A little surprise...

Xenophobe3691 · Post by **Xenophobe3691** » 2003-02-06 08:51pm

Iron Maiden: Bring your daughter (This one is SOOOOOO perfect)
Iron Maiden: Killers
Metallica: Am I Evil

Maybe you should try acting as a blood donation center head or something, every time the witness comes over ask for some.

And my condolences to you, that has got to suck some major monkey balls, man.

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2003-02-06 08:53pm

Vorlon1701 wrote:Iron Maiden: Bring your daughter (This one is SOOOOOO perfect)
Iron Maiden: Killers
Metallica: Am I Evil

Maybe you should try acting as a blood donation center head or something, every time the witness comes over ask for some.

And my condolences to you, that has got to suck some major monkey balls, man.

I've the teeth to pull that one off most delightfully...

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2003-02-06 08:56pm

Whenever they come near you, try to convert THEM into Jedi!

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2003-02-06 08:59pm

Grand Admiral Thrawn wrote:Whenever they come near you, try to convert THEM into Jedi!

*shudders when he imagines an army of JW's with lightsabers*

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

jegs2 · Post by **jegs2** » 2003-02-06 09:02pm

That's an interesting story. It reminds my of my dad telling me that he was on a zoning commission that allowed a church at the end of his street. Unfortunately, JW's moved in, setting up a Kingdom Hall. I visited my parents one week, and that Kingdom Hall had services just about every night, causing no end of commotion. My dad's kicking himself now...

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-02-06 09:10pm

IG-88E wrote:
Darth Servo wrote:You know this means they'll be knocking on your door 24/7
Indeed. Get a shotgun and a turban to answer the door with.

Right. And be sure you're not wearing anything else.

If that doesn't work, play the sacreligous music.

If they still don't budge, start your own wierdo cult within your house, and have people give pamphlets to them. This a chance to witness fundie idiocy up close, you know. You shouldn't chase them out too fast.

Andrew J. · Post by **Andrew J.** » 2003-02-06 09:11pm

Yeesh. Just pretend you're not at home if they knock.

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2003-02-06 09:12pm

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:
IG-88E wrote:
Darth Servo wrote:You know this means they'll be knocking on your door 24/7
Indeed. Get a shotgun and a turban to answer the door with.
Right. And be sure you're not wearing anything else.

If that doesn't work, play the sacreligous music.

If they still don't budge, start your own wierdo cult within your house, and have people give pamphlets to them. This a chance to witness fundie idiocy up close, you know. You shouldn't chase them out too fast.

Get a camera and do a nature documentary style video on "The lesser known fundie" in its natural habbitat.....market it to someone and make money off them.....

Drewcifer · Post by **Drewcifer** » 2003-02-06 09:14pm

Answer the door only wearing your underwear and grab your ass, moving your arm like you're having a war with something in the back of your pants. Then offer to shake their hands -- they'll stop knocking soon

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-02-06 09:26pm

OK.

You will need a printer and these websites.

http://www.cthulhulives.org

http://www.locksley.com/cthulhu/

[url]http://www.cthulhu.org[/html]

and (evil warning)

http://www.cthulhusex.com/

Go through those. Construct your informative pamphlets and begin leaflet dropping. To really add to it, get a copy of the larger image from my sig from the first site and have it put on a T-Shirt.

Record onto a CD a file of you chanting the greatest prayers of the Necronomicon, then play it at high volume on infinite loop for several days, accompanied by random pyro effects.

Ted · Post by **Ted** » 2003-02-06 09:57pm

Words of wisdom from my local priest:

When confronted at the door with JW's, aske to pray with them.

They will worship satan before they pray with an "unbeliever".

According to him, gets them every time, the just turn tail and run.

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-02-06 10:03pm

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:
IG-88E wrote:
Darth Servo wrote:You know this means they'll be knocking on your door 24/7
Indeed. Get a shotgun and a turban to answer the door with.
Right. And be sure you're not wearing anything else.

If that doesn't work, play the sacreligous music.

If they still don't budge, start your own wierdo cult within your house, and have people give pamphlets to them. This a chance to witness fundie idiocy up close, you know. You shouldn't chase them out too fast.

