Freeform Infocom Game

[Questor]

Your attempts to ejaculate on Lady Beth are stymied by the fact that you can't seem to get it up.

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[The Yosemite Bear]

consider leaving the Baron alone to be eaten by grues

[Questor]

While Lady Beth is willing to leave with you, whores thinks that the Baron still has comedic value.

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[The Yosemite Bear]

go deeper into the cave system to recruit primative humans into believing he is a god bear thing.

[Questor]

You discover a group of Neanderthals, deep in the cave system. They do not quite accept you as their God-Bear, yet.

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[The Yosemite Bear]

Well Neanderthals have fire, weapons and very primative art...

Hot to get Beth to play some Zepplin....

[Questor]

Beth responds by playing a riff from "The Song Remains the Same."

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[Enigma]

Scream uncontrollably and continue to masturbate, soiling yourself whenever possible.

[The Yosemite Bear]

Give Neanderthals upgrades to thier primative weapons teach, namely soap, oil/fat and cloth in a clay jar.

[Questor]

The Neanderthals appreciate the technology upgrades, and make you their Bear-God. They are disturbed by the sounds coming from the cave mouth.

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[Enigma]

Smear feces and ejaculate all over yourself and run towards the Neanderthals like a madman.

[Questor]

You run straight into a wall, as you can't see in the dark.

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[Enigma]

Keep trying until you find them.

[darthdavid]

Cast magic missile on the darkness...

[Questor]

Your attempts to cast magic missile fail miserably, causing you to float above the ground. It is as if you are in zero gravity.

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[The Yosemite Bear]

Train the Neanderthals in metal crafting tell them the noise is the mad god who floats in the darkness, one must fear and beware if him.

[Questor]

Over a period of a time, the Neanderthals learn metal crafting. Fear of the Mad God drives them deeper and deeper into the caves.

Over time they become shorter, and stronger.

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[The Yosemite Bear]

Oh great I've created Dwarves, or morlocks....

[Questor]

The dwarves begin growing long beards in reverence to their Bear-God, and speaking in scottish accents (no idea where they got that).

Baron Kenneth von Lowe is still stuck in the entrance to the cave.

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[Hawkwings]

Leave the cave, along with WHORES. Attempt to ditch Beth and the bear.

[The Yosemite Bear]

Teach the Conan Theme
Teach "Divinitus"
Ok, introduce thin layers of metal hammered onto hide with handle straps (sheild is also 99% reflective of heat/fire damage) introduce shield wall heavy infantry tactics.

Use combination of the above and the Napatha I have already taught them to enslave some of the trolls and drive the rest of the trolls into the lands of the AYVB

Introduce heated baths to go with the soap that was nessessary to make the Napatha, alcohol brewing, and give them legends of the empire of seven Hills/Mountains, where twin brothers were raised by either a prostitute or female were-wolf, built great fortifications, roads and weapons of war. Give them pictures of a gladius, aquaducts, segmentum armour, legends of the legendary Titus Pullo, how to build catapults, siege towers, etc.

Invade the lands of the AYVB

Grin Evilly

[Questor]

Your legions march out through the mouth of the cave, passing Baron Kenneth von Lowe, who is still trying, a few feet from WHORES, to reach the floor.

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[The Yosemite Bear]

Ask Whores to carry allong our our new Battle Standard/observation balloon.

[Questor]

WHORES agrees to be Brian's standard bearer.

As he leaves the cave, he casually swats Baron Kenneth von Lowe, who reaches the floor and has gravity returned to him.

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[Enigma]

run into the cave, urinating profusely.