Sequential Art Feedback

[Havok]

Admittedly, this is my weak spot when it comes to drawing. I find it tedious, and I have a hard time coming up with story boards. I fret over what needs to be shown and what can be implied. Anyway, this is one example of some boards I have been doing since Monday to take to WonderCon, along with various pinups that most of you have seen, to shop myself around. I have no idea what to expect and I have to admit I am a little nervous about taking this next step, but I can't be a very bad ass biker if I'm scared of comic book nerds rejecting me can I?

So, just looking for some critical feed back... improvements, likes, dislikes needs more detail etc. Obviously, it needs ink.

Oh yeah, had to scan it in two pieces so that is why it is all dark in the center.

[Ford Prefect]

As usual, the art is very good. I like the flow in the first six panels, as the individual 'snapshots' fit together well. The second last and last panels don't seem to flow all that well. I'm still not sure exactly what's going on in the second to last panel. Are we looking up from the street or down on his passing shadow? That probably needs to be more explicit, if possible (I imagine that colouring would help). If it's the former, then perhaps having him pass over the moon would help. The last panel is the best in terms of composition.

In all, I think it's a good demonstration of your talent and a clear indication that you can do comics. I'm not so familiar with the styles and practices of Americomi (that's what the Japanese call American comics), but it seems like a lot of space to devote to Batman jumping off a building, though the fact it is standalone (I presume) means that it's not so important.

[Kanastrous]

The quality of the figural draftsmanship, movement and compositions is really, really good.

My only quibble would be with the compositions in frames five and six - Batman running towards, and then away from our POV in-frame. In film this is what we'd call 'breaking the 180 degree rule,' with which you are probably already familiar. It's not a hard-and-fast rule (few are) but I'd suggest altering the axis of view from one to the other, or perhaps including something in the background of the second frame as a reveal or as a destination, to sort of make the second frame pop on its own in relation to the first.

Just as an aside, I'll point out that if you decide to cultivate your storyboarding-related skills, professional storyboard artists can make insane $$$ in the entertainment industry...

[Joviwan]

As usual, the art is very good. I like the flow in the first six panels, as the individual 'snapshots' fit together well. The second last and last panels don't seem to flow all that well. I'm still not sure exactly what's going on in the second to last panel. Are we looking up from the street or down on his passing shadow? That probably needs to be more explicit, if possible (I imagine that colouring would help). If it's the former, then perhaps having him pass over the moon would help.

I didn't have any trouble with this, considering A) There's no background detail other than the moon, and B) There's the moon.

Overall though, there is a bit of a disconnect (or redundancy?) between the last and second to last panels. Everything else is clearly 1 frame per action, and you've given 2 to flying across two rooftops.

[Rye]

I don't think your 180 rule breaking is too bad in the middle; but I would swap the last two pictures over. That way, the reader gets the impression of a zooming out motion (rather than repeating action), which is better to ending the page on. I know what you mean when you say that drawing storyboards is a tedious ballache. As it is, I tend to write scripts as economical yet visually descriptive as I can and then the storyboards are obvious as a consequence.

[Joviwan]

had a minute free at work, thought I'd show what rye's suggestion looked like



I will say though, that while I didn't have an issue with the moon shot, it you gave batman's body a more prominent outline, it would reduce confusion significantly; as it is, you have to look for it pretty carefully, which gives the impression that, at least for batman, we're looking top down.

[Havok]

Wow. Actual real live constructive criticism! BEAN WAS RIGHT!

Thanks guys I really appreciate the input and I may enact some of the changes tonight. I will also post the other three pages I got done and started last night for some more context to the "story".

I like the flow in the first six panels, as the individual 'snapshots' fit together well. The second last and last panels don't seem to flow all that well. I'm still not sure exactly what's going on in the second to last panel. Are we looking up from the street or down on his passing shadow?

Up from the street. I sort of assumed the moon gave it away. Perhaps my moon drawing skills need work. Does it look like a pizza on the street? I will do his face so that you can understand the angle better.

The last panel is the best in terms of composition.

I like that one as well.

but it seems like a lot of space to devote to Batman jumping off a building, though the fact it is standalone (I presume) means that it's not so important.

It is a lot of space, but it is intentional. I will elaborate further when I post the rest, but I am hoping it will be clear through just the art.

My only quibble would be with the compositions in frames five and six - Batman running towards, and then away from our POV in-frame. In film this is what we'd call 'breaking the 180 degree rule,' with which you are probably already familiar. It's not a hard-and-fast rule (few are) but I'd suggest altering the axis of view from one to the other, or perhaps including something in the background of the second frame as a reveal or as a destination, to sort of make the second frame pop on its own in relation to the first.

I wasn't aware of that at all actually, so thank you for that. I will keep it in mind. It did seem redundant as I was drawing it as well. Like I said, not very good at the story boarding. If you have any other tips like this that you might think I would find helpful please feel free to let them flow.

Just as an aside, I'll point out that if you decide to cultivate your storyboarding-related skills, professional storyboard artists can make insane $$$ in the entertainment industry...

