SD.Net World(RAR!) MK III

[Master_Baerne]

INTERNAL MEMO
MinWar (Baernish Intelligence Service)
File BIS-17

By any means possible, investigate the Red Technocracy's claims regarding Saddamistan's bioweapons.

[DarthShady]

Location: Shadow Empire, Imperial Beach Resort, temporary command center



[Elena] My lord i have some bad news. It appears that the RT has found evidence that Saddamistan is in possession of biological weapons.

[Shady] Damn. Let the big boys handle it. There isn't much we can do about it, anyhow. Just issue a public statement condemning Saddamistans possession of biological weapons. Anything else?

[Elena] The trials began my lord, as you requested. Although i still think we should have just killed them.

[Shady] No. This is better, we can still kill them if they are found guilty.

[Elena] I guess so.

[Shady] Have you prepared the men.

[Elena] Yes, my lord. They are the most experienced and most loyal troops you have.

[Shady] Excellent.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

BBC Reports

It appears that Emperor Shady of the Shadow Empire has become even more paranoid, if that is even possible. We have just received news that he has formed a new branch of the Shadow Empires military. The Death Guard. Yes folks you heard right. This is what we know of them so far:

The Death Guard are the emperors personal bodyguards. They consist of 500 elite soldiers armed with the best weapons and technology that money can buy. Their purpose is to guard the emperor from those would wish him harm.

The Death Guard Emblem.

[Coyote]

Seaside Palace, Canissia


"That magnificent bastard," King Arik Coyotus-I said as he downed his coffee and read the daily reports. "Of course he couldn't say anything about any ops in Saddamistan-- he already had an op in Saddamistan. Damn, this is good stuff. How did he get...?" He remembered the beached cruise liner. Sweet. Doorstep delivery.

"Alright, let's get the zepp ready," Arik said, "Katerin, Samira, and Siobhan. Courtesy call to the Red Technocracy, then over to Byzantium for some relaxation, and then over to the Bear Republic to congratulate them on joining FUN." He was thinking about all the items he had on the agenda when Colonel Rassnar arrived.

"Message, sir," he said. Arik looked at the printout he presented.
"Ahh, excellent-- next gen Cruiser, Destroyer ideas... yes, Canissia will contribute as much as we can. How are the robot trials, by the way?"

"Folder 12," Siobhan pointed out. Inside was a report from Colonel Axman. "We're nearing completion, and it might be worthwhile to lobby for Canissian drones to be used on MESS carriers and cruiser-carriers."

"Good, good," Arik said, "We're making progress. Where's the environmental report? Ha, green folder, of course... good, erosion is down along the northern shore. I want a survey of the eastern shore done, to make sure that we're not having the same problem there."

"It'll be expensive," Isabelle warned, "I can already hear the Finance Minister howling about this on top of the civil defense preparations."
"I'd rather spend the money now and have the investment done with... besides, that's why I concentrated on getting the subways hardened in smaller towns, first-- they're smaller, cheaper and faster to get ready, so there's a perception of greater progress."

"So, then," Miss Katerin asked, getting out her clipboard and making hasty notes. "What is the agenda for the Red Technocracy?"
"Good Neighbor Policy," Arik said, "And shore up relations. More quietly, outline a plan of action for Saddamistan. Let them know we're behind them on this."

"And Byzantium?" Miss Samira asked.
"Officially? Vacation. Unofficially? Discuss Saddamistan."

"And the Bear Republic?" Miss Siobhan asked.
"Congrats on joining FUN," Arik outlined, "Basic state visit to affirm trade relations, airspace sharing, etc. See what theyir stance is on Saddam."

"The MESS will be discussing the Saddamistan situation as well," Colonel Rassnar said. "They'll want your input."
"Route everything through the main communications suite in the zepp," Arik said. "Damn, meeting with the Olympic Committee. Let Lars and Kimthrel handle it."

"Yes, sir..."




