*ahem* Cybersex...

Post by **RogueIce** » 2003-02-08 08:21pm

Lurking around IRC as I did, I of course saw the offers, but never actually saw it done. This being a board where topics about anal sex, ejaculation distance, organ size, and which Disney character you'd screw threads seemed pretty popular, I thought someone here would know how it's done, and what, exactly, is the point. Does it really accomplish anything? How do you go about doing it?

The reason I ask is, I was recently playing online pool with a (female, non-gf) friend, and some idiot came in with the "a/s/l?" and "wanna cyber?" routine. So, it got me thinking about what exactly you do in a cyber anyway.

So, this board being the way it is, I figure one of you must know, and any help would be appreciated.

jaeger115 · Post by **jaeger115** » 2003-02-08 08:25pm

Oh, just for a minute there I thought you were talking about virtual sex. Damn I can't wait for that to come up.

IRG CommandoJoe · Post by **IRG CommandoJoe** » 2003-02-08 08:30pm

I've never done it myself, but all I know is that they basically masturbate and type.

Hotfoot · Post by **Hotfoot** » 2003-02-08 08:44pm

Here's the basic recipe:

Take one part erotic novel
Distill class, story, characters, leaving the "good parts"
Add in AOL idiot shorthand
Remove one hand from keyboard (increasing typos and decreasing clarity of thought)
Remember that both participants are probably male and desperate, but can't get any porn, much less get laid.

Let sit in IRC or AOL chatroom for five minutes or until one of them gets a cramp.

In other words, it combines all the worst parts of erotic fiction, phone sex, and the internet. The primary draw seems to be that it is free (once you have access to the internet), anonymous (everyone has perfect bodies online, y'know), and offers a questionable level of "intimacy" between the partners, which I think seems to be the primary draw. Plus, you don't even need a sexy voice...

Post by **RogueIce** » 2003-02-08 08:44pm

Anyone actually done it here?

Hm, jack off and talk dirty... What's the point? Online, anyway... You could get better jacking off from watching a porn flick.

salm · Post by **salm** » 2003-02-08 09:04pm

hmm.... i´ve done that just without the jackin off part.
actually it was me and several friends all of us about 16 at that point of time and totally drunk. it was fun for half an hour, to type a mix of perverted ideas into the machine and seing people reply to it.
i recon most of them were drunk people doing the same thing.

Hotfoot · Post by **Hotfoot** » 2003-02-08 09:11pm

salm wrote:hmm.... i´ve done that just without the jackin off part.
actually it was me and several friends all of us about 16 at that point of time and totally drunk. it was fun for half an hour, to type a mix of perverted ideas into the machine and seing people reply to it.
i recon most of them were drunk people doing the same thing.

Every so often, I derive a great deal of enjoyment out of messing with the heads of people who look for cybersex. But then I'm the kind of freak who hooks up an AI chatterbot to ICQ under an unused old account and has it randomly chat with people.

But without having to dig through my old chatterbot logs, here's an old ICQ log in which a random person decides to bug me for cybersex:

Code: Select all

--------------------------------------
     ICQ History Log For:    
            ********  traci
 Started on Sun Sep 17 13:22:50 2000
--------------------------------------
traci:      do you have a deadly weapon in your hand?

Hotfoot:    In a manner of speaking....I suppose you could say that...

traci:      mmmm  might I see?

Hotfoot:    Sure....*shows you his mouse*

traci:      teaser...I like it...

Hotfoot:    *blinks*  Hmm?  I assure you, I tease not.  *points to the mouse*  With this device, I have laid waste to entire civilizations.

traci:      I was hoping for  hand to hand combat  hehehe

Hotfoot:    Hand to hand combat is only for when I run out of ammunition.

traci:      can you show me your tool of destruction?

Hotfoot:    ^_^  Sure.  *shows you a Cyborg 3D USB joystick*

traci:      please  don't tease me  I really want to see...

Hotfoot:    *blinks*  What?  I use that for everything from piloting mecha to X-wing fighters!  Then there's my Saitek P750 joypad, and my multi-function keyboard, and my 19" monitor.  All of which help me on a good day of senseless annihilation.

traci:      but  I want you on a recue mission......

