Glenn Beck defines "conservative" for us

[Darth Wong]

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/06/25/beck.c ... index.html

A conservative believes that our inalienable rights do not include housing, healthcare or Hummers.

A conservative believes that our inalienable rights DO include the pursuit of happiness. That means it is guaranteed to no one.

A conservative believes that those who pursue happiness and find it have a right to not be penalized for that success.

A conservative believes that there are no protections against the hardship and heartache of failure. We believe that the right to fail is just as important as the chance to succeed and that those who do fail learn essential lessons that will help them the next time around.

A conservative believes in personal responsibility and accepts the consequences for his or her words and actions.

A conservative believes that real compassion can't be found in any government program.

A conservative believes that each of us has a duty to take care of our neighbors. It was private individuals, companies and congregations that sent water, blankets and supplies to New Orleans far before the government ever set foot there.

A conservative believes that family is the cornerstone of our society and that people have a right to manage their family any way they see fit, so long as it's not criminal. We are far more attuned to our family's needs than some faceless, soulless government program.

A conservative believes that people have a right to worship the God of their understanding. We also believe that people do not have the right to jam their version of God (or no God) down anybody else's throat.

A conservative believes that people go to the movies to be entertained and to church to be preached to, not the other way around.

A conservative believes that debt creates unhealthy relationships. Everyone, from the government on down, should live within their means and strive for financial independence.

A conservative believes that a child's education is the responsibility of the parents, not the government.

A conservative believes that every human being has a right to life, from conception to death.

A conservative believes in the smallest government you can get without anarchy. We know our history: The larger a government gets, the harder it will fall.

I like the part where he says that "we know our history", when in fact he is quite obviously ignorant of it. Does he really think that governments grew larger for no reason at all, or that size of government is correlated to their tendency to fall? Medieval feudal societies had far less government than modern societies; maybe we should go back to that model, eh Beck?

What a fucking moron. It's a true sign of the downfall of American society that this guy is making a fortune by peddling his idiotic opinions.

[loomer]

Some of that isn't bad in and of itself, it just fits better with liberals or even libertarians. I know I'd be happier if Conservates really thought that

A conservative believes that each of us has a duty to take care of our neighbors.
that people have a right to manage their family any way they see fit, so long as it's not criminal.
A conservative believes that debt creates unhealthy relationships. Everyone, from the government on down, should live within their means and strive for financial independence.
A conservative believes that people have a right to worship the God of their understanding. We also believe that people do not have the right to jam their version of God (or no God) down anybody else's throat.

[18-Till-I-Die]

A conservative believes that debt creates unhealthy relationships. Everyone, from the government on down, should live within their means and strive for financial independence.

Says the guy who's party created the biggest national debt in living memory.

[Shroom Man 777]

I find it awesome that I can put a mugshot of Dubya above, below, or beside half those lines and make them deliciously ironic.

The preachy movie one can have a picture of Anti-Jew Warrior Mel Gibson

[Fingolfin_Noldor]

Some of it is just downright ridiculous. like

A conservative believes that a child's education is the responsibility of the parents, not the government.

So if what happens to the hundreds of thousands who don't have enough money to send their kids to school? Let them rot and perpetuate their poverty? And then you have the hypocrites spouting:

A conservative believes that people have a right to worship the God of their understanding. We also believe that people do not have the right to jam their version of God (or no God) down anybody else's throat.

And that actually happens in practice?

[Gil Hamilton]

A conservative believes that each of us has a duty to take care of our neighbors. It was private individuals, companies and congregations that sent water, blankets and supplies to New Orleans far before the government ever set foot there.

Mr. Beck, I assume, is aware that it was a conservative government that dropped the ball there, right?

[Master of Ossus]

At least half of those positions are retarded, and at least half of them don't describe conservatives--they just describe his idiotic values, which he then assigns to an amorphous group he calls "conservatives."

