Farting in front of a girl

Montcalm · Post by **Montcalm** » 2003-01-24 10:31pm

Gandalf wrote:If South Park has tought us nothing else, it's thatyou shouldn't hold in a fart.

At least i did`nt spontaneously combust.

^^ · Post by ^^ » 2003-01-24 10:33pm

never air biscuit in front of an elected official

Captain tycho · Post by **Captain tycho** » 2003-01-24 10:36pm

Durandal wrote:I usually go for the "one-cheek sneak" maneuver, which involves raising one cheek up while appearing to simply shift in your seat for comfort (such as leaning on one arm, appearing to look pensive). This has the effect of widening your anus, so the gas will have a wider area to travel through, thus reducing the pitch of the noise it will make. It also angles the gas from straight down to a diagonal path. When you fire straight down, the gas has to move through more blocks, making more noise. By angling it, you can make sure that the gas travels out essentially unperturbed, except when it encounters the seat bottom, but the gas will have dispersed by that time. When you have a controlled burst, the noise disturbance is reduced to almost nothing.

Controlled? ROTFL! One time I let out such a huge fart in 1st grade, I had to go to the principal's office. I dunno why, I asked the teacher numerous times if I could use the bathroom, but she just said no and filed her nails.
Her fault she fainted from the smell.

Pu-239 · Post by **Pu-239** » 2003-01-24 10:44pm

Durandal wrote:I usually go for the "one-cheek sneak" maneuver, which involves raising one cheek up while appearing to simply shift in your seat for comfort (such as leaning on one arm, appearing to look pensive). This has the effect of widening your anus, so the gas will have a wider area to travel through, thus reducing the pitch of the noise it will make. It also angles the gas from straight down to a diagonal path. When you fire straight down, the gas has to move through more blocks, making more noise. By angling it, you can make sure that the gas travels out essentially unperturbed, except when it encounters the seat bottom, but the gas will have dispersed by that time. When you have a controlled burst, the noise disturbance is reduced to almost nothing.

I can fart in silence, but the odor can be smelt at more than 4 feet away.

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2003-01-24 11:01pm

For some reason, my mom is more offended by farts than just about anything. So, social situation + girls = no farts.

And speaking of offensive farts

:

The first time I was casually walking along, felt it coming, and pinnned my friend to the wall with my ass and brrraaapp!

Second time, a friend of mine was innocently talking to a group of co-workers and leaning on a table, so I hopped over and sat on the hand he was propping himself up with. Massive fart ensued. You cannot imagine a more hilarious look of shock and horror than the one that was on his face. I'm giggling maniacally as type this, even!

Damaramu · Post by **Damaramu** » 2003-01-25 01:14am

I usually don't rip 'em in public.....except for vacant aisles at grocery stores.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-01-25 06:04am

Purhaps it's just the wilderness, folks up here a very non-chalant about it, even the women....

Yes, we have many a night at the Bar/Pool hall where the whole place just reaks like someone was assulting a skunk....

THe real bad part for me is that one of the side effects of Glybiride (One of my Diabetes meds), is that it fucks with your digestion giving one acid heavy gas (Resulting in either sulfer tinged belches or farts, your choice)

Sektor31 · Post by **Sektor31** » 2003-01-25 11:50am

I can successfully hold in a fart, but when I do...

Like Kevin Spacey said in K-PAX: It's like putting your nuts in a vice.

Cpt_Frank · Post by **Cpt_Frank** » 2003-01-25 12:06pm

I'm not able to hold them for very long so usually I try to get out of the room.

Darksider · Post by **Darksider** » 2003-01-25 01:58pm

i try and hold 'em in public but it hurts like hell because for some reason i appear to have a very gaseous body and i have to fart once every two min. it's really annoying to go through an eight hour school day because at the end it feels like someone is trying to rip out my ribs but i usually can fart in public because for some reason mine never make any knid of sound and the smell rises upwards so only i get nailed with it

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2003-01-25 02:06pm

I hold in my farts untill i am in the mens room. I've taught my bowels to swallow a fart back up if need be, it's a wonderful feeling liek being fingered. One time i was datign a girl who had chromes disease or somethign and it caused her to fart and burp a lot. One time when we went to the cinema she let one go, i think we were watching From Hell. It was a huge blower and it smelt to high heaven. I did the right thing i stood up and appologised.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2003-01-25 02:10pm

The Yosemite Bear wrote:Purhaps it's just the wilderness, folks up here a very non-chalant about it, even the women....

Yes, we have many a night at the Bar/Pool hall where the whole place just reaks like someone was assulting a skunk....

Same thing at my work, us bicycle mechanics just let them rip whenever we feel a need to fart. The worst part is my boss actually takes pride in his farts. By the end of the day it really does smell like something died in the shop, and I wouldn't be surprised if someone's pet dog or cat keeled over from the smell.

