Game Review -> English dictionary

[Stark]

"Emergent Gameplay" = Make Your Own Fun

I'd say

"Emergent gameplay" = gameplay is scripted. alternately, gameplay is broken

[Zixinus]

Actually, let me re-phrase one.

"Intelligent enemies" = they won't be blocked and confused by a piece of stick in their way.

[Stark]

No no no,

"intelligent enemies' = enemies are scripted. alternately, enemies are not intelligent

[CaptHawkeye]

How could I miss this thread god damnet?!

for hawks

'technical achievement' = 50% more nose hairs, five more normal maps, 50 square kilometers more of soulless procedural terrain devoid of interest, zero game relevance

You always give me the best things.

"Ubisoft" - We bought your favorite studio and now they make games for 10 year olds.
"EA Games" - We bought your favorite studio and then killed them anyway.
"Crytek" - Tech demo passed off as game.

"Innovative controls" - Random button mashing replaced with random stick waggling.
"Tactical multi" - Will be just like Counter Strike.
"Bonus footage" - Some boring 'making of' videos.
"Deep Story" - tangled mess of stupid conspiracies.
"Open World" - Huge map of nothing.
"Open World Pt 2" - A few canyons.
"Realism" - Many arcade concessions made.
"Adaptive, intelligent AI" - AI is full of loopholes and is easy to abuse.

[Feil]

"different" = same
"innovative" = actually there was a game just like this a few years ago but it had horrible marketing
"revolutionary" = see also: "genre-breaking"
"bold" = throwback to early 90s games (compare: "nostaligic")
"nostalgic" = half-arsed copy of early 90s games
"unprecidented" = includes one new idea

[Schuyler Colfax]

"Lots of replay value" = You can play the game one more time after you beat it, without suffering from nausea.

"Perfectly-paced storytelling" = A bunch of random shit happens, yet somehow it all manages to come together in the end.

"Homo eroticism" = WWE game.

[Stark]

"different" = same
"innovative" = actually there was a game just like this a few years ago but it had horrible marketing
"revolutionary" = see also: "genre-breaking"
"bold" = throwback to early 90s games (compare: "nostaligic")
"nostalgic" = half-arsed copy of early 90s games
"unprecidented" = includes one new idea

I'm glad someone can follow the simple instructions lol!

Don't forget things like

'heartpounding' = boring
'visceral' = decals
'vibrant character' = silent character
'message' = agenda
'mature' = titties
'hilarious' = juvenile

[weemadando]

'mature' = titties

"Mature" = Says the F-word. A lot.
"Gritty" - Brown/grey.
"Realistic" - Brown/grey.
"Emotional" - NPC has speech while dying.
"Challenging content" - Someone says "nigger".
"Social commentary" - Pop-culture jokes.
"Tactical shooter" - Friendly AI is shit and the enemy are aimbots.
"Tom Clancy's" - It's not really, but you bought the fucking thing.
"Amazing graphics" - Bloom (especially about 3-4 years ago).
"Next gen gameplay" - Shitty/broken controls.
"Genre-defining controls" - Shitty/broken controls in a Resident evil game.
"Genre-bending" - It's the same.
"Genre-breaking" - It's still the same.
"Genre-redefining" - It's still the same, but with better graphics.
"Stunning cutscenes" - I hope you like cutscenes, because there ain't a game here.
"The greatest story in video games history" - Resembles a potential school shooters FanFic.

[Stark]

"emotional" = character has enormous monologue before dying

[Zablorg]

"Based on the world of" = if you didn't see it in the show it's not here. You didn't see elevators? NO ELEVATORS FOR YOU FUCKER

[Oskuro]

"Collector's Edition" - hand over the cash and nobody get's hurt!

[Stark]

"collectors edition" = idiot's edition. alternately, slavish fanboy edition. contains cardboard.

[RazorOutlaw]

I bought a collector's edition right after a game was released once and I got burned. Yeah, some of the extra material was neat and I was a total idiot fanboy. Ever since then I've skipped out on paying full price on any collector's edition (as best as I can remember) because the extra content is not worth it. Buying such an edition used, for a low price, or when it combines two games for less than the price of one full game is really the only way I go now.

Also I can't really top most of these game review buzzwords. In fact I couldn't help but think of this thread when I went shopping last night. Hooray for cynicism!

[Shogoki]

(JRPG) "Epic story" = protagonist is a teen with super powers out to save world from best friend/relative/someone from his past. Has an awkward relationship with his love interest.
(JRPG) "Mature story" = protagonist is an angsty, apathetic teen with super powers who ponders the futility everything he encounters as he saves world from best friend/relative/someone from his past. Has an awkward relationship with his love interest.
"Polished" = game play is very simple and/or heavily scripted.
"Continued support" = paid for DLC.
(Racers) "Realistic" = concrete is covered in oil.
(Shooters) "Realistic" = player dies with one shot.
(Shooters) "Tactical" = turning rate is at 45 degrees per second.
"Cover mechanic" = must press a button rather than just standing behind something.
"Engaging storyline" = is convoluted.
"Mature themes" = has big (but never bare) boobs, cussing and gore.
"Replay value" = has a lot of items whose sole purpose is to be collected

[GuppyShark]

Enter the world of... = You will be bombarded with walls of text explaining things that either 1) you already know from the original book/movie/comic, or 2) don't care about because you didn't read the original book/movie/comic.

[Oskuro]

(Shooters) "Realistic" = player dies with one shot.

"Realistic Shooter" - Players dies with one shot, enemies don't.
"Epic" - We really don't know what Epic means, but sounds nice.
"Challenging" - Frustrating or Not At All
"blends different genres" - Has each genre's flaws blown out of proportion

[weemadando]

"40 hours of gameplay" - About 5 hours of content and 35 hours of filler, back-tracking, non-skippable cutscenes and oh yeah, it's about 2 hours between saves, so make that about 200 hours of time you'll need to actually finish it.

[Stark]

"40 hours of gameplay" = 20 hours of gameplay, including all meaningless sidequests, monkey-molesting, and dialogue. After first play, game becomes 9 hours of gameplay. Alternately, game features random encunter every three steps.

[General Zod]

"Epic" - We really don't know what Epic means, but sounds nice.

"Epic" = takes forever to complete and has tons of filler

[Stark]

No, no

'Epic' = something is magic. alternately, someone's sibling is threatened. otherwise, has horns in soundtrack.
'Epic plot' = pretentious
'Epic flow' = glacial
'Epic battles' = bosses respawn into 4 forms before dying

[Vendetta]

otherwise, has horns in soundtrack.

Or chanting. In latin, for bonus points.

[Schuyler Colfax]

otherwise, has horns in soundtrack.

Or chanting. In latin, for bonus points.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Oh god I needed that.

[Stark]

Or chanting. In latin, for bonus points.

Final Fantasy = has horns, chanting, and 'art design'. Is thus epic, innovative and mature.

[Shadowtraveler]

Special Edition - There's no new game content, but we hope you'll enjoy these Making Of videos. We're very proud of them.

Real-world locations - we copied the levels from a brochure.

[Vendetta]

Final Fantasy = has horns, chanting, and 'art design'. Is thus epic, innovative and mature.

They're even trying for realistic in FF Versus XIII. I dare you to watch the trailer and point out a colour that isn't grey-blue or brown.