Hotfoot:    Oh?  ^_^  What kind of rescue mission?

traci:      my body is trapped in clothing  and needs to be freed then resusitate me

Hotfoot:    Ahh...well, in /that/ case....*cuts your clothes off with a gunblade, then casts LIFE3 on you*  ^_^  There ya go, all better!

traci:      nevermind....

Hotfoot:    ^_^  okay.....*snickers*

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-02-08 09:17pm

Hahahaha.

"my body is trapped in clothing and needs to be freed then resusitate me"

Real smooth.

General G · Post by **General G** » 2003-02-08 09:17pm

LOL [/code]

Hotfoot · Post by **Hotfoot** » 2003-02-08 09:33pm

neoolong wrote:Hahahaha.

"my body is trapped in clothing and needs to be freed then resusitate me"

Real smooth.

These usually aren't the brightest bulbs on the shelf, you know. I mean, I can usually tell that I'm talking to an AI chatterbot in about three messages. Some of my logs with "Meagan" (an Eliza-derivative AI chatterbot) go on for HOURS.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-02-08 09:37pm

Hotfoot wrote:
neoolong wrote:Hahahaha.

"my body is trapped in clothing and needs to be freed then resusitate me"

Real smooth.
These usually aren't the brightest bulbs on the shelf, you know. I mean, I can usually tell that I'm talking to an AI chatterbot in about three messages. Some of my logs with "Meagan" (an Eliza-derivative AI chatterbot) go on for HOURS.

I am just glad to say that I have never been desperate or drunk enough to use such a dumb line.

Hotfoot · Post by **Hotfoot** » 2003-02-08 09:45pm

neoolong wrote:I am just glad to say that I have never been desperate or drunk enough to use such a dumb line.

Oh, compared to some of the ones I've seen, that one was actually somewhat clever.

Seriously, some of them are really, really pathetic...it's almost sad. I'm reminded of this guy who was in a Cyberpunk 2020 game I was in (tabletop, pen and paper) who, after spending a good 20 or so minutes hiding in a dumpster to ditch the cops, goes to a bar and tries to pick up a girl. At no point did he change his clothes or take a shower. Then, after getting slapped once, he puts on a helmet for protection and tries AGAIN.

Now that I think about it, that's how I imagine some of these rabid cybersex people would act in a real bar.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2003-02-08 09:46pm

I seem to recall Kelly and Iggy had some shit going on back in a BotM thread.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2003-02-08 09:50pm

Ah yes, the most excellent "Greetings, we bring food" thread, where several brotherhood members got it on and I got whacked in the ass with a wet towel. Good Times!

IRG CommandoJoe · Post by **IRG CommandoJoe** » 2003-02-08 09:53pm

Regarding the BotM forum, where is it? I'm a member of it, but ever since I've joined I've never visited the forum before. lol

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2003-02-08 09:53pm

Hotfoot wrote:
salm wrote:hmm.... i´ve done that just without the jackin off part.
actually it was me and several friends all of us about 16 at that point of time and totally drunk. it was fun for half an hour, to type a mix of perverted ideas into the machine and seing people reply to it.
i recon most of them were drunk people doing the same thing.
Every so often, I derive a great deal of enjoyment out of messing with the heads of people who look for cybersex. But then I'm the kind of freak who hooks up an AI chatterbot to ICQ under an unused old account and has it randomly chat with people.

But without having to dig through my old chatterbot logs, here's an old ICQ log in which a random person decides to bug me for cybersex:
Code: Select all
--------------------------------------
     ICQ History Log For:    
            ********  traci
 Started on Sun Sep 17 13:22:50 2000
--------------------------------------
traci:      do you have a deadly weapon in your hand?

Hotfoot:    In a manner of speaking....I suppose you could say that...

traci:      mmmm  might I see?

Hotfoot:    Sure....*shows you his mouse*

traci:      teaser...I like it...

