Southern cop pulls over Obama bus on trumped-up charges.

[Cycloneman]

Link.

FOXWORTH, MS—Despite obeying the posted speed limit and having all inspection, registration, and insurance documentation up to date, Sen. Barack Obama's campaign bus was stopped for nearly four hours by Marion County deputy sheriff Dewey Clutter while en route to a Jackson, MS speech, sources reported Tuesday.

According to those on board the bus—including various journalists, members of the Secret Service, and Obama campaign staffers—several minutes passed before Clutter exited his cruiser. Witness statements all mention hearing the sheriff's jackbooted footsteps along the gravel roadside as he slowly approached the vehicle's passenger side. These reports also assert that, prior to reaching the front of the campaign bus, the sheriff paused momentarily to smash the right rear taillight of the bus before dragging his still-drawn baton along the entire length of the vehicle.

"Where's the fire, son?" Clutter, 42, was overheard saying to the Illinois senator and 2008 Democratic presidential nominee. "Driving like that in these parts, what with a busted taillight and all, fella like you liable to get hisself into a whole mess a trouble."

Obama protested briefly before Clutter interrupted the graduate of Columbia University and Harvard Law School, brusquely informing the senator that he could "detain [Obama's] uppity ass for 48 hours without charging [him] with shit."

"Huh. Illinois," Clutter said while scrutinizing Obama's driver's license from behind a pair of mirrored aviator sunglasses. "You a long way from home, ain't ya?"

"Now Barry, someone 'bout your height, 'bout your skin color knocked over a Piggly Wiggly up in New Hebron just a coupla hours ago," Clutter continued. "But you wouldn't know nothin' 'bout that, now would you?"

Clutter then turned to Obama's wife, Michelle, looked her up and down, and wiped his mouth with a handkerchief.

After questioning the New York Times best-selling author and presidential frontrunner for several minutes about his business in Mississippi and politely asking the Caucasian women on the bus if they were all right, Clutter claimed that he smelled marijuana smoke and initiated a search.

According to Clutter's police report, the sheriff then ordered everyone to exit the bus and to place their hands on the side of the vehicle. Clutter then reentered the campaign bus, emerging a few moments later with a stack of documents.

"Well, well, would you looky here. If it ain't Barry's comprehensive plan for withdrawing U.S. troops from Iraq," said Clutter, setting the proposal on fire with a lit cigarette while blowing smoke in Obama's face. "Smart, well-dressed boy like you, I'd a-thought you'd take better care of your things."

"Now ain't that a shame," Clutter added.

Following the search, witnesses said that Clutter allowed everyone back onto the vehicle with the exception of the senator. Twenty minutes later, a visibly agitated Obama climbed aboard the bus. He reportedly refused to discuss what had happened, and instructed the driver to continue on to Jackson.

According to Obama insiders, this is not the first time on the campaign trail that the former president of the Harvard Law Review has had to deal with this type of treatment. While attending a rally in Savannah, GA, Obama was closely followed around the town hall by several armed guards to ensure that he didn't steal anything, and the senator reportedly had trouble canvassing voters in Baton Rouge, LA after everyone he approached crossed to the opposite side of the street.

"Sen. Obama has been incredibly patient and courageous during this election," campaign chief of staff Jim Messina said while looking nervously over his shoulder. "Despite some setbacks, we feel that we've made incredible progress."

"It's a new day in America," Messina added.

It's stuff like this that make me ashamed to live in the same country as these people.

[Lonestar]

oooooooooohhhhhhh....almost got me.

[Fire Fly]

I'm not sure if you're being serious or not. You do realize your own source, yes?

[Cycloneman]

I'm not sure if you're being serious or not. You do realize your own source, yes?

Of course I do.

[Vendetta]

Note to potental japesters: We've had like four Onion trollings in N&P in the last week or so. People are wary. Let suspicions die down for a little, then chuck an Onionbomb.

[The Vortex Empire]

For a minute, I thought it was real. It's a testament to the stupidity of the South that something like this doesn't immediately scream BS.

[Count Chocula]

The Deputy's name - Dewey Clutter - was the farce giveaway. Everybody knows any good Southern deputy has a first name of Bubba, Billy-Bob, Jethro or Tiny.

[Solauren]

I'm sorry, the second I saw the fact the secret service watched him walk up to the bus and crack a tail light, and not put the Sheriff FIRMLY into his place, I knew it was an Onion

[CarsonPalmer]

That wasn't bad. It had me until the third paragraph, when you could kinda catch the Onion's style.

