Let's Play: UFO Aftershock!

[Nephtys]

Oh, you don't want that, Colonel.

*takes off paper hat*. "Hey, just because Laputans don't have ranks doesn't mean you can't assign one to yourself, Commander Prefect!"

[Ford Prefect]

I guess that comes with the enlightenment of being born spacenoids. Though Samuel is technically a spacenoid too. One wonders how that happened. That said, even Samuel is better than the considerable riff-raff we've managed to scoop off that mud ball. Getting hit by a giant space rock would probably be good for them, but I reckon we should stop it.

Also, Star Ghosts?

[Nephtys]

ix-nay on the oilerspay

[Samuel]

I guess that comes with the enlightenment of being born spacenoids. Though Samuel is technically a spacenoid too. One wonders how that happened. That said, even Samuel is better than the considerable riff-raff we've managed to scoop off that mud ball. Getting hit by a giant space rock would probably be good for them, but I reckon we should stop it.

Also, Star Ghosts?

It is the Hong Kong influence comrade commander. I'm sure if I didn't have Earthie exposure I would be up to standards.

[Darth Yoshi]

Quick question: what's with the gender disparity? It's like all the recruits from Earth are women.

Also, you totally need to to recruit some rednecks to take out the spacerock.

[Ford Prefect]

You know the old saying 'Mars needs women'? Same principle. Let's be honest here, Laputan spacenoid women tend to be of the kind characterised by Pep and Neph.

[Nephtys]

Personal Log, Nephtys
*Begin Recording*

Finally, some time to sit down and update this damn thing. We're pulling triple shifts here, and everyone's preparing for a big assault on a Cultist base in central Iraq. Our research into basic types of Earth Weaponry is nearly complete, and we're churning out guns and ammunition at an absurd rate. We have bases in South America, Eastern North America, Europe, North Africa, the Baltic, Russia, and now pressing into the middle east. Sir Nitram tells me he's grown 'tired' of the crude guns and weapons he's made before, and has begun work researching both advanced projectile weapons and lasers of his own design.

As for even better news, our Supply situation is stable now, and we're able to expand at an outrageous pace, limited only by the speed in which we can identify strategic targets to seize. Our diplomats and propagandists have spread videos, leaflets and radio broadcasts, emphasizing our superior resources and mobility. Resistance to our efforts of pacification have dropped substantially, especially given that our new Peace Corps forces occupying newly claimed territory are making excellent use of Sir Nitram's flamethrowers in case of civil unrest.

For our ground forces, I'll be appending the updated personnel jacket to this file.


Peptuck remains one of our ground force's most capable assets. She has been quite valuable in close quarters fighting, where her shotgun training and sharp senses make her highly effective. I'm considering having her moved to lead our second squad, once we get it assembled. She has been moved off temporary assignment with new personnel screening after a few of her suggested 'tests' resulted in unacceptable fatality rates.


Wautd, 'Hero of Laputa' has certainly proven his worth, despite being the newest member of the original Squad McLargeHuge. He seems downright unkillable, and carries our heavy weapons into battle. I personally find his screaming somewhat unnerving, but others seem to find it a rallying call in battle. Well, he also carries the flamethrower for the team, though I've never seem him use it. Samuel has a theory, where 'skilled warriors' only take out their weapons for 'the final battle' or some other nonsense.


Vendetta is shaping up to be an all-around capable soldier. We've armed her with a newly recovered XM8 Assault Rifle, a highly accurate and powerful weapon. This one's been fitted with a gyrostabilizer mechanism to further increase it's stability and accuracy in capable hands. Vendetta's been reprimanded several times for foul language, and seems insufferable now that she chews what the earthworms call 'Bubble Gum'.


Samuel is still dumb as a rock, but he's a well armed rock now it seems. His old self-inflicted hand injury has finally healed, and he's somehow managed to get practice at the range in using two MP5 Submachine guns on full auto, one in each hand! I'm shocked as hell in how he managed to do this, but it's again, the influence of those stupid, stupid movies. He's telling me that he's practicing how to 'dodge bullets' next.


