Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

[Venator]

... were they obviously joking or playing along, or are kids really that gullible (and morally bankrupt) these days ?

[Kanastrous]

Oh, kids these days...

...things cost more!

children use swear words!

get off my lawn!

[Oskuro]

Note - I'm not a lumberjack and I'm definitely NOT a contract killer.

Not a lumberjack? Awwwwwww....

get off my lawn!

If you haven't already, go watch Gran Torino, for the most awesome get off my lawn moment in world history.

[Phantasee]

I call shenanigans, because kids stopped saying "'scuse me mister" way before I was a kid.

[Losonti Tokash]

"What's a contraindication for nitroglycerin?"

"A volatile blood pressure."

"Christ, I hate you."

[aerius]

... were they obviously joking or playing along, or are kids really that gullible (and morally bankrupt) these days ?

I'm pretty sure they were half playing along, one kid was definitely playing along and I don't think the others totally bought it, but didn't want to look "uncool" or anything.

I call shenanigans, because kids stopped saying "'scuse me mister" way before I was a kid.

It depends on the neighbourhood here, kids will say anything ranging from "yo! YO!!" to "excuse me sir..."

[Korto]

The furnace was finally fixed, and we were actually going to be able to melt aluminium for the class that night (after fucking weeks), and when the time came around and I started the furnace up... Nothing.
Next day I called Maintenance.
Me: "Is this furnace supposed to be fixed? It wouldn't start"
Maintenance: "I was told it was fixed. Hold on a minute" (he makes a quick phone call)
Maintenance: "They say it's fixed. Here's their number if you want to talk to them"
I call the repairers
Me: "You reckon this is fixed? I tried to start it last night, I got nothing"
Them: "Yeah. It's got a new start-up procedure now"

[Kanastrous]

So my predecessor on the present show did all of her work using software with which I am entirely unfamiliar and an operating system I dislike, and the only application I have that can open her files is software with which I am mostly unfamiliar. Which makes me the most qualified person in the department, with it.

So revising and updating and modifying documents is a little bit like playing blindfolded whack-a-mole; lots of flailing around punctuated by fleeting moments of triumph when the mallet actually connects with something.

The Supervising Art Director is standing at the large-format printer watching me extract a print, and wants to know So, are you still the reigning Mister Vectorworks?

And I told him Sure, as long as there isn't a swimsuit competition.

[irishmick79]

Ok, so I'm confirming a warrant with an officer from the Dallas PD. Basically, we try to determine if the individual currently being held by the cop is actually the individual the warrant is out for. I asked the officer why he thought the individual in his custody was the individual on the warrant hit. Here's the exchange:

Me: So why do you think this is the guy on the hit?

Dallas cop: when I ran this guy's name he gave a name of Francisco. The warrant hit on the guy's last name and date of birth, but I saw the first name on the hit of Frederico.

Me: Did the guy have the two tattos on the hit?

Dallas cop: Yep. Same location, same description. I asked him his name again, he said "Francisco" again. I asked him if he meant Frederico, and the guy sighed and said "yeah".

[Uraniun235]

Somebody out at the middle school said this to one of my co-workers:

"Oh, I didn't read that email, it was way too long. I don't read long emails. If you want me to read something you'll have to shorten it up a lot."

This was in response to my co-worker being a bit puzzled when this person asked about a procedure that had been explained in an email that had been sent out.

[CaptainChewbacca]

Dallas cop: Yep. Same location, same description. I asked him his name again, he said "Francisco" again. I asked him if he meant Frederico, and the guy sighed and said "yeah".

So... was the cop not just understanding him, or was the guy lying about his name?

[Themightytom]

Supervisor: One of your clients called with good news. He was hired as a helicoptor pilot. Did we send him to flight school?

me: "yeah you authorized it."

Supervisor: "I would have remembered that"

me: " It was the week we sent two people to nursing school, one to bartending school, one to massage therapy, one to become a teacher one to the army and one to become a janitor.

Supervisor: "Did they all complete?"

Me: "Yeah except the janitor, apparently its harder than we could have imagined."

[irishmick79]

Dallas cop: Yep. Same location, same description. I asked him his name again, he said "Francisco" again. I asked him if he meant Frederico, and the guy sighed and said "yeah".

So... was the cop not just understanding him, or was the guy lying about his name?

The guy was lying. Cop said it was one of the more sad and pathetic efforts at deception he'd seen in a while.

[Uraniun235]

On the phone today:

"I borrowed a computer from upstairs to use in my office and it's not working right. It's coming up with an error: 'could not connect'..."
"Are you connected to the network?"
"What's a network?"

[AMT]

Email exchange with Regional Office:

RCC: Can you take a look at this ticket? We need to know the status on it. It's been more than five days.

Me: Sure.

*look at ticket*

Me: No idea on this ticket.

RCC: (paraphase) How can you not know about this ticket? Don't you pay attention to important things?

Me: Because this is for the Lexington County Office. In Virginia. This is the Lexington Kentucky Office. In Kentucky.

RCC: ... Oh.

Me and me Louisville counterpart: *snicker*

[AMT]

And number 2:

(While doing Inventory reconcilation, radio is on. TV reporter who also works with radio does a report on a crack head who was arrested)

Me: I used to go to school with her.

Clerks: Really? Man, weird to see how two different roads can go down.

Me: Yeah, she stuck with it, I quit.

Clerks: ....ok.

Me: Yeah, she stayed in the news, while I went sideways to this.

Clerks: Oh! You meant the reporter, not the crack head!

Me: ...Yup! Though I probably do know a couple of people who're crack heads, if I tried to find em...

