[Macross]Yet another I need advice with a coworker thread

[Bob the Gunslinger]

So today, I consulted another coworker, someone who has known her for a while. I pointed out some of the observations I had made, and my coworker seemed genuinely surprised by them. My coworker didn’t really know what to say, but the look on her face told me that I was making sense and she would have to think about it.

I'm pretty sure the look on her face actually said "Jesus Fucking Christ this guy is creepy. I'll have to warn his friend/stalker-prey to avoid him."

Just a word of advice: don't discus how much you're thinking about your female coworker's living arrangements with any other coworkers unless it's a hot topic of conversation.. It's usually not cool.

[Big Phil]

And when I ask for guidance, you wont even give me an inch. You call me obsessive and an idiot because everything I have learned in life, everything I have experienced tells me there is still some small hope? Walking away is the easy thing to do and there was a time I would have walked away without hesitation, but to do so again would mean that I would have learned nothing.

I'm in a good mood, so I won't be as vicious as I'd really like to be. Do you know why I'm having sex and you're not, why I'm married with a son, and you're not? It's because when I met my wife, I got her phone number and asked her out. I didn't wait two fucking years to ask her out, I did it about an hour after I first spoke to her, you fucking dumbass. You shouldn't even wait a fucking week to ask someone out that you like, never mind two years. But you're absolutely right, your way is probably better... wait two years, I'm sure she has nothing better to do than wait for your sorry ass

[Anguirus]

I don't know that jumping on the guy is going to make him less melodramatic. I can imagine being in Macross' shoes...I've made a fool out of myself any number of times with women. Heck, I can turn that around...my current girlfriend has social anxiety, and on a not-unrelated note, I am her first boyfriend.

Macross, the people in this thread are absolutely right in that you need to get some perspective...and if you cannot do that on your own, seek help. Find out if she has a boyfriend. If not, ask her out. She might have a boyfriend. She might be single and still turn you down. In either case, accept it and let it go, lesson learned.

Try to understand why a lot of the people in this thread, especially the women, find your behavior creepy. I don't know the first damn thing about your co-workers or your emotional relationship with any of them, so I'm not going to speculate...but look at your situation from as impartial a perspective as you can manage and decide if your behavior has already burned your bridges in this area.

However, I do wish you luck. As for some other folks in this thread...I understand why you're annoyed with him, but going on about "I have sex and you don't neener neener" isn't exactly thrilling to read. Sure we're about making fun of stupid people, but if you're going to jump up some poor awkward guy's ass you might as well do it to me.

[Big Phil]

If you're going to jump up some poor awkward guy's ass you might as well do it to me.

You did notice my very first post to him was simply to refer him to the "How to pick up women" thread, didn't you? I didn't start yelling at him until he started whining and being dismissive. 31 year old virgins should not be lecturing married people about relationships - that pisses people off, because he doesn't have a clue how to start and maintain a relationship. Mike and Nitram got it exactly right - he's not actually looking for advice, and that's really fucking annoying...

[Anguirus]

^ Yeah, I'm not going to argue with that. I'd forgotten that first post was you, and I agree that Macross has no business lecturing anyone.

[SirNitram]

I don't know that jumping on the guy is going to make him less melodramatic.

So how many times should we stand here patiently taking his abuse and accusations before we tell him to STFU?

[Singular Intellect]

I don't know that jumping on the guy is going to make him less melodramatic.

So how many times should we stand here patiently taking his abuse and accusations before we tell him to STFU?

Since when was SDN ever patient in that regard?

[Anguirus]

Abuse and accusations? He said like one really stupid thing to someone that I can recall, and that was in like his second post. I don't know anything about his posting history, though.

[SirNitram]

Abuse and accusations? He said like one really stupid thing to someone that I can recall, and that was in like his second post. I don't know anything about his posting history, though.

Calling it 'naive' to believe sex is a necessary part of a relationship.. To a bunch of married people? Ignoring their advice? Being a general idiot who refuses to listen? Being a whiny general idiot who is so self-centered he might collapse into a singularity?

That's enough in my book. It's not like I dropped the hammer on the first page.

[The Yosemite Bear]

yup, and once again, ARSE proves it's worth as an AYVB detector...

[Macross]

Abuse and accusations? He said like one really stupid thing to someone that I can recall, and that was in like his second post. I don't know anything about his posting history, though.

Calling it 'naive' to believe sex is a necessary part of a relationship.. To a bunch of married people? Ignoring their advice? Being a general idiot who refuses to listen? Being a whiny general idiot who is so self-centered he might collapse into a singularity?

That's enough in my book. It's not like I dropped the hammer on the first page.