'Commander' Ford Prefect is the last original member of Squad McLargeHuge, and I don't understand this file at all. How are his intelligence scores rising? Even our Psionics are baffled by his apparent increase in mental capability, and even his newfound ability to block out their mental probes. They say scanning for his mind is like looking for a hole in space, and that he can project this blankness to others in close proximity. It's very strange. He has otherwise been fully reprimanded for the Hamburg incident, and has completed several more days of training in leadership and enemy anatomy, making him a... *ugh*... useful asset to the team.


Ryan Thunder is a new junior member of the team, recruited from Earthside. His averageness has branched out somewhat in a few missions we've sent him on, making him fairly good at most of his tasks, even if he's the most unremarkable person around. He has however, received medical training, given that everyone else on the team was busy learning new ways of killing things. He's now equipped with one of our few advanced medical kits.


Manus Celer Dei, another new Earthside recruit remains incomprehensibly dumb. She talks in that horrendous butchering of the english language that passes for an accent in 'South Carolina', and seems to have furthered her bond with Vanas. Manus however has taken a liking to our new sniper rifles, and has spent hours practicing at the range. I personally find a few of her habits disgusting, such as chewing on a wheat stalk incessantly. I think perhaps I understand one in every four words she says.


Vanas is one of our most capable Earthworms. She is skilled in the use of rocket launchers, heavy weaponry and close quarters combat. Her intelligence and judgement remain abysmally bad however, as shown recently when her concussion missile knocked down half of her own squad and alerted the enemy they were going to ambush. Practice with Manus has however, increased her teamwork abilities as they chitter in their incomprehensible earth-speech.


Darkevilme, our first Cyborg Soldier has FINALLY emerged from the hospital after a second brush with near death. This time, we've replaced his nose with a high quality prosthetic, and several internal organs. I don't know how much more his body can take. Pezook meanwhile, seems quite pleased by all of this. He talked to me last week about Darkevilme, and mentioned that the man was a 'SUPERIOR MODEL' compared to the rest of our 'MEAT-UNIT' soldiers.


MJ-12 is proving himself well as one of our new cyborg soldiers. His training in close quarters combat makes him a valuable asset for building sweeping, where his armored body and speed make him more than a match for a dozen reticulans or transgenants. He has mentioned recently that his headaches are getting worse, and that the 'radio transmissions' he's hearing are some dastardly alien plot. I've told him that we'll look into it, and that seems to have put the big cyborg at ease. Hopefully, he won't bring this nonsense up again about 'Star Ghosts' or whatever he has bad dreams about.


White Haven, currently our only active psionic soldier. She remains uncomfortably quiet, only communicating in a series of meek sighs and noises. Our other, more talkative psionics however, inform me that her mental powers are only expanding, growing beyond the need for our 'unaugmented audiatory-speech'. Because of her rather frail frame and the fact that our body armor won't fit her, she's received sniper training and a captured human-built laser sniper cannon. She was barely able to hold her excitement at being given such a monstrous thing, telling me all sorts of gasp and breath noises.


Hawkwing is another human recruit from the surface, but with extensive battle experience from being in our second-line pacification forces. As with his peers, he is insufferably retarded and speaks in that awful drawl. He seems to enjoy watching old videos of 'tractor pulls' and other most... intellectually stimulating events. He is a reserve rifleman and will probably be included in the second squad.


Erik Von Nein is still alive, despite his constant claims that this next mission 'will be the end of him'. To satisfy his morbid outlook, he's undergoing sniper training after that last hospital stay, where he spent the majority of it thanking everyone for visiting him at his 'deathbed'. Presumably, he'll think being hidden and behind our own lines is a death sentence, waiting for some inevitable cunning enemy encirclement maneuver to kill him.


Phred is another new Cyborg Soldier, provided thanks to our excellent relations with his people. While strong and fast as with his compatriots, he is trained in the use of heavy weaponry. We're giving him the RPK machine gun captured in a previous battle, and all of our surplus 7.62mm ammunition. He's already named his weapon 'Sasha' and plays Wagner from a pair of large speakers mounted in his shoulders in battle. I don't know if I want to laugh or cry at it, but he seems to be effective in the few battles we've dispatched him on.

---

Our current plan is to secure the Cult's major bases in a series of lightning attacks to prevent their sabotage and infiltration from continuing. Perhaps then we can secure several 'Nuclear Missile' silos in North America and Eastern Europe, and turn those to defeat this inbound space rock.

*End Recording*

[Ryan Thunder]

I can has XM8 carbine?

