I never remember it being THIS silly (Red Alert 3).

Post by **weemadando** » 2008-09-12 04:21am

RA3 Trailer

Then again, I barely played RA2 and that was the last CnC game I dealt with. Still, this seems to be something else entirely.

And that something is right.

Stargate Nerd · Post by **Stargate Nerd** » 2008-09-12 11:16am

No I think this picks up right where RA2 left off. A shame that there's a new actress for Tanja though.

Covenant · Post by **Covenant** » 2008-09-12 05:54pm

This is an alternate diversion because the Soviets pull an Einstein and go back in time to wax Albert the same way Al erased Hitler from history. Because there's no Einstein the Allies lose a huge amount of their technology and it also has other unintended consequences, such as allowing the soviets to grow so powerful that a true Alliance was required to hold them back, and this made it possible for the Japanese to go crazy too.

Vendetta · Post by **Vendetta** » 2008-09-12 08:38pm

Red Alert has turned up the silly with each passing game and expansion. This seems to have been a good idea, because the po faced Serious Business of C&C3 really didn't sell it, and the gameplay sure as fuck wasn't going to.

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2008-09-12 09:35pm

But crazy japes shouldn't sell an RTS either. It's only fatty nerd dickheads who think ZOMG TEH FUNNEE CUTSCENS and buy sub-par games due to 'hilarious' movie sequences. Actual people who play games consider them meaningless.

Red Alert 3 has some dumb shit in it, but it looks better than CnC3, for whatever that's worth.

Hawkwings · Post by **Hawkwings** » 2008-09-12 09:53pm

All I can say is, I approve of the new Tanya and Eva. And hey, they can both be on the screen at the same time!

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2008-09-12 10:06pm

Hawkwings wrote:All I can say is, I approve of the new Tanya and Eva. And hey, they can both be on the screen at the same time!

Perfect example right here of what I'm talking about.

Covenant · Post by **Covenant** » 2008-09-13 01:59am

Yeah. All the cheesecake in the world won't save the game if it's mechanics are shoddy. I really gave EA the benefit of the doubt last time, but I've played generals into the ground recently waiting for SOMEONE to put out an RTS I can play mostly CoOp without a huge team (I like 2v__ matches with me and my RTS buddy versus) and C&C3 was a huge disappointment for me. If RA3 is as scatterbrained in balance as it is in unit design, I'm just going to swear off the entire genre and go back to playing 1990's Adventure games and pretend I have old man disease that keeps me from playing an RTS.

I don't like the clicks-per-second brand of RTS, but I also don't like the austere blandness of SupCom... but you know, at least SupCom had some tenuous grasp of unit balance, even if their version of balance was Warcraft II "same unit, different flavor" style, but with all the humor and stylized elements drained out. I'd like to give WiC a try some time, but nobody I know has a copy I can borrow, and I'm short on teh funds.

So, RA3, you're on notice. Don't suck as bad as the phrase "paratrooper armored soviet war bears" would lead me to believe.

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2008-09-13 02:46am

There's a WiC multiplayer demo available I believe; once the addon comes out I imagine it'll drop in price.

PeZook · Post by **PeZook** » 2008-09-13 06:02am

Hawkwings wrote:All I can say is, I approve of the new Tanya and Eva. And hey, they can both be on the screen at the same time!

You do?

These two cutscene bits with them looked like cheap porn. LOL commando chicks with long stylized hair

DarthShady · Post by **DarthShady** » 2008-09-13 07:56am

PeZook wrote:
Hawkwings wrote:All I can say is, I approve of the new Tanya and Eva. And hey, they can both be on the screen at the same time!
You do?

These two cutscene bits with them looked like cheap porn. LOL commando chicks with long stylized hair

And what is so bad about that?

Vendetta · Post by **Vendetta** » 2008-09-13 09:03am

PeZook wrote:
Hawkwings wrote:All I can say is, I approve of the new Tanya and Eva. And hey, they can both be on the screen at the same time!
You do?

These two cutscene bits with them looked like cheap porn. LOL commando chicks with long stylized hair

I believe that was the reason for his approval. And also probably the effect the developers were aiming for.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2008-09-13 11:08am

now if westwood would just add a cheap porn cutscene....

Coalition · Post by **Coalition** » 2008-09-13 09:21pm

The Yosemite Bear wrote:now if westwood would just add a cheap porn cutscene....

At that point they might as well put out the game of "Amazon Wars". Lead your nation of scantily clad women into combat against other nations of scantily clad women. Watch out for the wandering tentaclebeasts though.

Your goal is to lead your tribe from the frozen wastelands to the tropical paradises. As you get further from the poles (complete more missions) your people (and the opponents) will wear less due to the temperature. There will be meetings held before the scenarios (for campaign play) so you can get a close-up view of your leader(s) and the enemy leader(s) also. Since the enemy lives in a warmer climate, they will be wearing less.

