The Salvation War: Pantheocide. Part Forty One Up

[Jamesfirecat]

Perhaps one could argue diminished capacity or mass delusion? Its not like they invented the cultural significance of 'God' themselves, and they were (usually) indoctrinated from a young age.

That or they could argue that they'd been brainwashed by god into worshiping him since after all this was before people knew the importance of wearing a tinfoil hat, and if deamons using their mental powers drive people crazy it's not too much of a stretch to believe that and his angels could turn people into mindless drones, after all if you coudl actually hear god speaking to you all the time then it'd be only natural to believe he must exist.

I'm not saying that he did it in this universe beyond a shadow of a doubt (or was even likely to have done it) I'm just saying it'd be possible to make the case.

[Shroom Man 777]

You'd be surprised. I was on the bridge of the USS Seattle, (she was an AOR, a fast underway replenishment ship) heading out of NWS Earle when we started running through these patches of bright red water. It was really weird to see, the water was turning brilliant red in clearly-defined patches about the size described. I asked "What the hell are those" and got the quick briefing on Algal Bloom related above. Naval officers tend to have pretty detailed knowledge of a lot of surprising things and love showing off the fact to any Contractors on board their ships.

Ah, so it's based on a true story, I see.

I guess it's alright if people in positions of knowledge and/or power go about it, but I really didn't expect that kind of stuff to happen too often. But at least the laymen aren't doing it too. Sometimes dialogue doesn't have to be long and fact-full, since real-life people don't speak with so many details either - they leave things out, forget things, or stuff. In a story, the rest of the stuff can be filled in by the narration. But it depends - long briefings work, but sometimes sticking one of 'em in the middle of something can make the prose chunky.

Especially about the 'realities' of life at sea. A classic example of the latter was a frigate we were on once. The Captain took great delight in giving us a long lecture on how the ship hadn't been designed by people who had ever been to sea and crew messing had no relationship to combat stations. So, when the ship went to action stations, 140 men forward were going aft and 140 men aft were going forward and they all had to pass through a single watertight hatch. The result was a rugby scrum by said hatch and an unmanned ship (just to add to the fun, she was a stealth ship so nobody could go above deck in anything nore than a flat millpond).

The Littoral Combat Ship?

[Lonestar]

The Littoral Combat Ship?

The LCS has a ship's company of 40, with a "mission crew" of 30-40, so I doubt that's it.

[Baughn]

It just occurred to me - Lovecraft would be in hell somewhere, and he'd have plenty of material for more books.

Let's mount an expedition to save him! What's the worst that could happen?

[Ilya Muromets]

It just occurred to me - Lovecraft would be in hell somewhere, and he'd have plenty of material for more books.

Let's mount an expedition to save him! What's the worst that could happen?

As entertaining as I find ol' H.P. and as interesting his story ideas, I doubt some fiction writer from the early 20th Century is on anyone's priority list in terms of Hell location and rescue.

[ray245]

It just occurred to me - Lovecraft would be in hell somewhere, and he'd have plenty of material for more books.

Let's mount an expedition to save him! What's the worst that could happen?

As entertaining as I find ol' H.P. and as interesting his story ideas, I doubt some fiction writer from the early 20th Century is on anyone's priority list in terms of Hell location and rescue.

Maybe not an official rescue mission, but I'm sure some fans would want to volunteer. I'll bet all the history fans who is not in the armed forces will be trying their best to find out all the historical figures.

Hell, history channel or Discovery channel might even mount an expedition about finding historical figures and make it into a documentary.

[Baughn]

I know. That's why we have to go get him.

Actually, it occurs to me.. if other people have seen hell while they were alive, I'd say Lovecraft has seen the next level up, and those who arranged the whole thing. It might be a good idea to get him.

[Ilya Muromets]

Maybe not an official rescue mission, but I'm sure some fans would want to volunteer. I'll bet all the history fans who is not in the armed forces will be trying their best to find out all the historical figures.

Hell, history channel or Discovery channel might even mount an expedition about finding historical figures and make it into a documentary.

