SDNWorld Redux: Story Thread the Third

[Coyote]

Straits of Shroomania





It was difficult for Captain Pierson to comprehend how anything associated with Shroomania could be called "straight" -- or, in this case, "strait", even if it was, correctly, a strip of water between two landmasses.

Ah, a strip of water, he thought. That's the connection. Strip. Stripping, strippers, but if they're Shroomanian, they're probably big, burly, buff man-strippers.... The thought made him frown. He'd spent many years cooped up on submarines with lots of men, even manly-men, at that, in the Canissian Royal Navy, but he didn't see the men as attractive. They were hairy, smelly, farting and belching sailors, that liked to go to port and drink too much, get drunk, and have sex with questionable females. It was like having a whole boatload of children, except these children were like frat boys. Not bad guys; after all, he was like that once himself. But difficult to manage, sometimes...

The Canissian Seawolf-class subs were on alert, ever since the collision with the Coilerburgian sub a few weeks ago. Canissia had not wanted to make a big deal about the event, and see what was made of it, because the King didn't want to start a row with the FTO. There'd always been a sort of sensitivity to the Frequesquean nations about Old Continent interference and cries of 'colonialism' and 'imperialism', and the King didn't want to stoke those fires.

But the appearance of a Coilerburgian sub so close to the Old Continent was still cause for concern-- what made them so aggressive all of a sudden? Were they looking for anything in particular? Canissia had not joined in the sudden rush to gather intel, but the King was beginning to have second thoughts about that.

But sub patrols were increased, and anti-submarine excercises by both the Navy and the Border Guards had increased since the incident. There was nothing the Coilerburg navy could do that would harm or threaten Canissia, in fact many in the Defense Department felt that all of Coilerburg together would, at worst, provide "an exciting couple of hours" for Canissia to take down. If that was true or just boasting, the King clamped down on that kind of talk since it obviously wouldn't help any diplomatic efforts that would be needed if the sub incident turned out to be a harbinger of more difficulty.

But what really made things unusual was the sudden political changes taking place between Coilerburg and San Dorado. Was all this political activity the cause for the sub incident? Or the other way around?

Canissia continued to wait, and watch, and see what developed... but still, just to be safe, some recon flights went over Coilerburg to keep an eye on things.








Results:
Canissia concerned about Coilerburg activity of late.
Increased reconnaissance and overwatch, but no other overt moves.

[Coyote]

Seaside Palace, Canissia




"Sir?"
"Yes, Colonel Rassnar?"

"I have heard back from the USSR Defense Ministry," the majordomo of the Palace said, "It is understood that Byzantium has purchased the majority of the MiG-21 fighters; there are but 16 left if we want them."

"Wow... 16 left, huh?"
"Yes, sir."
"Well... I guess 8 squadrons is a bit much to start them out with. I think 16 MiGs is a good first step into the jet age for Colonel S'Vimbi's men. Let's see to it they get more OV-10's and AT-314's, then, and we'll form an elite squadron around the MiGs."

"Very well, sir."


Results:
MiG-21 fighters purchased from USSR and prepped to go to Katangwa Free State.
More piston-engine aircraft to be delivered as well.

[DarthShady]

Shady News

Sale of MiG 21 Fighter Planes


The USSR is in the process of reorganizing its Air Force and other military branches, an inevitable part of this reorganization is the sale of older equipment, such as the MiG-21 Fighter Planes. Out of a total of 40 planes in the USSR's inventory, 24 have been sold to the Byzantine Empire and an additional 16 to the Republic of Canissia. Sale of other older equipment and the acquiring of new modern one is expected in the near future.

[Siege]

Interception!



Skies over Coilerburg

“…copy that Hightower, we’re on our way” Lt. Erica Franklin confirmed and switched channels to the inboard radio of the F-171B Spectre. “We’ve confirmation captain, another one headed this way. Hightower says we’re cleared to buzz and say hi.”

“Gotcha. Time for some thrillin’ heroics”, grinned Captain Denise O’Connell, and gunned the mighty engines of the Miratian-built high-Mach interceptor. Belching flame and super-heated air the Spectre shot forward, in the direction of the imaginary point in space and time where it would meet the intruder.

Some fifteen minutes of extremely high-speed flight later the Spectre had closed enough distance that the interloper became visible to the naked eye, a black shape moving extremely quickly through a stark blue sky.

O’Connell squinted her eyes. “Looks like an RF-12 to me. From Tian Xia, you think?”

“Hightower thinks Canissian. That makes this, what, the third so far?”

“That we know of. Alright, let’s say hi.”

“Right”, grinned Franklin, switching to the long-range radio. “Well hello there”, she radioed the Canissian reconnaissance aircraft. “Do you mind telling us what such fine and upstanding gentlemen like you are doing in a place like this?”

Result: Yes, I know it’s damn near impossible to intercept something as fast as a Mach 3+ interceptor, but I couldn’t resist an opportunity to finally show off my own baby . Tell King Arik that Sidney said hi!

PS: We don't mind Canissian overflights of Coilerburg-- it's understandable, and we didn't tell the local government .

[PeZook]

Somewhere in the CSR

"Wow...so this thing is real?", general Kulinsky looked at an innocent-looking Soyuz capsule, hanging form the ceiling of the massive assembly hangar, located deep in Crimson Siberia. The only visible addition was a small gun port in the front, below the docking ring, and a bulge concealing a targeting radar.

"Da, comrades", a KGB colonel answered, motioning towards a line of four similar capsules, "The Soyuz Gunship, we call it here. Carries a 30mm cannon and eight programmable flechette rounds. Capable of staying in orbit up to a maximum of 21 days with a one-man crew."

