Family Guy's Coming Back!
Moderator: Edi
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Wicked Pilot
- Moderator Emeritus
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- Joined: 2002-07-05 05:45pm
Family Guy's Coming Back!
on DVD at least. But this is still good news. April 15th, here I come!
The most basic assumption about the world is that it does not contradict itself.
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Frank Hipper
- Overfiend of the Superego
- Posts: 12882
- Joined: 2002-10-17 08:48am
- Location: Hamilton, Ohio?
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ArmorPierce
- Rabid Monkey
- Posts: 5904
- Joined: 2002-07-04 09:54pm
- Location: Born and raised in Brooklyn, unfornately presently in Jersey
That ain't all that great news actually, neither one of them.
Brotherhood of the Monkey @( !.! )@
To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift. ~Steve Prefontaine
Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.
To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift. ~Steve Prefontaine
Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.
Too bad Family Guy had to go, I guess audience-insulting, reality TV swill is bigger business than clever, well-written cartoons.
BoTM / JL / MM / HAB / VRWC / Horseman
I'm studying for the CPA exam. Have a nice summer, and if you're down just sit back and realize that Joe is off somewhere, doing much worse than you are.
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Montcalm
- Emperor's Hand
- Posts: 7879
- Joined: 2003-01-15 10:50am
- Location: Montreal Canada North America
Every time there is something good funny and intelligent on they cancell it.Durran Korr wrote:Too bad Family Guy had to go, I guess audience-insulting, reality TV swill is bigger business than clever, well-written cartoons.
but crap stays on forever
Jerry Orbach 1935 2004
Admiral Valdemar~You know you've fucked up when Wacky Races has more realistic looking vehicles than your own.
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ArmorPierce
- Rabid Monkey
- Posts: 5904
- Joined: 2002-07-04 09:54pm
- Location: Born and raised in Brooklyn, unfornately presently in Jersey
I was hoping that this was going to say that they were going to restart production, but bleh, no one ever said life was fair.
Brotherhood of the Monkey @( !.! )@
To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift. ~Steve Prefontaine
Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.
To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift. ~Steve Prefontaine
Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.
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Wicked Pilot
- Moderator Emeritus
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DPDarkPrimus
- Emperor's Hand
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- Contact:
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Anarchist Bunny
- Foul, Cruel, and Bad-Tempered Rodent
- Posts: 5458
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Wicked Pilot
- Moderator Emeritus
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Stormbringer
- King of Democracy
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RedImperator
- Roosevelt Republican
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I thought it was overrated after the first season. Still, it's better than "Man Versus Beast". Granted, the "Take a Shit On a Plate" show would be better than "Man Versus Beast", but you get my meaning.
X-Ray Blues
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Uraniun235
- Emperor's Hand
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Stormbringer
- King of Democracy
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I hated the character each and every one of them. They bugged the hell out of me and I felt no attachment to them at all. Even their voices were like a cheese grater on my nerves.Montcalm wrote:Why did you hate Family Guy?Stormbringer wrote:Which is a damn shame. I hated that show.Wicked Pilot wrote:As long as we remember Family Guy, it will last forever.
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Col. Crackpot
- That Obnoxious Guy
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Meg Griffin goes to 'Buddy Cianci Junior High School'
Buddy Cianci is currently serving a 5 year sentence in federal prision for racketeering and corruption. ahhh i love living here.
Buddy Cianci is currently serving a 5 year sentence in federal prision for racketeering and corruption. ahhh i love living here.
"This business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we’ll be lucky to live through it.” -Tom Clancy
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spongyblue
- Jedi Knight
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- Location: Mother Natures personal Beyoch
I agree. It seemed that after the first season I was like "I've seen this one before, Oh wait that was the Simpson's"Stormbringer wrote:I hated the character each and every one of them. They bugged the hell out of me and I felt no attachment to them at all. Even their voices were like a cheese grater on my nerves.Montcalm wrote:Why did you hate Family Guy?Stormbringer wrote: Which is a damn shame. I hated that show.
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Stormbringer
- King of Democracy
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Durandal
- Bile-Driven Hate Machine
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I love Family Guy.
"Ok, I got another riddle. A woman has two children, and a homocidal maniac tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?"
"That's ... that's not a riddle. That's just terrible."
"Wrong! The ugly one!"
"Ok, I got another riddle. A woman has two children, and a homocidal maniac tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?"
"That's ... that's not a riddle. That's just terrible."
"Wrong! The ugly one!"
Damien Sorresso
"Ever see what them computa bitchez do to numbas? It ain't natural. Numbas ain't supposed to be code, they supposed to quantify shit."
