Ultimate Sci-Fi Barfight

[Bilbo]

As the OP goes, I chose Kirk, especially if someone tears his shirt.

Kirk versus Bruce Lee. Kirk's shirt gets torn at the same time a small cut is made on Lee's cheek.

[Havok]

As the OP goes, I chose Kirk, especially if someone tears his shirt.

Kirk versus Bruce Lee. Kirk's shirt gets torn at the same time a small cut is made on Lee's cheek.

OH SHI-

[loomer]

Throw in Saul Tigh and a bottle of battlescotch. Now that he knows his deep dark secret, no man in that bar will be leaving alive - except him, and he'll be so drunk that in the morning he'll wish he hadn't.

[Teleros]

One of the problems Cain has is that he's without his trusty chainsword & laspistol, and off-hand I can't recall him getting into any bare-knuckle brawls.

What about a section for the more absurdly powerful space opera characters? Peter vanBuskirk could probably go up against Cain, but I'm still wary about putting in someone like Kimball Kinnison for obvious reasons, unless we have a moratorium on mental powers as well.

[Thanas]

What? The ultimate barfight? I think not. Include Max Guevera, Worf (just for the comedy option), Jack Harkness, The farscape gang, and Sergeant Schlock and you have got a real barfight going on.

I debated whether to include Andromeda, Guri or Cameron but that would be just insane overkill.

[kinnison]

No weapons eh? Well, that precludes John Preston and Hiro Protagonist (how I love that name! )

Christopher Kinnison (or for that matter any of his sisters) might make it interesting, even without mental powers - add in Xena and Leeloo and you've got a real brawl.

I take it we are talking about people who are at least close to human. More brawlers that would make this ridiculous? Colossus, Juggernaut and the Beast from Marvel would do just that. And there is, of course, Karate Kid from DC...

[Teleros]

I think the Children of the Lens would be overkill against most opponents . Consider this passage about Christopher Kinnison:

... what his sisters had taken from him, without even a bruise, would have broken any ordinary women up into masses of compound fractures.

Never mind the fact that he's been trained as a Lensman, and thus how to fight using both various styles and just plain dirty. Kimball Kinnison is at least human by comparison .

[Coyote]

Uh why? Greedo had his blaster pointed at Han's face and he was dead before he got a shot off. Mal is toast.

Greedo is not comperable to Mal Reynolds!

Does each franchise get to send one champion? And do they get to choose, or is it just "the types of folks most likely to be in a bar?"

For example if it is one champion by choice, Firefly 'verse sends River through the door after whispering "Miranda" in her ear, in which case go ahead and bring Caiphus Cain for all the damn good it'll do ya.

But how often do these people travel alone? They tend to travel in packs.

Star Trek: Kirk & Spock
Firefly: Mal & Zoe (River doesn't seem to go to bars on her own choice, after all).
Neo-Galactica: Starbuck & Tigh
Star Wars: Han & Chewie
Next Gen Trek: Riker & Worf
5th Element: Corbin Dallas & Leeloo
Resident Evil: Alice & Rain (un-infected)
Mad Max: Max & the Gyro Captain
Space Above & Beyond: Shane Vanson & Cooper Hawkes
Alien: Ripley & Corporal Hicks
Farscape: John Creichton & Aeryn Sun

--others? I don't know many anime series, and maybe it's just me but I think most Marvel/DC superheroes would be overpowered for this...

[Shroom Man 777]

Ciaphas Cain will bring along Jurgen, and his odor and the fact that he is anathema to psychics, will probably make River Tam tap out pretty quick.

Flatulence, heheheh.

[Teleros]

I doubt Jurgen's pariah abilities will do much to upset River (40k psychics being a bit different to her stuff after all), but I wouldn't put it past him to give Cain some, ah, breathing space .

[Shroom Man 777]

You know, this guy was trained by Miyamoto de Bergnac and can duel one-on-one with superhuman Khornate Bezerkers, and exchange one-liners with 'em too. He's taken on the worst the ridiculous 40k galaxy can offer and has survived.