The small delegation of military men from all SNC nations gazed in awe at the prototypes, and carefully inspected one capsule in the process of being fitted out. The gun assembly and ammunition took most of the internal space inside the cockpit. They went back to a small conference room near the factory floor after the tour was done for some tea and caviar. There was fine Crimson vodka, too - the colonel poured himself some immediately, and raised the glass.

"Comrades of the SNC, to the first space superiority fighter in the world!"

"That's a pompous thing to say before they made a single test flight, isn't it?", general Kulinsky noted, to tacit approval of the remaining representatives.

"It's not far, comrade general. Not far at all.", the KGB officer answered, and downed his glass.

Result: Weaponization of the Soyuz is more than just a rumor. The project is still in its early stages, though.

[phongn]

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Disclaimer: 2707 service terminates at Zoria or San Dorado with transfer to other aircraft for final transit to Rangatara.

[Beowulf]

Secret

Northern Test Range Activity Report

Blackswift program reached M(redacted) top speed on pyrojet engine. Unofficial world airbreathing record.

High-G Boost Experiment tests continue, including work on heatshields for high speed travel at low altitude. Upper Stage Acceleration and Guidance Experiment continues as part of High-G Boost Experiment test series.

Secret

[PeZook]

New Military Journal

PeZookia interested in tank upgrades

Sources inside several military planning comittees confirm recent rumors that PeZookia is interested in purchasing upgrades for its Leopard 2A6 tanks. The upgrade package would include a terrain observation radar, ERA reactive armor, anti-RPG systems such as grill plating for the engines and active defence systems, additional thermal imagers, a remote-controlled machine gun cupola, a new communications and data transfer suite and most importantly, an all-new 120mm electrothermal gun capable of firing both standard projectiles and guided missiles.

This would not only significantly increase combat cabaility of PeZookian armored units, but also allow for ammunition interchangeability between most SNC members, grealty simplifying wartime logistics.

Procurement of Mig-31T inerceptors to cease

In preparation for purchase of two all-new airplanes: the latest model Eurofighter Typhoon and newly developed SNC stealth air superiority fighters, PeZookia ceased all production of the Mig-31T hypersonic interceptor - bringing the total number of Mig-31Ts serving in the Royal PeZookian Air Force to 72.

The "Military 2025" plan calls for total replacement of the entire F-15 ACTIVE and Eurofighter force with a unified fleet including both newest, rebuilt Eurofighters and SNC stealth aircraft.

Because of that, the Ministry Of Defence announced it is ready to contribute PeZookia's entire fleet of 90 Mig-29 OVT fighters (currently serving in the National Air Reserve) to Katangwa for a symbolic price of 10 dollars per airplane, not including transportation, spare parts and training.

Submarine deal with Shroomania in the works

The Defence Minister announced today that PeZookia will place orders for an additional four Yer Mom class submarines - the final ships of the class. This development has been enabled by a crediting agreement between PeZookia and Shroomanian shipyards manufacturing the ships.

A special fund will be created in 2014 to jointly develop two new submarine classes, currently dubbed "Project M" and "Project C". No further information was available, but several sources confirm initial studies have already been ordered by both governments.

[Steve]

Smith-Hall Defense Quarterly


Cascadian State Department issues public memo critical of Shroomanian actions following collision by Coilerburger missile sub.


The State Department has delivered a critical note to the Shroomanian government this past weekend regarding the fate of the Warden, a nuclear-powered missile submarine from the Republic of Coilerburg that collided with a Shroomanian sub within Shroomanian territorial waters. "While the seizure of the unauthorized vessel was within the rights of Shroomania, the dismantling of the Warden has no justification under international law and is thus indefensible. The Principality of Shroomania should pay due restitution to the Republic of Coilerburg for this offense as well as grant immediate repatriation to the crew of the Warden." The note cited prior incidents to bolster its case for the illegality of the Shroomanian action, most notoriously the accidental collision between a Tonkinese submarine and the Alaskan trawler Persephone in Cascadian home waters in 1984. In that incident the offending Tonkinese sub was merely kept berthed until repairs were complete while the Tonkinese government agreed to provide recompense to the trawler's owner, his surviving crew, and the families of the three sailors killed by the collision.

Defense analysts believe that the incident is a severe blow to the Frequesue Treaty Organization, as the Warden was one of the joint-effort ships built under Indhopali and San Doradan leadership to provide further security for the FTO's member states. "The disassembly of the Warden grants Shroomanian analysts and engineers the ability to thoroughly examine the pinnacle of Frequesuan technology as well as their design philosophies," explained George Lane, a retired Cascadian submarine captain now working as a private military analyst and researcher. "They'll know how the FTO's missile sub fleet operates, technical strengths and weaknesses, and can use this information to impact the FTO's ability to utilize their missile submarines." Going further, Lane added, "The damage to the FTO is almost incalculable. The Shroomanians have standing security arrangements with PeZookia and Byzantium, meaning that its likely the results of their examination will wind up on the desks of naval analysts in Orena and Constantinople, and from there Sarajevo and Stasograd."


Cascadian Navy comments on acquiring used missile sub to act as aggressor in training exercises.


In light of the [i}Warden[/i] Incident, Cascadian naval officials have broached the idea to Defense Department officials and analysts on whether Cascadia might benefit from purchasing a surplus missile sub, or SSGN for short, from a friendly nation to provide the Navy with hands-on operating knowledge of such ships and to provide "more accurate anti-missile sub training" for the Air Force and Navy.