Results:
State visits planned, flight plans filed with:
1- Red Technocracy
2- Byzantium
3- Bear Republic

[Coyote]

CANISSIAN OLYMPICS
"READY WHEN YOU ARE"


After a period of delay due to international tensions, the first Nova Terra Olympics are ready. Pre-coordination with vendors had already been settled when things went into suspension due to the Libertopia-Saddamistan crisis, but the Olympic Committee chairman, Canissian Trade Minister Seela Kimthrel, assures everyone that their payments and reservations are still honored.

"We're getting a late start, but this will put the Summer phase closer to the Winter phase, so it is hoped that the Olympic spirit will simply carry through the seasons. Coordination has been worke dout with hotels and reservations-holders, and we're ready to kick off the opening ceremonies..."







[OOC: since time has been pretty "elastic" lately, I'm not sure exactly what time of year it is, so I'm being kinda cagey and we can just make this fall wherever it is convenient]

[Fingolfin_Noldor]

Imperial Chronicles
The Emperor boarded the military transport that was assigned and refitted to serve as his command post. Not much for luxuries but the Emperor and the Empress slept comfortably on board. Parliament was due to vote on a proper official transport soon anyhow, and in the mean time the Emperor put up with the lack of luxuries.

His advisers were all in the meeting room going over the details on the Red Technocracy black ops. "How does it concur with our own intelligence?" the Emperor asked.

"Well, we have long suspected that Saddamistan had every single weapon one might think of, judging from the occasional chatter on the wavelength. Getting people into Saddamistan is pretty hard, and quite impossible. Though, we do what we can," said the Intelligence officer attached the mission.

The Emperor bit his lip looking at the pictures and told them, "Well, I am not entirely sure how to approach this. We could tell Saddamistan to perhaps consider a treaty forbidding the use of these weapons and hope he says yes. Given how isolationist Saddam the Great is, I would give it a 50/50. In the meantime, step up the inoculation program for our citizens. We are already going overbudget this year, so we might as well make it count." The others nodded.

"Now on to other policy business. Tell the PM to get ready for King Arik's arrival. The usual festivities, parade etc. will be required. Tell the palace staff to make ready the palace at Ephesus for the king's arrival. We will have much to talk about. As for the budget, I think we will have to adjust our budget to fit. We may have to cut back on some scientific programs and to take back what wasn't used." The Emperor shook his head. There was a lot of defence problems to be dealt with, and money was always a lingering issue to fund all of them. But with the recent brush with Armageddon, it doesn't pay to be unprepared.

[Lonestar]

Presidential Palace, Austin

"I swear to Christ," Lonestar said "I'm going to run McFibblestein over with a truck."

"That might be a bad idea Matt," Will Chiu said "What with him being the Assembly Minority Leader and all."

"Did you see this?" Lonestar waved a copy of the Houston Chronicle at Secretary of Treasury William Chiu

"Yes." Lonestar went on as if he hadn't heard him.

"'The administration is wasting money on space, on a military only useful for projecting power, and on unworkable missile shields. El Presidente is paying for this by selling tools of destruction, both weapons and drugs, to world at large.' How can this jackass say these things considering the number of committees he's on? He's seen all the briefs." Lonestar dropped the paper on the desk.

"At least he won't win. Not with those poll numbers." said Chiu.

Lonestar grunted. "Probably not, but I can't let my guard down. These photo-ops are going to be the death of me. I didn't think an election campaign would be so hard."

"At least he didn't deride you for being friends with that 'anti-family' Arik this time."

"I won't begrudge Arik hsi fun, I've been known to indulge a couple of times myself. Luckily McFibblestein has his head to far up his ass to see it. How are things over at Treasury and Commerce?"

"Pretty good, the PLUTO projects have given us a comeptitive edge in the Tian Xia and Wilkonian oil markets. I spoke with Lorillard, he's milking the Shadow Empire thing for all it's worth, reminding the world that TTC has more 'legitimate' agricultural products out there in addition to Tobacco. Uhm...free cig hand-outs to Shadow youths notwithstanding." Chiu looked uncomfortable there for a moment, thinking of the boxes of cigerettes that would mysteriously appear in the refugee camps in the Shadow Empire. Lorillard, of course, claimed ignorance.

