. Inappropriate touch such as a teen girl setting on a teen boy's lap under the same seat belt. Excessive cleavage. A teen boy's parents expressing joy upon finding a teen girl in his bedroom. A teen girl laying atop a teen boy making out. And more. Sexual immorality does not have to be nudity. No matter what the MPAA thinks

O NOES!

Thanas · Post by **Thanas** » 2008-01-09 09:10pm

His prose is ugly as well. I mean, how the heck could you write something like: "Stay informed...OBJECTIVELY...on what Hollywood feeds your kids."

What a great marketing slogan. Must have been really hard to come up with the idea of writing words in caps only.

Also, just take a closer look at the review he put up for Master and Commander (thank you Mike for pointing it out):

In April, 1805 Her Majesty's Ship (HMS) Surprise, commanded by Captain Jack "Lucky Jack" Aubrey (Russell Crowe) was asea[sic] to find and do battle ("do battle"?)with the faster French frigate Acheron....although the ship is never shown to be faster than the Surprise in the movie Though out-gunned and out-manned, Captain Aubrey was determined to apply his expert seamanship and cunning (he loves this word. Cunning plan. Cunning plan.) to find and capture or destroy the Acheron. The Acheron had been wreaking havoc in the seas near Brazil, (because the writer failed geography and does not remember that crossing cape horn when coming from Europe does not land you near Brazil - but who cares, all southern countries are the same, am I rite?) a source of rich resources.*snort* The Queen (thereby affirming that he has failed European History - because England was always run by Queens. I saw it in a movie once, so it obviously must be true) had set her mind to end the reign of terror by the French Napoleon. Oh look. I failed grammar as well. Hey, of course it was the British Nelson that defeated him at sea, rite?) Though Napoleon dominated the battlefronts on land and threatened the sovereignty of Britain, the British dominated the seas during the Napoleonic wars of the 19th century. With a hull of two-foot thick Oak, even the best of the best guns available on HMS Surprise could not penetrate the Acheron. oooh, penetration. How do you penetrate a ship, BTW? Cunning must be the deciding factor, cunning supplied Hey, did someone else supply intelligence? Because that writer is obviously in short supply of that, failing to notice that cunning is not something one can supply with by the experienced and tactful ....words fail me Captain Lucky Jack Aubrey who had served under Lord Nelson.Oh yay. He read the introduction

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2008-01-09 09:23pm

Did he use the word 'tactful' to mean 'someone who has tactics'?

Maybe I'll post several times after this one at gaps of 5 minutes to say 'o rly'.

Stuart Mackey · Post by **Stuart Mackey** » 2008-01-09 09:37pm

wautd wrote:
Cpl Kendall wrote:I wasn't aware of these guys until now, fortunatly they've left their reviews up. Giving me a good laugh at their expense. Read the review of Chronicles of Riddick, good stuff.

Two gems:

one use of the most foul of the foul words
They don't list the foul words, I assume thay mean fuck.

excessive cleavage, repeatedly

It's here: +http://www.capalert.com/capreports/chro ... iddick.htm if you want a good laugh.
Ugh, why do fundies have a fetish with ugly web designs

Because a nice site might turn a naive God Fearing persons mind to think that time on the internet is acceptable, when we all know that the internet is full of evil, evil dressed as nice well designed websites, designed to turn their minds to impure thoughts and lust!

Zablorg · Post by **Zablorg** » 2008-01-09 09:40pm

Maybe their brains are clogged up with semen or something, which would explain why they fail so bad.