- The Onion
"Ever see what them computa bitchez do to numbas? It ain't natural. Numbas ain't supposed to be code, they supposed to quantify shit."
- The Onion
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Bug-Eyed Earl
- Jedi Master
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- Contact:
Lois: Peter, what did you promise me?
Peter Griffin: That I wouldn't drink at the party.
Lois: And what did you do?
Peter Griffin: Drank at the pa-- ...Whoa! I almost walked into that one.
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Stewie: Damn you vile woman, you've impeded my work since the day I escaped your vile womb!
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Peter Griffin: You know those Germans; if you don't join the party, they come get you.
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Peter Griffin: Holy crip, he's a crapple!
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Stewie Griffin: No sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!
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[Riding a circus elephant.]
Peter Griffin: Look Lois, the two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a fat white guy who is threatened by change.
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Stewie Griffin: [To ticket agent] Now look here...
[looks at agent's name tag]
Stewie Griffin: Jo-LENE! I have an army to raise and I must get to Managua at once! I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal. BUT NO PICKLES! OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES!
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Lois Griffin: Peter! You're bribing your daughter with a car?
Peter Griffin: Ah, c'mon, Lois, isn't "bribe" just another word for "love"?
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Lois Griffin: You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.
Peter Griffin: Uh, what could me and you do together?
[Lois giggles]
Peter Griffin: Lois! You've got a sick mind!
Lois Griffin: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter Griffin: Oh! I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.
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Brian Griffin: Whose leg do I have to hump to get a decent martini around here?
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Peter Griffin: Oh, you people can kiss the fattest part of my ass!
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Stewie Griffin: Ha ha! Oh, this is so good it just HAS to be fattening!
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Peter Griffin: NOOOOOO! Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids. Damn longears, trying to take Easter away from Jesus. Anyway, what was that you were saying?
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Stewie Griffin: Damn you, brocolli!
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Brian Griffin: Ah, if my memory serves me, this is the physics department.
Chris Griffin: That would explain all the gravity.
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Peter Griffin: Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits. It says "OOOOOO"!
Brian Griffin: Peter, those are Cheerios.
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Baliff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
Peter Griffin: I swear... you bastard.
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Adam West: I love this job more than I love taffy, and I'm a man who loves his taffy.
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Stewie Griffin: So, what do you think of this "Music Television?"
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Doctor: Mr. Griffin I'm saying you're fine.
Peter Griffin: Now what? Are you coming on to me?
Lois Griffin: Peter, he's not coming on to you. He's trying to tell you you're healthy.
Doctor: ....Can't it be both?
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Meg Griffin: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well that would just leave England.
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Li: Stewie, come complete our rainbow.
Stewie Griffin: I've got a better idea. Let's go play "swallow the stuff under the sink."
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Janet: Hi. Cookie?
Stewie Griffin: Well, it's Stewie, but...you can call me "cookie" if you like. Yes, I also answer to "Artemis," "Agent Buckwald" and "Snake." Yes, I rather like "Snake." Snake Griffin.
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Peter Griffin: I know you're a feminist and I think that's adorable, but this is grown-up time and I'm the man!
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Cult Leader: Are you a confused adolescent desperately seeking acceptance from an undifferentiated ego mass that demands conformity?
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Stewie: Mother, I come baring a gift. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.
Lois Griffen: Meg, could you change Stewie?
Meg Griffen: Fine, but this time if a boy calls please don't tell him I'm wrist deep in poopy.
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Peter Griffin: I've been watching television so much the shows are starting to run together!
Announcer: And now, Homicide: Life on Sesame Street!
Bert: [Answering phone] Hello? Son of a bitch. I'm on my way.
[Get's out of bed and get's dressed]
Bert: Some poor bastard got his head blown off down at a place called Hooper's.
Ernie: Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much, Bert.
Bert: Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat cookies in the DAMN BED!!!!!!
Ernie: Bert, you're shouting again, Bert.
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[The Jetsons parody]
Jane: Oh my God! George!
George: [After being on the dog walker] Did you not hear me out there?
Elroy: Yeah, you...
George: Go to your room, Elroy!
Elroy: But...
George: GO TO YOUR ROOM! For 45 minutes I was out there screaming. I know that because my damn watch is broken!
Jane: I'm sorry.
George: Oh 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Jane is sorry', I could've been killed!!
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[While trying to potty-train Stewie]
Peter Griffin: Maybe you don't have to pee. I'll just give you some beer, it'll run right through you.
Stewie: Beautiful. And while we're at it we can light up a dubey and watch porn!
Peter Griffin: Rea...Really?
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[Brian has just peed on a Supermarket floor.]
Peter Griffin: Jeez Brian, where do you think you are, Payless?