Except that is not what I said. In fact, you have managed to completely turn around everything that I have been trying to say. I said it was naive to believe that what is portrayed on TV is an accurate representation of all relationships. If it seemed like I am ignoring someones advice, its probably because most of the advice that I have received doesn't really fit the context of this the situation. So I realize there has been confusion over the details, but when I try to clarify those details I'm called whiny. When I realize that the situation is no longer just about me dealing with my own insecurities, but helping someone else overcome their insecurities, you call me self centered?

I really do need help with this situation, but there has been a complete break down and misunderstanding over whats been going on. The situation has changed since I originally posted that it has been difficult for me keep up. There is nothing normal about this situation.

If you don't understand me or this situation, then at least understand that I am trying to do the right thing and I am in way over my head.

[Zablorg]

If you don't understand me or this situation, then at least understand that I am trying to do the right thing and I am in way over my head.

Did I miss something? There was a girl you wanted to ask out and you didn't for two years.

As I understand it, you've let the issue resolve itself. Would you stay up late at night if you saw a bargain for a really nice jacket but decided not to buy?

[Morilore]

Except that is not what I said. In fact, you have managed to completely turn around everything that I have been trying to say. I said it was naive to believe that what is portrayed on TV is an accurate representation of all relationships. If it seemed like I am ignoring someones advice, its probably because most of the advice that I have received doesn't really fit the context of this the situation.

How does "ask if she have a boyfriend" not fit the context of this situation?

So I realize there has been confusion over the details, but when I try to clarify those details I'm called whiny. When I realize that the situation is no longer just about me dealing with my own insecurities, but helping someone else overcome their insecurities, you call me self centered?

Come again?

I really do need help with this situation, but there has been a complete break down and misunderstanding over whats been going on. The situation has changed since I originally posted that it has been difficult for me keep up. There is nothing normal about this situation.

Oh come on, there's no way that so much has been happening that you can't keep us updated even though you can somehow post this whininess. The only reason this situation isn't normal is because you are refusing to act the way most people understand "normally."

If you don't understand me or this situation, then at least understand that I am trying to do the right thing and I am in way over my head.

You must be very short. If there is something concrete happening, tell us what it is and spare the complaining. If you don't want to, then walk away from this thread and don't look back, because you obviously don't want the help of the people here.

Look, I understand your feelings. I understand what you're doing. You're hiding behind the idea that you've "miscommunicated" or that your position is somehow unique because you were hurt by the bluntness of everyone's replies and what they seemed to imply about you; I've done that a lot. A lot of times when people say to me "you need to ask her out / cowboy up and take charge / stop moping" my mind instantly translates that into "you're a pathetic failure because you can't ask her out / cowboy up / stop moping," and the advice never works because I choose to interpret it as browbeating. But you're not going to accomplish anything this way, either with us or with her.

[Anguirus]

If you don't understand me or this situation, then at least understand that I am trying to do the right thing and I am in way over my head.

Huh?

If you are really in a complete tailspin over your coworker, then I would seek professional help.

Otherwise, based on the information you have given I don't understand how you can possibly be "over your head."

[Edi]

Macross, just shut the fuck up. We understand quite well what the situation is and I expect this thread to end up in the HoS as soon as Tevar sees it.

You've ignored ALL the advice goven to you by people who are in successful relationships, even when they allowed for your handicap and tailored the advice to account for that. You're just whining at this point and it's getting fucking annoying. You need either to get your ass kicked for being a fuckwit moron or professional help. I suggest the latter, but unless you stop acting like an asshat, the HoS will provide you a virtual version of the former and the mods will do nothing to protect you from the consequences of your own stupidity.

[SirNitram]

If you don't understand me or this situation, then at least understand that I am trying to do the right thing and I am in way over my head.

Are you under some kind of geas from ancient gods to continue to think there's a situation? Or to act like a damn fool? It passed. Accept this and move the fuck on, don't continue this 'You don't understand' drama.

[Darth Wong]

Except that is not what I said. In fact, you have managed to completely turn around everything that I have been trying to say. I said it was naive to believe that what is portrayed on TV is an accurate representation of all relationships. If it seemed like I am ignoring someones advice, its probably because most of the advice that I have received doesn't really fit the context of this the situation. So I realize there has been confusion over the details, but when I try to clarify those details I'm called whiny. When I realize that the situation is no longer just about me dealing with my own insecurities, but helping someone else overcome their insecurities, you call me self centered?

I really do need help with this situation, but there has been a complete break down and misunderstanding over whats been going on. The situation has changed since I originally posted that it has been difficult for me keep up. There is nothing normal about this situation.

If you don't understand me or this situation, then at least understand that I am trying to do the right thing and I am in way over my head.