"Such a ship can cost as much as two, three billion dollars, especially if its a limited run, and might cost up to a billion more to construct due to the need to overhaul Puget Naval Yard's slipways to accomodate a larger sub," Cmdr. Jaina Lewis, RCN Reserve, explained to Smith-Hall in an e-mail. "It would be much cheaper for us to acquire a used one for this purpose, which is something to consider due to the limits of the naval budget."

No government officials mentioned as having been approached on the concept have replied so far.


Tank program permitted to go to next phase.


Despite some Army fears that the re-elected Garrett Administration would not go the next step on the Army's program to acquire new battle tanks, the Defense Department confirmed that it has approved opening full bids on active or planned models, with test runs to be done by the end of 2014. The Army has insisted that its older ACV-8 vehicles, designed by Cascadian and Shinra contractors in the 1980s based off the MESS' popular M60 and overhauled during the 1990s with newer systems, were in dire need of replacement. "They are a weapons system first designed in the 1960s and proofed only up to the 90s," an Army press release claimed. "The tanks we have are old and the costs of maintaining them will only go up."

Smith-Hall's own analysts have agreed, saying that with most manufacturing lines for spare parts having ended twenty years ago, the Army has been forced to make special orders that cost much higher than the parts would be if still under mass-production. "It really is time for the Army to be granted a new tank run," Army Technology expert Michael Smith says. "They've gotten better IFVs and artillery since the 90s, but the government's been reluctant to pay up for tanks and now they have to."

No word yet as to if the Army will give consideration to the Zorian "Deus Imperator", the focus point of an amusing incident back when the tank program was first announced when the Zorian companies responsible for the unit contracted a massive cargo plane to fly a model to Cascadia for "testing and evaluation", which the Army was not yet undertaking on prospective models.

[TimothyC]

Headline:
Fairbanks Drummer/Herald

Dateline Anchorage: Cizadlo Wins Reelection with 46% of the vote.

[CmdrWilkens]

First Delta IV Flight ends with partial success

The next family of rockets set to begin lifting MSA cargo and astronauts into the the sky has passed its most recent milestone but not in a manner that was hoped for. The Delta IV series, envisioned to eventually encompass a cluster of 7 rockets working together to lift the heaviest payloads yet into the heavens remains on its rocky road of development.

The good news, according to most sources, is that the main engine, the RS-68A from Rocketdyne of the Shinra Republic, worked as planned. All instrumentaiton during the flight indicated a completely clean ascent throughout the entirety of the first stage of launch. It was the seperation of the first and second stages which caused issues. While the first stageoperated cleanly and shutoff occured on time seperation charges in the interstage between the first and second stages failed to clear promptly and caused a delay.

Mission planners and enginners from Martin Marietta, of Wilkonia, have been reviewing the assembly procedure and logs to try and trace a cause for this failure to seperate on time. The leading candidate seems to be some of the command procesing software onboard the rocket. Fortunately planners are confident the issue remains minor as the safety checks which prevent a premature ignition of the second stage RL-10B2 rocket before the first stage clears held.

"Even though the mission timing would have called for the 2nd stage to ignite the safety check systems resulted in a successful hold/abort check when it detected that the 1t stage was not clear," according to a statement issued by MSA Flight Operations in the Shinra Republic. "We feel confident that the issue remains one with the mission timing and command processing and not any of the critical safety features neccesarry to get the Delta IV series rated as safe for human flight."

The mission did continue after a manual override command from ground control released the first stage and the second stage ignition proceeded apace. Reports indicate that the rocket was on a lower than expected incline but retained enough propellant to burn into a safe orbit, however the mission called for an immediate de-orbit which proceeded. Engineers from virtually every major supplier on the Delta IV program are now eagely awaiting the return of the dummy payload which consisted of essentially a more advanced version of an aircraft's flight data recorder. Theyhope to use any discrepencies between reported, observed, and recorded observations to narow down any issues with the flight software and hardware.

The program will continue with a goal of certification for valuable cargo before the end of Q1 in 2014 and for human flight no later than Q1 of 2015 by which point the X-plane program will have graduated enough personnel to begin launching the Orion capule and getting astronauts used to the rigors of longer duration spaceflight.

In related news a smaller press release was made indicating that project naming conventions have been shifted slightly to reflect long term program growth. The release noted that every vehicle will be classified by its 1st stage engine assembly. Specifically it noted that the Delta II series would be identified with the RS-27A and GEM boosters, the Delta IV with the RS-68A and GEM boosters, the Jupiter with the RS-68B and SSRB boosters, and Ares with the RS-800 and SSRB boosters. No additional details were released.

[Steve]

Adams Capital District


"So Cizadlo pulled it out? That's good. Give him a congratulatory note for now, I'll have to give him a call sometime." Stephen finished giving the order to his chief of staff before he returned his attention to his incomplete inaugeration speech...

He didn't look so good at Wuhan. I hope he's feeling better or this term will be a long one for him...



Actions:

Cascadia congratulates President Cizadlo for his re-election.

[Zablorg]

I am the Goddamned Batman

The dark caped figure streaked across the canopy of the thematically inappropriate and brightly lit jungle. He was almost there. He could smell it. Perched at the top of the tree, he peered across the landscape. Smoke was rising from the green mosaic maybe half a kilometer away. He stood completely upright for a couple of minutes, waiting for a decent breeze that would make his cape flutter around like in those animoos. Finally, with solemn grace, he slowly tilted his whole mass forward off of the branch and plunged into the undergrowth, his cape making whooshwhishflutter sounds that were pretty motherfucking awesome.

He had obtained the suit from a tourist many years ago who had decided to pick a fight with a member of the tribe. He had lost. Curiously enough the man who had been assaulted left the island shortly after, leaving behind a pile of foreign playing cards everywhere. The tribesmen had tried inventing a game to play with them, but every single one of the cards had clowns or some shit on them and were all the same, so most variations of the game consisted of beating each other up to get the most cards.