"The Shadow Empire...we got to put our foot in that door, and remind everyone that we're giving actual recovery aid, not a bunch of BTRs and tanks. What the fuck do they think is going to be more useful in rebuilding a bunch of destroyed cities?" Lonestar shook his head. "Next?"

"The Poseidon, which, as you know, is technically operated by NOAA, has found more containers floating around at the disaster site. They also think they may have found the wreck."

Lonestar leaned back. "Have they got an ID?"

"They think it may have been a Saddamistan cargo vessel that CJTF-4 was tracking."

Lonestar groaned. "Oh, of course it is. Yeah, I'm going to let Rogue Ice take the lead on that and the Saddamistani weapons program."

"Even though you moved those new warheads to Adrianopolis with the 1st ADW squadrons?" He was referring to the new WT-10 "dial-a-yield" bombs.

"I'm not worried about what RI thinks about that. We already have a couple dozen nukes in JTF-3, a few more won't piss him off, especially since he's asked to include Shinran forces in the 'WMD tripwire' for a retalitory SIOP execution." Lonestar paused. "Let's talk about something nicer. The Deep-space Optical telescope is going to be going up soon..."

"I wish you wouldn't waste money for esoteric stuff like that. To be frank, aliens are not a big concern for us and the private sector can expand into space just as well as the government can."

"I disagree Chiu. Sure, for somethings the private sector is the way to go, but you need to government to build that first highway, that first atomic bomb, that first moon base, in order to have the corporations follow."

Chiu shrugged, they'd argued over this often enough and he knew nothing he would say would change Lonestar's mind. "I need to go, I got a meeting with the Chairman of the Assembly Commerce Committee."

"Have fun!"

"Never do."

[The Yosemite Bear]

Hughes And Kaiser pull out of Shadow Empire due to comunism/socialism.

Though highly ranked by labour unions within the Bear Republic as the best employer, and best medical care provider, Hughes/Kaiser are capitolists first and foremost. people work better and harder knowing that we're taking care of their families, and providing them with first class medical service. Under Socialism, what seperates us from the Republic Landowners, or dozens of other companies, just dissappears. We like our employees to be part of our company's family. Besides we know that the god damn Hubbologists invented Comunism, and Socialism as part of their deal with their Masonic overlords.

[Shroom Man 777]

LIVE on ShroomSatTV
The Sovereign Shroomanian Sentinel
REALLY REALLY RIDICULOUSLY READY


The Shroomanian Answer to the Canissian Question.

Despite the Olympics' delay due to the Libertian-Saddamistani-and-Shadow crises, the Shroomanian All-Stars (SAS) have spent the whole time pumping iron, chopping wood, punching beef inside meat lockers, and preparing for what they expect to be the most gruesome ordeal of physical exertion in the New World.

"We had a montage!" said Shroomanian bodybuilder Rock Stronggo. "We're really really ridiculously ready! We are prepared, but the question is, are they? It will be a spectacle -

*click*


SOFIA
Shroomanian Office - Fungal Intelligence Agency

Like any real Shroomanian, the Director enjoyed watching stock footage of burly macho men exerting themselves in feats of hurling iron lumber, so when he was disturbed, he did not take it lightly.

"Yes, Prime Minister. The Reds say that Saddam Insane does have biological weapons."

"We've suspected it for quite some time, they're the only ones who didn't agree to the Bioweapons ban, but we had no way of proving it."

"Of course we could've sent men into Saddamistan, but that would have risked their wrath - "

"Sir, it was the safer option. If we did nothing to provoke them, then they would not have used whatever bioweapons they had on us. If they caught us, it would've been Shadow-Mangka times... ten billions!"

"Yes, there were risks, of course. If they used it on one of our neighbors, like the Technocracy, the biological agents could have contaminated Shroomania. But they didn't use their weapons, at least not yet..."

"I agree. The current situation will deteriorate, and no one knows what the goddamn Saddamistanis will do in the future."

"I suggest we follow the lead of our ally nations and condemn Saddamistan. But we cannot be dragged into any more wars - unless the cards are heavily stacked in our favor. And by 'our', I mean the whole world - minus Saddamistan."