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Peter Griffin: Joe, I've had new neighbors before but none of them were half the man you are. And since you're half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can't even measure.
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Bob Ross: Ok we're just going to draw a little bush right here. This could just be our little secret bush. If you tell anyone about that little bush, I will come to your house and I will CUT YOU!
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Stewie Griffin: Do these huggies make my ass look big?
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Peter Griffin: Chris, everything I say is a lie. Except that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that.
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Peter Griffin: Yeah, I'm looking for toilet training books.
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Guy on Street #2: It's 3:00. Where the hell is Louie?
Guy on Street #1: Well, you tell me. Louie left his house at 2:15 and had to travel a distance 6.2 miles traveling at a rate of five miles a hour. When will Louie get here?
Guy On Street #2: Depends if he stops to see his ho.
Guy on Street #1: That's what we call a "variable".
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Peter Griffin: You remember that time I was supposed to get that boat? A BOAT'S A BOAT, but the mystery box could be anything. IT COULD EVEN BE A BOAT. You know how much we wanted one of those.
Lois Griffin: Peter, that happened ten minutes ago!
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[While eating a waffle]
Stewie Griffin: OH!!! mmm yes oh god this is better than SEX!
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Glen Quagmire: Hey, any of you ladies been penetrated?
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[looking at himself in a spoon]
Tom Tucker: I'm sorry but there's a handsome man in my spoon. You'll have to come back later.
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Lois: What's going on?
Stewie: We're playing house.
Lois: The boy is all tied up.
Stewie: Roman Polanski's house.
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Stewie: [After Lois tries to feed Stewie his broccoli "airplane style"] Damn you, Damn the Broccoli, and Damn the Wright Brothers!
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[The Griffins have inherited a mansion. Stewie is being waited on.]
Stewie: You! Cut my bread!
[waiter cuts his bread]
Stewie: Now cut my milk!
Waiter: Uh, sir, it's liquid.
Stewie: [slaps him] IDIOT! Freeze it, then CUT it! And if you ever question my authority again, I shall give you diaper duty! And believe me, I will not make it easy on you.
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[At a job interview]
Interviewer: So where do you see yourself in five years?
Peter Griffin: [Thinking to himself "Don't say doing you wife! Don't say doing your wife!"] Doing your, uh, son...
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Stewie: Oh I feel so delightfully white trash! Mommy, I want a mullet!
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[An extremely obese Peter and Brian are sitting on the dock]
Boy: Daddy, what's that?
Father: Well son, that's Mars, the fourth planet from the sun. What it's doing down here on the wharf I don't know...
Peter Griffin: I'm a man jackass!
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Chris Griffin: Yo, did y'all check me when that hottie was all up in my Kool-Aid? Yeah, I was looking to break off a little somethin' somethin' but my crew gave me the 411 on that skank and she's all about the bling-bling.
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Brian: I'm really enjoying playing golf.
Peter Griffin: You know my great-great-grandfather Angus Griffin invented the game.
[flashback]
Angus Griffin: So, we're all clear on the rules then. No Jews and no blacks.
Scottish men: Aye.
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Stewie Griffin: Yes, I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical, you know, a pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence. Gotta get me some of that.
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Peter Griffin: Dad, now that you're retired, you're staying with us. No arguments, I'm putting my foot down.
Francis Griffin: I don't want to be a bother.
Peter Griffin: It's no bother, is it Lois?
Lois Griffin: Of course not, we'd love to have you stay.
Francis Griffin: You're a good woman, Lois. Perhaps you won't burn in Hell after all. Maybe you'll just go to Purgatory with all the unbaptized babies.
Peter Griffin: You hear that Lois? You love kids.
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Peter Griffin: So what happened to the guy that stole the money?
Joe Swanson: Ironically, I severed his spine when I fell on him.
Peter Griffin: Sounds like you got some more competition at next year's Special People's Games. HehHehHehHehHeh.
Joe Swanson: Nope, he's dead.
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Jim: What did you just call me?
Huck Griffin: I thought that was your name.
Jim: That is our word! You have no right to use it!
Huck Griffin: Geez, I'm sorry. I didn't know.
[pause]
Huck Griffin: So, could you pass me the oar, 'n-word Jim'?
Jim: Yes. Thank you.
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Peter Griffin: Well, fine. Until you put 'Gumbel 2 Gumbel' back on the air, I'm going on a hunger strike! Can you live with that? Huh, can you?"
[brief pause]
Peter Griffin: You gonna eat that stapler?
Network executive: Mr. Griffin, you can't eat a...
Peter Griffin: Wanna split it?
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Newsanchor Diane: Tom, you're so deep in the closet you're finding Christmas presents.