For months, Cultist had fiddled and experimented with the various features of the dead man's costume, the most humourous of which was a little man inside the cowl that referred to himself as "Alfred". There was also a canister of shark repellant somewhere.

"Master Bruce, sir, exactly when are you planning on coming home? Your dinner is growing cold and mouldy."

Ignoring this, he pressed onwards. Alfred had been moaning and whining about going home for months, even all those times when the suit was racked up inside his hut. Maybe Alfred was from another planet or something.
Around half an hour later, he saw them. It was a village pretty similar to theirs, with Republican idols replaced with wierd Kali ones. There were, so far as he could see, three parties. There were a bunch of WHORES, with bleeding breasts and other such distinctive features; there were the menfolk who presumably catered to the WHORE's filthy demands, and there were a bunch of people who looked like they had eye disorders. One such person had a gourd on his hip. He took a swig, and dark yellow liquid poured down his chin.

With a certain resentement towards the whole situation, he stepped forward and greeted them. At least they weren't filthy Kali worshipers.

[Zor]

"Here are my terms: First, the Malip who were driven out of their territories will be returned their territories. Those so-called lands you lay claim to are theirs by birthright extending back for generations. You will cease logging the territory. You will also compensate them for their losses. Second, You are allowed to extract mineral resources in exchange for a paying a tax on profits gained from the sales of the said resources. Duties will also be paid for the use of the Dragonsnake river. These will be paid to the Malip people who will be considered citizens of the new Republic of Hadramara. In exchange, I will rescind the fatwa for jihad and withhold religious sanction for any further attacks against Zorian troops, and pay compensation for those who were injured in the embassies destroyed."

King Leighton discussed a few affairs with a couple of his secretaries on the inplications of the demands. "For the most part your terms seem reasonable. However, i would to propose two amendments, the first being a measure to prevent conflict between Muslims and the Egsa as well as some measure of secular compensation to the Egsa, which have suffered in this conflict at the hands of the overzealous."

[Fingolfin_Noldor]

Scraps from an Encrypted Message to SNC Military Directorate

1. MiG-31TM tests have been completed. Improvements over the MiG-31T include ~20% more speed than predecessor, along with an optimised fire control system.

....

2. MiG-31TMU tests have begun. Said aircraft has tested its supersonic portion of the engine. High Mach engines will begin tests by the start of next year.

....

3. Said High Mach vehicle has entered second stages of tests, attaining 13% closer to the MACH X mark. We expect the tests to reach MACH X by the end of next year or the start of teh following.

>>>>>>>>>>>>

4. S-500 tests continuing. Spiral development shall continue after the full scale production of system begins. Heavy ABM requires more work. Estimated deployment from general S-500 system: next year. Estimated deployment of S-500F: Mid Next Year. Estimated deployment of S-500 Heavy ABM: 2015-6.

5. Su-50 aircraft derivatives have begun test flights. Expectation for acceptance and full scale production of variant 1: 2014. Expectation for acceptance and full scale production of variant 2: 2014-2015.

[PeZook]

Orena Evening News

Maritime Academy looking for talented applicants

For the last five years, the amount of prospective students of the Tri-Cities Maritime Academy has been steadily dropping. With business, finance and marketing rising in popularity, technical departments of all universities are struggling to attract students.

Because of this fact, the Maritime Academy is considering opening its doors for foreign exchange students. The Royal Government is already brokering agreements with several nations, designed to facilitate the transfers and make it easier for foreigners to study in PeZookia.

=================================================================

Orena, Royal Palace

"Hmmm...", the King mumbled to himself after watching the news segment on higher education.

"What is it, honey?", his wife asked, half-asleep besides him.

"Oh, nothing much. Sleep...I'll make a phone call and be right back, okay?"

"Okay...", she murmured and turned around, pulling the sheets over her head. Paul got out of bed and put on his favorite pair of slippers - they had little skulls and crossbones symbols on them. It's good no reporters ever came in the royal bedrooms.

He stalked over to the phone and picked up the receiver.

"Karol? I thought you wouldn't be asleep. Listen, I'd like to meet the director of the Maritime Academy tomorrow...I have an idea he might find interesting.

====================================================================

Diplomatic note to Canissian government

The Republic Of PeZookia would like to offer aid to the developing Katangwan nation as part of our foreign student exchange program. We are aware that Katangwa lies within your spehere of influence, thus we wish to come to an agreement with you regarding the overall demand for such form of aid.

PeZookian universities would be willing to accept talented students from Katangwa, and His Majesty's Government would provide them with stipends provided they spend at least six years working in PeZookia after their graduation. Currently, the King Paul Academy Of Sciences in Orena, the Mining Engineering School in Fabowice and Maritime Academy in the Tri-Cities have entered the exchange program, and all those institutions express no reservations towards training Katangwans, provided these students pass their entry exams.

With utmost respect,

Mateusz Buczynski, Foreign Minister, Constitutional Republic of PeZookia

[Shroom Man 777]

LIVE on ShroomSat/StratTV
The Sovereign Shroomanian Sentinel
SELL SUPER SHROOM STRATS


Shroomanian Stratellites are a major medium for world communications.

The MacMillan Megacorporation subsidiary Super Stratellite Systems Shroomania has approached the Canissian government to work out a deal to provide, for a modest fee, stratellite coverage to the developing Katangwan nation.

Stratellite coverage would grant Katangwa access to the global information superhighway and would make it a hub for worldwide telecommunications in Velaria, giving it an advantage over its Velarian neighbors.

