A little surprise...

Boba Fett · Post by **Boba Fett** » 2003-02-06 08:27am

Yesterday I felt like I'm acting in a horror movie...

There's a big house next to my house and it was abandoned for several years but was kept in quite good conditions over years.

I was always wondering who could be the owner...

Nobody cared for the grass in front of the house so, generally I cut it.

Yesterday evening I was driving home and at the corner I spotted a big bus and several cars parking at this house.

There were approx. 30 people walking in and out of the building.

I was curious. Afterall it's in my neighbourhood.

So I parked my car at my house and walked to the people.

They were carrying big boxes to the building so I thought they the haulers.
When I got to them a women approached with a smile on his face and asked:

"Are you here for the inauguration? It will be only at 20:00..."

Now I was more curious so I asked:

"For what? For God's sake what kind inauguration are you talking about?"

The smile disappeared from her face and she said:

"Do not take God's name in vain..."

I felt something is just not right here. I become suspicious...and she continued:

"We're Jehova's Witnesses. We will inaugurate our new community building -or something- at 20:00."

I stand there and the world begun to collapse in my mind...

A FULL FUNDIE COMMUNITY MOVED TO NEXT TO MY HOUSE!!!

Things to do for today:

1. Entrench my garden
2. Lay minefields at the fence
3. Jam their communication
4. Connect the electric wire to the door bell's push button
5. Signal the local Satan sect that I'm making a barbecue party on the weekend

Faram · Post by **Faram** » 2003-02-06 09:21am

Ack

Man here goes the neighbourhood(sp?) and the value of your hose

bummer.

Go to court and get a court order that no vitness may enter your propety!

Boba Fett · Post by **Boba Fett** » 2003-02-06 09:35am

NO!!!

I have spoken with my other neighbours and we declare "war" on them!

Begun, the Fundie-war has...

Slartibartfast · Post by **Slartibartfast** » 2003-02-06 09:39am

Next time somebody tells you "do not take God's name in vain..." immediately reply with "why not? It's not like I'm some fundamentalist moron." There's a good chance that the other is and will be pissed off

In this case, it would have been delicious, yeah...

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2003-02-06 09:46am

Boba Fett wrote:NO!!!

I have spoken with my other neighbours and we declare "war" on them!

Begun, the Fundie-war has...

Good now get the biggest stereo you can and start blaring Ozzy, Rob Zombie and any other sacreligious music you can find.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-02-06 10:06am

Iron Maiden: The Number of the Beast

But seriously, contact your local zoning board IMMEDIATELY. I would be shocked if they were allowed to simply turn any arbitrary house in a residential neighbourhood into a church. You may be able to force them out that way.

ArthurDent · Post by **ArthurDent** » 2003-02-06 10:13am

Darth Wong wrote:But seriously, contact your local zoning board IMMEDIATELY. I would be shocked if they were allowed to simply turn any arbitrary house in a residential neighbourhood into a church. You may be able to force them out that way.

That's what I was going to say. Most cities and towns have ordinances which prohibit using houses for purposes like that.

salm · Post by **salm** » 2003-02-06 11:07am

my condolescense.

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2003-02-06 11:27am

Begun this war has
If my Stero was not spread around two storage areas I'd do my best to ship it to you

See, I'm not an Audiophile but I have a Cousin who is, when he went off and joined the guard he asked me to keep his amps safe, then I went off and joined and moved them into some storage buildings

On the plus side when I'm on leave I can level small buildings with his Amps(They are the DJ for Hire kind, IE Roughly 4 1/2 Tall by 2 Feet wide)

Warspite · Post by **Warspite** » 2003-02-06 11:32am

Hummm, much like the Simpsons and the Flanders... I think a few good ideias can come from that show...

David · Post by **David** » 2003-02-06 11:43am

You poor bastard.......

Of course you know that they will probably be using your house for the new initiates to practice on. I suggest you go to the "initiation." I'd like to see their reaction when you show up with the sacrificial goat.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2003-02-06 11:48am

Print a T-shit that says "Mow for satan" and go mow the lawn some more.

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2003-02-06 12:46pm

You know this means they'll be knocking on your door 24/7

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-02-06 12:49pm

Darth Servo wrote:You know this means they'll be knocking on your door 24/7

Indeed. Get a shotgun and a turban to answer the door with.