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[Brian and Chris try to sneak into a fair by wearing a horse suit]
Ticket Seller: Wait a minute... your ass just sneezed! And horses can't talk! No, no... nothing here adds up at all!
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Stewie Griffin: You're the worst thing to happen to musical theater since Andrew Lloyd Webber.
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Stewie: [Picking up the phone.] Hello, operator. Hello,...Oh god, that's right you have to punch in the numbers nowadays. Uhhh, I should know this. Oh yes,
[dialing number]
Stewie: 867-5309, yes that's it. Wait that's not it, damn you Tommy Two-Tone! Huh, only one thing to do 111-1111, Lois? Damn! 111-1112 Lois?! DAMN! 111-1113....
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[Brian and Peter are putting a crib together.]
Brian Griffin: Okay, insert rod support A into slot B.
Peter Griffin: That's what..
Brian Griffin: If you say "that's what she said" one more time, I am gonna pop you!
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Peter Griffin: Holy crap!...Did anyone else feel that?
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Brian: Face it Peter, you get competitive about everything.
Peter Griffin: I am so not competitive. In fact, I am the least non-competitive. So I win.
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Glen Quagmire: The Griffins! Bunch of card-carrying Commies if you ask me. Alright!
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Peter Griffin: I didn't even fart until I was 18.
[Flash back]
Peter Griffin: [Peter hears a farting sound]
Peter Griffin: What the hell was that?
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Lois: Peter, where's Chris?
Chris Griffin: I love you She Hulk.
Security Guard: All right son, I'm going to need those two hams back.
Chris Griffin: I...I don't have any hams.
Security Guard: Lift up your shirt son.
Chris Griffin: I need an adult! I need an adult!
Security Guard: You're not a shoplifter, you're just a fat kid. Sorry about that fatty, fat, fatty. Hey Tom, he's just a fat kid! Aren't ya fatty? He's a big ol' fat kid. Here's some chocolate fatso.
Chris Griffin: Thanks!
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Peter Griffin: Well, they live in a crummy neighborhood.
Brian: The Bradys?
Peter Griffin: Oh, hell yeah. They got robbers, thugs, drug dealers ah, you name it.
[Aunt Jemimah pops up in the window with a plate of pancakes]
Aunt Jemimah: You folks want some pancakes?
Peter Griffin: No thank you. See, that's the worse we got is, uh Jemimah's Witnesses.
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Peter Griffin: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you, very homosexually.
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[Brian and Stewie are on a German tour bus]
Tour Guide: Und as you can see Germany has such a rich and beautiful history, as depicted in your pamphlets. Questions?
Brian: Yeah, I got a question. In your pamphlet, there's a huge gap between 1939 and 1945.
Tour Guide: NOTHING HAPPENED! EVERYONE WENT ON VACATION!
Brian: But isn't that when Germany invaded Poland?
Tour Guide: DIDN'T INVADE--INVITED! THERE WAS PUNCH UND EVERYTHING! ASK POLAND!
Brian: This is part of your history and you can't deny it.
Tour Guide: [Shouting in German like Hitler]
Brian: Say, is that a beer house?
Tour Guide: Oh, ja! Amsterdam is renowned for its beer houses.
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[showing his crotch to Peter]
Quagmire: Does this look like a Q to you?
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Peter Griffin: I don't want your Mom to worry alright? When she worries she starts saying things like "I told you so" or "Stop doing that I'm asleep".
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Diet Instiute Worker: Sir, you cant park your van in here.
Peter Griffin: Hey, thats my kid!
Diet Instiute Worker: Oh sorry.
Diet Instiute Worker: Hey, don't worry, it's just a really fat kid!!
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Stewie Griffin: For God's sake, shake me. Shake me like a British nanny!
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[Stewie and Brian are trying to sleep in a motel, a drug deal is heard in the next room]
Drug Buyer: You got the stuff?
Drug Dealer: Yeah I got it, where's the money, huh? I wanna see the money.
Drug Buyer: No, no, no, you don't see the money 'till I see the stuff.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, for God's sake, does anyone wait to put an end to this nuisance.
[yelling]
Stewie Griffin: HE'S WEARING A WIRE!
Drug Dealer: What?! You son of a-
[gunshots are heard following by a "body drop" sound effect]
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Peter Griffin: Brothers and sisters fighting is as natural as a white mans dialogue in a Spike Lee movie.
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Chris Griffin: Where do you think you go when you die?
Southern boy: I learned from church that if you're good you go to heaven but if you're bad, you go to a place where the dead believe they're still living and they pray for death but death won't come.
Chris Griffin: UPN?
