I mess with a Nigerian Scammer

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HemlockGrey
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I mess with a Nigerian Scammer

Post by HemlockGrey »

His first e-mail:
URGENT ASSISTANCE.
YOU MAY BE SURPRISED TO RECEIVE THIS LETTER FROM ME SINCE YOU DO NOT
KNOW ME
PERSONALLY. I AM MR.DENNIS MASHEBA, THE FIRST SON OF DR.STEVENS
MASHEBA, WHO
WAS RECENTLY MURDERED IN THE LAND DISPUTE IN ZIMBABWE. I WAS
FURNISHED WITH
VIABLE INFORMATION FROM THE WORLD TRADE CENTRE HERE IN AMSTERDAM, THE
NETHERLANDS AND DECIDED TO WRITE YOU.
BEFORE THE DEATH OF MY FATHER, HE HAD TAKEN ME TO AMSTERDAM TO
DEPOSIT THE
SUM OF TEN MILLION,FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS
(US$10,500,000) IN A SECURITY COMPANY, AS IF HE FORESAW THE LOOMING
DANGER
IN ZIMBABWE. THIS MONEY WAS DEPOSITED IN A BOX AS GEMSTONES TO AVOID
MUCH
DEMURRAGE FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY. THIS AMOUNT WAS MEANT FOR THE
PURCHASE
OF NEW MACHINES AND CHEMICALS FOR THE FARMS AND ESTABLISHMENT OF NEW
FARM IN
SWAZILAND. THIS LAND PROBLEM CAME WHEN ZIMBABWE PRESIDENT MR. ROBERT
MUGABE,
INTRODUCED A NEW LAND ACT THAT WHOLLY AFFECTED RICH WHITE FARMERS AND
SOME
FEW BLACK FARMERS. THIS RESULTED TO THE KILLING AND MOB ACTION BY
ZIMBABWE
WAR VETERANS AND SOME LUNATICS IN THE SOCIETY. INFACT, A LOT OF
PEOPLE WERE
KILLED BECAUSE OF THIS LAND REFORM ACT OF WHICH MY FATHER WAS ONE OF
THE
VICTIMS. IT IS AGAINST THIS BACKGROUND THAT MY FAMILY AND I WHO ARE
CURRENTLY STAYING IN AMSTERDAM DECIDED TO TRANSFER MY FATHER'S MONEY
TO A
FOREIGN ACCOUNT. SINCE THE LAWAS THE ELDEST SON OF MY FATHER, I AM
SADDLED
WITH THE RESPONSIBILITY OF SEEKING A GENUINE FOREIGN ACCOUNT WHERE
THIS
MONEY COULD BE TRANSFERRED WITHOUT THE KNOWLEDGE OF MY GOVERNMENT WHO
ARE
BENT ON TAKING EVERYTHING WE HAVE GOT. I AM FACED WITH THE DILEMMA OF
INVESTING THIS AMOUNT OF MONEY IN THE NETHERLANDS FOR THE FEAR OF
GOING
THROUGH THE SAME EXPERIENCE IN FUTURE SINCE BOTH COUNTRIES HAVE
SIMILAR
HISTORY. MOREOVER, THE NETHERLANDS FOREIGN EXCHANGE POLICY DOES NOT
ALLOW
SUCH INVESTMENT FROM ASYLUM SEEKERS. AS A BUSINESSMAN, WHOM I HAVE
ENTRUSTED
MY FUTURE AND MY FAMILY IN HIS HANDS, I MUST LET YOU KNOW THAT THIS
TRANSACTION IS RISK FREE. IF YOU ACCEPT TO ASSIST ME AND MY FAMILY,
ALL I
NEED YOU TO DO FOR ME IS TO MAKE ARRANGEMENT AND COME TO AMSTERDAM,
THE
NETHERLANDS SO THAT YOU CAN OPEN THE NON-RESIDENT ACCOUNT WHICH WILL
AID US
IN TRANSFERRING THE MONEY INTO ANY ACCOUNT YOU WILL NOMINATE
OVERSEAS. THIS
MONEY I INTEND TO USE FOR INVESTMENT. I HAVE OPTIONS TO OFFER YOU,
FIRST
YOUPLEASE, CONTACT ME WITH THE ABOVE E-MAIL ADDRESS, WHILE I IMPLORE
YOU TO
MAINTAIN THE ABSOLUTE SECRECY REQUIRED IN THE TRANSACTION.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
DENNIS MASHEBA .
My reply:
Mr. Masheba;

I am fascinated and intrigued by your offer. As it happens, I already have a rather large overseas account open- it is a sort of slush fund and something I draw upon in times of personal need- although, I would rather you not share that with anyone. Heh. We all have a few skeletons in our closets, eh?

Regardless, I would like to recieve more information on your plight. I have a very large, ah, interest, in overseas, ah, business, and of course your current situation interests me greatly.
He says:
Dear Sir,
Sequel to your email, I write to inform you of the necessary
detail and procedure regarding this business venture of mutual benefit.

First and foremost, I want to express my happiness over your
willingness to assist me and my family in this venture. Please be informed that
I have informed my mother of your willingness to assist us and she was
very happy.

It is very pertinent for me to mention that this venture is 100%
risk free as we have put all the necessary paper work in place to ensure a
hitch free conclusion of this venture. Also note that this venture is
legitimate as the funds in question belongs to me and my family.