And he's survived by NOT going out of his way and getting into barfights. In terms of getting the babe, he's right up there with Kirk, man.

Inquisitor Amberley-chaaaan! ^___^

The guy is an intimate acquaintance with a woman with the authority vested in her to consign entire planets to perdition. Damn, he is one smooth operator!

[Thanas]

I think the Children of the Lens would be overkill against most opponents . Consider this passage about Christopher Kinnison:

... what his sisters had taken from him, without even a bruise, would have broken any ordinary women up into masses of compound fractures.

Never mind the fact that he's been trained as a Lensman, and thus how to fight using both various styles and just plain dirty. Kimball Kinnison is at least human by comparison .

Bah. Nothing against trained killer robots like Rommie, which is why I did not mention her. But hey, let's all try to wank each other into oblivion.

[Darth Wong]

Realistically, leaving aside escalating wankery, no-rules fights tend to go to whoever escalates first. They start with insults, escalate to shoving, and then someone escalates to throwing a punch, swinging a beer bottle, or drawing a weapon. So it is, in some respects, more of a psychological question than a tactical one.

[speaker-to-trolls]

So it is, in some respects, more of a psychological question than a tactical one.

To be specific I'd phrase the question as "who has the worst paranoia and/or the least impulse control?"
I reckon Han and Kirk to be the most level headed in that regard, whereas Cain suffers from the first of the vices I mentioned (alright, maybe not such a vice in his environment) and Mal from the latter. I'd expect one of those two start it, couldn't say who for sure but if pressed; Cain theatrically accuses the others of being a pack of lowlife heretics who have impugned the honour of the guard, then elbows Mal in the face, grabs his money and makes a run for it. Mal stays upright enough to trip Cain up as he runs and it all goes downhill from there.

I don't expect them to fight to the death just because Q decrees it so... I mean, fighting people you'd otherwise get on with to the death for the amusement of a supposedly godlike being? I'm sure Kirk has never been in that situation; "Oh, Christ, it's the collisseum on Marius IX all over again..."

[Themightytom]

Greedo is not comperable to Mal Reynolds!

Does each franchise get to send one champion? And do they get to choose, or is it just "the types of folks most likely to be in a bar?"

But how often do these people travel alone? They tend to travel in packs.

--others? I don't know many anime series, and maybe it's just me but I think most Marvel/DC superheroes would be overpowered for this...

I DEFINITELY Agree about Greedo, Mal usually, even in a social situation, has his people deployed around the bar strategically, Han moves towards his blaster and gets zoe's gun against his temple.

Anime? Don't go there man not enough, it'll njust end up with Supersaiyan 4 Goku in a giant robot posessed by the spirit of the nine tailed fox or something.

Re: your list, I propose alterations:
Star Trek: Kirk & Spock
Firefly: Mal & Zoe (River doesn't seem to go to bars on her own choice, after all).
Neo-Galactica: Starbuck & Tigh...would never hang out together, Bill Adama and Tigh, or lee and Starbuck.
Star Wars: Han & Chewie
Next Gen Trek: Riker & Worf as portrayed in TNG they'd be lunchmeat.
5th Element: Corbin Dallas & Leeloo multi pass?
Resident Evil: Alice & Rain (un-infected)
Mad Max: Max & the Gyro Captain
Space Above & Beyond: Shane Vanson & Cooper Hawkes
Alien: Ripley & Corporal Hicks
Farscape: John Creichton & Aeryn Sun


Maybe this topicc should ahve read "Describe your favorite Scifi barfight in fifty words or less using sets of two characters from any series you want...."

Also i retract my B5 nominations because any two characters from the show has gotten into a ffight at one point or another, they all seem to like barfights so its too tough a call.

[Darksider]

Realistically, leaving aside escalating wankery, no-rules fights tend to go to whoever escalates first. They start with insults, escalate to shoving, and then someone escalates to throwing a punch, swinging a beer bottle, or drawing a weapon. So it is, in some respects, more of a psychological question than a tactical one.

In that case, Han might not win, but he definitely gets at least one kill in since we know how he escalates in a bar.

