Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

[CaptainChewbacca]

Got our new set of dog tags today, my buddy got "JEDI" stamped as his religion.

They put your religion on dog tags?

I mean, I suppose there's a use for it, avoiding, "wrong last rites" moments... but aren't there more useful things to put there?

They put alot of things on there. Theoretically, religion is put on there so that personnel can (if necessary) start respecting your religious beliefs regarding the treatment of your body after death.

[The Yosemite Bear]

Damn and I thought my old GM was kidding when he said he got Esoteric Order of Dagon put on his.....

[Venator]

They put alot of things on there. Theoretically, religion is put on there so that personnel can (if necessary) start respecting your religious beliefs regarding the treatment of your body after death.

I see, that makes sense.

Of course, what you do when someone puts an esoteric religion on there is hazy - are you really going to make a funeral pyre for people who get "Jedi" stamped?

Edit: The above was rhetorical, I think I've done enough to hijack this thread.

[The Yosemite Bear]

worse imagine getting the boat and the dog for the guy who had "Norse" stamped on his dog tags?

[Venator]

worse imagine getting the boat and the dog for the guy who had "Norse" stamped on his dog tags?

Oh my, that would be wild... if you wanted to really engage in post-mortem trolling, though, you should pick that one faith (apologies, but the name escapes me) that forbids disposal of bodies by burial, cremation, or even water - they're mode of corpse disposal is actually to have vultures pick the bones clean, and then sweep said bones into a pit.

More on topic (out of context the parental involvement might sounds silly, but she sees him weekly, so yeah):

Mom: "I heard back from [the guy] - he hasn't gotten a chance to email you, but it looks like you've got the job."
Me: "Awesome!"
Mom: "He's very bright - he's very sweet, but he's no fool."
Me: *recalling idiots I've worked for* "I like him already."
Mom: "And it sounds like he doesn't suffer fools lightly."
Me: *recalling Trektards/YECs/Twilight fans/Truthers/etc.* "I really like him already."

[Eleas]

Oh my, that would be wild... if you wanted to really engage in post-mortem trolling, though, you should pick that one faith (apologies, but the name escapes me) that forbids disposal of bodies by burial, cremation, or even water - they're mode of corpse disposal is actually to have vultures pick the bones clean, and then sweep said bones into a pit.

That's Zoroastrianism, according to Wikipedia.

[Pulp Hero]

We are preparing an awesome prank on someone in the unit. It started out as an AFD prank, but it is so elaborate that we are waiting to spring it, to make it more believable.

We have a guy who is a bit of a self-centered shitbag, who has also expressed that he doesn't feel appreciated/gets unfairly singled out.

We are writing up phony immediate transfer orders to a unit currently in Iraq for him. The admin NCO, Ops NCO, and 1SG are all in on it.

[Garibaldi]

I just got off a stint interning at a government bureau which handles arms sales, and virtually every briefing I sat in on was some variation on this:

DoD Official: We should sell x weapons to y countries because of z
State Dept Official: We can't because of abc
DoD Official: I don't think you understand, we should sell x to y
State Dept Official: No, I think you don't understand...
DoD: I understand fine, I don't think you understand...

or this:

Gov't Official: So we're here to talk about abc, right?
Civilian Contractor: Yes, but first I have a few questions about x...
Gov't Official: I, uh, I don't know any of the answers to those questions, and if I did, I couldn't tell you.
Civilian Contractor: Ok, I just have a quick question about y...
(this process repeats about twenty times)
Gov't Official: So can we talk about abc now?
Civilian Contractor: Christ, look at the time...catch you later!

[Pulp Hero]

I just got off a stint interning at a government bureau which handles arms sales, and virtually every briefing I sat in on was some variation on this:

DoD Official: We should sell x weapons to y countries because of z
State Dept Official: We can't because of abc
DoD Official: I don't think you understand, we should sell x to y
State Dept Official: No, I think you don't understand...
DoD: I understand fine, I don't think you understand...

or this:

Gov't Official: So we're here to talk about abc, right?
Civilian Contractor: Yes, but first I have a few questions about x...
Gov't Official: I, uh, I don't know any of the answers to those questions, and if I did, I couldn't tell you.
Civilian Contractor: Ok, I just have a quick question about y...
(this process repeats about twenty times)
Gov't Official: So can we talk about abc now?
Civilian Contractor: Christ, look at the time...catch you later!

Sounds very...Dilbert.

[Garibaldi]

Sounds very...Dilbert.

Sort of, except it's not so much incompetence as it is that everybody's working an angle and every office has its own set of policies it would like to pursue.

[Pulp Hero]

Today I went to prison. It was the best day ever.