"I don't trust the Blackadders. They've been conniving with Saddamistan, yet from the looks of things, they're also conniving with our 'buddies' and maneuvering against Saddamistan. Or, at least that's what some of the other OMSK nations are doing."

"Whatever is going to happen, we'll have to follow the rest of the world's lead. Prime Minister, we can't randomly charge into this. We're talking about messing with an Imperium, and that's no easy feat..."

"I suggest you sit tight, Prime Minister. Focus on the Shadows."

"Yes, we have MOM and MacMillan men out there. Medical aid, reconstruction. The Baerns are providing some security, but we have our own people too..."

"Who? Why, Dark Liquid of course."

The Director grinned as the image of half-naked bodybuilders was replaced as the Shroomanian Sentinel started covering a story about half naked mercenaries instead.

[The Yosemite Bear]

So who are we sending to the olympics?

Sorry, Norse Games events such as the carry relay, axe throwing, are all out. Oh andthey rejected comeptitive surfing as well as motor sports.

Motor sports?,

yes drag racing, rollerball, deathrace not accepted.

So do we have anyone?

Yes, David Wu is competing in Marksmenship as well as martial arts, and Russ Wulfgar is cometing in wrestling and fencing.

wait those are both professional actors, won't they be disqualified?

they do their own stunts.

ok, lets sit back and watch things getting blown up.
yes, lets.

[Mr Bean]

Atlantis, September 1st 2010
Armistice Ultra Secure Conference Room

"If you didn't know he was a renegade, why would you have provided that photo? What did you expect that would gain you?"

The photo were taken later, in fact Saddamstain never saw these photo's. They had only our word that we spoke truely, but a week later they began making their offerings.

You must understand President Rufus, the danger of a highly militarized isolationist power. Who knew of Saddamstain's nuclear program? We did, but the size of the devices used came as a suprise, they were second stage at the least when we suspected they had only just built single stage.

Information Mr President, that is our greatest weapon, we have people in every nation on this planet who give us information, I would not go so far as to call them spies for many of them would balk or clam up should our nation be at war with their own, but by building the HISCO network we gain a foot-hold in every country, with SHROOM-SAT we can control what the world see and hears.

And if there is a place where we do not know what is going on, or at least have a good guess, it is Saddamstain. It is imperative for the security of my country that a foothold be secured in Saddamstain.

Understand that Mr President, until such time as Saddamstain makes itself a personal enemy of my country I will not only continue to deal with them but seek to increase my dealings.

Which is why I tell you now, despite the Liberaltopia straits incident it is imperative that I know what is going on in that country.

President Rufus cut him off


(OOC:This is before the Biological weapons announcement which will in fact change my dealings with Saddamstain)

[Mr Bean]

BBC Reports
"...in International news the UKB Space Minstry has announced plans for five more manned missions into space, among the things being tested is a purposed design portions for a long term orbital space station. The UKB parliament has already approved a two billion dollar cut from General Space program funds in order to insure payment for the station.

Four two man teams will go up one every three months over the next year in order to test various components for the purposed space station. Construction will start in 2012 and completion is aimed at mid 2015.

BBC:Lonestar Republic Local
"...In national news the opposition party Assembly Minority Leader McFibblestein has begun airing adds attacking President Lonestar over the space program. The adds point out that not only is the program of no civilian use, but that it is an over bloated wasteful program ripe for corruption where the President's friends all get kickbacks from inflated projects. The adds which are funded by McFibblestein's will begin airing on Tuesday and are scheduled to run over the next two months. [/b]

[The Yosemite Bear]

Earlier today New Terra health officials cautioned everyone should take part in regular exercise and activity. Especially after a computer enthusiast was found dead in The Incorperated Tonkin Republic. He apparently had not slept or left his chair at his computer for days. urine bottles and junk food were found surrounding him. Cause of death appears to be a siezure induced by a prank Email sent to him, combined with his poor health.



