Al-Qaeda losing in Iraq - because of Cucumber policy?

[Androsphinx]

Telegraph

Al-Qa'eda is losing support in Iraq because of a brutal crackdown on activities it regards as un-Islamic - including women buying cucumbers.

Besides the terrible killings inflicted by the fanatics on those who refuse to pledge allegiance to them, Al-Qa'eda has lost credibility for enforcing a series of rules imposing their way of thought on the most mundane aspects of everyday life.

They include a ban on women buying suggestively-shaped vegetables, according to one tribal leader in the western province of Anbar.

Sheikh Hameed al-Hayyes, a Sunni elder, told Reuters: "They even killed female goats because their private parts were not covered and their tails were pointed upward, which they said was haram.

"They regarded the cucumber as male and tomato as female. Women were not allowed to buy cucumbers, only men."

Other farcical stipulations include an edict not to buy or sell ice-cream, because it did not exist in the time of the Prophet, while hair salons and shops selling cosmetics have also been bombed.

Most seriously, Sheikh al-Hayyes said: "I saw them slaughter a nine-year old boy like a sheep because his family didn't pledge allegiance to them."

Such tactics have triggered a backlash among Sunnis, whom Al-Q'aeda had claimed to be protecting, the sheikh and military leaders said.

Lieutenant-Colonel Tim Albers, an American intelligence officer, told the news agency: "Al-Qa'eda's very heavy-handed killing of civilians backfired on them. The Sunnis just wouldn't stand for it any more.

"The self-described protectors of the Sunni community now kill more Iraqi Sunnis than anyone else."

I'm not sure if this is for real, or just very good agitprop of the type Sageman et al have been recommending. Either way is good, I guess.

[Darth Wong]

Al-Quaeda was never compatible with Iraqi culture. The only reason it has any significant presence there at all is the American invasion.

[Adrian Laguna]

That's not quite as bad as that time Al-Qaeda fighters threatened to execute a goat herder if he didn't cover-up the genitalia of his goats. Stop and read that again, let it sink in.

[Scottish Ninja]

That's not quite as bad as that time Al-Qaeda fighters threatened to execute a goat herder if he didn't cover-up the genitalia of his goats. Stop and read that again, let it sink in.

They did mention that.

Sheikh Hameed al-Hayyes, a Sunni elder, told Reuters: "They even killed female goats because their private parts were not covered and their tails were pointed upward, which they said was haram.

[Lagmonster]

Sheikh Hameed al-Hayyes, a Sunni elder, told Reuters: "They even killed female goats because their private parts were not covered and their tails were pointed upward, which they said was haram.

I *love* how they're murderously obsessed with the proper display, or lack thereof, of sheep genitals. Isn't the whole point of covering females up in Islam about avoiding invoking the lustfulness of men? And if so, what precisely does this say about these particular men?

[Zixinus]

The idea isn't that new. These people are suicidal fanatics, its not surprising that they are batshit fucking insane.

[Sidewinder]

I remember an episode of 'The Simpsons' where Kent Brockman tries to increase ratings by saying Springfield has a nudist colony... FOR ANIMALS! (Insert picture of farm animals with their genitals censored.)

Considering how George W. Bush & Co. have made the Simpsonian parody of the US government a reality, it's only fair that al-Qaida become a Simpsonian parody as well.

[Falkenhayn]

So let me get this straight.

Women can't touch cucumbers, because their phallic. So...if it looks like a dick, only a guy can touch it?

[Kanastrous]

Yes.

Of course, then you have to kill him for possibly being of the "third sex."

[Pelranius]

And how is it that these people, along with the Jewish settlers, Westboro Church, Scientologists, and Bush Administration, continue to keep on drawing breath without their lack of neural activity resulting in complete respiratory failure?

[Shroom Man 777]

Hrm... before all of this, Iraq was a pretty secular place, right? So, back when Saddam was a honcho, women could buy all the cucumbers they wanted?

I guess enforcing ass-backwards religious rules in formerly semi-progressive and secular places doesn't really work - too bad the Americans bombed all that 'semi-progressive and secular' to rubble

Here's to hoping the Iraqis won't end up democratically electing a bunch of religious nutjobs that need to be invaded 20 years later...

[Aratech]

I'm honestly at a loss for words. Part of me wants to laugh at the fact that this seems to be turning as was pointed out, into a bad episode of the Simpsons. The other part of me wants to smack my head into a hard object repeatedly until I forget that such morons exist in this world.

[Pelranius]

Well, a stupid enemy is a gift from God.