[Gandalf]

So in conservatism like Christianity in that you can pick and choose your own rules and still be considered part of the group?

A conservative believes that our inalienable rights DO include the pursuit of happiness. That means it is guaranteed to no one.

Eh?

[18-Till-I-Die]

So in conservatism like Christianity in that you can pick and choose your own rules and still be considered part of the group?

A conservative believes that our inalienable rights DO include the pursuit of happiness. That means it is guaranteed to no one.

Eh?

You can try for happiness, but that doesnt mean you will get it. This actually makes sense, as it's true. No one is guaranteed happiness under the law or something, just a shot at it.

Just like i'm afforded a chance to get Beyonce to sleep with me, but there is no law saying she'll leave her multi-millionaire husband to begin a torrid affair with a fat, twenty-something WalMart employee.

[Flagg]

So in conservatism like Christianity in that you can pick and choose your own rules and still be considered part of the group?

A conservative believes that our inalienable rights DO include the pursuit of happiness. That means it is guaranteed to no one.

Eh?

You can try for happiness, but that doesnt mean you will get it. This actually makes sense, as it's true. No one is guaranteed happiness under the law or something, just a shot at it.

Just like i'm afforded a chance to get Beyonce to sleep with me, but there is no law saying she'll leave her multi-millionaire husband to begin a torrid affair with a fat, twenty-something WalMart employee.

But there should be. There should be...

A conservative believes that those who pursue happiness and find it have a right to not be penalized for that success.

I love how he essentially equates money to happiness, exposing him as a royal douchebag and symbol of his brand of "conservatism". Because we all know he's talking about taxes here.

He's on the record as thinking it unfair that the wealthiest 10% should shoulder the tax burden. "I have alot of happiness and the big bad guv'ment is here to take a portion of it I'll never really miss!".

[18-Till-I-Die]

So in conservatism like Christianity in that you can pick and choose your own rules and still be considered part of the group?
Eh?

You can try for happiness, but that doesnt mean you will get it. This actually makes sense, as it's true. No one is guaranteed happiness under the law or something, just a shot at it.

Just like i'm afforded a chance to get Beyonce to sleep with me, but there is no law saying she'll leave her multi-millionaire husband to begin a torrid affair with a fat, twenty-something WalMart employee.

But there should be. There should be...

Well that goes without saying. But we all know that congress wouldnt get off their asses if their lives depended on it, so that's just a pipedream.

[Adrian Laguna]

Does Glen Beck actually believe half the stuff he's saying there? Because not only do they utterly fail to describe American conservatives for the last quarter century, but they do a pretty good job of describing the liberals.

[Questor]

Does Glen Beck actually believe half the stuff he's saying there? Because not only do they utterly fail to describe American conservatives for the last quarter century, but they do a pretty good job of describing the liberals.

Thats as good a definition of American politics in general: When your so obsessed with labels that you no longer know WHAT position you hold at all.

[Patrick Degan]

A conservative believes that each of us has a duty to take care of our neighbors. It was private individuals, companies and congregations that sent water, blankets and supplies to New Orleans far before the government ever set foot there.

Fuck you, Mr. Beck. The only reason for that state of affairs arising at all is on the antigovernment, right wing Bush maladministration slashing hurricane protection and levee reconstruction budgets by 50-90% for four years and turning FEMA into a haven of cronyism which destroyed the agency's effectiveness.

I still await the day the Chimp-in-Chief and Michael Brownose "accept personal responsibility" and the consequences of their actions, albeit in vain of course.

And no, nobody is expecting "real compassion" from government —just something that works when needed.

Again, fuck you, Beck.

[Adrian Laguna]

Deagan, you forgot the part where the US Government refused to allow volunteers into the affected areas after the hurricane had passed, thereby chocking off the private aid that Beck so lauds.

[K. A. Pital]

A conservative believes that our inalienable rights do not include housing, healthcare or Hummers.