In a secure vault deep beneath Minas Morgil the Pentat put away a shiny disk, their last response to a certain hacker, of course the images and sounds embedded would only effect a small precentage of the population, however the adversary's past dealings had definatly marked him as part of the small percentage that could be effected. however before looking into the information about the Saddam situation, the Pentat members all took a day or two away from their computers, and went out hiking.

[RogueIce]

Atlantis, September 1st 2010
Armistice Ultra Secure Conference Room
The photo were taken later, in fact Saddamstain never saw these photo's. They had only our word that we spoke truely, but a week later they began making their offerings.

You must understand President Rufus, the danger of a highly militarized isolationist power. Who knew of Saddamstain's nuclear program? We did, but the size of the devices used came as a suprise, they were second stage at the least when we suspected they had only just built single stage.

Information Mr President, that is our greatest weapon, we have people in every nation on this planet who give us information, I would not go so far as to call them spies for many of them would balk or clam up should our nation be at war with their own, but by building the HISCO network we gain a foot-hold in every country, with SHROOM-SAT we can control what the world see and hears.

And if there is a place where we do not know what is going on, or at least have a good guess, it is Saddamstain. It is imperative for the security of my country that a foothold be secured in Saddamstain.

Understand that Mr President, until such time as Saddamstain makes itself a personal enemy of my country I will not only continue to deal with them but seek to increase my dealings.

Which is why I tell you now, despite the Liberaltopia straits incident it is imperative that I know what is going on in that country.

President Rufus cut him off


(OOC:This is before the Biological weapons announcement which will in fact change my dealings with Saddamstain)

He's awfully sure of himself, isn't he?

"And just what are these dealings? What the Hell deal did you make during the crisis in the straits that had you secretly start pulling OMSK forces back? And why the Hell didn't you at least give the MESS and FUN a heads up?" It was time to get at the heart of the matter.

[Sea Skimmer]

Offical Statement of the Arab Socialist Ba'ath Empire of Saddamistan

Saddamistan utterly rejects the vague foreign assertions now circulating that it possesses germ warfare weaponry. This hostile accusation without proof or reason show the depths to which the world unrestrained capitalist media machine will go to manipulate world opinion into supporting a war of blatant aggression against Saddamistan. The economic overtures of this hostile are blatantly obvious. These accusations have made it necessary for the implementation of a comprehensive ban on foreign press, radio jamming will commence within the hour, to isolate Saddamistani youth from dangerous foreign counter Pan-Arabisum influences, and for additional restrictions on the operations of legal licensed foreign journalists. Furthermore Saddamistan is now suspending its current voluntary policy of announcing nuclear tests in advance, a move made to support world peace and stability, and will conduct an aggressive testing schedule without further notice.

[RogueIce]

((OOC: Meanwhile, back in the present...))

"So the Red Technocracy is claiming Saddamistan has biological weapons?" This from the President.

"Yes sir, it would appear that way."

"How reliable is the intel?" The President wanted to know before he committed forces once again in a stand-off against Saddamistan.

"Well that's the thing. Nothing really hard yet. Some bunkers and a train shipment. Now we can't 100% place any of those photos in Saddamistan, given how much of a blackhole that place is. But we can at least be confident that they're not from anywhere else we know about, either. So that rather narrows it down. Those RT geographers were pretty effecient."

"Ok so we don't know for sure that they have weapons, but we can be pretty sure that the photos were at least taken in Saddamistan? And given their history, it's not entirely unlikely they'd have them."

"That's about the size of it, Mister President."

"Alright. Let the Red Technocracy know that we'll condemn their use and do what we can to apply pressure to see Saddamistan disposes of them in a safe manner. But first we'll need some form of inspection. We can't go to war or anything of the sort until we're sure. Not after Saddamistan refused to tender proof following their strikes on Libertia."

Though apparently they had a reason, or at least one in their minds, courtesy of the UKB. Damn them. Speaking of which...

"And I want a personal guarantee from the General Secretary himself that if we're going to back them on anything, they're not going to suddenly pull back on some secret plan they haven't bothered to tell the rest of us about. We're not going through that crap a second time."

"Of course Mister President. And what of the report from the LSR concerning that Saddamistani freighter?"

