The travesty that is the D&D movie

Post by **Vympel** » 2003-01-29 08:48am

I just watched like ... 10 minutes of it (from the beginning, with the intent of watching it all!) until I could bear it no longer.

Honestly, it's movies like this, with their el cheapo production values, hackneyed, pathetic plots, even more hackneyed delivery, lacklustre soundtrack and annoying 'token black guy' sidekick ... just make we want to go to the home of whomever was responsible for this ... atrocity, and beat them senseless.

When they're making a film this bad, do they sit up in the middle of the process and realize: "dude- this movie is gonna SUCK ASS" or do they think they're making a good film?

This D&D. People like D&D. The storyline possibilities are broad and you have multiple worlds to play with. And they come up with this ... this .. shit?

Argh.

Dahak · Post by **Dahak** » 2003-01-29 08:54am

I watched the entirety of it.
Once your brain shuts down, it's actually surviveable.
And I had some morbid fun watching Jeremy Irons, in dire need of money as it seems, succumbing to the David Warner syndrome. Funny how far you can fall...

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2003-01-29 08:54am

I agree with you. There where two good things with thaat movie.

1. Jeremy Irons. He played Profions part perfectly, Profion was one kick-ass character.

The end Dragon battle. And even that could have been done better. Like fireball against gold dragons. COME ON! can you say stupid? They are immune, they could have at least used a flak burst(yes you can do that, set the firballs range and it will explode mid air)

Also, the dragons didnt seem to be intellegent. almost...stupid. In the beginning that gold dragon didnt speak, didnt vow vengence...nothing. It didnt even start casting horrible spells doom.

The basic plot was ok. It could have been executed much better. Better actors all around, DO NOT PUT DAMON WAYNES(sp) IN A MOVIE LIKE THAT! those are the types of characters that ruin a good campaign. The parts of Mirina, and Damadar where ok. you can keep those actors.

I could have done a better job writing, directing, producing, and casting that movie

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-01-29 10:43am

Yes, a very stupid movie.

Pretty much only one thing that made it watchable, and even then when you're a straight male. Or lesbian.

Oh, and Jeremy Irons is now the king of overacting. Took it away from Mr. Bill Shatner.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-01-29 10:46am

There was something watchable?

I didn't mind Jeremy Irons(so he was cheesy...at leasting he was acting)

The whole story and the main character's overall crappiness...just sorta made me groan. I'm sorta glad it was a freebie video when I rented it.

salm · Post by **salm** » 2003-01-29 10:53am

it was similar to the Wing Commander movie, only that the WC Movie was even worse.
they take a good story, rip it completely up, put it together in a completetly wrong timeline and add special FX worse than the ones in the computer games. the kilrathis looked worse than the ones in the games. and for some reason the tiger´s claw was renamed to tiger claw.

Slartibartfast · Post by **Slartibartfast** » 2003-01-29 10:59am

I laughed so hard at this movie, but it was a very uncomfortable laughter... kidna like laughing because of pain and despair.

This movie is very painful. I have it on DivX, and every time I'm angry with somebody I make them watch it. It's perfect punishment.

"Look ma, it's raining dragons."

What's this about a stupid dragon remote control? Where did the dragons come from, were they formed from the clouds?

Jeremy Irons... I really like how this guy acts (in real movies), but here he was just as bad as the majority. In fact he seems to be overacting on purpose.

And what's it with Jimmy Olsen trying to do Han Solo impersonations every single moment? Ew. All the magic was stupid, brain-monster included.

PS: any D&D ruleset reasons that this movie suck are simply nitpicking IMO... I mean who cares if Dragons are immune to fire in-game? why not just say "there's no way a low-level thief can kill a high-level fighter in a fair swordfight" and be done with it. There's plenty to attack in this movie without resorting to the rulebook.

