Reaganomics Finally Trickles Down To Area Man

[bobalot]

Reaganomics Finally Trickles Down To Area Man

HAZELWOOD, MO—Twenty-six years after Ronald Reagan first set his controversial fiscal policies into motion, the deceased president's massive tax cuts for the ultrarich at last trickled all the way down to deliver their bounty, in the form of a $10 bonus, to Hazelwood, MO car-wash attendant Frank Kellener.

The late President Ronald Reagan clearly had people like present-day car wash attendant Frank Kellener in mind when articulating his "trickle-down" economic theory in the early 1980s.

"Back when Reagan was in charge, I didn't think much of him," Kellener, 57, said, holding up two five-dollar bills nearly three decades in the making. "But who would have thought that in 2007 I'd have this extra $10 in my pocket? He may not have lived to see it, but I'm sure President Reagan is up in heaven smiling down on me right now."

Leading economists say Kellener's unexpected windfall provides the first irrefutable proof of the effectiveness of Reagan's so-called supply-side economics, and shows that the former president had "incredible, far-reaching foresight."

"When the tax burden on the upper income brackets is lifted, the rich and not-rich alike all benefit," said Arthur Laffer, who was a former member of Reagan's Economic Policy Advisory Board. "Eventually."

The $10 began its long journey into Kellener's wallet in 1983, when a beefed-up national defense budget of $210 billion enabled the military to purchase advanced warhead-delivery systems from aerospace manufacturer Lockheed. Buoyed by a multimillion-dollar bonus, then-CEO Martin Lawler bought a house on a 5,000-acre plot in Montana. When a forest fire destroyed his home in 1986, Lawler took the federal relief check and invested it in a savings and loan run by a Virginia man named Michael Webber. After Webber's firm collapsed in 1989, and he was indicted on fraud and conspiracy charges, he retained the services of high- powered law firm Rabin & Levy for his defense. After six years and $7 million in legal fees, Webber received only a $250,000 fine, and the defense team went out to celebrate at a Washington, D.C.-area restaurant called Di Forenza. During dinner, lawyer Peter Smith overheard several investment bankers at an adjoining table discussing a hot Internet start-up that was about to go public. Smith took a portion of his earnings from the Webber case and bought several hundred shares in Gadgets.com, quadrupling his investment before selling them four months later. Gadgets.com's two founders used the sudden influx of investment capital to outfit their office with modern Danish furniture, in a sale brokered by the New York gallery Modern Now! in 1998. After the ensuing dot-com bust, Modern Now! was forced out of business, and Sotheby's auction house was put in charge of liquidating its inventory. The commission from that auction enabled auctioneer Mary Schafer to retire to the Ozark region of Missouri in 2006. Last month, while passing through Hazelwood, she took her Audi to Marlin Car Wash, where Kellener was one of the employees who tended to her car. She was so satisfied with the job that she left a $50 tip, which the manager divided among the people working that day.

"This money didn't just affect one life," Laffer said. "It affected five."

Prior to joining Marlin Car Wash in 2005, Kellener worked for nearly two decades at a local Ford assembly plant that is now defunct. Before that, he was employed by the FAA as an air traffic controller until his union went on strike and Reagan fired him, along with nearly 13,000 others. This is the largest tip he has received in his professional life.

"I thought Reaganomics was nothing more than a mirage that allowed President Reagan to reward his wealthy support base," Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-MA) said. "But two generations later I am seeing Reaganomics in action, and I like what I see. It just took a little longer than I thought it was supposed to."

The tip has not gone unnoticed by the economic team in the current administration.

"Had Mr. Kellener received that money in 1981, like the Democrats wanted, it would only be worth $4.24 today because of inflation," Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson, Jr. said during an official announcement of the economic policy's success at a press conference Monday. "Instead, Kellener has a solid $10 to spend right here and now. The system works, and our current president intends to keep making it work."

Kellener, who has cared for his schizophrenic sister ever since her federally funded mental institution was closed in 1984, said that he plans to donate the full $10 to the Republican presidential candidate who best embodies Reagan's legacy.

Source

[Oni Koneko Damien]

1st reply:
<IAngered knee-jerk response>

2nd reply:
<Sarcastic trolling of first response>

3rd reply:
<lol i checked the link>

4th reply:
<Vicious defense of initial knee-jerk response>

5th reply:
<Slow explanation of the satirical nature of the article>

6th reply:
<Wordy claim that initial response was just a joke>

[RedImperator]

1st reply:
<IAngered knee-jerk response>

2nd reply:
<Sarcastic trolling of first response>

3rd reply:
<lol i checked the link>

4th reply:
<Vicious defense of initial knee-jerk response>

5th reply:
<Slow explanation of the satirical nature of the article>

6th reply:
<Wordy claim that initial response was just a joke>

Well, that's just great. Now what are we supposed to do for the rest of the thread?