Well, yeah, but consider the logistics. Hell is MASSIVE. And not everything is in human control. In fact, from what has been seen so far, the combined human army is already stretched thin as it is. Mind you, they're drawing resources from every willing country and military supplier they can. If even they have trouble scouring Hell, how's a tiny private search project with a comparative trickle in resources gonna find one person in Yog-Sothoth knows how many dead?

[Darth Wong]

Bullshit. They knew perfectly well what kind of monster they were worshiping. They just thought it was OK for him to act that way because he's God.

Perhaps one could argue diminished capacity or mass delusion? Its not like they invented the cultural significance of 'God' themselves, and they were (usually) indoctrinated from a young age.

As an analogy, how sympathetic do you think Americans would be to an Al-Quaeda lawyer making that argument?

[Mayabird]

Umm, all the old powerful preachers are now either
1) Dead, or
2) Completely discredited for everything and anything ever again, because they're not dead, and therefore they didn't actually believe all their bullshit.

And it's quite possible that relatives of Message deaths are in fact suing or trying to press charges against preachers in position 2, because they arguably are accessories to mass murder (heck, maybe even genocide, though that'd be hard to pull off) for encouraging belief to the extent that the Message killed hundreds of millions.


And on fans trying to find people - with the whole war mobilization effort and massive instability in Hell, there's probably little room for anybody to go on rescue missions aside from groups like the Quakers and army engineers. Now after the war, when there'll be a massive depression anyway, nothing really better to do, and still probably billions of people to dig up? Yet another way that things get wildly entertaining.

I mean, realistically, in this 'verse, I'd probably work in some factory making munitions or something for the duration of the war, save up a wad of cash, and afterward go searching for my dad, assuming he wasn't found earlier. Not very exciting or compelling reading, but probably a lot of people would be doing things like that.

[Darth Wong]

You'd be surprised. I was on the bridge of the USS Seattle, (she was an AOR, a fast underway replenishment ship) heading out of NWS Earle when we started running through these patches of bright red water. It was really weird to see, the water was turning brilliant red in clearly-defined patches about the size described. I asked "What the hell are those" and got the quick briefing on Algal Bloom related above. Naval officers tend to have pretty detailed knowledge of a lot of surprising things and love showing off the fact to any Contractors on board their ships.

Ah, so it's based on a true story, I see.

I guess it's alright if people in positions of knowledge and/or power go about it, but I really didn't expect that kind of stuff to happen too often.

You didn't expect it ... based on what? Movies? I think the root problem here is that you have internalized so many Hollywood conventions that you have confused some of them with reality. There is nothing at all jarring or strange about a ship captain knowing a great deal about the sea and the sort of things that happen in it. And it's not as if they're in the midst of a battle at the time; they have time to talk.

I think you're expecting the captain to be this gruff character who doesn't know or give a shit about anything except how his boat mechanically works and whether he shows up in port with the same number of crewmen he left with.

[Shroom Man 777]

Well, I'd expect them to know their shit and give an answer basically giving out the basics, rather than something longer and more like a professor's lecture. More like casual people conversation. But I forgot that these aren't casual people, since they're not doing anything casual, but something in depth and professional - and in that case, the way professionals talk about such stuff might be different. Particularly to outsiders who know nothing, they might like to toot their own horn or something.

At least Stuart isn't writing his stories with Tarantino-dialogue.

[Darth Wong]

Well, I'd expect them to know their shit and give an answer basically giving out the basics, rather than something longer and more like a professor's lecture.

Why? They're sailing through a dead calm sea where nothing is happening. They've got plenty of time.

Realistically, I wouldn't be surprised at all if the conversation were much more chatty instead of being stereotypically "military terse". But in a story like this, you're not going to show a couple of minor characters having a ten minute conversation about all their experiences with algae and the things they learned about it by reading articles in National Geographic. I would actually expect one of them to mention the fact that CNN and other news sources reported a huge "dead zone" in the Gulf of Mexico due to a similar phenomenon: huge algae blooms as a result of agricultural fertilizer run-off, not Yahweh.

More like casual people conversation. But I forgot that these aren't casual people, since they're not doing anything casual, but something in depth and professional - and in that case, the way professionals talk about such stuff might be different. Particularly to outsiders who know nothing, they might like to toot their own horn or something.

At least Stuart isn't writing his stories with Tarantino-dialogue.

Professional people have casual conversations while on the job. That sounded like a casual conversation to me. Maybe it would have sounded more natural to you if he added a few extra lines to make it sound more casual, like "I read an article in National Geographic about these algae blooms".

[GrayAnderson]

Marshall,
You do bring to mind an interesting question: Pat Robertson and company (the ones who made millions)...what are the odds that they're not facing a lawsuit for, among other things, deceptive practices and pain and suffering?

They acted in good faith. It would be like suing people who sold a product who couldn't possibly have known it was dangerous. If they KNEW heaven was a sham and Yaweh was a monster, then you'd have a case. As it is, they were deceived as much as everyone else.

In a lot of cases, I'd agree; however, the problem with Robertson is much the same as with many psychics: He's spouting a certain amount of nonsense and being believed. I'm referring in specific to his supposed personal revelations from the divine, mind you: That is what I think will land a lot of these guys in court. Basically, that their "predictions" and whatnot could not have been from the divine, and that there is little reason to believe they had any reason to believe what they were saying as actually true. At least, that's the argument that would be put forward.

[Darth Wong]

It would be rather amusing if Jesus is captured rather than killed, and is able to testify that he never told any of these fuckers any of the things they claimed he did. Especially about the fund-raising.

[tim31]

On on SDN would someone dare to put Jesus on the stand

[Rahvin]

Marshall,
You do bring to mind an interesting question: Pat Robertson and company (the ones who made millions)...what are the odds that they're not facing a lawsuit for, among other things, deceptive practices and pain and suffering?

They acted in good faith. It would be like suing people who sold a product who couldn't possibly have known it was dangerous. If they KNEW heaven was a sham and Yaweh was a monster, then you'd have a case. As it is, they were deceived as much as everyone else.

In a lot of cases, I'd agree; however, the problem with Robertson is much the same as with many psychics: He's spouting a certain amount of nonsense and being believed. I'm referring in specific to his supposed personal revelations from the divine, mind you: That is what I think will land a lot of these guys in court. Basically, that their "predictions" and whatnot could not have been from the divine, and that there is little reason to believe they had any reason to believe what they were saying as actually true. At least, that's the argument that would be put forward.

It's entirely possible that, within the context of the story, Robertson was receiving direct divine communication. Didn't he claim that Katrina was a judgment for the acceptance of homosexuality? That sounds like Yahweh, and we know Katrina was his fault in the story.

I'm not sure how you could make a case that he was fraudulent. It sounds more like he was right, and if humanity had listened to him we might have collectively realized Yahweh was an asshole a lot sooner (or maybe not - you'd think the Bible alone would be enough for that).

I'm just not seeing fraud here. I'm seeing a guy who was lied to jsut like everyone else, except he was one of teh stooges used by Yahweh for issuing warnings and taking credit for misdeeds. You might be able to call him a collaborator, though, since supposedly Robertson had direct knowledge that Yahweh was committing crimes against humanity and stayed on Yahweh's side...but plenty of others believed that Yahweh was committing those same crimes (even if they didn't have direct knowledge) and stayed on Yahweh's side as well until the Message proved that Yahweh wasn't upholding his end of teh bargain. But even that wouldn't likely work since war hadn't yet been declared.

[Stuart]

Briefing Room, White House Washington DC, April 2009

"So what did you think of Yamantau Mister President?" Secretary of the Interior Salazar had wanted to go on that visit but he hadn't.

"It is a most remarkable installation. It comforts me to think that we have something similar here."

"Actually Mister President, we don't." Secretary of Defense Gates spoke sadly. "We have proposed such an installation in the past but funding was always denied. The nearest we have to Yamantau is Cheyenne Mountain and that is in care-and-maintenance status. We have some shallower installations that offer nothing like the protection of Yamantau of course. But, given the threats we face now, Yamantau offers little in the way of protection. As far as we know."