Coaan · Post by **Coaan** » 2003-01-29 11:00am

salm wrote:it was similar to the Wing Commander movie, only that the WC Movie was even worse.
they take a good story, rip it completely up, put it together in a completetly wrong timeline and add special FX worse than the ones in the computer games. the kilrathis looked worse than the ones in the games. and for some reason the tiger´s claw was renamed to tiger claw.

Considering it had been borne off a game....I didn't think it was that bad really...They really need to rethink the way they make their game-movie conversions though and seriously put some effort into it

Slartibartfast · Post by **Slartibartfast** » 2003-01-29 11:00am

BTW what was with all the nonsense about the magic map? Why teleport into a piece of paper just ot come out and bitch about it like nothing happened? It's a damn map, just read it.

Ro Jo-Mu · Post by **Ro Jo-Mu** » 2003-01-29 11:04am

Badly edited, badly written, bad bad bad! And to think some people must have actually sat down, watched the final cut and said, "YES, thats great thats the film we're gonna go with"

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-01-29 11:11am

Vympel wrote:When they're making a film this bad, do they sit up in the middle of the process and realize: "dude- this movie is gonna SUCK ASS" or do they think they're making a good film?

A lot of the time, they do. The problem is, once a studio has thrown $20,000,000 in your direction, it's considered bad form to go back to the studio head and say, "Look dude, this movie blows ass. Sorry about wasting all that cash." How a movie gets to be that bad in the first place is a complicated process. Unless it's an ego-trip production like Battlefield Earth was, usually it's studio meddling, having too many writers, not enough money, and bad directing.

Watch a bad movie with a good actor in it. Ever notice how a bad movie is usually compounded by the principal characters mailing in their performances? They know it sucks, and they've given up. Sometimes they know it sucks from the beginning, but they take it because they need the paycheck, sometimes the realize their agent screwed up and signed them on to a shit project (and even big name actors are very reluctant to walk out on a movie in mid-production unless they know the project will die forever without them--otherwise, the studio and director will blame them for everything that's gone wrong with the movie, not to mention legal liability the actor will probably be subject to and the blemish on his reputation).

salm · Post by **salm** » 2003-01-29 11:12am

Coaan wrote:
salm wrote:it was similar to the Wing Commander movie, only that the WC Movie was even worse.
they take a good story, rip it completely up, put it together in a completetly wrong timeline and add special FX worse than the ones in the computer games. the kilrathis looked worse than the ones in the games. and for some reason the tiger´s claw was renamed to tiger claw.
Considering it had been borne off a game....I didn't think it was that bad really...They really need to rethink the way they make their game-movie conversions though and seriously put some effort into it

bah, it was lousy conversion. tomb raider was an acceptable conversion (it was still dumb, but far from everything WC)
Wheras resident evil was quite cool.

Coaan · Post by **Coaan** » 2003-01-29 11:16am

salm wrote:
Coaan wrote:
salm wrote:it was similar to the Wing Commander movie, only that the WC Movie was even worse.
they take a good story, rip it completely up, put it together in a completetly wrong timeline and add special FX worse than the ones in the computer games. the kilrathis looked worse than the ones in the games. and for some reason the tiger´s claw was renamed to tiger claw.
Considering it had been borne off a game....I didn't think it was that bad really...They really need to rethink the way they make their game-movie conversions though and seriously put some effort into it
bah, it was lousy conversion. tomb raider was an acceptable conversion (it was still dumb, but far from everything WC)
Wheras resident evil was quite cool.

Well I enjoyed it despite the errors and inconsistancies from the game....

perhaps they could have made it wc2 era....we could watch the Tiger's claw go up in flames....

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-01-29 11:19am

So has anyone seen a decent game to movie conversion?

I mean WC was crap(sorry...the whole pilgrims...etc...gah)

D&D....well, less said the better.

Mortal Kombat was good.

Street Fighter...poor Raul Julia.

So any really good ones?

