Rolling Stone vs. "Born Again" Retreat. Puke for J

[Broomstick]

The whole speaking-in-tongues and rapturous-writhing that goes on in this sort of meeting, and on Sunday church services, remind me of nothing so much as Voudoun worshippers being ridden by the loa, that is, possessed by their gods. I've never been able to figure how if one group does it it's demonic and if another does it, it's OK.

Personally, of the two I enjoyed the voodoo more.

[Turin]

I've recently had someone whom I once considered a friend go through an extreme conversion experience from liberal milquetoast Christian to some form of tongues-speaking charismatic Christian fundamentalism (Pentecostalism, I think). As terrible as it was to "lose" someone to this sort of bizarre mentality, it was also educational.

It was when she mentioned to me that they speak in tongues at her new church that I began to realize what sort of thing she was getting into. She confessed that she was a bit startled when she first witnessed her fellow congregationers speaking in tongues, but that she finally realized how "beautiful" it was, and felt the spirit moving her as well. I mentioned how "interesting" (sarcastic) that English speakers use English phonemes when they speak in tongues, and speakers of other languages use phonemes from their own languages. Once she realized what I was getting at, she didn't miss a beat in saying something to the effect of "well of course, we as human beings are imperfect and therefore can only filter God's language through our own imperfect minds."

There's a huge amount of protecting-the-premise that goes on in this sort of conversion experience, and that almost certainly comes from the aforementioned social pressures to conform. No one just starts speaking in tongues until they're in the group of other people doing it.

[Simplicius]

Every time I run across a religion thread on 4chan, whether it's a trollfest or a more restrained discussion, there's always a respectable showing for the religion, and a lot of mindless middle-ism as well. I get the impression that when it comes to Christianity, 4chanlings are more inclined to troll or flame strongly voiced opinions about religion than they are the religion itself.

But would they go after real-world Christian churches, though? I don't think the evangelicals try to throw their weight around on the internet the way the Church of Scientology does, which is one of the reasons why the CoS became a target of more than just mockery.

[Buddha]

The first thing I thought of was what goes on in South Korea* and how they are the major majority down there. It's a shame really that you wouldn't have to look too far to find morons anywhere...even this close to home. That makes it all more disturbing for most of us.

*For shits and giggles go to Youtube and type in Korean Fundies and get a chance to look at some of this stuff I mean. It's almost exactly like in the article. Don't do it if you have a weak stomach though.

[Imperial Overlord]

Personally, of the two I enjoyed the voodoo more.

Not surprising. The loa are a lot more inclined to have a good time with people than dreary Christian angels with swords of fire getting all wrathy and judgmental.

[Kitsune]

I have laughed with the sinners and cried with the saints;
the sinners have much more fun!

[wautd]

As scary as this is, I couldn't help but laugh my ass off at this bit:

Yeah, I almost start wondering of I was reading a satire.


Regarding the article, I already knew the born agains were batshit insane, but the vomiting part was a new one I never heared of before

Oh and

"In the name of Jesus Christ our Lord, I cast out the demon of the intellect!"

Fundamentalism in a nutshell

[PeZook]

He called out Hallelujah! again. We repeated after him. And we repeated after him again. Arms in the air. Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

You know, at that point, I wonder if they would all scream "Sieg heil!" if The Pastor demanded it.

[Kanastrous]

That's brilliant..memorize a section of a Hitler speech and start shrieking in German when it's your turn.

[Superboy]

I grew up in churches just like that and it's true that most of the people are sort of half-faking. They aren't necessarily faking it altogether, but nobody writhing on the ground and speaking gibberish has actually lost control of themselves.

When you see everyone around you reacting so strongly, you start to think that you must be doing something wrong if you don't feel that same sensation. So you try to open yourself up to it, you grasp onto any strange feelings and exaggerate like hell in an effort to experience the same thing as all those around you. They aren’t really faking it, at least not in their minds, they're just trying to compensate for what they think are their own flaws that prevent them from losing control.

I still remember my first experience with that writhing-on-the-floor flavor of Christianity. I was at a small church in the evening for a little bible study. We were all standing around talking in the lobby afterwards and two of the pastors went into the chapel and began praying with a sick woman. Eventually, the woman fell to the ground and started spasming.

As soon as it happened, another woman stepped up and asked the pastors to pray over her as well. After a few minutes and praying and speaking in tongues, this woman also fell to the ground shaking.

Next a young man asked to be prayed over. He fell to ground laughing uncontrollably. "The Joy of God", they called it. By this point, there was a line of people in front of the pastors, all waiting for their turn to be prayed over and experience the joy of a religious seizure. They began dragging the people that had seemingly lost control of themselves to the other side of the stage. They lined them up like rows of epileptic corpses.