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Peter Griffin: Is that really the blood of Christ?
Priest: Yes.
Peter Griffin: Holy crap, that guy must've been wasted 24/7.
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[Peter is trying to potty-train Stewie]
Peter Griffin: You know, I oughta just give you some beer. Goes straight through you.
Stewie Griffin: [sarcastic] Wonderful! And while we're at it, we can light up a doobie and watch porn!
Peter Griffin: Eh...yeah?
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Lois: Peter, Stewie peed on the carpet again.
Peter Griffin: Do...do I hit 'im?
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Peter Griffin: Since I took over as President our profits have been higher than Alyssa Milano.
Alyssa Milano: Of all the cheap shots...Joel!
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Stewie: Yay and God said to Abraham, "you will kill your son, Issak", and Abraham said, "I can't hear you, you'll have to speak into the microphone." "Oh I'm sorry, Is this better? Check, check, check... Jerry, pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back here."
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Glen Quagmire: Hi, Meg. Eighteen yet?
Meg Griffin: No.
Glen Quagmire: Just checkin'.
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Glen Quagmire: Tuesdays in the '80s I was always in bed by 8 . . . and home by 11.
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Peter: [after the family strike it rich] I'm going to take you guys out to the finest, most expensive meal you've ever had in your life! (At the drive-through) Hi, I'd like 5000 chicken vaginas.
Clerk: Say that again?
Peter: 5000 chicken vaginas.
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[Peter and his new "posse" have just come in the door]
Peter: Go in the kitchen and make yourselves some sandwiches.
Lois' Father: My jacket's in there, please don't write on it!
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Peter: So if I accidentally walk through you, does that mean that we've, you know, done it?
Ghost: Geez, what's with you and the gay jokes?
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[Peter has to come up with a fake name on the spot, so he looks around the room to get inspiration]
Peter Griffin: Uh...my name is...
[he sees a pea]
Peter Griffin: Pea...
[he sees a woman crying]
Peter Griffin: ...tear...
[he sees a Griffin fly by]
Peter Griffin: ...Griffin. Peter Griffin.
Peter Griffin: That I wouldn't drink at the party.
Lois: And what did you do?
Peter Griffin: Drank at the pa-- ...Whoa! I almost walked into that one.
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Stewie: Damn you vile woman, you've impeded my work since the day I escaped your vile womb!
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Peter Griffin: You know those Germans; if you don't join the party, they come get you.
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Peter Griffin: Holy crip, he's a crapple!
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Stewie Griffin: No sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!
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[Riding a circus elephant.]
Peter Griffin: Look Lois, the two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a fat white guy who is threatened by change.
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Stewie Griffin: [To ticket agent] Now look here...
[looks at agent's name tag]
Stewie Griffin: Jo-LENE! I have an army to raise and I must get to Managua at once! I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal. BUT NO PICKLES! OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES!
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Lois Griffin: Peter! You're bribing your daughter with a car?
Peter Griffin: Ah, c'mon, Lois, isn't "bribe" just another word for "love"?
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Lois Griffin: You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.
Peter Griffin: Uh, what could me and you do together?
[Lois giggles]
Peter Griffin: Lois! You've got a sick mind!
Lois Griffin: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter Griffin: Oh! I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.
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Brian Griffin: Whose leg do I have to hump to get a decent martini around here?
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Peter Griffin: Oh, you people can kiss the fattest part of my ass!
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Stewie Griffin: Ha ha! Oh, this is so good it just HAS to be fattening!
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Peter Griffin: NOOOOOO! Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids. Damn longears, trying to take Easter away from Jesus. Anyway, what was that you were saying?
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Stewie Griffin: Damn you, brocolli!
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Brian Griffin: Ah, if my memory serves me, this is the physics department.
Chris Griffin: That would explain all the gravity.
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Peter Griffin: Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits. It says "OOOOOO"!
Brian Griffin: Peter, those are Cheerios.
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Baliff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
Peter Griffin: I swear... you bastard.
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Adam West: I love this job more than I love taffy, and I'm a man who loves his taffy.
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Stewie Griffin: So, what do you think of this "Music Television?"
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Doctor: Mr. Griffin I'm saying you're fine.
Peter Griffin: Now what? Are you coming on to me?
Lois Griffin: Peter, he's not coming on to you. He's trying to tell you you're healthy.
Doctor: ....Can't it be both?
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Meg Griffin: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well that would just leave England.
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Li: Stewie, come complete our rainbow.
Stewie Griffin: I've got a better idea. Let's go play "swallow the stuff under the sink."
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Janet: Hi. Cookie?
