*shuffles papers*
Okay. So, here's the SDN budget proposal for the fiscal year 2009.
Section I - Administrative Expenses
The administration would like $500,000,000 to upgrade to new board technology. This will cover the new technology and use for a decade, as well as living expenses and a trip to the Bahamas for the entire moderating staff, Other than that, when I sent plebs to ask Dalton and Mike what sort of money they need for administrative costs, I received notes back handwritten in blood saying, "If we want it, we'll take it." The plebs were never seen again.
Section II - Usergroup Expenses
- The Brotherhood would like to install another set of secret monkey labs, and are asking for $30,000,000 to cover construction costs, extra-dimensional fees, etc.
- GALE wants another Orgasmatron ("since the SOS:NBA have two, we should have two as well"). Cost is $5,000, plus $2,000 in customizations and $82,000 in health insurance.
- The Knights Astrum Clades have asked for more soundproofing of their walls, because they're right next door to SLAM. I don't see why not; the cost is only about $2,000. Also, they want twenty fresh copies of the Bible in each of these versions: Catholic, KJV, NIV, Mormon, and NRSV. They're complaining that their copy is a hand-me-down from SLAM and has notes in the margins, pages torn out, and "obscene drawings" in the cover, Cost is going to be less than $5000.
- Supporters of Chris ... no request that I've heard.
- The Keepers of the Lore, by fgalkin's request, would like $10,000 for completing, editing, printing, and distributing the Grand History of SDN. Also, fgalkin would like a requisition of labor to "get the goddamned thing done".
- The Writer's Guild would like new lights installed to help the reading; that'll be less than $30. When I asked RedImperator if he needed anything else, he replied with an obscene comment about my mother.
- The HAB is requesting ... $32,000,000,000,000 for "resource exploitation, weapon systems development and production, munitions production, and mobile biological bullet absorption device requisition". It also explicitly denies that this $32,000,000,000,000 will go toward resource exploitation, weapon systems development and production, munitions production, and ple- er, mobile biological bullet absorption device requisition. The Great Leader would also like to add that this is all completely above-board and transparent, that failing to support the war effort is tantamount to high treason, and that he expects a unanimous vote on this section of the bill.
- Mecha Maniacs would like another copy of Big O -- about $50 -- and they're also applying for a restraining order against the HAB.
- Former members of SEGNOR have been agitating for a reinstitution of the usergroup. I accidentally crunched some of their picket line under my shoes on my way in this morning.
- SOS:NBA would like $73,000 for running costs. When I asked what they needed it for, they just giggled and shooed me away from the ladder up to their multistory treehouse.
- The Justice League wants another shipment of comic books, and are asking for $2,000 to pay for them.
- The Mess would like $100,000 in MWR money for games, having the MWR hut wired for electricity, some AC, and five bids from minority/small business owners. And they might come back asking for supplemental funding. They also want a microwave that isn't jury-rigged from old Korean War comms gear. To date for their MWR they have a Quonset Hut from 1944, 12 Parcheesi sets, and a game of Monopoly (Napa Valley edition). Apparently the MWR committee spent all of the requisited money on booze and hookers, Knife.* The Mess is also requesting supplemental "Pay us so we don't conquer you" appropriation of $180,000,000,000 to cover all other expenses.
- Cybertron have requested $9,000 for a full DVD box set of Beast Wars, the thermite to destroy it utterly, and new trappings for the ceremony.
- The Black Mages are requesting $927,200,000,000 for undisclosable materials to look into the well-being of the local cosmic fabric. The leader of the Black Mages avers that this is in no way connected to his request for a Jefferson Bible being turned down by the KAC.
Committee funding will cost an estimated $85,000,000. This includes the proposed Committee to Investigate Alleged MWR Funding Mishaps, chaired by the Hon. Knife; the standing Committee Investigating the Misuse of Senatorial Prestige and Power; the several Acquisition Committees (Carnal Pursuits, Imbibement, and Second-hand Monetary Compensation); the Disciplinary and Legislative Committees; and the various other committees I can't remember right now.
The Hon. Noble Ire has proposed opening a small Senatorial footwear account of $400,000 to provide appropriate footwear for the various Senators as they conduct official business.
Section IV - Tax Income
I have received several complaints about "unfairly high taxes". The complainers have all been crucified by the gates with the other whiners, but in the interest of representation, I propose we decrease income taxes on the plebs to a 113% flat tax with no loopholes (please note that this does not include the Section 36 Title CIX HAB Tax on Pleasure and Fun).
Section V - Special Projects
- The Hon. Connor MacLeod has requested approximately $80,000 in funding so that MRDOD can manage real life and play Dwarf Fortr3ss.
- The Hon. Connor MacLeod has also requested $200,000 to funnel to the Hon. Chuck Sonnenburg so that the latter can focus more entirely on SfDebris and OVEG.
- The Sub-Committe on Lettering, Typesetting, Linguistics, and the Appreciation of the Finer Things has recently noted a dangrous dcline in the availability of ncessary vowls, and reports that this depltion is a srious threat to our way of life. Threfor, they are urging immdiate and substantial funding of $457,000,000.46 to fund drilling into the Stratgic Vowl Reserv, rsearching altrnat and sustainabl vowl sourcs, and a fact-finding mission to the Frnch Rivira to "see what it's like".
What say ye, members of these hallowed chambers? Begin discussion!
*Be it also noted for the record that Publius voted himself funds to purchase vintage GI Joe figures, so it wasn't all beer and hookers.