Of course, with the exception of guns and hammers. In fact a conservative does not believe in any "rights" that are inconvenient to him at the moment, or rock the status quo in which he had been existing all his life.

A conservative believes that our inalienable rights DO include the pursuit of happiness. That means it is guaranteed to no one.

How is pursuit a fucking right? But then I shouldn't be surprised - "it's your right to try to survive! we can't take that right away from you!"

A conservative believes that those who pursue happiness and find it have a right to not be penalized for that success.

That's codeword for "I suck the dicks of heinous plutocrats and I still didn't have enough of their cock in my ass"

A conservative believes that there are no protections against the hardship and heartache of failure. We believe that the right to fail is just as important as the chance to succeed and that those who do fail learn essential lessons that will help them the next time around.

A conservative believes that if people die or suffer it's their fault and it alone. Grasping the concepts of "many reasons" and "many liable parties" is alien to their black and white world. So fuck them.

A conservative believes in personal responsibility and accepts the consequences for his or her words and actions.

No, he fucking doesn't. He doesn't want ANY responsibility to be brought to him, and will fight to the last to avoid even a small responsibility request, like say not burning so much fuel?

A conservative believes that real compassion can't be found in any government program.

Yeah, real compassion is when people starve but you still can drive your SUV. Can't punish success, no.

It was private individuals, companies and congregations that sent water, blankets and supplies to New Orleans far before the government ever set foot there.

Yeah, except the Commie Chinese with their centralized administration handled a similar disaster with far greater effect. More than that, this disaster was not their fault, whilst the US one had guilty parties... the conservatives.

We are far more attuned to our family's needs than some faceless, soulless government program.

You mean that's why you want to ban interracial and gay marriages, right?

A conservative believes that people have a right to worship the God of their understanding.

A conservative is codename for religious asshole then. Because "the God of their understanding" may be incompatible with basic humanism, downright inhumane.

A conservative believes that people go to the movies to be entertained and to church to be preached to, not the other way around.

Okay, then what the fuck are those religious influences in just about every fucking hollywood sappy happy end?

A conservative believes that debt creates unhealthy relationships

But everyone is free to pursue happiness, so don't you dare to ram fiscal responsibility down people's throat!

A conservative believes that a child's education is the responsibility of the parents, not the government.

Because his parents are expets in all fields of science, right? Fuckers.

A conservative believes that every human being has a right to life, from conception to death.

Yeah, but not the mothers, right?

A conservative believes in the smallest government you can get without anarchy. We know our history: The larger a government gets, the harder it will fall.

Sounds like a fucking joke, but then, it's a fitting end.

[Superboy]

A conservative believes that family is the cornerstone of our society and that people have a right to manage their family any way they see fit, so long as it's not criminal. We are far more attuned to our family's needs than some faceless, soulless government program

I assume there was a particular issue he was thinking about with this point, but I can't figure out what it is. Is there a liberal program that he thinks is trying to tell people how to run their families?

[LMSx]

What a fucking moron. It's a true sign of the downfall of American society that this guy is making a fortune by peddling his idiotic opinions.

While he has his radio show to fall back on, for whatever minuscule comfort it's worth, just know that Glenn Beck's TV show is one of the worst-rated shows in all of cable TV news.

If his show WASN'T a welfare handout from CNN, it would have tanked long ago. [/i]

[weemadando]

I love how he essentially equates money to happiness, exposing him as a royal douchebag and symbol of his brand of "conservatism". Because we all know he's talking about taxes here.

He's on the record as thinking it unfair that the wealthiest 10% should shoulder the tax burden. "I have alot of happiness and the big bad guv'ment is here to take a portion of it I'll never really miss!".

But that extra 2% of your 250m a year income is the difference between having to fly in a Learjet vs your old Gulfstream.

[Flagg]

I love how he essentially equates money to happiness, exposing him as a royal douchebag and symbol of his brand of "conservatism". Because we all know he's talking about taxes here.