Stewie Griffin: Well, it's Stewie, but...you can call me "cookie" if you like. Yes, I also answer to "Artemis," "Agent Buckwald" and "Snake." Yes, I rather like "Snake." Snake Griffin.
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Peter Griffin: I know you're a feminist and I think that's adorable, but this is grown-up time and I'm the man!
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Cult Leader: Are you a confused adolescent desperately seeking acceptance from an undifferentiated ego mass that demands conformity?
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Stewie: Mother, I come baring a gift. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.
Lois Griffen: Meg, could you change Stewie?
Meg Griffen: Fine, but this time if a boy calls please don't tell him I'm wrist deep in poopy.
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Peter Griffin: I've been watching television so much the shows are starting to run together!
Announcer: And now, Homicide: Life on Sesame Street!
Bert: [Answering phone] Hello? Son of a bitch. I'm on my way.
[Get's out of bed and get's dressed]
Bert: Some poor bastard got his head blown off down at a place called Hooper's.
Ernie: Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much, Bert.
Bert: Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat cookies in the DAMN BED!!!!!!
Ernie: Bert, you're shouting again, Bert.
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[The Jetsons parody]
Jane: Oh my God! George!
George: [After being on the dog walker] Did you not hear me out there?
Elroy: Yeah, you...
George: Go to your room, Elroy!
Elroy: But...
George: GO TO YOUR ROOM! For 45 minutes I was out there screaming. I know that because my damn watch is broken!
Jane: I'm sorry.
George: Oh 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Jane is sorry', I could've been killed!!
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[While trying to potty-train Stewie]
Peter Griffin: Maybe you don't have to pee. I'll just give you some beer, it'll run right through you.
Stewie: Beautiful. And while we're at it we can light up a dubey and watch porn!
Peter Griffin: Rea...Really?
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[Brian has just peed on a Supermarket floor.]
Peter Griffin: Jeez Brian, where do you think you are, Payless?
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Peter Griffin: Joe, I've had new neighbors before but none of them were half the man you are. And since you're half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can't even measure.
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Bob Ross: Ok we're just going to draw a little bush right here. This could just be our little secret bush. If you tell anyone about that little bush, I will come to your house and I will CUT YOU!
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Stewie Griffin: Do these huggies make my ass look big?
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Peter Griffin: Chris, everything I say is a lie. Except that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that.
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Peter Griffin: Yeah, I'm looking for toilet training books.
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Guy on Street #2: It's 3:00. Where the hell is Louie?
Guy on Street #1: Well, you tell me. Louie left his house at 2:15 and had to travel a distance 6.2 miles traveling at a rate of five miles a hour. When will Louie get here?
Guy On Street #2: Depends if he stops to see his ho.
Guy on Street #1: That's what we call a "variable".
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Peter Griffin: You remember that time I was supposed to get that boat? A BOAT'S A BOAT, but the mystery box could be anything. IT COULD EVEN BE A BOAT. You know how much we wanted one of those.
Lois Griffin: Peter, that happened ten minutes ago!
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[While eating a waffle]
Stewie Griffin: OH!!! mmm yes oh god this is better than SEX!
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Glen Quagmire: Hey, any of you ladies been penetrated?
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[looking at himself in a spoon]
Tom Tucker: I'm sorry but there's a handsome man in my spoon. You'll have to come back later.
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Lois: What's going on?
Stewie: We're playing house.
Lois: The boy is all tied up.
Stewie: Roman Polanski's house.
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Stewie: [After Lois tries to feed Stewie his broccoli "airplane style"] Damn you, Damn the Broccoli, and Damn the Wright Brothers!
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[The Griffins have inherited a mansion. Stewie is being waited on.]
Stewie: You! Cut my bread!
[waiter cuts his bread]
Stewie: Now cut my milk!
Waiter: Uh, sir, it's liquid.
Stewie: [slaps him] IDIOT! Freeze it, then CUT it! And if you ever question my authority again, I shall give you diaper duty! And believe me, I will not make it easy on you.
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[At a job interview]
Interviewer: So where do you see yourself in five years?
Peter Griffin: [Thinking to himself "Don't say doing you wife! Don't say doing your wife!"] Doing your, uh, son...
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Stewie: Oh I feel so delightfully white trash! Mommy, I want a mullet!
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[An extremely obese Peter and Brian are sitting on the dock]
Boy: Daddy, what's that?
Father: Well son, that's Mars, the fourth planet from the sun. What it's doing down here on the wharf I don't know...
Peter Griffin: I'm a man jackass!
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Chris Griffin: Yo, did y'all check me when that hottie was all up in my Kool-Aid? Yeah, I was looking to break off a little somethin' somethin' but my crew gave me the 411 on that skank and she's all about the bling-bling.