I gave a 30 minute class on how to respond to a possible IED, and then spent the rest of the day getting to use every weapon in the prison's armory.

[PainRack]

Short note: Everybody here knows how atrocious doctors handwriting are, right?
So, a long time ago, I was serving medications and looking up what sort of pain relief the doc has inked up for this guy.
Imagine my shock when I read the words "Tab II Pornstar TDS"

Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "Take two aspirin and call me in the morning.":D

[Kanastrous]

Once on a feature project there was this graphic designer who was quite the character - given to funny voices in the office, improbable Munchausen-esque stories, and an overall dreadful excess of personality. In addition to doing stuff like incorporating a perfectly common commercially available font into a screen design, then telling the production designer that he had created the font himself...

...anyway, a large part of his deal involved creating the screens and backlits for this big high-tech control console for the central item of gosh-wow hardware on the main big futuristic set. And he talks the producers into suiting *him* up in costume to play the role of console operator, because 'the panels are designed with a certain logic and an extra who doesn't know that won't be able to work it convincingly.'

One scene involves the hero barging into the room, shoving the operator away from the console, and operating it himself for some dramatic purpose. And the star playing the hero gets maybe just a little too far into his role, and on the last take grabs K. by the shoulder and flings him facefirst into the wall hard enough that his knees fold, the medics drag him off set and he goes home early with a bloody nose and split lip.

To his credit the actor concerned was horrified and apologized profusely; I think someone had led him to believe that he was playing the scene with a stunt performer and could therefore play it rough...

[bilateralrope]

Short note: Everybody here knows how atrocious doctors handwriting are, right?
So, a long time ago, I was serving medications and looking up what sort of pain relief the doc has inked up for this guy.
Imagine my shock when I read the words "Tab II Pornstar TDS"

Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "Take two aspirin and call me in the morning.":D

Where do you live where doctors still use handwritten prescriptions ?

For years now, every time a doctor has given me a prescription it has been done on computer, and the only thing done with a pen is the signature.

[CaptainChewbacca]

Short note: Everybody here knows how atrocious doctors handwriting are, right?
So, a long time ago, I was serving medications and looking up what sort of pain relief the doc has inked up for this guy.
Imagine my shock when I read the words "Tab II Pornstar TDS"

Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "Take two aspirin and call me in the morning.":D

Where do you live where doctors still use handwritten prescriptions ?

For years now, every time a doctor has given me a prescription it has been done on computer, and the only thing done with a pen is the signature.

Some places hand-write and fax perscriptions.

[mr friendly guy]

Short note: Everybody here knows how atrocious doctors handwriting are, right?
So, a long time ago, I was serving medications and looking up what sort of pain relief the doc has inked up for this guy.
Imagine my shock when I read the words "Tab II Pornstar TDS"

Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "Take two aspirin and call me in the morning.":D

Where do you live where doctors still use handwritten prescriptions ?

For years now, every time a doctor has given me a prescription it has been done on computer, and the only thing done with a pen is the signature.

Hospitals still have hand written medication charts as its impractical for them to print out a new chart every time some little thing has to be changed.

[CarsonPalmer]

Once on a feature project there was this graphic designer who was quite the character - given to funny voices in the office, improbable Munchausen-esque stories, and an overall dreadful excess of personality. In addition to doing stuff like incorporating a perfectly common commercially available font into a screen design, then telling the production designer that he had created the font himself...

...anyway, a large part of his deal involved creating the screens and backlits for this big high-tech control console for the central item of gosh-wow hardware on the main big futuristic set. And he talks the producers into suiting *him* up in costume to play the role of console operator, because 'the panels are designed with a certain logic and an extra who doesn't know that won't be able to work it convincingly.'

One scene involves the hero barging into the room, shoving the operator away from the console, and operating it himself for some dramatic purpose. And the star playing the hero gets maybe just a little too far into his role, and on the last take grabs K. by the shoulder and flings him facefirst into the wall hard enough that his knees fold, the medics drag him off set and he goes home early with a bloody nose and split lip.

To his credit the actor concerned was horrified and apologized profusely; I think someone had led him to believe that he was playing the scene with a stunt performer and could therefore play it rough...

That is truly an awesome story, that absolutely made my day.

[The Yosemite Bear]

this week we got our usual shipment of Externs (recent culinary school grads who are trying to get their chef certifications) Unfortunatly they are often lost in our kitchen.

Today I had one young lady who couldn't find: The Boulion Cups, The mixer, and the to go containers in seperate incidents. In every case they were less then two feet from her and in plain sight.