He's on the record as thinking it unfair that the wealthiest 10% should shoulder the tax burden. "I have alot of happiness and the big bad guv'ment is here to take a portion of it I'll never really miss!".

But that extra 2% of your 250m a year income is the difference between having to fly in a Learjet vs your old Gulfstream.

I just love the entire mindset these "people" operate under. They are either just dishonest failed abortions or truly self-deluded to not realize that the only reason they were able to accumulate that much wealth (assuming they weren't shat forth into it like so many Waltons) is because they live in a country that gave them such opportunity.
They have made their money standing on the backs of the vast majority and rather than be grateful and eager to help support that wonderful system, they do their goddamndest to keep every single bit they have while at the same time trying to destroy it.

[Rye]

What the fuck? How does he say the following without feeling like he's contradicting himself?

A conservative believes that our inalienable rights do not include housing, healthcare or Hummers.

...

A conservative believes that each of us has a duty to take care of our neighbors. It was private individuals, companies and congregations that sent water, blankets and supplies to New Orleans far before the government ever set foot there.

So we don't have inalienable rights to healthcare or housing, but we have a duty to provide medical and shelter "supplies" to people who can't provide for themselves? Which is it? Or does losing those things gradually due to some fucked up Reaganomics instead of in a natural disaster make it okay to leave them out to die?

Why should individuals be left to sorting natural disasters out when government's abilities are far, far greater? Let's not forget that in such an outpouring of public support, it will be entirely dependent on the media whose cause gets shown, so he's basically giving the power of life and death to society's most unfortunate to the media, i.e. which story is most money-spinning and sensationalist.

I wish these damned people would go to a hospital and see a twenty year old alcoholic dying from liver failure and tell them they don't deserve any healthcare since they brought it upon themselves. Seriously, it would show everything that's wrong with them if you got Penn Jilette and Glenn Beck and similar nuts to go and say that to some dying kid and caught it all on video.

[Terralthra]

I think my favorites are the ones that contain implicit assumptions that make them tautological.

A conservative believes that real compassion can't be found in any government program.

Really? No government program has any real compassion? Providing health care to poor children is not compassionate? Really?

A conservative believes that family is the cornerstone of our society and that people have a right to manage their family any way they see fit, so long as it's not criminal. We are far more attuned to our family's needs than some faceless, soulless government program.

Any way they see fit, so long as it's not criminal. In other words, any way they see fit of which we approve. For example, managing a family with two dads should obviously be criminal.

A conservative believes that every human being has a right to life, from conception to death.

Well, sure, once you buy that a clump of cells numbering in the scores is a human being with all the rights and privileges thereunto...

[Straha]

A conservative believes that each of us has a duty to take care of our neighbors. It was private individuals, companies and congregations that sent water, blankets and supplies to New Orleans far before the government ever set foot there.

Mr. Beck, I assume, is aware that it was a conservative government that dropped the ball there, right?

Of course he does. That's proof that it's both conservative and good. See, the entire clean up should have been the realm of private individuals, companies and charities and not the Federal Government/FEMA. The fact that they dropped the ball is proof that the government embraced that fact and is, therefore, truly conservative.

Though I'm sure the fact that the government did a better job then it did with Andrew and most other disasters did worry him a little.

(Here's a thought: Each of us has a duty to take care of our neighbors right? But the government shouldn't take care of Health Care. But we should help each other. So has Mr. Beck ever helped one of his neighbors medical problems?)

[Gandalf]

Here's a thought: Each of us has a duty to take care of our neighbors right? But the government shouldn't take care of Health Care. But we should help each other. So has Mr. Beck ever helped one of his neighbors medical problems?

Of course not, that's part of personal responsibility!

One should only support their neighbours up until the point at which one has to expend actual effort. So you can tell them all about why they don't need socialised healthcare, but the rest is up to them.