Aside from the Katangwans, Super Stratellite Systems Shroomania has approached other Velarian nations in hopes of striking a deal. Ford Prefect's Country is another contender to be the communications leader of Velaria.

The MacMillan Megacorporation and its subsidiary, Super Stratelite Systems Shroomania, has previously worked together with San Doradoan corporations and the Vinish 'Grapevine' to provide Frequesue with FreCom - a deal that has netted all parties billions in Shroomanian dollars and provided the Frequesuean continent with awesome telecommunications coverage.


Results
Shroomanian companies want in on the fledgling Velarian market.

[Shroom Man 777]

Smith-Hall Defense Quarterly


Cascadian State Department issues public memo critical of Shroomanian actions following collision by Coilerburger missile sub.


The State Department has delivered a critical note to the Shroomanian government this past weekend regarding the fate of the Warden, a nuclear-powered missile submarine from the Republic of Coilerburg that collided with a Shroomanian sub within Shroomanian territorial waters. "While the seizure of the unauthorized vessel was within the rights of Shroomania, the dismantling of the Warden has no justification under international law and is thus indefensible. The Principality of Shroomania should pay due restitution to the Republic of Coilerburg for this offense as well as grant immediate repatriation to the crew of the Warden." The note cited prior incidents to bolster its case for the illegality of the Shroomanian action, most notoriously the accidental collision between a Tonkinese submarine and the Alaskan trawler Persephone in Cascadian home waters in 1984. In that incident the offending Tonkinese sub was merely kept berthed until repairs were complete while the Tonkinese government agreed to provide recompense to the trawler's owner, his surviving crew, and the families of the three sailors killed by the collision.

Defense analysts believe that the incident is a severe blow to the Frequesue Treaty Organization, as the Warden was one of the joint-effort ships built under Indhopali and San Doradan leadership to provide further security for the FTO's member states. "The disassembly of the Warden grants Shroomanian analysts and engineers the ability to thoroughly examine the pinnacle of Frequesuan technology as well as their design philosophies," explained George Lane, a retired Cascadian submarine captain now working as a private military analyst and researcher. "They'll know how the FTO's missile sub fleet operates, technical strengths and weaknesses, and can use this information to impact the FTO's ability to utilize their missile submarines." Going further, Lane added, "The damage to the FTO is almost incalculable. The Shroomanians have standing security arrangements with PeZookia and Byzantium, meaning that its likely the results of their examination will wind up on the desks of naval analysts in Orena and Constantinople, and from there Sarajevo and Stasograd."

From the Ministry of Shroomanian Homeland Affairs in Foreign Territories

The Sovereignty of Shroomania would like to assert that its impounding of the Coilerburger vessel Warden and its crew was an act well within the rights of the Shroomanian government. Furthermore, the Sovereignty denies any and all allegations of any "dismantling" or "castration" of the CBS Warden.

As for the matter of repatriations and offenses, the Ministry of SHAFT would like to clarify with the Cascadian State Department that the CBS Warden was caught in Shroomanian waters with a full payload of strategic nuclear cruise missiles. Whatever adverse effects the Warden's prolonged stay in Shroomanian drydocks may have on the Frequesquean Trade Organization's combined naval assets, the Sovereignty of Shroomania must place greater priority in the safety and security of itself, its territories and its citizens above those of the FTO's.

The fact that the CBS Warden was carrying a full payload of strategic nuclear missiles in Sovereign territory, as already said, cannot be taken lightly by Shroomania or the international community. The presence of a foreign and potentially hostile vessel in Shroomanian territory, armed with weapons of mass destruction and in perfect position to launch a devastating strike into the Shroomanian heartland cannot be construed as anything other than a great threat to the security of the Shroomanian nation and the Shroomanian people and the matter must, unfortunately, be treated as such.

The Sovereignty of Shroomania would like to assure Cascadia that all measures are being taken for the expedient resolution of this matter - and that the Warden and its crews will be returned to the FTO without any property damage whatsoever, as soon as the security situation makes it possible. The highest levels of both Shroomanian and San Doradoan government are working with each other in this issue, and long-standing ties between both friendly governments have made the ongoing cooperation smooth and well-lubricated.


Sincerely,

Lord Melchett McMeistervater
Minister of SHAFT

[Shroom Man 777]

I am the Goddamned Batman

The dark caped figure streaked across the canopy of the thematically inappropriate and brightly lit jungle. He was almost there. He could smell it. Perched at the top of the tree, he peered across the landscape. Smoke was rising from the green mosaic maybe half a kilometer away. He stood completely upright for a couple of minutes, waiting for a decent breeze that would make his cape flutter around like in those animoos. Finally, with solemn grace, he slowly tilted his whole mass forward off of the branch and plunged into the undergrowth, his cape making whooshwhishflutter sounds that were pretty motherfucking awesome.

He had obtained the suit from a tourist many years ago who had decided to pick a fight with a member of the tribe. He had lost. Curiously enough the man who had been assaulted left the island shortly after, leaving behind a pile of foreign playing cards everywhere. The tribesmen had tried inventing a game to play with them, but every single one of the cards had clowns or some shit on them and were all the same, so most variations of the game consisted of beating each other up to get the most cards.

For months, Cultist had fiddled and experimented with the various features of the dead man's costume, the most humourous of which was a little man inside the cowl that referred to himself as "Alfred". There was also a canister of shark repellant somewhere.

"Master Bruce, sir, exactly when are you planning on coming home? Your dinner is growing cold and mouldy."