OK, now I'm losing patience. Go fuck yourself, asshole. You may think I've been harsh, but I've been more patient with you than you deserve. If your passive/aggressive bullshit here is indicative of your interpersonal behaviour, you're going to be single for a loooong time, pal. And in case you forgot, this is your previous post:

Well, I see you have completely and utterly failed to understand me or why this is important. I am trying to prove to myself that I have changed, I have grown past my own limitations and I am no longer automatically bound to repeat the same mistakes that I have made in the past and you call this excessive stupidity?

And when I ask for guidance, you wont even give me an inch. You call me obsessive and an idiot because everything I have learned in life, everything I have experienced tells me there is still some small hope? Walking away is the easy thing to do and there was a time I would have walked away without hesitation, but to do so again would mean that I would have learned nothing.

Go ahead and lock this thread if you must, I will not allow your own bitterness to distract me at this critical time in my life.

I couldn't have constructed a finer paean to self-absorption if I was paid a thousand dollars to do so, moron. You accuse us of misinterpreting you, after posting this tripe? And hey, here's a piece of advice: when you say that everyone has been misinterpreting you, you're supposed to explain what they got wrong. But no, all you do is make vague allusion to some kind of secret knowledge you've gained about life, love, and women over the last two years, all magically obtained without actually dealing with life, love, or women.

Get off your ass, ask her if she has a boyfriend, and when she says yes, go home and cry. Then, get over it and move on with your life. Jesus fuck, your whining is so insipid and disgusting that it's making me want to personally invent a technology for transmitting nausea over the Internet.

[Illuminatus Primus]

There is no situation. The probability of a woman getting with a thirty-something permavirgin whose spent 2 years over-interpreting signals he cannot possibly understand is nil. We know this because male-female interactions follow discernible patterns based on predictable incentives. We know this because we once were virgins, we once were single. We remember feeling awkward and looking for any opening because we were desperate. But we also all know how much irrational shit all that overthinking is. You're not going to think your way through something when you don't have any data to work with - you have no experience. She's bought a house with someone probably. If you don't want to risk probably embarrassing yourself MOVE ON. If you're willing to risk, ask her if she has a boyfriend and if not, ask her out. Bitching and obsessing ANY LONGER is not a real option. Two years went by where you almost certainly blew it and she's probably with another man. So do you think more of the same is going to suddenly work out?

[Colonel Olrik]

When I realize that the situation is no longer just about me dealing with my own insecurities, but helping someone else overcome their insecurities, you call me self centered?

I really do need help with this situation, but there has been a complete break down and misunderstanding over whats been going on. The situation has changed since I originally posted that it has been difficult for me keep up. There is nothing normal about this situation.

OK, in that case I'll change my advice so that it suits you.

Women are very, very fragile and naive human beings. Your friend has most likely been tricked by an asshole guy who doesn't respect her and doesn't treat her as well as you know you would (and deep down she knows it too), that's why she's so sad all the time except when she's talking with you. The smile she gives you is in fact a cry for help. You have to help her.

There are several ways of doing this. You should start by making sure she doesn't know you found out the truth, that would only make her more miserable (remember, women are fragile). Invent excuses to be with her, meet her "by accident" on her way home and ask her if you can take her there (offer to carry her bags). Sms her during the night just to make sure she's alright and so that she at least has the comfort of knowing you're supporting her.

Sooner or later you need to confront the asshole guy. Make a scene. Go to the gym a couple times to pump up those muscles. If she sees you and starts screaming, go after her and try to explain. Remember, at this point she's very confused and finally, after seeing the asshole punch you in the nose, has figured out it's you who she really loves. Notice how much she's glowing and the music in the background, and give her the kiss you've both been dreaming about for years. Mission accomplished!

[Surlethe]

Macross, once upon a time, I carried a torch for two years. I was in high school. At the end of it, I realized how goddamned stupid I was, grew up quite a bit, and moved on with life. Now, I'm definitely sitting better than you relationship-wise, even though I'm younger.

You're clearly not an adult emotionally. I suspect this is because you've used your disability as a crutch to earn pity, not seen it as a problem to struggle with and overcome. In any case, you almost certainly need to change your view of the last two years: instead of seeing them as two years of romantic, medieval love from afar, see them as two years wasted pining after one woman. This change in perspective will be a necessary step toward adulthood for you.

EDIT:

PS- Olrik, that's gold.

[The Spartan]

You know, it's painful to see someone making the same mistakes you've made yourself.