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Brian: I'm really enjoying playing golf.
Peter Griffin: You know my great-great-grandfather Angus Griffin invented the game.
[flashback]
Angus Griffin: So, we're all clear on the rules then. No Jews and no blacks.
Scottish men: Aye.
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Stewie Griffin: Yes, I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical, you know, a pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence. Gotta get me some of that.
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Peter Griffin: Dad, now that you're retired, you're staying with us. No arguments, I'm putting my foot down.
Francis Griffin: I don't want to be a bother.
Peter Griffin: It's no bother, is it Lois?
Lois Griffin: Of course not, we'd love to have you stay.
Francis Griffin: You're a good woman, Lois. Perhaps you won't burn in Hell after all. Maybe you'll just go to Purgatory with all the unbaptized babies.
Peter Griffin: You hear that Lois? You love kids.
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Peter Griffin: So what happened to the guy that stole the money?
Joe Swanson: Ironically, I severed his spine when I fell on him.
Peter Griffin: Sounds like you got some more competition at next year's Special People's Games. HehHehHehHehHeh.
Joe Swanson: Nope, he's dead.
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Jim: What did you just call me?
Huck Griffin: I thought that was your name.
Jim: That is our word! You have no right to use it!
Huck Griffin: Geez, I'm sorry. I didn't know.
[pause]
Huck Griffin: So, could you pass me the oar, 'n-word Jim'?
Jim: Yes. Thank you.
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Peter Griffin: Well, fine. Until you put 'Gumbel 2 Gumbel' back on the air, I'm going on a hunger strike! Can you live with that? Huh, can you?"
[brief pause]
Peter Griffin: You gonna eat that stapler?
Network executive: Mr. Griffin, you can't eat a...
Peter Griffin: Wanna split it?
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Newsanchor Diane: Tom, you're so deep in the closet you're finding Christmas presents.
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[Brian and Chris try to sneak into a fair by wearing a horse suit]
Ticket Seller: Wait a minute... your ass just sneezed! And horses can't talk! No, no... nothing here adds up at all!
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Stewie Griffin: You're the worst thing to happen to musical theater since Andrew Lloyd Webber.
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Stewie: [Picking up the phone.] Hello, operator. Hello,...Oh god, that's right you have to punch in the numbers nowadays. Uhhh, I should know this. Oh yes,
[dialing number]
Stewie: 867-5309, yes that's it. Wait that's not it, damn you Tommy Two-Tone! Huh, only one thing to do 111-1111, Lois? Damn! 111-1112 Lois?! DAMN! 111-1113....
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[Brian and Peter are putting a crib together.]
Brian Griffin: Okay, insert rod support A into slot B.
Peter Griffin: That's what..
Brian Griffin: If you say "that's what she said" one more time, I am gonna pop you!
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Peter Griffin: Holy crap!...Did anyone else feel that?
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Brian: Face it Peter, you get competitive about everything.
Peter Griffin: I am so not competitive. In fact, I am the least non-competitive. So I win.
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Glen Quagmire: The Griffins! Bunch of card-carrying Commies if you ask me. Alright!
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Peter Griffin: I didn't even fart until I was 18.
[Flash back]
Peter Griffin: [Peter hears a farting sound]
Peter Griffin: What the hell was that?
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Lois: Peter, where's Chris?
Chris Griffin: I love you She Hulk.
Security Guard: All right son, I'm going to need those two hams back.
Chris Griffin: I...I don't have any hams.
Security Guard: Lift up your shirt son.
Chris Griffin: I need an adult! I need an adult!
Security Guard: You're not a shoplifter, you're just a fat kid. Sorry about that fatty, fat, fatty. Hey Tom, he's just a fat kid! Aren't ya fatty? He's a big ol' fat kid. Here's some chocolate fatso.
Chris Griffin: Thanks!
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Peter Griffin: Well, they live in a crummy neighborhood.
Brian: The Bradys?
Peter Griffin: Oh, hell yeah. They got robbers, thugs, drug dealers ah, you name it.
[Aunt Jemimah pops up in the window with a plate of pancakes]
Aunt Jemimah: You folks want some pancakes?
Peter Griffin: No thank you. See, that's the worse we got is, uh Jemimah's Witnesses.
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Peter Griffin: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you, very homosexually.
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[Brian and Stewie are on a German tour bus]
Tour Guide: Und as you can see Germany has such a rich and beautiful history, as depicted in your pamphlets. Questions?
Brian: Yeah, I got a question. In your pamphlet, there's a huge gap between 1939 and 1945.
Tour Guide: NOTHING HAPPENED! EVERYONE WENT ON VACATION!