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2003-01-25 02:19pm

I have made attempts to hold back the reservoirs around cute girls; the last time I tried it was a few months ago. Hiroko and I were out for dinner at the Golden Door (nice jazz bar/restaurant in Scottsdale) and our waitress was really cute. As she brought our food to the table, I realized with sudden horror that I had a truly monumental gas surplus making its way to its Last Stop on the Raoul Digestive Express. I tried leaning forward to halt its progress. I tried leaning back. I tried clenching everything I could think of. It wasn't slowing down, and now the waitress was right over my shoulder and -- blllllaaaaattttttrrrrraaaaaahhhh!!! Needless to say, there was no way to get out of that. It was extremely embarrassing, especially because when it went off, she jumped like a sprayed cat. I couldn't help it, I laughed at her. Terrible. Just terrible.

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-01-25 02:32pm

Darth Pounder wrote:I hold in my farts untill i am in the mens room. I've taught my bowels to swallow a fart back up if need be, it's a wonderful feeling liek being fingered. One time i was datign a girl who had chromes disease or somethign and it caused her to fart and burp a lot. One time when we went to the cinema she let one go, i think we were watching From Hell. It was a huge blower and it smelt to high heaven. I did the right thing i stood up and appologised.

Umm, anyway, I just let 'er rip no matter what. MMMMM Eggs+Garlic Pizza+Crowded Elevators+The Fact that I can CONTROL if I have an SBD=Phun!

SBD..

SBD!

SBD!!!!!!!

Next of Kin · Post by **Next of Kin** » 2003-01-25 02:43pm

Darth Wong wrote:How many of you have suffered serious pain trying to hold in a fart while in the presence of a girl? How many of you have become nonchalant about it?

I've been with Rebecca for more than 13 years now, and I still try to avoid farting when she can hear.

I usually hold them in on dates and social settings but when I get home the effect on the toilet can be rather frightening--thunderous farts come to mind and sometimes it's not just air that is released. The worst thing you can mistake is liquid pressure for gasseous pressure!

Next of Kin · Post by **Next of Kin** » 2003-01-25 03:43pm

Does anyone here fart while having nookie?

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-01-25 03:45pm

Next of Kin wrote:Does anyone here fart while having nookie?

Sometimes. It gets annoying when I'm the one getting r00ted too.... ROFL!

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-01-25 06:51pm

Next of Kin wrote:Does anyone here fart while having nookie?

'Casionally, if the angle is so much it gets forced out. And that's not the worst that can happen.

Sex tips for Girls no. 26:
Always go to the loo before and after sex.

Ted · Post by **Ted** » 2003-01-25 06:57pm

innerbrat wrote:'Casionally, if the angle is so much it gets forced out. And that's not the worst that can happen.

Sex tips for Girls no. 26:
Always go to the loo before and after sex.

I SO don't wanna know...

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-01-25 11:04pm

Pu-239 wrote:
Durandal wrote:I usually go for the "one-cheek sneak" maneuver, which involves raising one cheek up while appearing to simply shift in your seat for comfort (such as leaning on one arm, appearing to look pensive). This has the effect of widening your anus, so the gas will have a wider area to travel through, thus reducing the pitch of the noise it will make. It also angles the gas from straight down to a diagonal path. When you fire straight down, the gas has to move through more blocks, making more noise. By angling it, you can make sure that the gas travels out essentially unperturbed, except when it encounters the seat bottom, but the gas will have dispersed by that time. When you have a controlled burst, the noise disturbance is reduced to almost nothing.
I can fart in silence, but the odor can be smelt at more than 4 feet away.

The ideal silent fart would saturate the surrounding area with a blanket odor, so that the source is not readily discernable by enemy scanners.

ArmorPierce · Post by **ArmorPierce** » 2003-01-25 11:18pm

Don't you just love it when someone farts in a small enclosed area after you've said "No farting and if you are giong to fart go outside."

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2003-01-25 11:21pm

ROFLMAO!

Thanks guys, this truly is the funniest thread I've seen as of late, Durandal's "one-cheak sneak" method is so true it's damned hilarious!

The Dark · Post by **The Dark** » 2003-01-25 11:24pm

Pu-239 wrote:I can fart in silence, but the odor can be smelt at more than 4 feet away.

Ah, the classic SBD...silent but deadly.

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2003-01-25 11:25pm

The Dark wrote:
Pu-239 wrote:I can fart in silence, but the odor can be smelt at more than 4 feet away.
Ah, the classic SBD...silent but deadly.

My cat does those... female too.

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2003-01-26 12:49am

God, if I tried to hold in all my farts I'd never cease to be in pain. I try to make them quiet when someone else is around, but I'm not about to suffer for it.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Farting in front of a girl

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