[Oskuro]

A bit off-topic, since I was the client, but well:

Yesterday I dropped by a GAME store around here (Sort of like EB), looking for an specific title, and found it on the "pre-used" section, a mere 2€ cheaper than it would have been new. Knowing that the game's Key was necessary for the online component, I went on to inquire:

Me: "Hi there, I was wondering about this pre-used game, and what condition it is in".
Salesman: "Yes, sir, our pre-used games are fully guaranteed".
Me: "Do you know if the online key has been used?".
Salesman: "It might have been used, sir".
Me: "Um, but if it's been used, then I won't be able to use it to play online".
Salesman: "Yes, if that's the case, then no, you won't be able to play online".
Me: "Then you're selling an essentially incomplete game".
Salesman: "Yes, but that's why it's cheaper".
Me: "I see. I've also noticed you're selling pre-used copies of Battlefield 2*, as well as World of Warcraft: Burning Crusade**, wouldn't the same thing happen there?"
Salesman: "Yes, it could, that's why they are cheaper too"

Around that point, I left the game back on the shelf and walked out, resisting the urge to ask about the Tabula Rasa*** game box they were selling new, at full price.


* Battlefield 2 is essentially a multiplayer game, although it has a very limited single player component, you are required to log in into EA's servers for anything else, and you need a valid key for that.
** World of Warcraft: Burning Crusade is the expansion to WOW, an online game you can't play wihtout a valid account, and you need the key for that, wich is what you're really buying, since the game files can be downloaded.
***Tabula Rasa is another online game, wich recently closed, thus meaning it can no longer be played at all.

[PainRack]

Where do you live where doctors still use handwritten prescriptions ?

For years now, every time a doctor has given me a prescription it has been done on computer, and the only thing done with a pen is the signature.

Don't you know that Singapore is still in the Dark Ages with regards to medicine?
Beside, I work as a nurse. Until 2020 comes about and we get the IT paperless shit they promise us along with the automatic dispenser they're using in A&E, the doctors are still going to be handwriting medication orders and I'm still going to have to use a green highlighter to cancel obsolete orders. Which means sooner or later, a doctor will find himself having to rewrite a new medication order simply because nurses like us accidently highlighted out their current valid orders.

Hospitals still have hand written medication charts as its impractical for them to print out a new chart every time some little thing has to be changed.

I seen some vids where it shows that the States have utterly IT medication records....... Lucky bastards.

[Pulp Hero]

Military stupidity at work here.

Our unit has Humvees that must be PMCSed (checked for faults) every week. The process is a time intensive pain in the ass.

Every Humvee is assigned to a specific person. That person is supposed to be the one who does the checks every week and signs off on the paperwork. In addition, everyone who is not assigned a Humvee is supposed to go the motorpool and help conduct checks to make things go faster.

What usually happens is that most people assigned Humvee are just toooo busy to do checks and have someone else do them in their place.

Our supply Sergeant got a hair up his ass about this and brought it up to the maintenance Sergeant. Maintenance decided to solve the problem by reassigning as many Humvees as possible to the support personnel (as the people who have the most free time). The supply Sergeant ending up getting my old Humvee signed to him.

Time for weekly checks comes up, and our supply Sergeant just happens to be just toooo busy during the morning when we were conducting checks.

Fast forward to today, our maintenance decides on holding a long, boring, and needed class on proper PMCS. Our supply Sergeant decides to open his mouth again to the class, "And remember- It is called maintenance day, not maintenance morning, so if you really are too busy in the morning to check your Humvee, your ass better be down their in the afternoon."

After the classroom portion, we were taken outside where my old Humvee and another one were parked to perform hands on some PMCS learning. Our maintenance Sergeant when through a brief and asked if we had any questions. I raised my hand, "Yeah. Humvee number seven is Supply Sergeant's now. So where the fuck is he? I'm getting tired of having to check other peoples' vehicles."

A second Sergeant assigned to maintenance volunteered to go get him. Our supply Sergeant had retired back to his office because he felt that he didn't need to go through the rest of the class. He was, with some consternation, brought back outside with the rest of us.

[irishmick79]

Supervisor: Here's a new hand cart. We need to store it in the Records room.
Myself: Just leave it right here where we can get it easily.
Sup.: It needs to be put in the back, behind the file cabinets.
Me:
Sup.: This is the replacement for the last one. The ICE guys borrowed it and never brought it back. So we need to hide this one or they'll take it. (ICE = Immigrations & Customs Enforcement)
Me: Am I the only one that finds it ironic that most of the office-supply theft in this building is done by the Law Enforcement guys?

Not surprising at all. I work for ICE, and the supply procurement procedures here are ludicrously inefficient and slow. We pretty much have to resort to pillaging supplies from wherever we can find them.