"They have assets in the area. Send our people out there, let's make sure we have our ducks in a row and we'll deal with it then. Although depending on what happens with these biological weapons, it may not really matter for much."

"Ok Mister President. We're on it."

[Raj Ahten]

The media of Indhopal was buzzing with rumors that parliament was currently in negotiations with the Shinra Republic for some sort of economic aid. Foreign Minister Naomi Young had confirmed talks were underway and that the outcome looked "very promising."

The Free Hand Brigade's operations were looking very promising as well as well. Their offensive was in full swing, with the main blow on the way, the pressure had to be kept up. At 04:00 hours 3 truck bombs rammed the gates of separate ProTec bases in Alexandria. 17 ProTec employees and 69 civilians were killed.

ProTec had been formulating its response to the Free Hand's attacks for some time. General Alexander gave his blessing to have ProTec advisers take some of the Iron Guard to the field to hut down the terrorists. ProTec liaisons kept Alexander and the Tonkonites up to date on relevant developments.

Alexander announced that the new central bank and monetary system were scheduled to come on line as scheduled. Outside observes thought this highly dubious

[Mr Bean]

"And just what are these dealings? What the Hell deal did you make during the crisis in the straits that had you secretly start pulling OMSK forces back? And why the Hell didn't you at least give the MESS and FUN a heads up?" It was time to get at the heart of the matter.

The King frowned at him, how to break this to him without insulting the man. He mentally shrugged, considering what he had told him so far, he did not think Rufus would remember any slights considering he had just copp'd to being a possible reason for Saddamstain's attack.

"Mr President, non-engagement with Saddamstain will not work. You can not expect to sit off his shore with a fleet and make him back down with a sufficient show of force. This Saddam is not that Saddam if you take my meaning. Your dealing with a country with a first class military and a Soviet like habit of keeping ahold of every single possible weapon system. More to the point Saddam the Great can not back down, to back down is to demonstrate weakness. To demonstrate weakness is to invite the wolves in.

There are several ways to deal with such a foe. I seek to open relations with him, I seek to secure trade with him. We have several things which he finds useful, if for his military than nothing else. If he allows nothing but the Jewelry trade between our two countries I'll take it because it gives me a foot in the door.

Make no mistake you will not get him to back down not by force, you won't stop him by posturing or hold a metaphorical gun to his head. It won't work, you can only extend the hand of friendship as we have done or take him out for good and all.

No "shows of force", no "viewing with alarm", you remove his ability to project force outside of his own country, you destroy his military, you sink his Navy, and you put a real gun to his head in person.

No metaphorical gun will do, not economic, Saddamstain is self sufficient, not trade he won't tolerate a blockade and no way the IRT will back an embargo. No diplomatic gun either since he does not care two figs for what is said about him in International Media, only state run media transmits into Saddamstain.

Those are the options as the UKB sees it, befriend and seek long term change, Ignore him or destroy him, with country like Saddamstain there is no easy option.


We have made our choice for now"

There the gauntlet was on the floor, now to see how good the psychological profile people were.

[Lonestar]

Patriots Square, Austin
Usman scowled at all the sheep gathered in the square, to listen to one of the infidel Lonestar's "Town Hall" meetings. Democracy. Ridiculous. When he had arrived here, transiting from Mangka a couple of weeks ago, he had been shocked by the widespread personal firearm ownership, one that came close to the Sultan's Domain in percentage. But, despite the Texans claims to "individuality" they were a pretty orderly people. He had nothing to fear. Paradise awaited him.

Usman lifted up his Makarov and screamed. "Allāhu Akbar!" He fired twice.

----

Oh, Hell. Was the first thought that entered Lonestar's mind after hearing the yell. Then, as the two bullets impacted he spun around and went off the stage, the back of his head slamming into the asphalt.

There were screams.

"Sir? Sir? Are you okay?" The Secret Service men were asking, he was already being lifted up, and felt incredibly dizzy. The vest had stopped one of the rounds, the but other had gone into his left shoulder. And his head hurt so much.