Ignoring this, he pressed onwards. Alfred had been moaning and whining about going home for months, even all those times when the suit was racked up inside his hut. Maybe Alfred was from another planet or something.
Around half an hour later, he saw them. It was a village pretty similar to theirs, with Republican idols replaced with wierd Kali ones. There were, so far as he could see, three parties. There were a bunch of WHORES, with bleeding breasts and other such distinctive features; there were the menfolk who presumably catered to the WHORE's filthy demands, and there were a bunch of people who looked like they had eye disorders. One such person had a gourd on his hip. He took a swig, and dark yellow liquid poured down his chin.

With a certain resentement towards the whole situation, he stepped forward and greeted them. At least they weren't filthy Kali worshipers.

KALI-MA. KALI-MA. KALI-MA. KALI-MA. KALI-MA. KALI-MA. KALI-MA. KALI-MA.



The cultists were praying in their heathen tongue, and Gobinda led them in their blasphorities.

Musslemen, captured from the villages of Hadramara, screamed as they were made to walk on coals. As cobras and pythons were thrown at their undulating forms. As they were made to lie on beds of nails, and as the Kali cultists climbed atop of them and began stomping them into the nails.

Their raids had been of great successes. With each village desecrated, the Odinists had left their mark - sacrificial yaks whose organs were draped on crucfixes, making them into inverted necrogoats. The Kali cultists kept the men, to sacrifice them to their heathen gods in rituals of heart-pulling, while the Vikings kept the wenches and the booty.

The Kali cultists were deranged, and the Vikings were wary of them, But the Vikings brought with them opium, and the cultists were now addicted to the dope. They huffed and they puffed and they got high on the Viking's supply.

KALI-MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Gobinda shrieked as he pulled out the Imam's still-beating heart.

Then the organ caught fire.



And Gobinda, maddened with the opium of the masses, threw that pulsating fireball at a writhing mass of Musslemen doused in kerosene and they were engulfed in flames, burninated into ashes as they screamed for their Prophet and their God.

At this, Deacon Saito only watched in titillated stupor.



This was not the ways of Odin, the All-Father. This was blasphemy.

This was madness.

"No!" Gobinda declared, as though he read the Viking's thought. But in truth, he was speaking to a cringing Mussleman. "THIS IS KALI!"

With his sandalled feet, Gobinda kicked the Mussleman. Into The Pit!



Of Fire!

The Kali-cultists became silent, as the spectacle of fire belched from that bottomless hole in the ground.

In that silence, Deacon Saito heard a fluttering. And he turned to see an apparition, one more madness to the blood-soaked burning night.



"I am the Goddamn Batman," the thing said with an inhuman voice. "And this is the war. My war. On whores."

"I see," Deacon Saito said.

"Her breasts will bleed..."

"Yes."

"BLOOD FROM THE MILKBAGS!"

Whores whores whores

KALI-MA

[Fingolfin_Noldor]

King Leighton discussed a few affairs with a couple of his secretaries on the inplications of the demands. "For the most part your terms seem reasonable. However, i would to propose two amendments, the first being a measure to prevent conflict between Muslims and the Egsa as well as some measure of secular compensation to the Egsa, which have suffered in this conflict at the hands of the overzealous."

"Those who break the law will be punished, and those who suffered at the hands of Jihadis will be compensated adequately."

[Siege]

The Fixer



Coilerburg State Capitol, downtown Roterburgh

Willy Bank had seized the office of the former vice-president of Coilerburg. It had been conveniently vacant after the vice-president moved his affairs to the presidential office. The room was lavishly furnished with expensive woods and crystal chandeliers, just the way Bank liked it. Currently he was teleconferencing with Acting President Trudeau and Acting Commander in Chief Eckhart.

“You don't get it do you Eckhart? You're my job. You're what I'm paid to do. You're about as mysterious to me as a blocked toilet is to a fucking plumber. Reasons for doing what your navy did? Who gives a fuck? I’m here to deal with the consequences!”

“Are you trying to awe me Trudeau? Because it ain't gonna work. I don’t give a fuck about who you are.”

“I’ll tell you what. You're the goddamn president! You know what that means? It's the top spot, kid. It's the guy everybody's looking at first. The leader of a nation. It's the guy who takes the fall. Is that you?”

“Answer the fucking question! Is that you?”

“Yeah? Alright. Then listen to what I’m saying. I’m here to help your nation get out of the fucking hole it dug for itself. And I’m good at what I do, but I’ve got no patience for stubborn idiots. So if you want to be remembered as the man who restored Coilerburg, instead of as just another useless fuckup in a long line of fuckups, then you do what I tell you to. Or else I find someone who will.”

“You understand? Good. ‘Cause I just got off the phone with Shroomania, and they’re gonna give you your boat and your nukes back.”

“Yeah, okay, whatever. Now fill me in on the safety situation.”

“Improving? Fuck improving! If I get shot tomorrow on my way to buy a breakfast burrito do you think I care about improvement? Is it safe or is it not?”

“So you’ve got a munity on your hands. Why didn’t you just say so?”

“AWOL? Get your slang the fuck out of here. They’re not following your orders anymore, are they? So it’s a fucking mutiny.”

“We? No, you, Eckhart. You should do something about it, because that’s your fucking job. That’s why you get paid. I don’t fucking care what you do. Just solve it!”

“What we need to do, Trudeau, is make the people feel as if things are under fucking control.”

“Who cares if they’re not? You know, there's this parish priest and he goes before the Patriarch of Byzantium weeping and begging for forgiveness. ‘What am I to do, oh what am I to do I do not believe in God anymore…’ and you know what the Patriarch said? Fake it!”

Results: Mr. Bank takes the reigns in Coilerburg. Also, a bunch of soldiers in the east have gone AWOL.