[Peptuck]

Peptuck remains one of our ground force's most capable assets. She has been quite valuable in close quarters fighting, where her shotgun training and sharp senses make her highly effective. I'm considering having her moved to lead our second squad, once we get it assembled. She has been moved off temporary assignment with new personnel screening after a few of her suggested 'tests' resulted in unacceptable fatality rates.

Bah. Anyone incapable of flossing with concierta wire has no place on our team.

[Vanas]

Ambushin's for th' weak. Real people charge Horrors From Beyond Time wit' nary but a knife between their teeth and a pair of broken bottles.

[Ford Prefect]

Haha, oh wow. I'm like the next stage human evolution.

Also, how badass looking is that laser sniper cannon? Can I have one?

[The Yosemite Bear]

Well this is the model I'm working on for me or Nephtys to use....

[Samuel]

I'm a duel weilding Ranger/Commando

Also, why am I now Neil Douglas?

[Nephtys]

I'm a duel weilding Ranger/Commando

Also, why am I now Neil Douglas?

Because I can only change people's nicknames, and not their 'real name'. Else if I hax that, it corrupts the save

[SirNitram]

I am sad to report attempts to weaponize Thunder's mediocrity have consistantly failed.

[The Yosemite Bear]

so how long before we can build that death from above laser sniper rifle, I showed the picture of?

[wautd]

How the hell are we supposed to prepare for a giant rock?!

There is nothing that sufficient numbers of AK-47s cannot deal with.

Or perhaps a really really really big huge AK47

[Darkevilme]

Unit Darkevilme requests use of flame weapons and incendiaries in order to purge the wretched flesh worshipping heretic scum from Iraq.

Unit Darkevilme also volunteers to wield experimental photonic weapons.

Glory to the machine mother.

(we're still planning to crush the base in iraq right?)

[Maxentius]

Can I be a meatshieldcyborg convinced he's the reincarnation of a long-dead Roman Emperor?

[MJ12 Commando]

Unit Darkevilme requests use of flame weapons and incendiaries in order to purge the wretched flesh worshipping heretic scum from Iraq.

Unit Darkevilme also volunteers to wield experimental photonic weapons.

Glory to the machine mother.

(we're still planning to crush the base in iraq right?)

Bah. Guns for show, knives for a pro. You've never seen scary until you've seen a borg with myomar biceps and titanium bones gut a fully armored cultist with a Ka-Bar in one swipe when he was a dozen meters away a half-second ago.

(Seriously here, a close-combat skilled cyborg is scary. If I remember the mod right, I'd like Scout training later because that'll give me the ability to use a cloaking field, and who doesn't like a cloaked cyborg ninja with a sword? Or shotgun, if you INSIST on being boring. :p).

[Vanas]

Metal Man's got a point there. We got some high-tech Space broken bottles around or somethin'?

[Nephtys]

Personal Log, Nephtys
*Begin Recording*

Operation Desert Suckerpunch has kept our staff busy for the better part of a week, gathering intel and preparing for the attack on the Cult of Sirius stronghold in Iraq. We've already identified three such facilities, two of which we can assault in quick succession. Baghdad and Buenos Ares are isolated and can be struck with the assistance of our growing second-line ground forces. The lynchpin of these operations will be precise orbital raids on their temple headquarters, killing their leaders so that our forces can mop up cult presence in neighboring territories with all those T-72s we've been collecting in Eastern Europe. Unfortunately, the cultist main base in East Asia is not yet assailable as we have no presence on that landmass. Interrogation of prisoners has proven fruitful however...

Our research on the cultists show them to be inherently hostile towards us. When we communicated our goals to them, they made it clear that they will stop at nothing to ensure that we fail. The cultists attach religious significance to the Reticulans. They apparently see the aliens as prophets of Godlike beings the Cultists refer to as 'The Masters'. According to legend, the Masters will soon come to Earth and complete the Reticulan's experiment.

Certainly, any number of Doomsday cults have been observed in human history, but the Cultists are unique in a number of ways. They are very organized for such a group, and their approach to everyday matters is not that of a group of fanatics, but that of a practical, working society. Another important difference is this group's ability to win others over to their cause. Not only are they able to grow their ranks at an alarming rate, the Cultists have managed to expand their territory without resorting to violence.