"I might just git drunk tonight..." Lonestar mumbled "..and burn the nightclub down..."

"We need to get him to the hospital!"

-------

Usman couldn't see much, what with the crowd scattering this way and that, but over the heads he saw the doors to the ambulance close and the sirens going off. Allah will have guided my shot. He lifted the Makarov and started shooting civilians. He got to two before he was brought down in a hail of bullets.

------

Abdullah turned to Rashaud. "I can hear the sirens, our brother must have been successful."

Rashaud nodded. "Yes, now we must do our part." He lifted the AK and fired into the window of the Best Western Hotel room they had rented, shattering the glass. Abdullah lifted the RPG-7 and pointed it down the street. The motorcade was screaming down, with one DPS Durango rushing ahead, sirens blaring and horn honking. He fired at the Ambulance, the RPG smashing into the ground right in front of it, wrecking the engine, bringing the motorcade to a halt while the DPS Durango screamed ahead.

Rashaud was shooting down with his AK. Abdullah lowered the RPG, they had had only one round, and moved the PKM into position onto the top of the radiator, spraying the ambulance with rounds. City Cops, Secret Service, and Rangers were rushing about returning fire. The two were killed fairly quickly.

Austin General Hospital
The DPS Durango came screaming into the ER drop off point, and the Secret Service and DPS Agents pulled El Presidente from the back seat, putting him on a guerny that had already been wheeled out.

"I hope y'all ain't Democrats." Lonestar said to the doctors, before he passed out.

[Mr Bean]

BBC News
Breaking news, September 9th 2010

"We ready people? Tom? Steve? We already rolling? Fine, fine, fine lets go"

"Good evening ladies and Gentlemen, breaking news from the Lonestar Republic, it seems just thirty minutes ago, President Lonestar was in a Town Hall meeting when an unidentified man entered the public square where the meeting was being held and open fired. Some five minutes later, were not yet sure, it seems a dozen other individuals open fired from buildings on the motorcade just outside Austin General Hospital"

"We do not yet know the status of the President, but according to the people on the scene he was shot at least once. We are still trying to get confirmation from our affiliate in the area. What is know is several other people were hurt both from stray bullets and several people were hurt during the stampede after the shots were fired."

"Our thoughts and prayers are with the victims of this horrible attack, no group as yet to claim responsibility for this"

"More on this situation as it develops, I'm Aleister Crowley BBC News"

[Mr Bean]

BBC News
Breaking news, September 9th 2010
BBC File Photo:Seconds after gunfire captured on Cellphone Camera


Images of violence today following the attempted assassination of President Lonestar. At 1132 Local time in a Town Hall, one possibly two gunmen entered the square and opened fire.

The President and three bystanders were hurt by the gunfire and at least nine people were hurt during the stamped that follows. It appeared that the President bodyguards along with several members of the crowd gunned down the possible assassins. At least two other people were hit by stray gun fire during the second exchange of shots.

Afterworlds the President was rush into a waiting ambluance and taken directly to Austin General Hospital were all those where wounded this morning. However just before the President reached the hospital it appeared gunmen armed with rockets and machine guns ambushed the ambluance and the Presidents convoy. According to reports they had set up along the single emergancy entrance into the Hospital and when the ambulance approached they fired at it with machine guns and rocket propelled grenades. After a fierce gun battle this second group were taken out as well and the President hand carried into the hospital.

At this time the city of Austin is under lock-down by order of President Lonestar's Vice President, and no word has yet been released about the Presidents condition.

This is BBC News.

[Fingolfin_Noldor]

Imperial Chronicles

"What a non-reaction," grumbled the Emperor.

"Well, you could give Saddam credit for even saying anything. Might as well not say anything at all," said one adviser.

"This doesn't change anything. We don't know if he wants to comply with the treaties, and we sure as hell looks like we won't be getting an answer," the Emperor snorted. "Push him too hard, he goes for the trigger. Push him too light, he just sits back and laughs at us. Will diplomacy work? God knows. He hasn't been receptive to foreign emissaries."

Everyone nodded. There was quite simply nothing much to do about the situation.

