New Weapon: Evaluate

[RedImperator]

Concept: Tactical short range silent-firing granite based projectile weapon

Description: A pointy rock

Deployment: You throw it

or, maybe, considering the way these threads seem to be going...

Concept: New armored vehicle, M99 "Wet Dream"

Length: 86,942 meters

Beam: 13,207.1 meters

Height: 2,339 meters

Weight: 16.6 billion metric tons

Propulsion: 25,000 GE Electro-Motive division SD90 diesel locomotives with their wheels replaced with treads, 450 Saturn V rockets, 30,000 Boeing jet engines, 150 Morton Thiokol solid-fuel Space Shuttle boosters, 12,000 schooner masts, 1000 African bull elephants pulling on ropes, an Orion nuclear thruster with 15 kiloton booster bombs, 150,000,000 pairs of robot feet powered by a portable nuclear generating station, and a perpetual motion machine.

Primary armament: 55,000 32" artillery cannons firing 10,000 lb. shells a maximum distance of 150 miles, <edit> 135,000 16" cannons, mounted on Iowa class turrets</edit>, 200 MX nuclear missiles with 50kt MIRV warheads, 160,000 M1A2 Abrams main turrets, 6,000,000 Bushmaster cannons, 1,000,000 turret mounted heavy machine guns, attack dogs, 100,000 small boys with slingshots

Secondary armament: 6000 Tomahawk ground attack missiles, 75,000,000 anti-personnell grenade launchers, 100,000,000 M16 rifles set to full auto fired by robot arms, 600 poison gas launchers, 8,000 flamethrower nozzles, 200,000 catapults, and a giant magnifying glass for lighting things on fire with the power of the sun

Armor: one mile thick depleted uranium plate

Auxillary vehicles: Can deploy ten full carrier air wings, three heavy armored divisions, four mechanized infantry divisions, six AEGIS cruisers from side mounted launch slips, 35 air cavaly squadrons, 35 armed scout zeppelins, the entire 2003 Volkswagen Beetle production run, a dedicated Union Pacific freight train (four locomotives and 200 container flatbed cars), and the Space Shuttle

Transport capacity: One billion metric tons of cargo and supplies, on and offloaded by one of two fully portable container terminals and one portable deployable freight yard. 5 million frontline infantry soldiers plus support personnel, the entire United States Congress, and the population of Iowa.

Other information: What the fuck, it can fly too.

What do you think?

Too fucking cool for words?

Costs more than the GDP of the entire third world plus Belgium?

Stop trying to be satirical, because you're not funny?

[Wicked Pilot]

Sounds cool, where can I get one?

[XaLEv]

You left off the fucking sixteen inchers!!!

[Raxmei]

You left off the fucking sixteen inchers!!!

No, he replaced them with thirty-two inchers. Those are twice as good.

[XaLEv]

No, he replaced them with thirty-two inchers. Those are twice as good.

Oh. Well, still...

[Howedar]

You left off the fucking sixteen inchers!!!

No, he replaced them with thirty-two inchers. Those are twice as good.

No. Two 16-inchers are twice as good. The guns must have a caliber of 16 inches!!!!

[RedImperator]

There, I added 16" guns. Are we all happy now?

[Anarchist Bunny]

I have a sixteen incher.

[Luke Starkiller]

*snickers*

Is it amphibious? If not I don't want one.

[RedImperator]

Also, I apparently somewhat underestimated its weight. According to my calculations, a sheet of depleted uranium one mile thick by 89 kilometers long by 13 kilometers wide will weigh approximately 2 to 3 trillion metric tons (I ran the numbers in the calculator twice, got two completely different numbers, gave you that astoundingly precise figure). It may be necessary to slightly augment the propulsion system. I'm adding 25,000,000 Dodge Viper V10 engines and some gerbils on treadmills. I also noticed I forgot to add air defenses. Then I realized it has 1157 square kilometers of mile thick depleted uranium armor plating on its dorsal surface, and so unless it's attacked by the Death Star, I'm not going to worry about air attack.

[Sea Skimmer]

My Genetically enhanced Beavers with CAR-15's and M-72's would easily defeat it.

[RayCav of ASVS]

My Genetically enhanced Beavers with CAR-15's and M-72's would easily defeat it.

Please tell me they're the type of Beavers a perverted mind like mind is thinking of:)

[RayCav of ASVS]

Oh, and here:

http://www.stardestroyer.net/phpBB2/vie ... php?t=1093

[Master of Ossus]

You left off the fucking sixteen inchers!!!

No, he replaced them with thirty-two inchers. Those are twice as good.

Actually, they would be far more powerful than two 16'' shells. Remember that volume and mass rise exponentially with diameter.

[Sea Skimmer]

My Genetically enhanced Beavers with CAR-15's and M-72's would easily defeat it.

Please tell me they're the type of Beavers a perverted mind like mind is thinking of:)

,They're the anphibious rodent type that builds dams. If that is what you're thinking of, SEEK HELP RIGHT NOW.