No, just show up at the door, wearing the turban, holding the shotgun, and screaming in broken english "How dare you no follow the great Allah!"

They will RUN.

Hyperion · Post by **Hyperion** » 2003-02-06 10:07pm

Music that all religious nuts seem to hate: Manowar, Therion (death/blood metal), Nightwish (goth/goth metal), and a number of others, start with heavy metal and work your way down.

Get a good friend of the same sex who actually won't have issues with this: shirts off, acting rather overly friendly with each other, talking *that* way, and answering the door.

Get a piece of really bloody meat (for the smell, I'm not the only one who can smell blood from like half mile away, alot of people can) and rub it on your hands then go open the door and say in an exasparated voice "Damnit, you interrupted my sacrifice, now I gotta start it all over again with another goat..."

Ask them where the orgy is.

Ask them what God is. (this one's evil even with mormons)

Xenophobe3691 · Post by **Xenophobe3691** » 2003-02-06 10:08pm

Ted wrote: Words of wisdom from my local priest:

When confronted at the door with JW's, aske to pray with them.

They will worship satan before they pray with an "unbeliever".

According to him, gets them every time, the just turn tail and run.

Thanks....I'll have to try that

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-02-06 10:11pm

jegs2 wrote:That's an interesting story. It reminds my of my dad telling me that he was on a zoning commission that allowed a church at the end of his street. Unfortunately, JW's moved in, setting up a Kingdom Hall. I visited my parents one week, and that Kingdom Hall had services just about every night, causing no end of commotion. My dad's kicking himself now...

JW's are not like regular Christians; they seem to delight in being as intrusive as possible.

Montcalm · Post by **Montcalm** » 2003-02-06 10:11pm

Or you could put a sticker on your door that say i give blood they will never bug you but the red cross will be there every week.

Xenophobe3691 · Post by **Xenophobe3691** » 2003-02-06 10:16pm

Put a bandaid over your main arm, along with a small tourniquet, like they use in the roving blood donation busses.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-02-06 10:21pm

Tell them that you will only speak to a young female JW representative. Tell them that you would like her to come tonight, alone.

Alternatively, ask them for their home addresses.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-02-06 10:22pm

Of course, a snarling Rottweiler is probably another effective deterrent.

Xenophobe3691 · Post by **Xenophobe3691** » 2003-02-06 10:23pm

Unless they have a juice, meat covered bone, then again, they probably don't wanna be anywhere near the blood and gristle on that thing...

Sr.mal · Post by **Sr.mal** » 2003-02-06 10:24pm

Hmm blare this part of TOOL's song Eulogy off of Aenima

"Come down, get off your fucking cross, we need that fucking space to nail the next fool martyr"

Ted · Post by **Ted** » 2003-02-06 10:24pm

Barbed wire aint that expensive...

Though on a board I used to go to, we'd all get slammed for saying all this.

I got flammed for cheering when the JW place near my school closed down.

Darth Garden Gnome · Post by **Darth Garden Gnome** » 2003-02-06 10:27pm

You could always go with the classics:

Turning on the sprinkler system as they approach.

Tossing paint/garbage off the roof/window at them, and then "apologizing" as it was an accident.

Sick your perverted crotch-licking dog on them.

Pretend your blind and/or deaf.

Vacuum while they try to gibber at you.

Or any other number of tricks. Be creative.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-02-06 10:29pm

Leave the door open, say "just wait a minute", walk inside, and put some porno on the TV, with the volume nice and loud. Then come back and ask if they'd like to come sit in your TV room and discuss religious issues.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-02-06 10:29pm

Keevan_Colton wrote:
Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:
IG-88E wrote: Indeed. Get a shotgun and a turban to answer the door with.
Right. And be sure you're not wearing anything else.

If that doesn't work, play the sacreligous music.

If they still don't budge, start your own wierdo cult within your house, and have people give pamphlets to them. This a chance to witness fundie idiocy up close, you know. You shouldn't chase them out too fast.
Get a camera and do a nature documentary style video on "The lesser known fundie" in its natural habbitat.....market it to someone and make money off them.....

Well, a bunch of JWs coming into someone's neighborhood and the feus that results from it would make a decent movie IMO. Perhaps hidden cameras could be installed around the place.