The Refuge from Political Correctness mk II

darthbob88 · Post by **darthbob88** » 2007-09-18 10:39pm

Comparison of two Patriot Acts:
1776, Patrick Henry: Give me liberty, or give me death!
2001, George W Bush: Give up your liberties, or we'll all die!

Sephirius · Post by **Sephirius** » 2007-09-30 04:47pm

Now this is the story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute to talk off-stage
And tell you how I became the victim of a thing called roid-rage.

In the pro wrestling industry, born and raised,
Choking other men is how I spent most of my days.
Headbuttin', cross-facin', as a technical king,
All while shootin' some steroids outside of the ring.
When I got an iPhone, I was up to no good.
Skipped a match and flew back to my neighborhood.
I took one too many roids, my wife gasped for breath,
I said "Stop moving your little ass while I choke you to death!"

I whistled for my son and when he came near,
He still had "Fragile-X" and the physique of a queer.
If anything I could say that this kid was rare,
But I thought "Nah, forget it" and deprived him of air!

I went down to the gym around 7 or 8,
And I yelled to myself "Yo Chris, smell ya latah!"
Hung myself to death, at a very young age,
Now I'm burning in hell, all because of roid-rage.

Oni Koneko Damien · Post by **Oni Koneko Damien** » 2007-09-30 07:10pm

I'm a bad person for this, but this is the first thing that popped into my head when I saw the story about the security guards breaking the girl's wrist:

Guardsman Bass · Post by **Guardsman Bass** » 2007-10-07 02:55pm

This is horrible, but

I just realized something. People with a gambling addiction tend to either lack self-control or be stupid. Many lotteries use gambling money to fund higher education. Could you say, then, that the lottery is an unofficial tax on the weak to fund the smart? I thought about it while reading a New York Times article about North Carolina's lottery.

Adrian Laguna · Post by **Adrian Laguna** » 2007-10-07 05:48pm

I recently thought of the most horrible response to when someone tells you they were sexually abused as a child, "What a... touching story."

There so many levels of fucked-up in that it boggles the mind.

Metatwaddle · Post by **Metatwaddle** » 2007-10-09 05:45am

Guardsman Bass wrote:This is horrible, but

I just realized something. People with a gambling addiction tend to either lack self-control or be stupid. Many lotteries use gambling money to fund higher education. Could you say, then, that the lottery is an unofficial tax on the weak to fund the smart? I thought about it while reading a New York Times article about North Carolina's lottery.

I've heard it as a smart-assed truism. "Lottery, n. A tax on people who are bad at math."

Guardsman Bass · Post by **Guardsman Bass** » 2007-12-13 09:56pm

I was reading the Final Essay options on my test in one of my classes, and one of them was "What are the benefits and weaknesses of a strong executive in government, blah, blah , blah.?"

My first thought, out of the blue, was "you can nuke the fuckers."

Soontir C'boath · Post by **Soontir C'boath** » 2007-12-22 10:18am

Having been listening to "Run to the Hills" by Iron Maiden ever since someone here posted a youtube link, I keep replacing "tame" with "dead" when Bruce sings "The only good Indians are tame".

Lusankya · Post by **Lusankya** » 2007-12-29 04:05am

I hope the situation in Pakistan stabilises soon. Australia has a cricket tour over there in March, and I don't want it to be cancelled.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2007-12-31 07:44pm

It's just occured to me that this election year is during the Year of the Rat....

somehow very appropreate.

Guardsman Bass · Post by **Guardsman Bass** » 2008-01-28 02:22am

McCain is boring as fuck to listen to. He keeps bringing up that goddamned "We spent $3 million to study the DNA of bears lollerzpork!" anecdote - at least Huckabee has the decency to adjust anecdotes once in a while.

Pelranius · Post by **Pelranius** » 2008-01-31 10:16pm

I wonder whether Michael Medved or Savage is going to receive the 2007 Honorary Aryan Jew award from the Aryan Nations?

Or is Jackie Mason still in the running? What happened to that old coot, anyways.

Medic · Post by **Medic** » 2008-02-06 07:01pm

54 die in tornadoes across the south on "Super Tuesday."

Clearly there is a God and he HATES it when young earth creationists like Mike Huckabee garner ANY support at all.

Or so one could wish.

darthbob88 · Post by **darthbob88** » 2008-02-21 02:44am

I had a rather terrifying dream. Next January, Obama is getting sworn in as President. After the ceremony's over, he reveals that he is, in actuality, Karl Rove in a mask and/or blackface. I was in a fetal position for most of the night after this.