[Ender]

I'm sorry, the second I saw the fact the secret service watched him walk up to the bus and crack a tail light, and not put the Sheriff FIRMLY into his place, I knew it was an Onion

That long? I got it at "jackbooted"

[Cycloneman]

Note to potental japesters: We've had like four Onion trollings in N&P in the last week or so. People are wary. Let suspicions die down for a little, then chuck an Onionbomb.

I know, I know. I just saw that Onion article on the front page, scanned it, and couldn't resist. It was too perfect.

[Drooling Iguana]

I suspected that it was from a strongly partisan source when I read "jackbooted", but I didn't realise it was from The Onion until they started quoting the Deputy's speech.

[The Romulan Republic]

I almost bought that. I was even thinking of asking why the Secret Service didn't shoot his ass.

It is indeed a testament to the nature of this campaign that people could actually find this plausible.

[Lord Poe]

Why the fuck is this here and not in testing? Naa... N&P doesn't need a cleanup....

[Sriad]

oooooooooohhhhhhh....almost got me.

I was going for it until "jackbooted steps" prompted me to check the source.

[CmdrWilkens]

Is it sad that the first thing that tipped me off to this was a voice in the back of my head going "Candidate schedule said he was going to be in Virginia today and he was in New York prior to that...how the hell could he get to MS that fast?"

[Gil Hamilton]

Is it sad that the first thing that tipped me off to this was a voice in the back of my head going "Candidate schedule said he was going to be in Virginia today and he was in New York prior to that...how the hell could he get to MS that fast?"

His bus is powered by hope.

[tim31]

Hell with that Gil, you heard him the other night. The bus is powered by his AWESOME.

For the record, I got as far as 'uppity' before smelling onion.

[Bob the Gunslinger]

For a minute, I thought it was real. It's a testament to the stupidity of the South that something like this doesn't immediately scream BS.

I agree. This is the first "onionbomb" that's fooled me, at least up until the article mentioned the officer's "jackboots", and it is far more a reflection on the corruption, bigotry and tribalism of the South than it is on the writing quality at the Onion.

[Kamakazie Sith]

It had me up until it mentioned the Secret Service. I can't even fathom the level of stupidity that would be required to do something illegal like this with two federal agents on board. The level of stupidity would have to be epic...it might even require a Hydrogen Stupidity Accelerator or HSA.

[The Duchess of Zeon]

I actually got halfway through the last sentence of the second paragraph before I realized it was fake; Amy continually brings my opinions of the deep south to lower and lower lows.

[Darth Fanboy]

I had a feeling this was fake early on because I would have assumed that a bus with Obama on it would have some sort of escort that would make anything like this impossible.

But damned if I wasn't afraid that it might be true.

[Glocksman]

For a minute, I thought it was real. It's a testament to the stupidity of the South that something like this doesn't immediately scream BS.

Up until the third paragraph, I didn't think to check the link.

Though I was wondering why the USSS would simply let the driver pull over for Deputy Fife without checking his bona fides first via radio.

I'd like to think that if some asshole attempted this IRL, he'd be greeted by several men in suits with drawn handguns pointed squarely at his head with the sound of at least one helicopter above tracking him with a minigun.

No politician should be above the law, but given the history of southern law enforcement, a bit of caution is in order.

[Kamakazie Sith]

For a minute, I thought it was real. It's a testament to the stupidity of the South that something like this doesn't immediately scream BS.

Up until the third paragraph, I didn't think to check the link.

Though I was wondering why the USSS would simply let the driver pull over for Deputy Fife without checking his bona fides first via radio.

I'd like to think that if some asshole attempted this IRL, he'd be greeted by several men in suits with drawn handguns pointed squarely at his head with the sound of at least one helicopter above tracking him with a minigun.

No politician should be above the law, but given the history of southern law enforcement, a bit of caution is in order.

He probably would have guns pointed at him because only someone who had gone completely insane would try something like that.

This article had plenty of clues. I mean Obama driving....LMAO. I know the south has a very bad reputation, but seriously this shouldn't have even worried people.

[Bounty]

For a minute, I thought it was real. It's a testament to the stupidity of the South that something like this doesn't immediately scream BS.

It's more a statement of your gullibility and failure to spot satire. I'm getting really tired of this "well [stereotype that has become an acceptable target] therefore I was fooled" excuse that gets trotted out ever time someone posts an Onion article. It's one thing to comment on an article where, for example, a southerner actually does something stupid, and quite another to bash half a country based on folk tales and stereotypes, even if they may have a basis in reality.