[Schuyler Colfax]

I know this thread is mainly used for jobs, but here's a bit a dialog from my chemistry class today

My douchebag friend poked a hole on the top of a water bottle and went around squirting people.
He got me on the face and I was already frustrated because of other things.
I went up to him and said stop squirting me.
A second passed.
Everyone who heard me (myself included) busted out laughing.

I hate my chemistry class.

[Pulp Hero]

I did a cross-state, work related carpool with a guy. It was his car and he drove, and holy fucking bejezus, I hate (READ: RAAAAGE!) people who are fucking slow drivers.

This douchebag was driving approximately five miles below the speed limit on long strecthes of road that alternated between 55 and 65 miles per hour. The other car in our convoy got fed up with us and got to our destination over an hour before us because of the fuck-ass that was driving. And he had this infuriating habit of fucking with the radio- constantly turning the volume up and down (or off) at random.

[irishmick79]

Ok, we run a lot of instant status checks for ICE Agents in the field. Basically, they can call in and run a name and date of birth on a subject they're currently dealing with and we'll assess their status after searching a few databases. Most of the time it's pretty quick and the agents know what they're doing, but every now and then we have a Special Agent call in who is "Special" in the derogatory sense of the word.

Agent: Hi, I'd like to run a name check please.

Me: Sure, can I get your name and ID code?

Agent: I'm not running myself.

Me:....yes sir, I need your name and ID code so I can verify who you are.

Agent: Oh...*gives name and code*

Me: Ok, what can I do for you?

Agent: I need you to run Juan Torres. Sorry, but I don't have a date of birth.

Me: Ok, I can run that, but I'm probably going to get at least 1000 hits. Do you have a second last name, an address, or any kind of numerics? Does he have a drivers license or social security number?

Agent: I don't know. This is all I've got. Can you run it anyways?

*groan* so I start running Juan Torres, and sure as shit I get a ton of hits and the database we use craps out because it's overloaded with results. Fuck you, Agent McDinkleberry

Me: Sorry, I got too many possible hits. You need to narrow that search width down somehow.

Agent: Oh. Wait, I've got a drivers license. *Gives date of birth, full name, and address of subject*

Me: Ok, subject is *********, with a DOB of ******** and he is a legal permanent resident.

Agent: What's that mean?

Stupid Fucker! So I take the time to explain the basic principle of immigration law and the definition of LPR to a GS-13 agent who presumably went to an academy and was educated on this stuff at some point.

[AMT]

Ok, we run a lot of instant status checks for ICE Agents in the field. Basically, they can call in and run a name and date of birth on a subject they're currently dealing with and we'll assess their status after searching a few databases. Most of the time it's pretty quick and the agents know what they're doing, but every now and then we have a Special Agent call in who is "Special" in the derogatory sense of the word.

Agent: Hi, I'd like to run a name check please.

Me: Sure, can I get your name and ID code?

Agent: I'm not running myself.

Me:....yes sir, I need your name and ID code so I can verify who you are.

Agent: Oh...*gives name and code*

Me: Ok, what can I do for you?

Agent: I need you to run Juan Torres. Sorry, but I don't have a date of birth.

Me: Ok, I can run that, but I'm probably going to get at least 1000 hits. Do you have a second last name, an address, or any kind of numerics? Does he have a drivers license or social security number?

Agent: I don't know. This is all I've got. Can you run it anyways?

*groan* so I start running Juan Torres, and sure as shit I get a ton of hits and the database we use craps out because it's overloaded with results. Fuck you, Agent McDinkleberry

Me: Sorry, I got too many possible hits. You need to narrow that search width down somehow.

Agent: Oh. Wait, I've got a drivers license. *Gives date of birth, full name, and address of subject*

Me: Ok, subject is *********, with a DOB of ******** and he is a legal permanent resident.

Agent: What's that mean?

Stupid Fucker! So I take the time to explain the basic principle of immigration law and the definition of LPR to a GS-13 agent who presumably went to an academy and was educated on this stuff at some point.

He's GS-fucking 13 and doesn't know this shit?
That's pathetic.

[Zed Snardbody]

Jesus tap dancing Christ. And I thought some of the people I worked with are dense.

[irishmick79]

Jesus tap dancing Christ. And I thought some of the people I worked with are dense.

And this guy has a badge and gun, and was trying to figure out if he should be throwing cuffs on the guy he was dealing with.

Generally, we tend to run into this issue with a lot of the legacy Customs agents who used to do only customs inspections or investigations, and were pissed when US Customs merged with INS. They wanted nothing to do with immigration and pretty much refuse to deal with it unless they are absolutely forced to by their superiors. They seem to be heading into retirement in droves, so I imagine that issue will be resolving itself in a few years.

[irishmick79]

Also, every now and then an idiot ICE Agent gives out their ID code to a local area cop, so that when the cop has to run a check or get an ICE Detainer, the cop calls into our office posing as the ICE agent instead of waking up the local ICE Agent in the middle of the night. We can pretty easily smoke them out when we realize they don't know the first thing about immigration law or ICE policy and procedure. The ICE agent then pretty much gets their underwear run up a flagpole while they get tarred and feathered if they get busted doing that sort of stuff.

[Zed Snardbody]

I can imagine. The poor CBP officers here in Vegas seem to have to pull teeth to get ICE to respond to anything.

[irishmick79]

I can imagine. The poor CBP officers here in Vegas seem to have to pull teeth to get ICE to respond to anything.

CBP and ICE don't get along that much. A lot of it has to do with the different missions - because ICE is focused on interior enforcement, ICE hates it when CBP calls them out to ports of entry on stuff that CBP should be able to handle, like making fairly basic judgements on whether or not a particular subject should be admitted into the country or not. CBP on the other hand seems to resent that ICE doesn't devote more of its resources to supporting CBP functions on the border.