I'll keep that in mind.

I didn't have any trouble with this, considering A) There's no background detail other than the moon, and B) There's the moon.

That's what I was thinking.

Overall though, there is a bit of a disconnect (or redundancy?) between the last and second to last panels. Everything else is clearly 1 frame per action, and you've given 2 to flying across two rooftops.

I see what your saying. I'm not sure how I could add to it without it seeming cluttered.

I don't think your 180 rule breaking is too bad in the middle; but I would swap the last two pictures over. That way, the reader gets the impression of a zooming out motion (rather than repeating action), which is better to ending the page on.

That does look better as a stand alone page, but with the next page, it throws it off. It also puts two panels with him running in it next to each other, which I wouldn't have done.

I know what you mean when you say that drawing storyboards is a tedious ballache. As it is, I tend to write scripts as economical yet visually descriptive as I can and then the storyboards are obvious as a consequence.

I'll try that with my next storyboard.

had a minute free at work, thought I'd show what rye's suggestion looked like

*snip* image

I will say though, that while I didn't have an issue with the moon shot, it you gave batman's body a more prominent outline, it would reduce confusion significantly; as it is, you have to look for it pretty carefully, which gives the impression that, at least for batman, we're looking top down.

That looks good. As for Batman's body in that last shot, he is in the shadow of his cape. The outline was just for me to make sure that everything was the right size. I'll make the opening in his mask visible so it will add some perspective.

[Ford Prefect]

Up from the street. I sort of assumed the moon gave it away. Perhaps my moon drawing skills need work. Does it look like a pizza on the street? I will do his face so that you can understand the angle better.

This is just me being stupid because of how it's just a the shadow of his cape. In retrospect it is actually obvious that we're looking up, and that the idea that there was some sort of ... reflected moon is silly.

[Coyote]

I was fine with the first version, but I have to admit the version Joviwan worked up based off of Rye's idea does, indeed, flow more smoothly.

[Havok]

Again everyone, I REALLY appreciate the feedback. Thank you.

Here are the four pages that will be traveling with me tomorrow, as well as an assortment of other drawings, most of which anyone here that follows my stuff has already seen.

I don't have much time left to make changes, but criticism etc., is still welcome.









Also, if anyone is interested it what is actually going on, or what is being said/thought in the panels I will post that.

[Kanastrous]

You know, this would be way easier if you were to number the panels.

[Havok]

Confusing to follow?

[Kanastrous]

No, it's not the least bit confusing to follow; if I want to comment about a particular frame I'd like to have some way of specifying which one I mean.

[Havok]

OH. Page X Panel Y is easy enough for me to figure out. Or if you like... There are 27 panels. Go for it that way.

No, it's not the least bit confusing to follow

This is good BTW. Thank you.

[Kanastrous]

Well, bear in mind that psych-profile-test-style I may just be constructing my own narrative to create a sequence for what are actually non-sequential images.

[salm]

So starting in the end of page one:

- he flies over to another building
- then runs over the roof of this other building
- arrives at other end (foot image on page two)
- jumps down on bad guys.

I think that´s what it is, but i´m not sure. The rest is crystal clear.

I esspecially like the eye sequence in which the bad guy is first scared, then regains confidence and draws his gun. You draw the emotions very well.

[Ford Prefect]

I really like the obvious parrallel to Batman's origin; saving a young boy from the man who just killed his parents.

or what is being said/thought in the panels I will post that.

I'm curious.

[Crazedwraith]

I find page 2, panel 2 hilarious for some reason. It's just a really odd angle and pose. Don't superheroes usually dive with their legs together to avoid the panel centring on their junk?

Also after he gets shot; the bullet seems to go right through him and out of his cloak yet in later shot when it wrapped around him; no holes. From the position of the cloak when he gets shot I would have thought the hole too close to the edge of the cloak to still be concealed behind him when its pulled forward like that.

[fusion]

On the last page, after the bad guy regains his confidence, the following frames are a bit hard to follow because I am confused about what is batman doing... (besides being shot )

[JointStrikeFighter]

Try not to draw any feet next time. The bad guy's gun needs a square barrel too, possibly several.

[Havok]

Try not to draw any feet next time. The bad guy's gun needs a square barrel too, possibly several.

Will that make me a millionaire?

[Mr. Coffee]

Need moar pouches. And maybe a couple of sword hilts sticking out the top of his cape for no reason.

[Feil]

The sequence where batman gets shot doesn't make sense physically. He's diving straight at the murderer. Murderer shoots him at a slight upward angle. But somehow, batman gets an entry wound above the exit wound.

The rest of the sequence is disorienting. If we label the four panels after the bullet is fired 1, 2, 3, and 4, 5, so on:

from 1 to 2 there is a 180 degree move of the camera from badguy side to wall side.

From 2 to 3 there is a 90 degree move of the camera from wall side to above batman.

From 3 to 4 there is a 90 degree move and a 180 degree twist of the camera from above batman to badguy side again.

From 4 to 5 is the same angle, but there's no way batman could have gotten up before the badguy put another three or four bullets in him.