[Grand Moff Yenchin]

Serenity Sentinel

Election Results

Legislative Hall:
Blue Party: 63
Green Party: 55
Red Party: 3
Pink Party: 2
Independent: 2

Hall Leader:
Robert Kelly (Blue Party)


Prime Minister:
Jin Gao (Right, Blue Party)


============
Palace, Serenity

Yenchin signed the approval for the newly elected posts.

The Blue Party's results were lower than expected, but Yenchin liked it that way. It meant more flexible decisions. No rubber-stamp type votes for "Bluish" policies. What Yenchin did not like, was the number of wildcards. Although only 7, their votes weighed the most if both the Greens and Blues mustered all their members to vote over some issues.

Gao and Kelly were reasonable people with good ties in both parties. They also were friendly and familiar with most high officials in other nations, especially the MESS and Pan-Pacifica.

Yuki was ready to transfer the signed documents when her monitor flashed.

"Your majesty, Tachibana Heavy Industries report that Miho Tachibana has been missing for more than a month."

[Coyote]

Seaside Palace, Canissia
King's Work Office




It was a busy day for King Arik Coyotus-II. After months of being relatively uninvolved with a lot of world politics, Canissia's time was coming around again.

"Yes, we're going to get the MiG-21s and we're going to get the MiG-29s as well," he told his Defense Minister, "The Katangwans will transition on the -21's, and we'll have Canissians train them on the -29s in due time. But this is a hella deal, and I don't want to pass it by. Hell, the RAF already provides th ebulk of S'Vimbi's air force as it is, this way we can do it with his planes."

The plans were drawn up-- Canissia would pay for all this by increased exploitation of the offshore oil and gas reserves that enriched the Katangwa Free State. Two more offshore rigs were being planned, and Trade Minister Rumaclin was going to go there to negotiate a deal with S'Vimbi for mineral rights to anything that might be exploitable in the area.

"By the way," the King said, "Let's take PeZookia and Shroomania up on their offers. The more foreign direct investment we get in the region, the more stable it will be."
"Canissian companies will want to know why they weren't include din the contracts," the Defense Minister warned, "You're essentially making these no-bid contracts."

"Canissia provides mobile Zeppelins; we don't do much with the stationary stratellites," King Arik said, "Besides, the northern landing strip that we carved out of nowhereland... I have bigger plans for that, which will involve Canissian companies. PeZookia has experience with dock-building and Shroomania has experience with stratellites. It also helps that these are MESS-friendly nations, but ar enot member sof the MESS themselves."

"What makes that so attractive?" Minister Lars asked.
"It'll deflect criticism about Katangwa being a Canissian colony state," Arik pointed out, "Or about using it as a MESS staging area. Japanistan's been quiet of late, but we can't count on that forever. Especially with the Jihadis out there."

The political map wasn't entirely clear, however-- there were rumblings in the Parliament that no contracts should be granted to Shroomania in protest of the "WMD test" in northern Astaria. The Greens Party in particular was most displeased by the KKV test, and the Labor party was threatening to go along with them to block legislation. An announcement that favored overseas companies over Canissian ones would provide them the impetus they needed for an overt political protest.

"By the way," the King said, "My compliment to San Dorado for the intercept of the Blackbird; and ask them if they need any help keeping a lid on the Coilerburg acquisition. Canissia and San Dorado have trade ties, and we want this political process to go smoothly. If they need any sort of help, civilian or peacekeepers, let them know we're willing to assist."





Results:
PeZookian Dock work offer accepted.
Shroomanian Stratellite offer accepted.
USSR MiG-21 Purchase goes through.
PeZookian MiG-29 Purchase goes through.
Two new oil rigs readied for Katangwan offshore work by Canexxia.
Canissia gets 50% mineral rights to Katangwan interior.
A "big project" for Canissian industry in Katangwa announced.
Canissian Parliament angry over Shroomanian KKV test.
Peacekeepers offered to San Dorado for political transition with Coilerburg.

--whew!

[Steve]

Adams Capital District
Inaugeration Day


The last time this had happened to him, the President of Cascadia was a "single" man, so to speak. The merger of his being with that of his younger "Earth" counterpart by Q only came weeks later after his Presidency began.

Now it was his turn.

The ceremony was much like the US one. A gathering at the Republic Park, the Capitol behind him, a growing throng in front. The Chief Justice of the Federal Supreme Court to give him the oath of office.

"I... Stephen Thomas Garrett Jr.... do solemnly swear... that I will faithfully execute the duties of the office of President of the Cascadian Republics.... and will to the best of my ability.... preserve... protect... and defend the Constitution of the Cascadian Federal Republic."


Alexandra Verdes was next, providing her oath as Vice President, and the hour came. Stephen did not plan to speak for too long, but he did know he was expected to say much.


"The path of our nation these past six years has been a rough one. The expansion of Japanistan into Veleria, aggression from the mad General Sheppard that resulted in the destruction of his own nation and the virtual annihilation of the Astarian republic, and a bitter conflict in East Veleria have all taken their toll. Here at home we have endured the economic crisis from these wars and been forced to think, and think hard, on the direction we have taken... the direction I have put us on.

The light is at the end of that particular tunnel, thankfully. The embers of the Pathogen War are slowly dying out. The trade of the world has been restored and the community of nations are joining together to ensure that never again do nations die from such horrible weapons. In the deaths of the nation of Shepistan, and the virtual extinction of Astaria proper, Humanity as a whole have learned our lesson." As I have mine, he thought bitterly.

"The world is on the verge of what could be the most peaceful age in recorded history. It will get this way through the vigilance of those nations willing to sacrifice some of their treasure for the benefit of all. A solemn duty to those who take it up as Cascadia has, but a burden we can carry... a burden we will carry."