Hotfoot:    *blinks*  Hmm?  I assure you, I tease not.  *points to the mouse*  With this device, I have laid waste to entire civilizations.

traci:      I was hoping for  hand to hand combat  hehehe

Hotfoot:    Hand to hand combat is only for when I run out of ammunition.

traci:      can you show me your tool of destruction?

Hotfoot:    ^_^  Sure.  *shows you a Cyborg 3D USB joystick*

traci:      please  don't tease me  I really want to see...

Hotfoot:    *blinks*  What?  I use that for everything from piloting mecha to X-wing fighters!  Then there's my Saitek P750 joypad, and my multi-function keyboard, and my 19" monitor.  All of which help me on a good day of senseless annihilation.

traci:      but  I want you on a recue mission......

Hotfoot:    Oh?  ^_^  What kind of rescue mission?

traci:      my body is trapped in clothing  and needs to be freed then resusitate me

Hotfoot:    Ahh...well, in /that/ case....*cuts your clothes off with a gunblade, then casts LIFE3 on you*  ^_^  There ya go, all better!

traci:      nevermind....

Hotfoot:    ^_^  okay.....*snickers*

LOL, that's pretty priceless.

Post by **AdmiralKanos** » 2003-02-08 09:55pm

Cybersex is the most pathetic idea I've ever encountered.

GrandMasterTerwynn · Post by **GrandMasterTerwynn** » 2003-02-08 10:22pm

AdmiralKanos wrote:Cybersex is the most pathetic idea I've ever encountered.

Bah, if it discourages stupid people from reproducing, I'm all for it!

Raptor 597 · Post by **Raptor 597** » 2003-02-08 10:33pm

*Remembers the Holocron* Cyberlove...*Shudders* Those people without anything better to do.

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2003-02-08 11:31pm

I used to go into the Yahoo! and MSN chat rooms and see what I could get upto.

I even made a female account and put an obviously fake porn image in my profile and said I was a 17 year olf schoolgirl named Melissa.

What's even more funny is in the general chat when horny boys fight over virtual supposed girls and practically want to kill complete strangers. The fact that they waste perfectly good pixels on displaying their inept and sad insults to members of the same sex who are not quite the same retarded troglodyte as them is highly amusing.

I think I'll take this hobby up again and simply outwit them, shouldn't be hard since I'll be thinking and using both hands to type.

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-02-08 11:35pm

IRG CommandoJoe wrote:Regarding the BotM forum, where is it? I'm a member of it, but ever since I've joined I've never visited the forum before. lol

Step 1: Go to the main index.

Step 2: Scroll down.

Hotfoot · Post by **Hotfoot** » 2003-02-08 11:39pm

Admiral Valdemar wrote:I think I'll take this hobby up again and simply outwit them, shouldn't be hard since I'll be thinking and using both hands to type.

Hardly a challenge, which is why I resorted to AI a while ago. It's rather sad that they can't tell that it's not a real person on the other end of the line, especially since the chatterbot I used isn't even close to some of the more modern ones.

Man...humans failing the Turing Test. Speaks really well for the intelligence of the human race.

ArmorPierce · Post by **ArmorPierce** » 2003-02-08 11:50pm

LoL, that was hillarious.

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2003-02-08 11:55pm

Hotfoot wrote:
Admiral Valdemar wrote:I think I'll take this hobby up again and simply outwit them, shouldn't be hard since I'll be thinking and using both hands to type.
Hardly a challenge, which is why I resorted to AI a while ago. It's rather sad that they can't tell that it's not a real person on the other end of the line, especially since the chatterbot I used isn't even close to some of the more modern ones.

Man...humans failing the Turing Test. Speaks really well for the intelligence of the human race.

Oh I've used AI before, I had an ALICE bot work on ICQ as part of an experiment for a week with my profile changed to become a female student.

It gained at least 20MB of data on sexual inuendo and insults.

Raxmei · Post by **Raxmei** » 2003-02-09 12:00am

Here's a chatlog of a horny guy trying to solicit cybersex with Eliza on AIM.

http://fury.com/aoliza/fortytwo.php

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

ahem Cybersex...

ahem Cybersex...