I held a torch for someone for nearly 6 years. I did date, infrequently, during that time to "keep up appearances" but in the back of my mind I always "knew" that she would leave her boyfriend, whom she had a child with, and we would be together forever, etc. Well she finally did leave him (he was occasionally abusive) and promptly met someone else. Now on the one hand, he's the good person she deserves; but on the other, he wasn't me. Yet I still didn't get it through my thick skull. And I never told her because I was a coward and because I just knew that if I was a friend for her she would see what a great guy I was and we'd get together even though she'd told me before when we did go on a couple of dates together that she could never see me as more than a friend. Eventually they got married and seeing her walk down the aisle was what finally snapped me out of it.

Now, can you see what is wrong with the paragraph I just wrote. It's all true but the problem is that my disfunctional attitude and approach, if one could even call it that, turned me into a deceitful, selfish liar. A miserable little emo troll who would never find someone as great as her and would be alone his whole life, oh woe is me.

But, what I needed wasn't for her to realize just how wonderful I was, because I clearly wasn't; what I needed was a good swift kick in the ass. Both literally and figuratively. Well, her wedding served that quite nicely. My deepest regret is that I didn't extract my cranium from my ass sooner because all I caused was no end of misery to myself.

Now? Well, now I'm dating again, have been for years now. And it's for real this time and I've just met a beautiful, intelligent woman and, in fact, we had sushi Saturday night and we're going to a ball game this Saturday. You know why? Because I didn't pussyfoot around. I asked her if she'd like to hang out together with our mutual friends and when that went well I asked if she'd like to have dinner. And when that went well, I asked her if she'd like to go see the ball game. Do you see a common thread in those last few sentences. I've already said it... I stopped pussyfooting around. Fortunately I stopped doing that in mid-twenties instead of waiting until I was in my early thirties but still...

How will things turn out with her? No fucking clue. She's great but that doesn't mean we're compatible. If it works out, great; if not, well, there are other women out there. I know because I've been out with them, dating or as friends and I don't have my head lodged firmly in the ass end of my digestive system anymore.

Well guess what, you're still in an annatomically impossible pose and this thread should be the good, swift kick in the ass so that You. Just. Move. On. If she's bought a house with someone she's gone. If you were me, that would be seeing her walk down the aisle with someone else in the story I related above.

And don't you dare whine to me that I just don't understand because I fucking do understand. All too well.

Edit: clarified a point I made.

[Lagmonster]

Marcoss, as far as emotional support goes, you're a sponge in a desert. Either make an ass of yourself and ask the girl out or go back to hiding in your corner.

Either way, the emotional nausea that your posts have been descending into belongs in a completely different forum, where I intend to send it. With luck, the phrase "why is everyone so mean to me?" won't enter your mind, but I ain't taking any odds on that wager.

[ANGELUS]

Women are very, very fragile and naive human beings. Your friend has most likely been tricked by an asshole guy who doesn't respect her and doesn't treat her as well as you know you would (and deep down she knows it too), that's why she's so sad all the time except when she's talking with you. The smile she gives you is in fact a cry for help. You have to help her.

There are several ways of doing this. You should start by making sure she doesn't know you found out the truth, that would only make her more miserable (remember, women are fragile). Invent excuses to be with her, meet her "by accident" on her way home and ask her if you can take her there (offer to carry her bags). Sms her during the night just to make sure she's alright and so that she at least has the comfort of knowing you're supporting her.

Sooner or later you need to confront the asshole guy. Make a scene. Go to the gym a couple times to pump up those muscles. If she sees you and starts screaming, go after her and try to explain. Remember, at this point she's very confused and finally, after seeing the asshole punch you in the nose, has figured out it's you who she really loves. Notice how much she's glowing and the music in the background, and give her the kiss you've both been dreaming about for years. Mission accomplished!

I think you should have used a face, or perhaps [sarcasm][/sarcasm] or he might actually go for it. Other than that I think it was pure gold

[J]

I really do need help with this situation, but there has been a complete break down and misunderstanding over whats been going on. The situation has changed since I originally posted that it has been difficult for me keep up. There is nothing normal about this situation.

Translation: You can't keep your imaginary dreamworld LIES straight anymore. You need more time to BS your imaginary story. But that's fine, since I doubt anyone here cares to help you anymore, so you can make up whatever the hell you want and we'll just laugh at you and mock you. Because at this point, you deserve it.

[The Duchess of Zeon]

This is utterly hilarious, or more precisely would be if I wasn't concerned that this obsessive little fucknut might actually harm some poor innocent woman who has the misfortune of having had such a creepy and worthless coworker. If I was an admin here, I'd probably be trying to track down his location and see if I could warn the poor lady about the fact that she has this little shitstain of a wannabe stalker on her. And it's pretty sad when you want to be a stalker but can't even do that; but it's obvious from Olrik's hilarious (kudos to you) riffing of him that that's exactly what he is; it's the classic stalker fantasy.