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-01-29 11:21am

It's a piece of shit. Granted Jeremy Irons is one hot piece-o-tail, but Hot Boys A Great Movie Doth NOT Make! As for Wayans, How the FRELL could someone who was so good in Requiem for a Dream (Great Movie: DO NOT Watch While Stoned!!!) just hoover so hard and fast in this one. Oh, I got it, THE WHOLE FRELLING MOVIE H00V3RZ!!! It's so bad that everyone in the whole movie sucked. The whole damn movie REEKS of "Low-Budget Made-For-TV" which is absolutely inexcusable. Frell the producers.

salm · Post by **salm** » 2003-01-29 11:23am

resident evil

i could be wrong about that though since i cant remember anything due to the consumption of a large amount of alcohol.
but i can remember that i enjoyed it.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-01-29 11:33am

Well there were some good nekkid scenes

.

Ro Jo-Mu · Post by **Ro Jo-Mu** » 2003-01-29 11:55am

Final Fantasy wasn't bad

Coaan · Post by **Coaan** » 2003-01-29 12:03pm

Ro Jo-Mu wrote:Final Fantasy wasn't bad

Didn't really have uh...-anything- to do with the game though

The Dark · Post by **The Dark** » 2003-01-29 12:36pm

Coaan wrote:
Ro Jo-Mu wrote:Final Fantasy wasn't bad
Didn't really have uh...-anything- to do with the game though

Yeah, but none of the games have anything to do with each other, so it fits the FF pattern perfectly

.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-01-29 02:03pm

The D&D movie was so bad that it is an insult to the fantasy genre.

Baron Mordo · Post by **Baron Mordo** » 2003-01-29 02:34pm

The worst part is, the movie was ten years in the making.

Jadeite · Post by **Jadeite** » 2003-01-29 03:59pm

One of my gripes about the movie is the beholders. They were too small, stupid, and they were purple!! And the bad guys had the beholders patrolling with guards! Its a frickin CR 13 creature, one of them could singlehandedly slaughter the whole party of good characters.

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2003-01-29 04:47pm

salm wrote:resident evil

i could be wrong about that though since i cant remember anything due to the consumption of a large amount of alcohol.
but i can remember that i enjoyed it.

As a film it was attrocious.....I saw it sober...several times....(the joys of cinema security work...)

Perinquus · Post by **Perinquus** » 2003-01-29 05:48pm

Actually, if you want to know what I think the biggest problem with this movie was, it's the fact that the magic and fantasy is way overdone.

Think about it. Look at the Lord of The Rings movies. They follow the books pretty closely, and magic there is subtle and limited in what it can do. Sorcerers can't wave their hands and blot armies from the earth. In all the great old mythological stories, magic is also very subtle and rather limited. The only ones with that kind of world shaking magic are the gods themselves, and they seldom interfere directly in the affairs of men. Magic is more often talked about than seen. Look at Norse mythology in particular. Magic there is VERY subtle, often taking the form of curses that play out over generations and whose effects are not very overt at all.

The best fantasy movies follow this principle for the most part - LOTR 1 & 2, Conan the Barbarian, Excalibur, Dragonslayer and a few others. Magic is remote, and limited, and most people in those fantasy worlds would go their whole lives without ever seeing any. The effect of this is that magic is... well, magical. It's something extraordinary, marvellous and breathtaking when they finally see it. If you make it an aspect of everyday life, it becomes ordinary.

The other problem is it strains credibility too much.

When you have flying armadas of fire breathing dragons, armies of sorcerors acting like anti-aircraft (anti-dragon) artillery, and all the other showy, special effects wanking, over the top nonsense, it strikes viewers - even viewers who like fantasy - as unbelievably, inexcusably silly. For mainstream audiences, who are not into fantasy, it is simply unwatchable.

And as for Jeremy Irons... I have never seen an actor chew scenery so hard in my life. If you look closely, I think you can see teethmarks on some of the sets.

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The travesty that is the D&D movie

The travesty that is the D&D movie

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