I see the scenario going something like this:

Somebody throws a punch, it escalates from there. The second Solo perceives a threat, the blaster comes out, and someone goes down (The firepower of Han's DL-44 special means that whoever gets hit with it WILL stay down, regardless of their "toughness") and it escalates into a firefight from there as han tries to make a run for the exit.

[Darth Ruinus]

Lewis/Felix from Armor could be put in here two, he's a good fighter even without the suit on.

[Peptuck]

What? The ultimate barfight? I think not. Include Max Guevera, Worf (just for the comedy option), Jack Harkness, The farscape gang, and Sergeant Schlock and you have got a real barfight going on.

See bold.

/thread.

Unlike all the others listed, Schlock is immune to nearly anything the others could throw at them in a barfight setting.

[Johndug]

This fight needs Saul "have sickbay take a look at that hand" Tigh to start off the brew ha-ha. Outside of some of the wank-tastic characters mentioned against the straight humans he could take most of them except Mal Reynolds. Mals can take more hits.

[Oskuro]

I'm not well versed on the backstory, but from watching the movies I'd say Star Wars could offer another contender, seen to frequent bars, get in barfights, and with the adequate personality: Obi-Wan Kenobi, and maybe that padawan of his, whatever his name was.


As for the Han/Mal shooting, I'd just say that there is some controversy about whether Han Shot First(tm) or not, but Mal always shoots first, even when he doesn't need to.

[Isolder74]

would adding Obi Wan to the fight be considered unfair?

[Formless]

What? The ultimate barfight? I think not. Include Max Guevera, Worf (just for the comedy option), Jack Harkness, The farscape gang, and Sergeant Schlock and you have got a real barfight going on.

See bold.

/thread.

Unlike all the others listed, Schlock is immune to nearly anything the others could throw at them in a barfight setting.

Indeed. Any creature capable of closer than close quarters combat can never be considered safe or unarmed. And if weapons are allowed, then everyone else is really fucked once Schlock enters the room because he likes to wield a Big Fucking Plasmacannon that has been observed blowing up fortified AA guns. In fact, that is what he used to end the last bar brawl he got into. And he was firing blind accurately.

In fact, almost no other major character from that setting would have much chance of losing either because all the Toughs are armed at all times (including the captain who we are told carries multiple concealed weapons or the engineer who wears disguised antimatter grenades on his shoulders as rank epualets) and are trained in hand to hand. Once the fight breaks out, all it would take for them to get deadly can be summed up with one word: "jungleball". I think Cain would be impressed, if nothing else.

[DrMckay]

Not strictly Sci-fi, but what the hell, Michael Westen and Fiona Glennane from Burn Notice. (I'd be more scared of Fiona, especially in a bar with lots of flammable alcohol.)

[Siege]

would adding Obi Wan to the fight be considered unfair?

"You want to go home and rethink your life."

Yeah I think that would be slightly unfair . Although Obi-Wan getting into a hand-to-hand brawl with River might be worth watching.

[Teleros]

But hey, let's all try to wank each other into oblivion.

That might be why I was recommending Kim over Christopher, and a separate bit for the more absurdly powerful characters. I'm nominating Kimball Kinnison for this, with (wrong era, same series) Conway Costigan as another option / his partner. Conway has a Mk17 Lewiston (slug-throwing pistol, nothing special); Kinnison, by virtue of having to go in undercover, is unarmed. Neither can use their Lensman telepathic powers to kill, but a little mind control from Kinnison might allow for some amusing moments, unless it's considered too powerful. At any rate, both are well trained fighters and accustomed to brawls (can dig up references if you want).

In fact, almost no other major character from that setting would have much chance of losing either because all the Toughs are armed at all times

I really think we need a change to the OP conditions about this - Ciaphas Cain's commissarial uniform is one thing, but the Toughs' armoured suits is another. It's meant to be the ultimate barroom brawl, not an attempt to vaporise the entire city block with M/AM epaulets whilst running around in powered armour.

So, can we have a moratorium on the more absurd powers / gear / characters, or should I go and dig up the most absurd examples of Lensman gear I can, then curbstomp everyone in the bar ?