[RayCav of ASVS]

My Genetically enhanced Beavers with CAR-15's and M-72's would easily defeat it.

Please tell me they're the type of Beavers a perverted mind like mind is thinking of:)

,They're the anphibious rodent type that builds dams. If that is what you're thinking of, SEEK HELP RIGHT NOW.

No

[Raxmei]

You left off the fucking sixteen inchers!!!

No, he replaced them with thirty-two inchers. Those are twice as good.

Actually, they would be far more powerful than two 16'' shells. Remember that volume and mass rise exponentially with diameter.

32 is twice as good as 16. Mere facts can not change this. Do not allow yourself to be persuaded by the pernicious cult of geometry. That way lies perdition!

[RedImperator]

Arrrrrrgh! I'm an idiot! What kind of dolt would think something like this monstrosity would be any good for anything? It's pure techno-masturbatory fantasy, compensation for my inadequete member (and spelling skills). For what sort of technology worth dreaming about has no Spoiler

?!?!?!?!?! I should request this whole thread be deleted, unless...........

Ahem. The M-99 Wet Dream now has a spoiler the width of a 12 lane interstate highway and the length of 26 international airport runways laid back to back. In fact, it doubles as a runway that can land 15 fully loaded 747's simultaneously. It's equipped with catapults powered by small nuclear weapons capable of launching an M1-A2 Abrams MBT into low Earth orbit. It's constructed entirely out of depeleted uranium. Also, a sixty story high racing stripe made entirely out of alternating bands of pulverized jewel quality rubies and blue diamonds has been added. Thank you.[/b]

[Raxmei]

The front must have a gigantic drill bit so it can act as a TBM. The drill is powered off the nuclear reactor and can tunnel at a rate of 1000 kph. This allows it to reach its targets without being observed from the air or satellite.

[Mr. B]

And you need fuzzy dice and a pine air freshener. All nuclear powered with auxillary diesel generators and grenade launchers in the dice. And the Air Fresher spray poison gas on command.

[XaLEv]

Put some brothels in it.

[consequences]

how extensive is the liquor selection at the built in bar?
What about the sound system?

[SPOOFE]

32 is twice as good as 16

Or twice as bad, if you're talking about head wounds.

[Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi]

LOL!

Anyway, my tank can beat that.

Length: 156,000 meters

Beam: 79,752 meters

Height: 56,000 meters

Armor: Organic

Propulsion: 567 gravitic flywheels, 10,000,000 reindeer

Power generation: The Bush family ego

Weaponry: 50,000,000 200 yottaton missile launchers, 40,000 organic laser cannons, an electric socket, yo momma, 1E20 decibel loudspeakers that play Britney Spears's "music"

Capacity: 200,000 18th century foot soldiers, 1,000,000 child laborers, 25,000 clones of Richard Simmons, the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz

Mass: Three trillion metric tons (not including yo momma)

Ship capacity: 30,000 hot air balloons, 950,000 Pintos, the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile

Misc. features: 5,000,000 kilometers of Christmas lights on the outside, 2m long wings on each side for air flight, giant arms for poking things outside, a quantum teragram manifold theta capacitor, a Bible for praying that the tank actually works.

[RedImperator]

The front must have a gigantic drill bit so it can act as a TBM. The drill is powered off the nuclear reactor and can tunnel at a rate of 1000 kph. This allows it to reach its targets without being observed from the air or satellite.

Excellent suggestion. Also, it is now a submarine.

And you need fuzzy dice and a pine air freshener. All nuclear powered with auxillary diesel generators and grenade launchers in the dice. And the Air Fresher spray poison gas on command.

Don't be ridiculous. The M-99 Wet Dream comes with a particle accelerator for generating anti-protons to power the fuzzy dice.

Actual entire pine forests, hung upside down, are used as air fresheners.

Put some brothels in it.

The brothels are large enough to accomidate every starving former Soviet Bloc peasant girl between Dresden and Samarkand, plus the entire female population of Antwerp. The latex in the prophylactic supplies alone would be enough to sheathe both Petronas towers in Trojan-enz Diety sized condoms. There are enough whips in the bondage supplies closet to drive a herd of cattle the size of the state of Missouri completely around the equator of Mars three times. The combine sucking power of a single day's oral activities would be enough to de-orbit the Moon.

how extensive is the liquor selection at the built in bar?
What about the sound system?

More aluminum is used in the vehicle's canned beer supply than in the entire U.S. Navy plus the fleets of four major commerical airlines. The onboard vodka distilleries alone consume enough potatoes to form a ring around the earth, in geosynchronous orbit, one hundred and ten kilometers wide and thirty kilometers high, with a density of 55 potatoes per cubic kilometer.

The sound system consists of the PA systems of every NFL stadium in America, every European professional football stadium in Europe, every concert arena bigger than the Mos Eisely cantina in the industrialized world, and the boom box of that God damned idiot on my block who plays hardcore rap music at volumes high enough to disrupt molecular bonds at 2:30 in the morning. All volume controls will go up to 11.