[Lonestar]

Presidential Palace, Austin

Fuck fuck fuck Secretary of State and acting-President Evan Mironov said, SECSTATE being next in line for succession in the LSR. "What do we have, Jerry?"

The Attorney General, in charge of the Department fo Public Safety shrugged.

"So far the shooter in the square appears to be of Arabic descent, as do the two shooters from the Best Western. The room was rented to 'Isaac Smith', with no mention of another customer in the room. The weapons they were using were stamped from the Saddamistan State Factories, but that doesn't mean anything, those are all over Libertia. Otherwise, nothing yet. Doctors are working on El Presidente now, they say he has a skull fracture and has lost a lot of blood."

"You want me to release any of this?" The Presidential Chief of Staff, Karl asked.

"No, Goddamnit!" Evan snapped. "The answer to all questions is 'no comment' until further notice!" He turned back to AG Journeau.

"I want the fucking city locked down, ground all flights, trains, start inspecting cars on the highway if you have to! Dusk to dawn curfew for all non-emergency personnel effective immediately!"

[The Yosemite Bear]

Hello viewers, welcome to the Bear Republic Proving grounds these extreme sports men and women are going to be racing on this battlefield in coustom ultrahigh speed vehicles for our entertainment. Welcome to DEATHRACE!!!

Here at Ferret News we appologize for the interuption of DEATHRACE, we will be having a special on the current crisis with Saddam, onthe 11 pm news, after DEATHRACE.

next wee on watching things explode we will be trying to see if we can launch mr. jenkins into near space and bring him back down to his family of pet parents without getting blown up by either Lonestar or Shepnukistan.

[MKSheppard]

Nukistani Presidental House

"Goddamn Jihadis," muttered President Sheppard as he watched on BBC the unfolding chaos in the Lonestar Republic; and the latest reports that were coming included some footage shot by camera phones and a clear "Allau Akbar!" could be heard before the gunfire erupted.

"Get me MACV....no wait, Phong isn't calling it that. What's the name? Oh yes, RACA." ordered Sheppard.

Within minutes, the phone by his easy chair rung, and picking it up, he heard the voice of the switchboard operator announcing that they'd gotten a connection through to RACA.

"Hello there, this is President Sheppard, How soon can you begin offensive operations against the Sultanate?"

"We're still working on arming and training up Alexander for offensive maneuvers! " came the reply.

"Damn. How soon can you be ready?"

"We're still in the process of shipping in ex-Shroom Army APCs and the artillery! Nevermind the ammo and logistics chain! Those goddamn Jihadis have wrecked our schedule!"

"Fuck. Well, here's Mr Bout's number. He can get you almost anything in no time. Just try to look the other way when it comes to inspections of his aircraft, he's been known to ignore regulations, like using retreaded tires."

"Damn it, we're already FedExing everything we can! We'll call your Mr Bout, but the freighters with all the heavy weapons are still out to sea."

"Plus, there's only cadre ready to use the stuff! The last thing we want is half-trained troops assaulting Jihadis!"

Sheppard thought for several seconds before replying.

"Okay, fine, fuck it. Get your airfields ready. I'm giving orders after I hang up now to ready the 1st Special Service Regiment for immediate deployment. You'll get one battalion, while the Diocese gets the other. I assume 500 Green Berets should be more than sufficient for your purposes? You'll have to supply their uniforms and small arms though; we can't be seen to be openly intervening in goddamn Libertopia."

"The uniforms and guns are no problem, there's plenty of excess in theater."

"Good. Lets get rolling on this."

*click*

"Now get me the Humanist Society. I want Colonel Butcher on the line."

[phongn]

BREAKING NEWS - MAJOR AIRLIFT IN PROGRESS

SHROOMANIA - Reporters all across the SOS are reporting heavy levels of air-freight traffic moving in and loading up all sorts of material - much of it appearing to be military-surplus from the recent drawdown in the Shroom Army's forces. It is yet unknown where these units are moving to but there is rampant speculation these units may be headed to Libertia. Other freighters are loading with heavy supplies - freighters believed to have originated from Tonkin ports ...