Though the whole business looks like a race to see who's a bigger idiot (Al Qaeda has first place but that's not for the want of trying from Junior in the Oval Office).

[Broomstick]

So let me get this straight.

Women can't touch cucumbers, because their phallic. So...if it looks like a dick, only a guy can touch it?

I have a whole GARDEN full of "phallic" vegetables - in fact, I'm giving them away, I got so many damn cucumbers. I've got a pile of 'em sitting on my kitchen counter right now, a whole stack of fat, juicy green phalli... bwa-ha-HA!

[CaptainZoidberg]

So let me get this straight.

Women can't touch cucumbers, because their phallic. So...if it looks like a dick, only a guy can touch it?

I'm actually curious if they would insist that no one can touch cucumbers once you point that out to them.

[Pelranius]

So let me get this straight.

Women can't touch cucumbers, because their phallic. So...if it looks like a dick, only a guy can touch it?

I'm actually curious if they would insist that no one can touch cucumbers once you point that out to them.

Then how are the doctors going to perform circumcision?

[SpacedTeddyBear]

So let me get this straight.

Women can't touch cucumbers, because their phallic. So...if it looks like a dick, only a guy can touch it?

It's obvious that Al-Qaeda is covertly supporting homosexuality. Why else would they allow men to handle phallic looking vegetables?

[Mayabird]

Sheikh Hameed al-Hayyes, a Sunni elder, told Reuters: "They even killed female goats because their private parts were not covered and their tails were pointed upward, which they said was haram.

I *love* how they're murderously obsessed with the proper display, or lack thereof, of sheep genitals. Isn't the whole point of covering females up in Islam about avoiding invoking the lustfulness of men? And if so, what precisely does this say about these particular men?

We're talking about seriously, seriously sexually repressed men here. Yes, they do fuck the goats.

[Raptor 597]

Sheikh Hameed al-Hayyes, a Sunni elder, told Reuters: "They even killed female goats because their private parts were not covered and their tails were pointed upward, which they said was haram.

I *love* how they're murderously obsessed with the proper display, or lack thereof, of sheep genitals. Isn't the whole point of covering females up in Islam about avoiding invoking the lustfulness of men? And if so, what precisely does this say about these particular men?

We're talking about seriously, seriously sexually repressed men here. Yes, they do fuck the goats.

Well from what the interpreters have told me about half of the men in Iraq have sex with sheep, donkeys, and other farm animals. Shit quite a few of our terps are admitted shep fuckers. The reason why a man is able to but a cucumber in Iraq is that his boat is allowed to float anyways he wants whether male, female, or farm variety so long as he procreates. Women here are for farm work and procreation and they are to have no pleasure; many Iraqi males consider pleasure to be found elsewhere, yes this country is all fubar.

[Elfdart]

Reminds me of the old joke:

Q: What do you call an Aggie who herds sheep and goats?

A: Bisexual

[Raptor]

Told my brother this, he said 'Al-Qaeda more like Al-Queera'. But then kind of like what Bart Simpson said 'Men alone in caves, kind of gay.'

Concerning the secular nature of Iraq before and after the invasion. Are all the Al-Qaeda in Iraq foreign? I think there are probably more Iraqi members then foreigners, with more women sucide bombers recently these are most likely Iraq, as I doubt many female from Syria etc travel. And what of the Shite militas etc. These are opposed to Al-Qaeda yet in fundementalist nature very similar, and are Iraqi.

Also what are their views on oranges and apples? Are bananas 'haram'?

[Broomstick]

Darn it, I wish I knew of an on-line equivalent of a Bible concordance for the Koran, but if I recall (and that's a toughie - it's been 30 years since I read the Koran) there are verses dealing with men fucking animals. I can't recall the exact wording, but as near as I remember it's supposed to be OK as long as the animal is killed afterwards and not used for food.

Ew.

You have to wonder about a society that needs to cover up animal genitals. That is SERIOUSLY repressed.

[Elfdart]

Don't most garden-grown cucumbers have those nasty little spines? YIKES!

[General Zod]

Darn it, I wish I knew of an on-line equivalent of a Bible concordance for the Koran, but if I recall (and that's a toughie - it's been 30 years since I read the Koran) there are verses dealing with men fucking animals. I can't recall the exact wording, but as near as I remember it's supposed to be OK as long as the animal is killed afterwards and not used for food.

Ew.

You have to wonder about a society that needs to cover up animal genitals. That is SERIOUSLY repressed.

Skeptics Annotated has an English version of the Quran available.

[CJvR]

IIRC there was an Ayatollah in Iran some 25 years ago who wanted to ban pictures of cows since their udders were sexually stimulating for men...