Asshole atheist professors in short stories people post

[Surlethe]

I suppose in one way, it's a good thing that the demagogues are associating educational success with atheism.

On the other side of the coin, they won't want to become educated. I know of people who will refuse to send their children to uni; in fact, my fiancee's parents will almost certainly not send the rest of their daughters to uni, and my fiancee isn't even an atheist. These people see a college education as a challenge: something to be gotten without being indoctrinated by the liberal, atheist professors and institution.

[Ryan Thunder]

[...]Had a sgt who spoke like this, too. We would just listen to him for hours, in awe.

Wouldn't your lips get repetitive stress injuries from something like that?

[Darth Wong]

I suppose in one way, it's a good thing that the demagogues are associating educational success with atheism.

On the other side of the coin, they won't want to become educated. I know of people who will refuse to send their children to uni; in fact, my fiancee's parents will almost certainly not send the rest of their daughters to uni, and my fiancee isn't even an atheist. These people see a college education as a challenge: something to be gotten without being indoctrinated by the liberal, atheist professors and institution.

That's nothing new. Education has always been the enemy of faith. Martin Luther even came right out and said that Reason itself is the enemy of faith, and concluded that Christians needed to reject Reason.

[Lambda 00]

Martin Luther even came right out and said that Reason itself is the enemy of faith, and concluded that Christians needed to reject Reason.

Here's the quote you wanted:
"But since the devil's bride, Reason, that pretty whore, comes in and thinks she's wise, and what she says, what she thinks, is from the Holy Spirit, who can help us, then? Not judges, not doctors, no king or emperor, because [reason] is the Devil's greatest whore."

(Sorry it's from Wikiquote, but that's the only translation of it that I could find, their source: Martin Luther's Last Sermon in Wittenberg ... Second Sunday in Epiphany, 17 January 1546. Dr. Martin Luthers Werke: Kritische Gesamtausgabe. (Weimar: Herman Boehlaus Nachfolger, 1914), Band 51:126, Line 7ff

[Enforcer Talen]

[...]Had a sgt who spoke like this, too. We would just listen to him for hours, in awe.

Wouldn't your lips get repetitive stress injuries from something like that?

His brain was a little bit weird by that point anyway. He was the guy on full pack marches, would run around the formation while on the march, screaming motivation. This was the guy who, when told he couldnt go on another patrol into the city that day, broke his hand on a well.

Awesome sgt, but not all there.

[Flagg]

The Marine was an idiot.

I remember this one story in which a professor would say something to the effect of "If God exists, then he can stop this chalk from breaking when I drop it."

Then, one day, his finger slipped, the chalk fell, rolled down his pants and settled nicely on the floor next to him, totally intact.

Supposedly, he ran from the lecture hall, but I'm skeptical...

Wow, what a miracle. That's right up there with the guy who tried to convert me with a story about how he lost his car keys, prayed to Jesus for them, and then found them. True story.

[Surlethe]

That's nothing new. Education has always been the enemy of faith. Martin Luther even came right out and said that Reason itself is the enemy of faith, and concluded that Christians needed to reject Reason.

For that matter, there are almost certainly Bible passages to that effect -- "only a fool saith in his heart, 'there is no God'", that sort of thing. I don't memorize verses, but I'm sure out there there are some more directly related to education and knowledge.

Wow, what a miracle. That's right up there with the guy who tried to convert me with a story about how he lost his car keys, prayed to Jesus for them, and then found them. True story.

Last year, I heard this gem. A guy was an alcoholic, wanted to quit, and prayed to Jesus to remove his addiction. Apparently, his impulse to drink wasn't gone, so he rejected Jesus, but from the day he prayed he never drank again. Conclusion? Jesus took away his addiction, not hard work and self-discipline.

[Ryan Thunder]

The Marine was an idiot.

I remember this one story in which a professor would say something to the effect of "If God exists, then he can stop this chalk from breaking when I drop it."

Then, one day, his finger slipped, the chalk fell, rolled down his pants and settled nicely on the floor next to him, totally intact.

Supposedly, he ran from the lecture hall, but I'm skeptical...

Wow, what a miracle. That's right up there with the guy who tried to convert me with a story about how he lost his car keys, prayed to Jesus for them, and then found them. True story.

Well hey, at least it didn't involve asshole marines.

[Davis 51]

The Marine was an idiot.

I remember this one story in which a professor would say something to the effect of "If God exists, then he can stop this chalk from breaking when I drop it."

Then, one day, his finger slipped, the chalk fell, rolled down his pants and settled nicely on the floor next to him, totally intact.

Supposedly, he ran from the lecture hall, but I'm skeptical...

Wow, what a miracle. That's right up there with the guy who tried to convert me with a story about how he lost his car keys, prayed to Jesus for them, and then found them. True story.

The version I heard was of an "Atheiism class" that was "mandated by the university." Could you get more unoriginal and conspiratorial?

[Knife]

His brain was a little bit weird by that point anyway. He was the guy on full pack marches, would run around the formation while on the march, screaming motivation. This was the guy who, when told he couldnt go on another patrol into the city that day, broke his hand on a well.

Awesome sgt, but not all there.

It's sad that when you get a competent NCO, he has to be wierd or 'not all there' instead of 'normal' for a Sgt.