Aryiki in a computer game, plus if you add the RTS suggestions listed here, it would be soft-core porn (especially if your side wins), with a good user Interface.

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2008-09-14 03:39am

You mean, 'at that point fatty nerd lamers might gorw balls and buy actual porn instead of diverting development time away from the game'? LOL!

Siege · Post by **Siege** » 2008-09-14 06:26am

Frankly the preposterous costumes of the female characters (with the exception of the Japanese lady) are pretty much the only thing I find off-putting about the cinematics. I prefer old this-is-Serious-Business' Tanya over 'porn Blonde' Tanya, and it's one thing to do a bit of fan servicing at the side the way they did at the end of RA2's allied campaign ("lol Tanya and Eva want to date you mang!") but this is way over even my ridiculous-treshold.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2008-09-15 12:15am

The computer game world needs all the silliness it can get. Way too many of the fucking people who call themselves "gamers" take their entertainment too seriously.

I'm not a "gamer"; I'm a person who occasionally plays games.

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2008-09-15 02:06am

Yes. We need Soviet Generals sharing hot tubs with porn stars.

Adrian Laguna · Post by **Adrian Laguna** » 2008-09-15 02:17am

Darth Wong wrote:The computer game world needs all the silliness it can get. Way too many of the fucking people who call themselves "gamers" take their entertainment too seriously.

I think a larger problem is that, as Stark is fond of pointing out, a lot of game storylines take themselves so seriously that they become some flavour of fail. A good example are the Metal Gear Solid games, they are best when Kojima remembers to insert ridiculous things (like Snake quipping that his bandanna gives him infinite ammo), and worst when Kojima gets caught-up in the seriousness and starts preaching at you.

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2008-09-15 02:19am

Was it best or worst when we had a video game boss whose power was being covered in bees?

(I think it was best)

Post by **Vympel** » 2008-09-15 02:43am

Shroom Man 777 wrote:Was it best or worst when we had a video game boss whose power was being covered in bees?

(I think it was best)

I think best was also the ancient Soviet sniper who you could defeat by leaving your PS2 on so long that he died of old age

By contrast, the Beauty and the Beast unit in MGS4 was the epitome of pretentious crap - it wouldn't have been so bad if we didn't get those annoying messages from Drebin telling us of each ones "tragic story" - which was just ridiculously lame.

As to Red Alert - RA2s silliness was a breath of fresh air. Can't wait for RA3.

Napoleon the Clown · Post by **Napoleon the Clown** » 2008-09-15 03:02am

Vympel wrote:I think best was also the ancient Soviet sniper who you could defeat by leaving your PS2 on so long that he died of old age

You could actually just change the clock and achieve the same effect.

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2008-09-15 04:05am

Darth Wong wrote:The computer game world needs all the silliness it can get. Way too many of the fucking people who call themselves "gamers" take their entertainment too seriously.

I'm not a "gamer"; I'm a person who occasionally plays games.

Silly... and good. I've never played an RA game, but the nothing about the craziness of rocket-firing bears or whatever puts me off (frankly, I've played games with elven motorcyclists so it's pretty ordinary). I think winning marketshare by inserting titties is just lame, however effective it might be.

CnC3 wasn't a good game, and the money they wasted on nerd-service b-movie stuff might have helped that somewhat.

Anyone remember Act of War? That game was silly as hell (right from the installer video of oil company lobbyists on talkshows saying how we're not running out of oil it's all speculators etc) but that's why it was cool - the melodramatic 24-style cutscenes were a highpoint.

Post by **weemadando** » 2008-09-15 04:39am

That and the fact that you could torture enemy POWs for cash.

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2008-09-15 04:46am

Vympel wrote:
Shroom Man 777 wrote:Was it best or worst when we had a video game boss whose power was being covered in bees?

(I think it was best)
I think best was also the ancient Soviet sniper who you could defeat by leaving your PS2 on so long that he died of old age

By contrast, the Beauty and the Beast unit in MGS4 was the epitome of pretentious crap - it wouldn't have been so bad if we didn't get those annoying messages from Drebin telling us of each ones "tragic story" - which was just ridiculously lame.

I personally can't wait to play it - if I ever get the chance. Laughing Octopus is cute and hot.

As to Red Alert - RA2s silliness was a breath of fresh air. Can't wait for RA3.

Seriously. They should indulge in their silliness. Bears! Giant killer squids! Damn, they need to bring back Psycho Lenin!

I hope the Imperial Japanistanis will totally be, like, screaming about dishonorable mortal gaijin and stuff.

Fuck it, they have Tim Curry as Premier of the Soviet Union!