[erik_t]

O-K-D wins the thread. Can we stop posting Onion links in N&P? Seriously.

[SAMAS]

1st reply:
<IAngered knee-jerk response>

2nd reply:
<Sarcastic trolling of first response>

3rd reply:
<lol i checked the link>

4th reply:
<Vicious defense of initial knee-jerk response>

5th reply:
<Slow explanation of the satirical nature of the article>

6th reply:
<Wordy claim that initial response was just a joke>

Well, that's just great. Now what are we supposed to do for the rest of the thread?

Play chess?

[Uraniun235]

heh. guess what, liberals...

reaganomics works.



deal with it.

[Sea Skimmer]

O-K-D wins the thread. Can we stop posting Onion links in N&P? Seriously.

Yeah its just dumb as fuck, and I could not care less about 'lol people wont buy it if its in off topic!' bullshit

[The Spartan]

I know this is the Onion and all, but you have no idea how many people I run into who still worship Reagonmics. It's like a religion in it's own right. I have to beat them over the head (figuratively) to get them to understand just how dumb it is.

My best weapons? The average household income comparisons made over the past 30 years and how only the rich people's lines have gone up and the Jenga analogy. Both combined with a careful explanation of how we never stopped following his retarded philosophy even during the Clinton years.

[The Yosemite Bear]

1st reply:
<IAngered knee-jerk response>

2nd reply:
<Sarcastic trolling of first response>

3rd reply:
<lol i checked the link>

4th reply:
<Vicious defense of initial knee-jerk response>

5th reply:
<Slow explanation of the satirical nature of the article>

6th reply:
<Wordy claim that initial response was just a joke>

Well, that's just great. Now what are we supposed to do for the rest of the thread?

Play chess?

*moves knight*

[Surlethe]

Enough spamming. Either make real comments or let the thread die.

[Phantasee]

I know this is the Onion and all, but you have no idea how many people I run into who still worship Reagonmics. It's like a religion in it's own right. I have to beat them over the head (figuratively) to get them to understand just how dumb it is.

My best weapons? The average household income comparisons made over the past 30 years and how only the rich people's lines have gone up and the Jenga analogy. Both combined with a careful explanation of how we never stopped following his retarded philosophy even during the Clinton years.

Which Jenga analogy are your referring to? I made one up a little while ago, to relate to the current financial crisis, but I'd be interested in learning more ways to apply Jenga to the real world (seriously, Jenga is way underrated).

[Starglider]

I know this is the Onion and all, but you have no idea how many people I run into who still worship Reagonmics. It's like a religion in it's own right. I have to beat them over the head (figuratively) to get them to understand just how dumb it is.

Like this you mean? I swear if the US fundies were catholics they'd be pushing to have him canonised.

[bobalot]

I know this is the Onion and all, but you have no idea how many people I run into who still worship Reagonmics. It's like a religion in it's own right. I have to beat them over the head (figuratively) to get them to understand just how dumb it is.

My best weapons? The average household income comparisons made over the past 30 years and how only the rich people's lines have gone up and the Jenga analogy. Both combined with a careful explanation of how we never stopped following his retarded philosophy even during the Clinton years.

I have a friend who is all into Reaganomics, Libertarianism, Ron Paul, and all that bullshit. He truly believes that between 1870-1920 (before the creation of the dreaded fed) was an awesome time for the common man. Robber barons, unregulated free market capitalism and trickle down economics made a "golden era" for the common man on the street.

[The Spartan]

Which Jenga analogy are your referring to? I made one up a little while ago, to relate to the current financial crisis, but I'd be interested in learning more ways to apply Jenga to the real world (seriously, Jenga is way underrated).

I think it was yours. I modified it slightly to use it to explain the difference between a heavily regulated economy (the original stack at the beginning of play), a properly regulated economy (the final stack if you only remove the middle pieces and stack them correctly) and a Reaganomics economy where you remove all the side pieces stacking them one on top of the other and bringing in people to hold the stack up so we can stack it higher (representing the bubbles).

I find it's really handy in explaining what I'm trying to say. They don't always buy it, but such is life.

[The Yosemite Bear]

oh, and the current special election here in CA promises to:
Cut Taxes
increase the Emergency Fund
build more schools
hire more teachers
cap public service wages (no more freebies for fat cat they say)
build roads
reduce vehicle registration fees

ok, deso someone actually understand they are trying for more Reagan pie in sky bullshit?