Anyways, I get a call from a cop in a small PD in northern Georgia. Keep in mind I work at a national center in Vermont.

Georgia Cop: Hi, I got a dead body here, when we searched it we came up with two different alien registration cards and two different social security cards. What do we do?
Me: Well, get in touch with your dispatcher and we can run those registration and social security numbers to see if they match your subject, sir.
Georgia Cop: No, I mean what do we do with the body? Do you guys want it?
Me: Um, don't you have normal procedures for dealing with corpses?
Georgia Cop: It's a weekend, and the mortuary is in the next town over. Nobody's there now. I've been a cop for 25 years and I've never dealt with this. Is there a number for the local ICE office that I can call so they can come get the body?
Me: ....We're not in the business of collecting corpses, sir. I'm not sure they'd be able to help you with that, but if you want to find out if those cards are valid they can do that for you.
Georgia Cop: No, we don't need that. The guy's dead, so it don't matter none if he's legal or not. I'll just call my dispatcher and see if they can get a hold of somebody to come and get this guy. Thanks!
*click*

[PainRack]

Not surprising at all. I work for ICE, and the supply procurement procedures here are ludicrously inefficient and slow. We pretty much have to resort to pillaging supplies from wherever we can find them.

Anyways, I get a call from a cop in a small PD in northern Georgia. Keep in mind I work at a national center in Vermont.

Georgia Cop: Hi, I got a dead body here, when we searched it we came up with two different alien registration cards and two different social security cards. What do we do?
Me: Well, get in touch with your dispatcher and we can run those registration and social security numbers to see if they match your subject, sir.
Georgia Cop: No, I mean what do we do with the body? Do you guys want it?
Me: Um, don't you have normal procedures for dealing with corpses?
Georgia Cop: It's a weekend, and the mortuary is in the next town over. Nobody's there now. I've been a cop for 25 years and I've never dealt with this. Is there a number for the local ICE office that I can call so they can come get the body?
Me: ....We're not in the business of collecting corpses, sir. I'm not sure they'd be able to help you with that, but if you want to find out if those cards are valid they can do that for you.
Georgia Cop: No, we don't need that. The guy's dead, so it don't matter none if he's legal or not. I'll just call my dispatcher and see if they can get a hold of somebody to come and get this guy. Thanks!
*click*

lol..........Am I right in understanding that this guy sole and only concern is how to get this "case" off his back?

[irishmick79]

Not surprising at all. I work for ICE, and the supply procurement procedures here are ludicrously inefficient and slow. We pretty much have to resort to pillaging supplies from wherever we can find them.

Anyways, I get a call from a cop in a small PD in northern Georgia. Keep in mind I work at a national center in Vermont.

Georgia Cop: Hi, I got a dead body here, when we searched it we came up with two different alien registration cards and two different social security cards. What do we do?
Me: Well, get in touch with your dispatcher and we can run those registration and social security numbers to see if they match your subject, sir.
Georgia Cop: No, I mean what do we do with the body? Do you guys want it?
Me: Um, don't you have normal procedures for dealing with corpses?
Georgia Cop: It's a weekend, and the mortuary is in the next town over. Nobody's there now. I've been a cop for 25 years and I've never dealt with this. Is there a number for the local ICE office that I can call so they can come get the body?
Me: ....We're not in the business of collecting corpses, sir. I'm not sure they'd be able to help you with that, but if you want to find out if those cards are valid they can do that for you.
Georgia Cop: No, we don't need that. The guy's dead, so it don't matter none if he's legal or not. I'll just call my dispatcher and see if they can get a hold of somebody to come and get this guy. Thanks!
*click*

lol..........Am I right in understanding that this guy sole and only concern is how to get this "case" off his back?

Yep. At least the guy was smart enough to realize you can't just walk away from a corpse.

[aerius]

This one doesn't really count, but I thought it was pretty funny. I was biking to the woods with an axe in my backpack to clear out some fallen trees from the bike trails. I was greeted by a group of kids, probably about 10-12 years old.

kid #1: scuse me mister, is that an axe?
me: yes it is
kid #1: are you like a lumberjack?
me: no, I'm actually a contract killer
kid #1: cool!!
kid #2: what's that?
me: ummm...do you play Grand Theft Auto?
kid #2: yeah
me: it's like that, I do jobs like that for money
kid #2 & 3: whoa! Really?! That's sick!
kid #1: holy god he's like Nico!
me: yeah, just keep it down ok? I'm on a mission
kid #3: go fuck him up!
all kids: yeah!!
me: see you later guys!


Note - I'm not a lumberjack and I'm definitely NOT a contract killer.