Metatwaddle wrote:Actually, what I've heard is that teenage girls are on average more mature and sophisticated than boys,
They may be
academically ahead of boys, and
physically more mature, but emotionally they aren't.
But you just don't get a reversed situation often. It's not that we couldn't get 15-year-old males to fuck us, it's that we're not remotely interested. What could a teenage boy offer me that I couldn't get from an older man?
This is getting closer to the heart of the matter.
Men and woman are NOT the same, and where there are real differences that should be acknowledged. Men and women do not approach sex and mating in the same manner and they have quite different motivations.
Men
tend (as a general rule) to seek young partners and minimal attachments, particularly in the teens and early 20's (what happens as they mature, marry, etc. does not concern us at the moment). Women on the other hand seek long term relationships and that has a lot to do with the biology of pregnancy, childbirth, and raising kids in humans. Teen boys dream of having sex. Teen girls dream of marriage and offspring. Two very different perspectives.
Women seek men with resources (money, car, etc.) and power (which leads to money, car, etc.). Good looks and kind words count for a lot, too, but women will frequently tolerant physical shortcomings in exchange for resources and commitment. That has a lot to do with why women seek older men, particularly in their teens - older men tend to have more of the stuff they're looking for. You do get older women going after younger men, but those women are usually so secure in their own wealth/power that their motivations have changed to a man willing to make a long-term commitment. Older women certainly CAN manipulate men (either older or younger) and tend to do with by sexing up their appearance and otherwise trying to appeal to the man's senses. Even if they aren't good looking they can smell good, provide a good environment, and be good at sex. Women
can be just as manipulative as men, but because their motivations are different they will seldom go after naive teen boys.
Men tend to seek young, physically attractive mates. Physically mature teen girls fit the bill perfectly, but because they are young and less experienced that, say, a 25 year old woman they are more vulnerable to manipulation by, for lack of a better word, con artists. THAT's why teen girls need a different sort of protection/guarding than teen boys, because men target them not out of malice (well, not usually) but because of biological drives. Society protects young girls in part by making some of them off limits through law (statutory rape) and custom. This allows girls who mature physically quite early to grow a little more emotionally before having to deal with the mating game. I also feel (although I have no idea how to go about proving it) that this gives men a framework within which to demonstrate their good intentions (which certainly can include sex) and self-control by showing that they can abide by such rules and customs. I know men bitch about some of the unevenness in dating (paying for transport, movie, dinner, flowers, etc.) but to some extent it's the flip side of women going through discomfort in the name of beauty (shaving, waxing, high heels, and the expense of things like cosmetics).
Now, let's get back to the older man/teen girl things. Remember, teen girls are looking for
long term relationships. An older man who breezes in, showers her with gifts, fucks her, and dumps her for the next in line isn't that much different from a woman who seduces a man, fucks him, mocks his manhood (maybe lifting some money out his wallet, too) on the way out the door, then proceeds to send compromising and/or incriminating pictures of him to his next girlfriend. There is a betrayal going on there. A major difference, however, is that fully adult men usually have gotten to the point of understanding that something too good to be true usually is - a 14 or 15 year old seldom has reached that level of understanding.
A parallel I've seen is when older men start paying attention to younger boys. It's more open these days that there is a concern about predatory men taking advantage of teen boys and its for much the same reason - with an added dash of homophobia in many cases. However, it would be just as bad for a 20 year old man to take advantage of a 15 year old male teen who is homosexual. It would be worse if a teen who is straight is manipulated into homosexual contact that he finds unpleasent or disgusting. Even if he says "yes" to something there is the question of what pressures and intimidations may have been brought to bear on him. I've personally observed normally very tolerant fathers (that is, straight men who seem to associate with known homosexuals without obvious problem) get VERY protective of their sons if they think some older man is targeting them for attention. I think this is triggered in part because men are more likely to manipulate young people for a quick lay, more likely to rape, more likely to do a lot of things much more quickly than the stereotypical golddigging woman laying a long-term trap and fathers know this. Fathers do not stop caring about or being willing to defend their sons merely because they grow up. Does that mean every case of an older man wooing a younger is evil? Of course not - but a parent wouldn't be responsible if they didn't care about who their teenaged son was involved with
regardless of gender. Predatory men that target other males also tend to go for the young, and newly grown teens fit that profile with the added "bonus" of being easier to manipulate.
I think that if women turned their predatory attention to younger boys, they could be even more manipulative and persuasive than men are to young girls.
Yes, I agree, women can be at least as manipulative, and possibly more so, than men. However, what motivates them to pursue an object of desire is very different. There are exceptions (that school teacher out west who went to jail for statutory rape of a student who fathered, if I recall, at least two children with her) but they are extremely rare. The law and custom is typically directed at the usual case, not the exception.
I also think that fewer people would care, because with teenage girls, it's sometimes (usually?) assumed that there's no way a young girl would fuck an older guy unless he was messing with her head.
I disagree. I don't know if we have many mothers of daughters on SD.net, but I know from myself and my friends growing up that a 15 year old girl is perfectly capable of having a roaring crush on a man old enough to be her father. I'd even go so far as to say it's
typical to do that at some point in her development. Why not? A man 40 years old usually has a steady income, a place to live, a nice car (or two)... all those resource things that attract women. See, that's part of the problem, too - not only does the teen girl match the man's profile, he matches hers. Sure, teen boys have the reputation of being willing to fuck anything but we all know they're much more likely to want to fuck teen girls than women old enough to be their mothers. That's why men have historically been more worried about the village youth fucking their daughters than fucking their wives.
If horny teenage guys can consent to sex, then so can horny teenage girls.
Yes, they
can consent - but should they?
That's the problem, is the teen in question
really mature enough to handle the situation? That's why we have minimum ages for driving, voting... and consenting to sex. It's not just a matter of being
able to reach the brake and steering wheel that makes you a good driver, it's having a certain level of judgment in using the machine. Likewise, it's not a matter of having a bustline or a working dick that makes it OK for someone to have sex, it's whether or not they are also mentally and emotionally mature enough to deal with not just the momentary pleasure but the possible consequences and responsibilities afterward. As I pointed out before, chronological age is a crude tool at best, but it's the best we have right now.
In sum -- the older man/teen woman scenario is not only more likely to happen than the older woman/teen man combination, it also has aspects that make it more problematic
due to human biology. THAT's why it may be appropriate to treat older/younger matching differently depending on the gender of the teen involved.
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