As you are aware, the box is currently with the Security Company
here in the Netherlands. Because of our present situation as refugee, we
do not have the permission to own bank account(s) and we do not have
good knowledge of the economic situation here in Europe and also
because we are not in the good list of the present administration in our own
country, we cannot front as the beneficiary of this box, hence I and my
family humbly request your assistance in that regards. You will be required to
provide account(s) where this funds will be lodged into when you come to
Amsterdam, The Netherlands to lay claim to the box. It is worthy for me to
mention here also that your percentage share of the funds(25%) will be
given to you immediately we clear the box from the security company while you
will assist us to invest our own share(70%) of the funds. Note that
all the expenses you incurred(telephone bills, transportation, hotels and
other miscellanous expenses) should be noted as all these will be taken
care of with the percentage(5%) set aside for these.

Please Sir, I want you to place more emphasis on the confidentiality of this
venture as we do not want anything to happen to this funds because our last
hope of regaining our past glory depend solely on this
venture. we got your contact details from the information centre of the Chamber of
Commerce and Industry here in The Netherlands and I decided to contact you
hoping and praying for a positive response from you. For further discussion
please feel free to call me on my confidential telephone number:
+31-613-389-551. I also need your own confidential telephone and fax numbers for
more easy communication.

I await your immediate response.

Regards,

Dennis Masheba.
At this point I do not e-mail him for three days. He sent a brief letter inquiring where I was and when I would be able to help him.

I respond:
I'm very sorry sir, but I had a complicated involvement with the federals and I have been nursing a gunshot wound for five days. I apologize for my delays in getting back to you but I had to be shuttled to a private hospital in Cuba until I recuperated. Can't have the federals snooping around my hospital records, eh?

Anyway, as a result of the...ah...complication, I recieved, in addition to the unfortunate gunshot wound(if I realized the FBI used AP rounds, I wouldn't have been so careless) I have come into a rather nice new Swiss bank account.

I simply need confirmation that you are ready to began the transaction and I will be able to set things up.

P.S. I sent two copies of this e-mail to your other address. I apologize for the mix-up; the wound has left me slightly dizzy, but I am perfectly alright now.
He sounds a bit surprised:
Dear Mr Grey,

I am really surprise about what happened to you and really feel sorry for you.I hope you are getting better now.Please can you still enlight me of what really happened between you and the federals and i hope you are not going to take it kindly with them.

Please i am ready to start the transaction,so i will like you to send me your full Name,Address and Fax number to enable me fax the POWER OF ATTORNEY and the CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT to you so that we can schedule an appoitment with the security company on when you will be coming to sign the release order of the Funds for onward payment into your nominated Account.

Please do get back to me as quickly as possible because time is not on our side to enable us get this funds out quickly.I really appreciate your willingness to assist me and my Family.
Of course, I'm perfectly willing, but I have some business to take care of:
The exchange between the federals and I was something of an unwanted surprise; the FBI raid on my storehouses in Wisconsin were most certainly not expected. My wound is fully healed, though, and I've just finished the mass funeral for the men who were not so fortunate as I. Thanks for concern.

I have all the information you need all drawn up and ready to be submitted, however, I must ask you to wait just a little longer. I realize time is not on your side but I am leaving in thirty minutes for the Middle East and will be gone for two days. I can still be contacted at this address but will be powerless to do anything until my business is complete and I can turn my full attention to your unfortunate plight.

However, I realize that time is of the essence and if you really need the funds transfered I may be able to do something during my stay in Baghdad, although I will not be able to complete a full transaction.

So, can you wait two more days or shall I arrange the transfer as soon as possiblr?
He is willing to wait:
Dear Cy,

I will wait till you return so that we can conclude this deal once and for all.Plaese email me when you are back so that we can start the transaction.

Regards,

DENNIS MASHEBA.
I think I'll continue it with me e-mailing him from a helicopter that is being pursued by USAF airplanes out of the no-fly zone in Iraq, until I touch down in Libya, assure him that as soon as I have access to a fax machine I will send him what he ask, and go from there.
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Einhander Sn0m4n
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Post by Einhander Sn0m4n »

LMFAO!!! String the fuckhat along AS MUCH AS YOU CAN!!!!
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Alex Moon
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Post by Alex Moon »

LOL!

Post more when it comes. This is hilarious! :twisted:
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Admiral Valdemar
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Post by Admiral Valdemar »

HemlockGrey
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Post by HemlockGrey »

Didn't read that. I'm basing this off what Lowtax did, too.
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TrailerParkJawa
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Post by TrailerParkJawa »

Give this guy the phone number to the FBI. :twisted:
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Post by Enforcer Talen »

thats brilliant.
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Dirty Harry
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Post by Dirty Harry »

I agree with Einy, string the fucker along for as long as you can. :twisted: :twisted:
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Crayz9000
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Post by Crayz9000 »

This asshat obviously doesn't know how to view the message headers :P
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Post by IRG CommandoJoe »

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! You should tell him that you are going to visit him personally in a helicopter with some newly acquired men you picked up in Baghdad. See how he responds. :D
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Exonerate
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Post by Exonerate »

Hehe, try to scare him off...

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Colonel Olrik
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Post by Colonel Olrik »

:lol:

Well done. You have a lot more patience than I do. I just shift+del them before reading.
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