Brian: But isn't that when Germany invaded Poland?
Tour Guide: DIDN'T INVADE--INVITED! THERE WAS PUNCH UND EVERYTHING! ASK POLAND!
Brian: This is part of your history and you can't deny it.
Tour Guide: [Shouting in German like Hitler]
Brian: Say, is that a beer house?
Tour Guide: Oh, ja! Amsterdam is renowned for its beer houses.
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[showing his crotch to Peter]
Quagmire: Does this look like a Q to you?
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Peter Griffin: I don't want your Mom to worry alright? When she worries she starts saying things like "I told you so" or "Stop doing that I'm asleep".
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Diet Instiute Worker: Sir, you cant park your van in here.
Peter Griffin: Hey, thats my kid!
Diet Instiute Worker: Oh sorry.
Diet Instiute Worker: Hey, don't worry, it's just a really fat kid!!
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Stewie Griffin: For God's sake, shake me. Shake me like a British nanny!
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[Stewie and Brian are trying to sleep in a motel, a drug deal is heard in the next room]
Drug Buyer: You got the stuff?
Drug Dealer: Yeah I got it, where's the money, huh? I wanna see the money.
Drug Buyer: No, no, no, you don't see the money 'till I see the stuff.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, for God's sake, does anyone wait to put an end to this nuisance.
[yelling]
Stewie Griffin: HE'S WEARING A WIRE!
Drug Dealer: What?! You son of a-
[gunshots are heard following by a "body drop" sound effect]
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Peter Griffin: Brothers and sisters fighting is as natural as a white mans dialogue in a Spike Lee movie.
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Chris Griffin: Where do you think you go when you die?
Southern boy: I learned from church that if you're good you go to heaven but if you're bad, you go to a place where the dead believe they're still living and they pray for death but death won't come.
Chris Griffin: UPN?
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Peter Griffin: Is that really the blood of Christ?
Priest: Yes.
Peter Griffin: Holy crap, that guy must've been wasted 24/7.
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[Peter is trying to potty-train Stewie]
Peter Griffin: You know, I oughta just give you some beer. Goes straight through you.
Stewie Griffin: [sarcastic] Wonderful! And while we're at it, we can light up a doobie and watch porn!
Peter Griffin: Eh...yeah?
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Lois: Peter, Stewie peed on the carpet again.
Peter Griffin: Do...do I hit 'im?
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Peter Griffin: Since I took over as President our profits have been higher than Alyssa Milano.
Alyssa Milano: Of all the cheap shots...Joel!
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Stewie: Yay and God said to Abraham, "you will kill your son, Issak", and Abraham said, "I can't hear you, you'll have to speak into the microphone." "Oh I'm sorry, Is this better? Check, check, check... Jerry, pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back here."
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Glen Quagmire: Hi, Meg. Eighteen yet?
Meg Griffin: No.
Glen Quagmire: Just checkin'.
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Glen Quagmire: Tuesdays in the '80s I was always in bed by 8 . . . and home by 11.
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Peter: [after the family strike it rich] I'm going to take you guys out to the finest, most expensive meal you've ever had in your life! (At the drive-through) Hi, I'd like 5000 chicken vaginas.
Clerk: Say that again?
Peter: 5000 chicken vaginas.
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[Peter and his new "posse" have just come in the door]
Peter: Go in the kitchen and make yourselves some sandwiches.
Lois' Father: My jacket's in there, please don't write on it!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Peter: So if I accidentally walk through you, does that mean that we've, you know, done it?
Ghost: Geez, what's with you and the gay jokes?
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[Peter has to come up with a fake name on the spot, so he looks around the room to get inspiration]
Peter Griffin: Uh...my name is...
[he sees a pea]
Peter Griffin: Pea...
[he sees a woman crying]
Peter Griffin: ...tear...
[he sees a Griffin fly by]
Peter Griffin: ...Griffin. Peter Griffin.
BotM Cybertronian
Hot damn, that's good news!neoolong wrote:Yes, yes. And Futurama is coming too. At least on DVD.
Chris: "Way to go dad, fight the machine"
Stewie: "How do you know about the machine?"
--
"I object to you. I object to intellect without discipline. I object to power without constructive purpose."
-Spock, 'The Squire of Gothos'
--
"I'm only 56? Damn, I'll have to get a fake ID to rent ultra-porn".
-Professor Farnsworth, "Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles"
Stewie: "How do you know about the machine?"
--
"I object to you. I object to intellect without discipline. I object to power without constructive purpose."
-Spock, 'The Squire of Gothos'
--
"I'm only 56? Damn, I'll have to get a fake ID to rent ultra-porn".
-Professor Farnsworth, "Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles"