Let's Play: HOUSE OF HELL

[Lusankya]

I already thought.

We're looting the cupboards in the Azazel room on our quest for biscuits.

[Ford Prefect]

I don't backtrack unless it's to look for Jedi Holocrons. Let's leave the Azazel room behind, and get the hell out of this hallway.

[Phantasee]

More looting! Enough of this silly skulking around, drinking weird things. I want to RUMMAGE.

[avatarxprime]

I also vote for looting. We need to find that weapon, who says it wasn't in Azazel's room.

[Stark]

Okay, Hell Hiatus over. We're back to looting!

First we returned to the Azazel room.


Then we rummaged in the drawers and found...


After arming ourselves we went out into the corridor and came to more doors.


Baltus room? Unmarked door? Or the landing? Now that we're armed and only slightly injured, we're geared up for anything.

RIGHT?

[Zablorg]

Jesus, when are we going to get to the scary bits?

I'm in the mood for a chilling bogey tale.

with this in mind, press on to the landing!

[Stark]

Dude, we're armed with an ORNATE LETTER OPENER. That'll scare the fuck out of some kind of guy!

[Ford Prefect]

I'm with Zablorg. Hit the landing.

[Lusankya]

Well, a quick search on Google reveals that Balthus is some kind of French artistwho paints erotic paintings of young girls, including some that totally look like lesbian rape.

I think we should go into the Balthus room and stab the paedophile, 'cause vigilanteism is all the rage these days. We'll probably get some reward from the police and everything!

[Civil War Man]

To the Balthus room. Everyone knows that you win an RPG by going through every room and looting everything that isn't nailed down. And then when you finally find the claw hammer, go through all the rooms again and pry up all the nails.

[Lusankya]

And don't forget all the roleplaying XP possible stat boosts that we'll get fucking stabbing the paedophile in the dick. Doing a good deed like that will totally earn us at least one luck point, and possibly even a permanent stat upgrade!

[Stark]

Inside the Balthus room!

[Ford Prefect]

heh heh

bulge

Check them.

[Lusankya]

Stab that bulge.

Fucking stab it in the dick!

Or check it out or something, I guess.

[Stark]

Bolding investigating bulges, our man steps forward...


Oh, dear?


Our first FEAR, from a curtain. Uh oh...




Time to hack apart a zombie with an ornate letter opener!

[Zablorg]

At us, and yet, through us! SHIIIIIIIIIIT


was it waiting for some mook to fiddle with its bulge

[Stark]

I was hoping for some joke about vacant look, bad teeth and shabby clothes being quite ordinary in the English countryside rofffle.

Should I run the combat or whut???

[Zablorg]

There's no variance in FF combat as I recall.

Roll them dice.

[Ford Prefect]

Make an overhand downward strike aimed just above te collarbone, then immediately chain it into a triple jab aimed at its eyes.

[Stark]

Zombie = 14
Us + Ornate Letter Opener = 21

Zombie hit, cleft like an airmail envelope. He's still up, though!

Nice combo Ford. Kratos wishes he had dangerous office equipment.

[Lusankya]

It's probably a servant zombie, so we should probably try socking him in the jaw. That way he'll look like a proper servant. He can't be a proper servant when he has that many teeth.

[Stark]

Zombie = 15
Us + Ornate Letter Opener = 13

Zombie teeth defence is too strong; shabby clothes dirty our jacket!

[Civil War Man]

You've got it right where you want it. Stab it in the dick, like Lus said.

[Stark]

Zombie = 15
Us + Ornate Letter Opener = 21

OMG! You stabbed it right in the dick - a dick that looks AT you, but THROUGH you. It's on it's last legs now, tottering about even worse than usual for a Zombie.

[Lusankya]

Cut its legs off! That'll show it who's boss!