VA Lawmaker Seeks to Ban Replica Testicles on Trailer

[Sidewinder]

Virginia Lawmaker Seeks to Ban Replica Testicles on Trailer Hitches

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

RICHMOND, Va. — It's one thing to dangle fuzzy dice from a rear view mirror, but decorating a trailer hitch with a large pair of rubber testicles might be a bit much in Virginia.

State Del. Lionel Spruill introduced a bill Tuesday to ban displaying replicas of human genitalia on vehicles, calling it a safety issue because it could distract other drivers.

Under his measure, displaying the ornamentation on a motor vehicle would be a misdemeanor punishable by a maximum fine of $250.

He said the idea came from a constituent whose young daughter spotted an example of the trail hitch adornment and asked her father to explain it.

"'I didn't know what to tell her,"' Spruill said the constituent told him before Spruill vowed to stop such displays.

"I said, 'Sir, I'm going to be a laughingstock, but I'm going to do it,"' he said.

The Virginia General Assembly has some experience with offbeat bills. Three years ago, it drew widespread attention with an unsuccessful effort to outlaw baggy pants worn so low they expose underwear.

Spruill, 61, said the indignity of the "droopy drawers" debate wouldn't deter him. He said he won't hesitate to bring a set of $24.95 trailer testicles with him for a legislative show-and-tell.

"I'm going to do it," Spruill told a handful of reporters after Tuesday's House session adjourned. "I'm going to bring them out here and show them to you till they tell me to stop."

Someone has too much time on his hands...

[The Spartan]

He said the idea came from a constituent whose young daughter spotted an example of the trail hitch adornment and asked her father to explain it.

"'I didn't know what to tell her,"' Spruill said the constituent told him before Spruill vowed to stop such displays.

On the one hand I don't give a damn one way or the other and, in fact, I think they're silly.

On the other, the portion I quoted is just so painfully stupid that it makes a small part of me want to go buy some just for the sake of being contrarian.

[Alferd Packer]

I guess that must be a Southern thing. I have never, ever, ever seen fake nuts on a truck's trailer hitch here in Jersey. And we have plenty of pickups/SUVs on the road, too.

[Knife]

He said he won't hesitate to bring a set of $24.95 trailer testicles with him for a legislative show-and-tell.

Thus prompting another delegate to propose a bill banning politicians from bringing replica genitilia into goverment offices when a young girl on a school trip see's them durring a session.

He said the idea came from a constituent whose young daughter spotted an example of the trail hitch adornment and asked her father to explain it.

"'I didn't know what to tell her,"' Spruill said the constituent told him before Spruill vowed to stop such displays

Oh I don't know....tell her they are the boy pee parts. Whew, hard I know, it could scar her for life to know boys are different than girls.

Fucking retards.

[White Haven]

Virginia Government: The Joke's Only Funny From The Outside

[tim31]

Quick trans-pacific translation question: by trailer hitch, do you mean the tow ball? The male coupling point for a trailing vehicle component?

[Sriad]

They're fucking stupid (and moderately plentiful in Colorado) but making them illegal is as prudish as trying to ban bumper stickers with "Fuck" on them somewhere, or forcing intact male dogs to wear underpants.

[White Haven]

Quick trans-pacific translation question: by trailer hitch, do you mean the tow ball? The male coupling point for a trailing vehicle component?

Yes

[Molyneux]

Fuck, no! The first time my family and I saw a truck with a pair (while driving in upstate New York) we almost died laughing.

They're tasteless, tacky and extremely silly, but there's no harm in 'em.

[chitoryu12]

I saw several last year, almost always at theme parks of all places. Shitloads of kids are going to see hanging testicles if the truck is in a Disney parking lot on a crowded afternoon, but I don't think any government officials down here ever seriously tried to ban the balls.

I find it a little weird that anyone would hang a pair of man-globes off their bumper, but what's the harm? You may as well teach the kids early about standard human anatomy.

[Civil War Man]

What does Spruill think about fake testicles for cell phones?

Can't talk now. I'm three-ballin'.

[Kuja]

Just a couple weeks back, all the way up here in Buffalo, I pulled up to a red light behind a big red Dodge truck (can't remember the model) with the following adornments:

Window sticker of Calvin peeing on the Ford logo.

Window sticker of Calvin peeing on the Chevy logo.

Window sticker of some cartoon kid giving the finger.

Bumper sticker stating "If you ain't the lead dog, the view never changes."

Bright red rubber testicles hanging from the trailer hitch.

I stared at this truck for a few moments and said aloud "Well sir, I think we've learned something about you today."


These things shouldn't be banned, they give us warnings about which freaks have way too much invested in their vehicle.

[Oni Koneko Damien]

<snip>

Good god, you've just described about 1/5th of all vehicles I see in rural Wisconsin.

[Jaepheth]

Quick trans-pacific translation question: by trailer hitch, do you mean the tow ball? The male coupling point for a trailing vehicle component?

Yes

No, they're purely decorative and hang below the hitch:

[Androsphinx]

He could have just said that they're tonsils, and people who have had their tonsils removed have these as a memento. <sigh>

[Sea Skimmer]

I guess that must be a Southern thing. I have never, ever, ever seen fake nuts on a truck's trailer hitch here in Jersey. And we have plenty of pickups/SUVs on the road, too.

I see them all the time around Philadelphia; Jersey is simply last in line for everything except pollution.

[Einhander Sn0m4n]

Oh I'd love to see this go to SCotUS, that bill would die very quickly as it gets impaled on the First Amendment. If anything, bumper stickers and Peeing Calvns are more distracting. If anything else, green LED hood lights (or other color LED or light soueces on other parts of the car) are even more distracting. Are you gonna ban all lights other than the ones that come stock on the car? What about unusual paint colors? Ban those too?

Yeah, it's slippery-slope, but when's that ever stopped these morons?

[Sea Skimmer]

Oh I'd love to see this go to SCotUS, that bill would die very quickly as it gets impaled on the First Amendment. If anything, bumper stickers and Peeing Calvns are more distracting. If anything else, green LED hood lights (or other color LED or light soueces on other parts of the car) are even more distracting. Are you gonna ban all lights other than the ones that come stock on the car? What about unusual paint colors? Ban those too?

Actually many states do have very highly restrictive laws on vehicle lighting, which make shit like LEDs on the hood or underbody ground effect lighting illegal. Some of these laws extend to the point that police are supposed to break the lights out of hand if they are spotted in use. It also happens to be federal law that you can’t upgrade your vehicle headlights to a higher intensity then they came stock; a number of sellers of HID light kits have been closed down in recent years because of this. Really for the most part about the only legal lighting you can add to your vehicle is a set of fog lamps, and only then within certain specifications.

Yeah, it's slippery-slope, but when's that ever stopped these morons?

When has your utter ignorance of subjects ever caused you to shutup?