We suspect that the Cultists identify the object we are currently tracking with their Masters. It is a mystery how they can know about it. At this range, the object would be difficult to spot without Reticulan equipment.

Peaceful expansion? We'll see about that. Already, Yosemite Bear's people have been distributing liquor and researching more effective propaganda to use against these alien-hugging bastards.



Target: Baghdad. The team will be lead by Peptuck. It will consist of Wautd, Vendetta, Samuel and Ryan Thunder acting as medic. We unfortunately have no time to implement the changes in our drop pods to allow them to carry two additional troopers, nor has the new improved armor yet arrived from Sir Nitram's R&D Division. There still remains an unacceptable fatality rate to certain types of weapons fire as determined by live testing. Hopefully we can make a few sweeping changes in our ramshackle armament programs once Operation Desert Suckerpunch is concluded.



We had elected to drop the team on an elevated platform directly in front of the temple. Opposite of our pod's location is a small barracks for the Temple's elite guard. With diversionary attacks being made on their outer perimeter, few guards are expected to be present.


The team approaches under stealth, moving quickly to stack up against the Temple's main gateway.


Samuel lifts his MP5 Submachine guns, clearly quite comfortable with the weight and feel of the weapons. The team anxiously waits the go signal to storm the building...


The team is spotted by enemy psychics, one in the guard tower with a sniper rifle, and the other directly into Peptuck's shotgun shell.


With three MP5s, the tower sniper is pinned down. Fortunately, Samuel's SMGs are loaded with armor piercing rounds, which cut right through the scrap metal tower and splatter the guard.


"I'm hit!" Peptuck grunts out, turning herself to take the brunt of it on her armor as low power rounds pepper into her protective plating.
"Where's the fire coming from?!" shouts Samuel, who fired both of his weapons crossed over each other, moving sideways dramatically as he held off additional sentries.
"Ohgod! They got to Thunder! He's shooting at us now!"
"Auggh! We don't have time to was--oww! Go go go! I'll get the little prick next ti--oww!"


Samuel gives Ryan Thunder a quick elbow to the face, as the telepathically controlled soldier continues to fire into his squad Leader, saved only by the low power of the 9mm rounds against her ample body armor. In a frenzy of violence and gunshots firing in every direction, they sweep all of the confused inhabitants of the church with indiscriminate fire.


"Nice gun! I'll take it!" Samuel laughs, diving around a pillar sideways to cut down a psionic holding a ridiculously large rifle of some sort. Like the gentleman he is, he demonstrates for the downed enemy Laputian Mercy.


"Ohmyhead... oh.. why is my gun empty? What... what did I do?!" Averageman Ryan Thunder staggers into the temple afterwards, slumping against the pew. Vendetta grabs him, smirking. "Go patch up the boss, Earthworm. You shot the fuck out of her."
Vendetta turns quickly, spotting the psychic who surely must have had turned Ryan against them. As the frail bald woman climbed the ladder, her gyrostabilized XM8 coughed out three rounds, landing flatly in her head.


Confused, disoriented and demoralized, surviving cult guards were easily taken down by our superior soldiers. One particular Cyborg as shown here seemed to have malfunctioned after being riddled with bullets. He took to impromptu breakdancing while under Wautd, Hero of Laputa's withering fire.



Mission Accomplished. And we got a hell of a lot of new stuff from it. Based on information from their secured databases, our laser weapons program has been accelerated dramatically. We can now also produce improved augmentations for our Cyborgs. Psionically-triggered support equipment should become available soon as well, as our forces sweep through neighboring cult-held Reticulan Artifact sites. The enemy's mastery of psionic control is troubling, and we'll have to watch ourselves for it. After a few dissections of enemy psychics, Sir Nitram believes he can design a psionic shielding system able to fit into a standard combat helmet.

Getting the drop on the Cult's Buenos Ares base will be more difficult, but we've clearly taken the offensive now. If we can crack their South American holdings, we'll be in a much better position for when that damned Rock arrives.

*End Recording*

[Ford Prefect]

Psychic mind control? Are my mysterious anti-psychic abilities able to resist that?

[The Yosemite Bear]

Yes, and it may also protect you from Zombies, Brains!, Brains?!?

[Peptuck]

Oooooh, Thunder, you are going to be stuck cleaning latrines with your face for this, you hear me?