"Domestically the policy of the Federal government has never changed, and even with the horrible disruptions we have endured we are enjoying an economic recovery. Cascadian resources have been enhanced by the peaceful exploration and recovery of resources from Veleria, in regions we initially claimed to provide watchtowers to protect our allies in Veleria from resurgent imperialism. Oil found in the waters off Van Halstoff and uranium deposits in the coastal zone opposite Welles Island have guaranteed our ability to sustain our energy needs for the forseeable future. Cascadian ships, enjoying the reputation our nation has, ply the world's oceans carrying the bounty of our nation and of others to markets across the globe. The reputation of Cascadians for honesty and integrity, for adherence to their sworn duties, has given our Republics a place in the world that gives us a chance to not only remain prosperous ourselves but to guarantee the same to peoples around the world."

"It has always been Cascadia's desire to remain neutral in the affairs of the world's great power blocs. But we must also remember that neutrality is not the same as isolationism. The world has become too small for us to remain seperate from the world, while being active does not jeopardize our long-standing neutrality. And we have become active. Cascadia has helped to provide diplomatic solutions to problems in Frequesue, has provided support to fledgling governments like those of Katangwaland and Misteria, and has taken a leading role in a number of key international bodies working to improve the quality of life everywhere, including the BIOCOM agency that will help ensure our world never again suffers the threat of catastrophe through weaponized biological agents. I sincerely believe that Cascadia is in a position to use its influence in a positive fashion on behalf of these efforts and many others to come, so I will continue reaching out to other nations to my utmost ability, for the good of Cascadia and for Humanity as a whole."

"Even as we consider these affairs of our world, an untapped frontier awaits us. I speak of the frontier beyond our world, upon the moons that circle our world and eventually to the planets beyond. Over my administration, we have watched as other nations have either singularly or collectively made their efforts to begin a viable space-based presence. Cascadia's part in these endeavors has, admittedly, been thin, concentrating upon the advancement of satellite technology with other nations and on the provision of radar tracking stations to other space-bound nations such as those of the FASTA organization. I say now that this period has come to an end. It is time for Cascadia to join our fellow nations in the reach for space. Therefore it will be a policy goal of my second term... to put a Cascadian citizen on one of our moons, either by ourselves or with the aid of friendly nations, by 2020, and to lay the foundations for a permanent Cascadian role in the human advancement into space."

"For all of the dangers we have weathered and the pains we have endured these past six years, the 21st Century looks as bright as ever, and it is still my intention to find the path that will see us safely through this century and harvest all the promise that it contains. And with the support of Cascadians of all the Republics, of all the parties, we will do just that. The past has been written; it's time for us to write our future."

And with that, he gave a thankful nod and stepped away from the podium, accepting applause from the gathered.

[Coyote]

CANISSIAN SUN-TIMES
KATANGWAN ARMY CORPS GROWING IN SIZE AND PROFESSIONALISM




The Katangwan Army and Air Force both are expanding at a previously unheard pace, the result of concern over increased Jihadist activity in Veleria. So far, no Jihad activity has been observed in the region near the Katangwa Free State, but His Majesty the King Arik Coyotus-II is concerned about stopping any such activity before it becomes a problem.

"We're trying to be pro-active," he said in a quick interview earlier today, "You can't afford to let others gain the initiative in a situration such as this."

Of particular concern today was the announcement that docks at Khalid would be built by a PeZookian concern; that purchases of Katangwan Air Force planes would be facilitated from the USSR and PeZookia; and that another lucrative contract for stratellites was granted to a Shroomanian concern in a no-bid contract, angering many in the Parliament.

"Canissian companies should have been given a chance to compete for these contracts," said Tourism Minister Seela Kimthrel (Labor Party, Aerelon), "We're sending money outside the borders, and no one was even given a chance to make an offer."

The King defended his decisions.
"No Canissian companies specialize in the projects that have been granted to overseas concerns," he said, "No one, domestically, makes stratellites. No company here makes dockyards or has the experience that PeZookia has, with recent experience in Miritia. PeZookia and Shroomania both are close friends and allies, so money spent on them is money spent well, on regional allies we have close ties with."

The King also pointe dout that he did get massive concessions from Katangwa to help pay for the costs, as well as the military and security benefits of boosting the Katangwan military.

"By enhancing the Katangwan military, Canissia saves money. As Katangwans secure their own borders, Canissian military units have returned home in droves. We are not colonialists or imperialists who seek to control Katangwa and make it a province of Canissia. Soon, we'll have one army division and one air group in Katangwaland, and we'll trim those down even more as time goes by."

At the height of tensions in the region, Canissia had two air wings and three divisions in Katangwaland, with a full Naval battle group kept in nearby waters.

The Nationalist and Royalist parties support the King's move, but with caveats. They insist that more Canissian companies be given access to Katangwaland. The King feels he's made progress in alleviating their concers.

"Bear in mind that a domestic company, Canexxia, has full access to the rich oil and gas deposits offshore of Katangwaland," His Majesty pointed out, "And that we have 50% of the mineral rights to develop anything found in the Katangwan interior."

While the Royals and Nationalists are mollified enough, the Libertarian Party stil says that more access to economic benefits in the area are needed before they can throw in their support. The King promises a "big project" of unspecified parameters to be announced.

His Majesty doesn't have such luck with the Greens and Labor Parties, however. The Greens Party wanted to censure Shroomania for their WMD test in Astaria, and received little support in the Assembly until today's announcement by the King. Now, with the feeling that Canissian workers are being shut out of consideration for lucrative contracts, the Laborists have thrown their support in with the Greens Party and threatened to block passage of any bill that favors Shroomanian business interests.

The King promises more attention-- and concessions to Canissian interests-- will be forthcoming "very soon".