And God Created Canada

Utsanomiko · Post by **Utsanomiko** » 2003-02-08 12:48am

www.buzman.org wrote:Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot.

Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large landmass in the top corner and asked, "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coastline. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then claimed; "What about balance, God? You said there would be BALANCE!" God replied wisely.

"Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next to them..."

Warning: Technically, it's from a porn site. I got it from DPDarkPrimus.

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2003-02-08 12:50am

Oh, my feelings are hurt. Excuse me while I go cry over our MASSIVE NUCLEAR ARSENAL.

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2003-02-08 12:50am

Excellent.

Exonerate · Post by **Exonerate** » 2003-02-08 12:52am

Durran Korr wrote:Oh, my feelings are hurt. Excuse me while I go cry over our MASSIVE NUCLEAR ARSENAL.

...
Canada has a military?

Seriously... I thought they had abandoned their plans to develop nuclear weapons?

TrailerParkJawa · Post by **TrailerParkJawa** » 2003-02-08 12:54am

Exonerate wrote:
Durran Korr wrote:Oh, my feelings are hurt. Excuse me while I go cry over our MASSIVE NUCLEAR ARSENAL.
...
Canada has a military?
Seriously... I thought they had abandoned their plans to develop nuclear weapons?

He is refering the the USA's arsenal.

Canada is probably the only place outside the US I would want to live, I think the 2 dollar coin is pretty cool and the skiing is good there. Women are nice too. But I almost laughed myself silly in a juvinile fit of humor when I saw HOMO milk in a Canadian grocery store.

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2003-02-08 12:56am

TrailerParkJawa wrote:
Exonerate wrote:
Durran Korr wrote:Oh, my feelings are hurt. Excuse me while I go cry over our MASSIVE NUCLEAR ARSENAL.
...
Canada has a military?
Seriously... I thought they had abandoned their plans to develop nuclear weapons?
He is refering the the USA's arsenal.

Canada is probably the only place outside the US I would want to live, I think the 2 dollar coin is pretty cool and the skiing is good there. Women are nice too. But I almost laughed myself silly in a juvinile fit of humor when I saw HOMO milk in a Canadian grocery store.

Loony (get it? that's the coin!) socialism aside I like Canada and wouldn't mind living there. I can always go south if I ever get into a waiting line for healthcare.

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-02-08 01:15am

Canada's a fun little country. All they need to do is legalize pot and prostitution and it'll be the perfect vacation destination.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2003-02-08 01:20am

Why do we need to leave America to go to America Jr?

Xenophobe3691 · Post by **Xenophobe3691** » 2003-02-08 08:45am

HemlockGrey wrote: Why do we need to leave America to go to America Jr?

Homer Simpson, eh?

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2003-02-08 09:06am

I saw that joke before only i was about Ireland being put beside England. A good Joke is adaptable like this.

Glocksman · Post by **Glocksman** » 2003-02-08 06:17pm

"Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next to them..."

That's not a very nice way to refer to Greenland.

Biddybot · Post by **Biddybot** » 2003-02-08 06:39pm

Just to keep the record straight (and offer further reason to snicker), our two-tone, two-dollar coin is called a Toony. The Loony (with a loon on it, natch) is the one-dollar coin.

More amusing Canadian stuff: A recent leader of one of our politcal parties revealed his quasi-Fundie leanings when he publicly stated that he believed that dinosaurs and cavemen lived on the Earth at the same time. The next week, one of our political humour TV shows razzed him by revealing the true source of his beliefs--old episodes of 'The Flintstones'. It was an admission which probably had quite a lot to do with why he doesn't lead that party anymore.

We still have a genuine national party called the Natural Law Party. Should they ever come to power, one of their intentions would be to do away with the military and replace them with Yogic Flyers, spiritual mystics that would meditate and send gentle pacifying thoughts to our enemies. I love the thought of them being in charge and sending a squadron of Yogic Flyers over to the Middle East in response to President Bush's request that Canada lend a hand in the coming conflict.

You will never do better to understand the Canadian middle-class pysche than watch South Park's special April Fool's episode 'Not Without My Anus', the one wherein Terence and Phillip foil Saddam's plot to overtake Canada. It's a true classic of Canadian humour and startlingly perceptive!

Montcalm · Post by **Montcalm** » 2003-02-08 07:05pm

Biddybot wrote:We still have a genuine national party called the Natural Law Party. Should they ever come to power, one of their intentions would be to do away with the military and replace them with Yogic Flyers, spiritual mystics that would meditate and send gentle pacifying thoughts to our enemies. I love the thought of them being in charge and sending a squadron of Yogic Flyers over to the Middle East in response to President Bush's request that Canada lend a hand in the coming conflict.

What have you been smoking everyone knows in Canada the only genuine party is the Block Québecois.

jaeger115 · Post by **jaeger115** » 2003-02-08 07:09pm

I assume God is referring to America in the last line, but that still makes me laugh. Guess I'm not offended easily.

Biddybot · Post by **Biddybot** » 2003-02-08 07:23pm

I just had a look for info on the Natural Law Party via google, thinking, hell, maybe that party is extinct. Instead, among other entries, I found THIS!

http://www.natural-law-party.org.uk/mis ... of-nlp.htm

They're everywhere!

Argh! I am so embarrassed for Canada, that these people actually run and get votes here.

Montcalm · Post by **Montcalm** » 2003-02-08 07:28pm

Biddybot wrote:I just had a look for info on the Natural Law Party via google, thinking, hell, maybe that party is extinct. Instead, among other entries, I found THIS!

They're everywhere! Argh! I am so embarrassed for Canada, that these people actually run and get votes here.

You know if there are people dumb enough to vote for Jean Chretien they would vote for anybody.

Ted · Post by **Ted** » 2003-02-08 07:30pm

I'm surprised the NLP isn't one of the top US political parties, after all, the majority there ARE fundie, or semi-fundie.

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2003-02-08 07:40pm

Ted wrote:I'm surprised the NLP isn't one of the top US political parties, after all, the majority there ARE fundie, or semi-fundie.

Uh, the Natural Law Party is big into Transcendental Meditation and New Age bullshit, how could it possibly attract fundies?

And you're a retard if you think the majority of Americans are fundie or "semi-fundie" (whatever the hell that means).

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