I figured I'd give it a shot. I was fairly religious back then but I had never spoken in tongues or lost control of myself and I was anxious to see what it was like. I waited in line for almost half an hour, watching person after person fall the ground, each one making stranger noises than the last.

When my turn finally came, the pastors stood on either side of me and began praying.

"Lord, fill this boy with your spirit!"

I didn't feel anything, so I closed my eyes and began praying myself, just repeating what they were saying.

"Jesus, fill this boy with the passion and energy and your love!"

"Yes Lord, fill me with the passion and energy of your love" I quietly whispered, waiting to feel something.

This went on for a few minutes. "Have you opened your heart to the Lord?" the pastor on my left asked.

"Uh, yeah, I think so"

That was apparently all the encouragement they needed to keep praying for me. They went right back to asking the Lord to fill me up. Another few minutes went by and it started getting awkward. I didn't know why I wasn’t falling over and mumbling, I was praying as hard as I could. They seemed to give up after a few more minutes.

"Boy, do you feel anything at all?"

"Um, my feet kind of hurt."

"That's Jesus!" He shouted. He seemed to really believe it. "Do you need to sit down with the others?" He asked, gesturing toward the rows of spastics.

"No, I'm good." I walked away, disappointed.

After that experience, I learned to just go with it. If other people were falling over and mumbling, I'd let my legs go limp and start making whatever noises I could.

[Darth Servo]

One time I went to one of these, a woman next to me claimed to be struck by a holy flame. In reality, a ribbon from the ceiling decorations had fallen and brushed her side.

[Patrick Degan]

That's brilliant..memorize a section of a Hitler speech and start shrieking in German when it's your turn.

Better yet, the Killer Joke:

Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

[Darth Wong]

I grew up in churches just like that and it's true that most of the people are sort of half-faking. They aren't necessarily faking it altogether, but nobody writhing on the ground and speaking gibberish has actually lost control of themselves.

When you see everyone around you reacting so strongly, you start to think that you must be doing something wrong if you don't feel that same sensation. So you try to open yourself up to it, you grasp onto any strange feelings and exaggerate like hell in an effort to experience the same thing as all those around you. They aren’t really faking it, at least not in their minds, they're just trying to compensate for what they think are their own flaws that prevent them from losing control.

I still remember my first experience with that writhing-on-the-floor flavor of Christianity. I was at a small church in the evening for a little bible study. We were all standing around talking in the lobby afterwards and two of the pastors went into the chapel and began praying with a sick woman. Eventually, the woman fell to the ground and started spasming.

As soon as it happened, another woman stepped up and asked the pastors to pray over her as well. After a few minutes and praying and speaking in tongues, this woman also fell to the ground shaking.

Next a young man asked to be prayed over. He fell to ground laughing uncontrollably. "The Joy of God", they called it. By this point, there was a line of people in front of the pastors, all waiting for their turn to be prayed over and experience the joy of a religious seizure. They began dragging the people that had seemingly lost control of themselves to the other side of the stage. They lined them up like rows of epileptic corpses.

I figured I'd give it a shot. I was fairly religious back then but I had never spoken in tongues or lost control of myself and I was anxious to see what it was like. I waited in line for almost half an hour, watching person after person fall the ground, each one making stranger noises than the last.

When my turn finally came, the pastors stood on either side of me and began praying.

"Lord, fill this boy with your spirit!"

I didn't feel anything, so I closed my eyes and began praying myself, just repeating what they were saying.

"Jesus, fill this boy with the passion and energy and your love!"

"Yes Lord, fill me with the passion and energy of your love" I quietly whispered, waiting to feel something.

This went on for a few minutes. "Have you opened your heart to the Lord?" the pastor on my left asked.

"Uh, yeah, I think so"

That was apparently all the encouragement they needed to keep praying for me. They went right back to asking the Lord to fill me up. Another few minutes went by and it started getting awkward. I didn't know why I wasn’t falling over and mumbling, I was praying as hard as I could. They seemed to give up after a few more minutes.

"Boy, do you feel anything at all?"

"Um, my feet kind of hurt."

"That's Jesus!" He shouted. He seemed to really believe it. "Do you need to sit down with the others?" He asked, gesturing toward the rows of spastics.

"No, I'm good." I walked away, disappointed.

After that experience, I learned to just go with it. If other people were falling over and mumbling, I'd let my legs go limp and start making whatever noises I could.

Thanks for that personal anecdote. I've been in churches like that as well, but I never actually volunteered myself for one of those ridiculous displays. I simply concluded that there must be an element of fakery because I could feel the immersive social pressure that you mentioned.

[PeZook]

That's brilliant..memorize a section of a Hitler speech and start shrieking in German when it's your turn.

Yeah! And have a friend televise it, and make sure there's a pastor nearby who praises the Lord while it happens.

Then post it all over YouTube