[mr friendly guy]

I'm still trying to figure ou why an omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent god needs a marine to do his dirty work.

God works in mysterious ways. Duh.

[Mayabird]

The thing that always gets me about these stories is that these supposed professors spent all that lecture time doing silly things instead of lecturing. Maybe I went to a tougher school than a lot of other people, but I was having to take notes from minute five of the first day of class the vast majority of the time, and for the rest of it, the professors were too busy trying to cram in all their material to spend ten minutes doing nothing. Whenever I saw those chain emails* I always thought that they must have been written by someone who had never stepped foot in an actual college lecture in their lives, and were probably passed around by the same.

*They were normally sent by my obnoxious aunt. Since then, I've prevented her from getting my email addresses so she won't bother me. The twenty pages of Re:fwd:fwd:re:re: also got seriously old.

[Pelranius]

Aha! Clearly the marine is a blasphemous heretic, since he dares presumes that God is not omnipotent enough to look after Himself!

On another count, clearly this is a communist atheist theory designed to make our brave fighting men and women look like blasphemous heretics! Aha!

[Darth Servo]

That's nothing new. Education has always been the enemy of faith. Martin Luther even came right out and said that Reason itself is the enemy of faith, and concluded that Christians needed to reject Reason.

For that matter, there are almost certainly Bible passages to that effect -- "only a fool saith in his heart, 'there is no God'", that sort of thing. I don't memorize verses, but I'm sure out there there are some more directly related to education and knowledge.

Here are a few:

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my aways bhigher than your ways, and my cthoughts than your thoughts.

Basically, since God knows better, if your reason comes to anything different, yours is automatically wrong.

And when he was entered into a ship, his disciples followed him.
And, behold, there arose a great tempest in the sea, insomuch that the ship was covered with the waves: but he was asleep.
And his disciples came to him, and awoke him, saying, Lord, save us: we perish.
And he saith unto them, Why are ye afearful, O ye of little faith? Then he arose, and brebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm.

Forget about that storm that you see threatening your lives. Just believe and everything will be fine.

And Zacharias said unto the angel, Whereby shall I know this? for I am an old man, and my wife well stricken in years.
And the angel answering said unto him, I am Gabriel, that stand in the presence of God; and am sent to speak unto thee, and to shew thee these glad tidings.
And, behold, thou shalt be dumb, and not able to speak, until the day that these things shall be performed, because thou believest not my words, which shall be fulfilled in their season.

See, you relied on the foolish wisdom of man that says old women no longer have their monthly cycle and therefore can't have children instead of taking an angel's word for it that she will get pregnant, so you won't be able to speak for a while.

Then said Mary unto the angel, How shall this be, seeing I know not a man?
And the angel answered and said unto her, The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God.

Man says you need to have sex to get pregnant. Angels will show you how wrong that is.

Just a few examples.

[NecronLord]

Wow, what a miracle. That's right up there with the guy who tried to convert me with a story about how he lost his car keys, prayed to Jesus for them, and then found them. True story.

I once found my watch by using the Diane Duane Romulan method of calling out to it like a pet. Clearly you should be revering the Elements.

[Flagg]

Wow, what a miracle. That's right up there with the guy who tried to convert me with a story about how he lost his car keys, prayed to Jesus for them, and then found them. True story.

I once found my watch by using the Diane Duane Romulan method of calling out to it like a pet. Clearly you should be revering the Elements.

The best part was that the guy was really and truly dumbfounded by the fact that I didn't think it was a particularly interesting story, let alone something miraculous. I mean, I lose shit all the time, then find it. The only difference is that I don't stop looking to pray before I find it.

[Darth Wong]

I once met a woman who had a very similar "miracle" story: she lost her sunglasses at the beach, and apparently, God guided her to them. That's 2000 years of Miracle Depreciation, folks! We've gone from raising the dead and walking on water to helping you find your sunglasses.

"And how will you know that he is the King of the Jews?"

"Because he performs Miracles. Why, the other day, he helped me find my sunglasses!"

[SirNitram]

That's nothing compared to what is always dismissed. Transmute one liquid to another.. Say, water and wine, and you're a god! Transmute energetic photons and nutrients in the soil into wine and you're just a guy jumping on grapes.

[Flagg]

That's nothing compared to what is always dismissed. Transmute one liquid to another.. Say, water and wine, and you're a god! Transmute energetic photons and nutrients in the soil into wine and you're just a guy jumping on grapes.

I always like that David Cross routine on the whole "water to wine" thing.

"Umm, yeah, that's great, but we just crossed a desert and we're kinda just wanting water."

[Civil War Man]

I once met a woman who had a very similar "miracle" story: she lost her sunglasses at the beach, and apparently, God guided her to them. That's 2000 years of Miracle Depreciation, folks! We've gone from raising the dead and walking on water to helping you find your sunglasses.

"And how will you know that he is the King of the Jews?"

"Because he performs Miracles. Why, the other day, he helped me find my sunglasses!"

At least the Catholics don't credit God for finding their sunglasses. To them, God's basically the CEO. Lost something? Don't bother the boss. Anthony runs the lost and found. Talk to him. God's too important to find your shit for you.