[Darth Wong]

Well, let's break this down:

A conservative believes that our inalienable rights do not include housing, healthcare or Hummers.

Notice how he lumps housing, health care, and Hummers together, even though two of them are necessities and the third is not. This is part of the conservative mythology of "welfare queens".

A conservative believes that our inalienable rights DO include the pursuit of happiness. That means it is guaranteed to no one.

"The pursuit of happiness" is also the most ridiculous "right" to ever be put to paper. The reason people continually cite it is the fact that they can't bring themselves to admit that rights alone do not constitute a complete ethics system.

A conservative believes that those who pursue happiness and find it have a right to not be penalized for that success.

Translation: rich people should not pay more tax than poor people, even though they can afford to far more easily, so the "penalty" of doing so is much less for them than it is for anyone else.

A conservative believes that there are no protections against the hardship and heartache of failure. We believe that the right to fail is just as important as the chance to succeed and that those who do fail learn essential lessons that will help them the next time around.

Translation: fuck the poor. Let 'em starve, let 'em die without health care, let 'em rot in the streets.

A conservative believes in personal responsibility and accepts the consequences for his or her words and actions.

Translation: fuck the poor. Let 'em starve, let 'em die without health care, let 'em rot in the streets.

A conservative believes that real compassion can't be found in any government program.

Nor can it be found in the heart of a conservative, judging by the previous two commandments.

A conservative believes that each of us has a duty to take care of our neighbors. It was private individuals, companies and congregations that sent water, blankets and supplies to New Orleans far before the government ever set foot there.

Actually, Canadian government relief forces got there before the US government did. New Orleans only goes to prove what happens when conservatives take over the government, not Beck's moronic thesis that government itself is incapable of doing good.

A conservative believes that family is the cornerstone of our society and that people have a right to manage their family any way they see fit, so long as it's not criminal.

"So long as it's not criminal" makes this a completely pointless phrase, when we're talking about politics, which defines laws, which define what is and isn't criminal.

We are far more attuned to our family's needs than some faceless, soulless government program.

Government programs are run by people, just like any charity or church. This "faceless soulless" rhetoric is nothing more than obvious demonization.

A conservative believes that people have a right to worship the God of their understanding. We also believe that people do not have the right to jam their version of God (or no God) down anybody else's throat.

Translation: Christians have the right to write their beliefs into law, because that is a form of "worship", and the "no God" people have no right to get in the way of that, because that would be "shoving their version of God (or no God) down other peoples' throats". That's how fundies think, as perverse and DoubleSpoken as it is.

A conservative believes that people go to the movies to be entertained and to church to be preached to, not the other way around.

So why should they watch your show, when you constantly preach?

A conservative believes that debt creates unhealthy relationships. Everyone, from the government on down, should live within their means and strive for financial independence.

Too bad "the conservative" also believes in shrinking government, since government deregulation allows the sub-prime mortgage crisis to occur.

A conservative believes that a child's education is the responsibility of the parents, not the government.

The stupidity here is utterly beyond belief. Every successful nation in the 20th century had a strong public education system. Is he totally ignorant of this history?

A conservative believes that every human being has a right to life, from conception to death.

Unless he lives in a foreign country that has oil, or committed a sufficiently serious crime, or is suspected of terror activities by the US government even if there has been no formal trial, or dies due to the lack of the healthcare that you don't think he deserves ...

And will Glenn Beck tell a 13 year old rape victim that she must carry the baby to term, or else she should be locked up for murder? If he truly believes his rhetoric, he should have the balls to say this personally, to her face and the faces of her parents.

A conservative believes in the smallest government you can get without anarchy. We know our history: The larger a government gets, the harder it will fall.

Actually, historically, the most powerful empires in history typically had large and elaborate governments. The United States' own heyday in the 1950s followed a period of unprecedented expansion of the US government (not to mention a 90% tax rate on the wealthy). Can he find actual working examples of powerful, successful nations in history which had almost no government?