Street Fighter IV *Illustrious*

[Chardok]

I will do this review in the style of my 2nd favorite Star Control 2 race, the Orz, because it's the only way I can keep from spewing an endless river of swear words and bitching about how there are not strong enough adjectives to describe the levels of suck in this game. (In english, anyway)

HI! Are you a *betty*? Mentally *redacted*? Do you *dance* when game companies do things like make sequels better than previous versions of their *Cattle*? Do you think it's *ULTRA KOOL* to play nearly two decade old games and still *juice* new game prices? Well, then, *rip off your penis* because STREET FIGHTER IV IS HERE!

Man, If there's one thing I *Yell* it's when I play a game that's *Hotter* than it's predecessor. That's probably why I *dance* Street Fighter IV so much. It takes everything I loved about the original game and makes it *socks*, but also adds the ability to let any *Skateboard* on the internets jump into your game. *flip*, they don't even have to *dance* which makes it even *Slipperier*! They can *juice* your *dance*, then sit in the lobby for ten minutes because they're too *funny* to hit the "ready" button! Also - I love it when the matchmaking *Ultron* pairs me (with 5 *Dance offs*) up a dude who has won hundreds of *dances* and lost 3. That's *Very happy*. I'm also *Giggles* that capcom didn't give in to the demands from their *cattle* that their new games have better graphics than the old ones. (Except cutscenes, of course) Also, I love it when some *Very Slippery* 3rd-rate 1 minute long anime that has nothing to do with anything gets shown before I start playing. Oh, and you have to have perfectly *Kitten* dubbing because FAT OTAKU *Rain* DEMAND *Giraffes* IN THEIR *Backpack* STORIES. Also, it's MEGASUPER when the controls are completely *selective* and *Loggerhead*. At least in the MK series of games, I can accidentally make cool *Jellybeans* happen once in awhile. In SFIV, I end up jumping around the screen like a chimpanzee hopped up on *Streptococcus* Meth, which is preferable to ALL OTHER GAMES EVER MADE.

Back in the day, I could beat some *Giraffes* for hours as Ken or Ryu, because they had like three *Cheesy* moves. In SFIV, the three *cheesy* moves are still thre, only they're *Uniform* to do with any sort of reliability, which rocks the *Jello* house. I love it. Yay for *testicles* control *germination*. I can only guess that capcom banged out this *Illustrious* game in a weekend. If they admit to *Cooking* it longer than that, then they are a very *Illustrious* game company indeed.

This game gets a *Likely* *Flood* on a scale of *Thatching* to *Coffee*.

[General Zod]

ITT chardok fails at yahtzee impersonations

[Stark]

Yahztee would just complain the SC2's story was too hard to get into and that the flying saucers were clearly a reference to Destroy All Humans to rile up fanboys. This actually has content.

[Ghost Rider]

I am enjoying it...but some characters are beyond stupid levels of ass rapage while others are for grabbing ankles.

I acknowledge Dan is the butt whipper of SF franchise and why I enjoy using him destroying scrubs. But when I start actually using Sagat like SSF2Turbo with SF4 mechanic? It becomes "I win, if you aren't on your A game and I'm not drunk as a lemur.". It's kinda sad how badass they've made certain characters, and characters like Honda and Vega are pale shadows of any former self.

[SylasGaunt]

Eh I've been enjoying it. My main issues at present-

1.) The Final Boss is a cheap bastard.. but he's not one with any consistency. Sometimes he'll fold like a house of cards, other times he'll cheapo move after cheapo move you to death and constantly warp around so it's a pain to actually anticipate which way to push to block, you just have to hit it and pray the 50/50 comes out on your side.

2.) This one's all me but I've grown very used to the Vs. series mechanics through old arcade games and MUGEN. I'm having to get used to the fact that I can't airblock anymore or toss hadokens in mid-jump with Ryu.

Based on what I can gather from Chardok's Orzified post, at least a few of the things he's complaining about are things that can be turned off, such as the ability for others to challenge you online when you're playing arcade mode. The anime prologue and epilogue movies are as I recall skippable, and the dubbed voices can be taken care of through the simple expedient of beating arcade mode once.

[General Zod]

Eh I've been enjoying it. My main issues at present-

1.) The Final Boss is a cheap bastard.. but he's not one with any consistency. Sometimes he'll fold like a house of cards, other times he'll cheapo move after cheapo move you to death and constantly warp around so it's a pain to actually anticipate which way to push to block, you just have to hit it and pray the 50/50 comes out on your side.

I've sort of figured out a pattern for beating him. First you have to hit him with a hard attack when he teleports, then follow-through with a special technique. Repeat until he's dead. It's cheap, but it's appropriate for a cheap boss. The first round he'll fold like a house of cards, but then he cranks it up and you have to use my method above. Although really, Seth is a cakewalk compared to some of the bosses SNK puts out.

Based on what I can gather from Chardok's Orzified post, at least a few of the things he's complaining about are things that can be turned off, such as the ability for others to challenge you online when you're playing arcade mode. The anime prologue and epilogue movies are as I recall skippable, and the dubbed voices can be taken care of through the simple expedient of beating arcade mode once.

Beating the arcade mode? All I did was go into the settings to switch to original Japanese audio.

[Joviwan]

Beating arcade mode lets you change it per character, I believe.

[SylasGaunt]

Ah my bad then. I didn't try changing it until after my first run through when I kept getting weirded out by Ryu not sounding right.

[Vanas]

Time for *juice squeezing* and the *frumple* will go.

I'm almost tempted to buy the game, just out of morbid curiosity. Considering I own numerous Dynasty Warriors, I can't honestly complain about the fact that it looks and appears to be the same game they released seemingly bi-monthly for the last decade, and it actually appears to contain new stuff, unlike the bi-monthly SFII re-releases.

[General Zod]

Time for *juice squeezing* and the *frumple* will go.

I'm almost tempted to buy the game, just out of morbid curiosity. Considering I own numerous Dynasty Warriors, I can't honestly complain about the fact that it looks and appears to be the same game they released seemingly bi-monthly for the last decade, and it actually appears to contain new stuff, unlike the bi-monthly SFII re-releases.

The biggest difference from older SF games is the addition of multiplayer over Live and the graphics overhaul. It's worth getting if you're a fighting game junkie and don't have one of the many multiple incarnations of SF already. Otherwise it's probably only really worth a rental for most people. (This is coming from an SF fanboy, mind you. )

[GuppyShark]

It is funnily enough, very very polished for a game that was first released over a decade ago.

I wouldn't buy it myself, but my friends have so I've been playing their copies, and VS is pretty entertaining so far.

[Rye]

Far and away the most annoying thing about it is the load times when you continue after Seth has grabbed you out of mid air or while doing an ultra combo 6 times. Fucking lame last boss. The gameplay is pretty much what I remember from SF, clearly they're wanting to preserve that (though I thought you could do air blocking in SF:A2), but I think the graphics are pretty ugly. Chun Li in particular looks like a beefcake, and I'm not wild about that. Cammy looks okay, I guess. I think I'll try and get Akuma and then I'll probably trade it in for Killzone. The music is awful. All the new characters are shit. C Viper is annoying and ugly, Abel's all grab moves, and El Fuerte is just retarded. The less said about Fatso Whatsisname the better.