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2003-02-06 01:29pm

IG-88E wrote:
Darth Servo wrote:You know this means they'll be knocking on your door 24/7
Indeed. Get a shotgun and a turban to answer the door with.

No, simply start asking them if they acknowledge the great lord Cthuthlu. Don't let them get a word in edgewise. Turn their tactics against them.

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2003-02-06 01:48pm

I recommend a tactical Gridfire strike against the house. Failing that, deluge them in legal problems(Making a church in a house, harassment charges if they come knocking more than once, etc) as well as blaring 'evil' music. If possible, get a T-Shirt that has the word 'UNSAVED' stamped on it on the front, and on the back 'Member Of The Evil Atheist Conspiracy'.

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2003-02-06 01:53pm

Or the next time someone like the Mormon missionaries come by your door, you could just re-direct them to the JW house and then sit back watch the fireworks.

Captain tycho · Post by **Captain tycho** » 2003-02-06 02:07pm

Boba Fett wrote:NO!!!

I have spoken with my other neighbours and we declare "war" on them!

Begun, the Fundie-war has...

Move immediately, or you shall know no respite from stupidity.

Captain tycho · Post by **Captain tycho** » 2003-02-06 02:09pm

Darth Servo wrote:Or the next time someone like the Mormon missionaries come by your door, you could just re-direct them to the JW house and then sit back watch the fireworks.

BTW, get a camera and record it.

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2003-02-06 02:41pm

Go Pre-emptive and knock on their door asking if they have heard about the word of Satan. Fill them in on the joys of worshiping the Lord Of Darkness and invite them to a virgin sacrafice.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-02-06 02:48pm

Pretend you're God. Then tell them to give you shit.

Cal Wright · Post by **Cal Wright** » 2003-02-06 08:37pm

That has got to suck. Do what my cousin did. There's a quaint little southern baptist church on my road. I have to pass this damn thing to get back to the seventh level. Funny thing is, on wednesday nights there are so many ppl thier cars are all parked in the street. As I drove by, my cousin rolled down the window, and with at least 20+ people in the parking lot, flicked them off and yelled sheep fucker!. (you know, jay and silent bob strike back). Do that with some friends, maybe they'll leave you alone.

Another pish posh story for you. (This one, I wish I had been the one to answer the door.) My dad answers the door, of course fucking witnesses all preaching. He tells them to leave. He comes back in, and I'm like, who was that? He says, 'Jehosiwits Witnesses.'. I replied, 'WTF, don't they know what day it is?' When in fact it was Christmas day. LoL. They don't celebrate Christmas day. Oh, holy hell, Two things I wish had transpired. Either just answering the door that time, or better yet, when I used to be a good little Catholic, and had answered the door. Heh.

Larz · Post by **Larz** » 2003-02-06 08:42pm

I'm sorry...

Put a pit trap at the front of your door... and don't forget about it...

That or you can put up an alter with a sacraficed goat on it in your front yard and go out nightly to chant infront of it, that outta get them to leave...

Seggybop · Post by **Seggybop** » 2003-02-06 08:50pm

It's actually sort of good, as you now have an easy to attack target that you can direct your violent anger and rage at while having fun mocking them.

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2003-02-06 08:50pm

Stormbringer wrote:
Boba Fett wrote:NO!!!

I have spoken with my other neighbours and we declare "war" on them!

Begun, the Fundie-war has...
Good now get the biggest stereo you can and start blaring Ozzy, Rob Zombie and any other sacreligious music you can find.

"Hail and Kill" by Manowar might do it nicely....with lyrics such as....hail and kill....and....may your sword stay wet like a young girl in her prime....and other wonderful ones....

Some of Blind Guardian's heavier ones....or something from the Demons & Wizards collab. that was done....like for example "Poor Man's Crusade"

Rob Zombie and Ozzy are staples of the Anti-Religious annoyance market....though you cant forget early heavy metallica....or Dimmu Borgir....for example "Burn in Hell" with the lovely line...."I've only five words to say to you as you go down down down....YOU'RE GONNA BURN IN HELL!!!" lovely and loud too....

as for other options....go to thier door and ask them if they've ever considered odinisim as a religion.....think satanisim with a crankier attitude and a nordic twist

and a far better selection of food and drink....