FSTargetDrone · Post by **FSTargetDrone** » 2008-02-21 02:49am

darthbob88 wrote:I had a rather terrifying dream. Next January, Obama is getting sworn in as President. After the ceremony's over, he reveals that he is, in actuality, Karl Rove in a mask and/or blackface. I was in a fetal position for most of the night after this.

Fear not. Obama is a relative slim man. Do you think that bloated tub of filth that is Rove could fit in an Obama suit?

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2008-02-21 01:48pm

Anyone who's ever heard of Habbo Hotel, participated in or saw a Habbo Raid, or just been to /b/ will get lulz out of this:

Post by **Coyote** » 2008-02-26 11:08am

Mexico Drops Out Of 2008 Summer Olympics

President Felipe Calderon of Mexico has announced that Mexico will
not participate in the Beijing Summer Olympics.

He stated:
"Casi cada uno que puede funcionar, saltar, o la nadada ha salido
ya del pams."

Translation:
"Pretty much everyone who can run, jump, or swim has already left
the country.

Post by **Coyote** » 2008-02-28 04:55pm

Young boy comes home from school; says, "Mom... I had sex with my teacher today".

The mom is outraged, freaks out, and sends the boy upstairs to his room.
"Wait until your father comes home, and you tell him about this!" she says.

But when dad comes home, he has a different take on the situation.
"Dad, I had sex with my teacher today," the boy says. The father gives him a playful slug on the arm.
"That's my boy!" he says, "Finally become a man! Let's go down to the store and get you a brand-new bike!" So they head to the store and shop for bikes.

The boy picks out a brand-new bike, and it's a beauty. They get him a helmet, knee & elbow pads, the works.
"So, what do you say, son?" the father asks, "Do you want to ride it home?"

"Not really," the boy said, "My ass still hurts."

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2008-03-16 08:19pm

neo-con with fundy message tee shirt guest on the bus was cackling gleefully about the infighting in the "Democrat party" in this election. (he must get his pronucation from Bush)

Me: That's nothing in the 1820s the Vice President shot the guy who beat him for a senate seat.

Neo-con's Grandfather: Arron Burr, shot Alexander Hamilton

Neo-con: Just like a democrat to shoot an unarmed guy in the back.

Me: no, Hamilton went off half cocked, fired first, and got a bullet in the belly face first. (though Hamilton's gun was still in the air when it went off)

Neo-Con's Grandfather: you know things would be much more civilized if they let politicians duel each other.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2008-03-19 11:00pm

today at work

The contractors rebuilding the elevator and the steamlines in a 100+ year hotel informed the boss about all these crazy void spaces they keep finding and wierd shit that had been sealed up by the previous crews.

me overhearing: As long as theres nothing like a cask of amantiado it's all good.

Big Boss: There's nothing wrong if they found some wine.

it took me a minute to realize that the big boss was deadpanning the joke.

oh and since they've already found: Gold, old tools, work boots, pictures, brushes, and bullets, the big boss is probably worried that they will find a body before they are done tearing apart the sub basement.

Mayabird · Post by **Mayabird** » 2008-03-20 08:37pm

I've been wanting to make some sort of crack at the racists who go on about Obama being black, therefore [bad things] by pointing out that he's as white as I am. And if I could do this face-to-face, where they could see me in all my half-Asian-y glory, that'd be the best.

Guardsman Bass · Post by **Guardsman Bass** » 2008-03-27 10:18pm

I wonder how many of the male reporters sitting in one of Dana Perino's interminable Bush White House press conferences are secretly thinking, "God, I wanna fuck that!"

[/End possibly misogynistic blather]

I am so tempted to post my favorite KGB joke.

Post by **Simplicius** » 2008-03-28 10:06pm

When you think about it, you see corrective lenses worn much less frequently by Middle Easterners than people in the West. This is understandable, if ophthalmologists/optometrists and eyeglass industries aren't as prevalent in less-developed countries.

...However, maybe those infamous Arab armies would be more effective if they could fucking see what they were shooting at.

Also, I'm afraid that the US' own puritanical attitudes have lost us a major foreign policy tool. The sexually repressive nature of Middle Eastern societies has, unsurprisingly, created a large market for substitutes for the real thing. I propose we sideline more traditional forms of propaganda in our public diplomacy and information operations efforts and use pornography instead. Think about it, folks - and don't forget, you heard it here first.

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2008-03-29 02:35am

Fleshlights...of Freedom?

Rogue 9 · Post by **Rogue 9** » 2008-04-04 06:48pm

Irony of the day: A Brady Campaign bumper sticker right next to one that reads "Stop Bitching, Start a Revolution."