"You think there is more to Yamantau than the Russians have let us see?"

"Of course. But I was more thinking of the kinds of attack we are facing right now. And what may come next, remember we had no warning of the attacks on Sheffield and Detroit."

A grim silence ran around the room. The destruction of Sheffield and Detroit still had the power to awe those who saw the fields of cooled lava that now overlay what had once been two thriving cities. Somehow, it was made all the more striking by the knowledge that the cities could not be rebuilt. Usually, no matter how bad the damage, the city inhabitants had picked themselves up and rebuilt. In Sheffield and Detroit, that was impossible and the devastated areas of the cities had been abandoned.

"You think there may be more sky-volcano attacks?" Obama sounded apprehensive as well he might. The winter had been a rough one worldwide and few people believed the storms had been natural.

"I'm saying, Mister President, we don’t know what's coming."

"That may not be true Secretary Gates." General Schatten spoke carefully as befitted a military man in this epitome of civilian control. "Our resident experts in the field believe that there are likely to be seven attacks before Yahweh really begins to engage us. We've had two and we can expect the third very shortly. That will see the Algal Blooms spreading to our inland waterways. The fourth is expected to consist of fire and heat, that sounds like more sky-volcano attacks to us. Details on the fifth attack are very indefinite and simply refer to darkness and people gnawing their tongues with pain. The sixth simply says the Euphrates will dry up, well, that's bad for Iraq but hardly a gruesome disaster while the last speaks of a massive earthquake and a rain of giant stones. That sounds like more portal work."

"Where does this come from?"

"Book of Revelations, Mister President. Normally we would discount that as a source but the first two attacks do make it look like somebody is sticking to that playbook."

"And just how long do we have to sit here taking it on the chin like this? We finished off Satan in less than six months once we got rolling, why can't we do the same with Yahweh?"

"Because we can't get at him." Secretary Gates reinserted himself into the conversation deftly. "We have no idea where Heaven is, we can’t find it and we can't open a portal to it. Our primary hope at the moment is to understand the structure of the space-time continuum in which Heaven exists and then find it by exploiting that understanding. However, I am advised that it is likely we will find that the space-time continuum in question will contain large numbers of habitable entities and even if we can locate them, finding the right one will be very difficult. At worst, we may end up visiting each in turn until we find the right one. President Abigor has said that is how Satan and Yahweh explored our dimension although they obviously had no understanding of the science involved. Somehow, they got through to planets more or less at random."

"This just is not good enough. We must find a way of launching a counter-attack. So far this war with Heaven has cost us more people and more treasure than the war with Hell did."

"That is hardly surprising Mister President. In retrospect, we were very lucky with the Curb Stomp War. The Baldricks just opened a portal and came straight at us. Not only that, they did so head-on into the biggest concentration of military power we could deploy and one that was well-stocked with munitions. They, quite literally, couldn’t have made it easier for us if they had tried. It's fairly obvious that Yahweh watched that debacle and has decided to try a different approach. I must say, Mister President, that it is easy to over-estimate the damage that is being done to us by these attacks. The anthrax attack cost us a third of our sensitives and that's limited our ability to construct new portals through to Hell. However, we have a contingency plan to deal with the shortage if it becomes critical."

"And that is?"

"To use Baldricks, especially the naga, as substitutes for our sensitives. We don't want to do that, the last thing we need is for the Baldricks to think they are actually useful to us rather than something midway between utterly irrelevant and a nuisance. But it is an option. Anyway, we've had a rough winter and the rest of the world hasn't been much better. The problem is, distinguishing between natural bad weather and the enhanced bad weather that constitutes a Yahweh attack. Some of the attacks are quite clearly the latter, the Missouri tornados that destroyed Whiteman AFB for example. Others may simply be normal bad weather. Britain had a very wet winter with severe rain but looking at the weather data, we can’t see any sign of enhancement to that. One thing that is clear from the NOAA studies of the winter, Yahweh can't create bad weather. He can modify it, intensify it and redirect it but he can't create it. That's very encouraging from our point of view."

"What about this Red Tide? Tom?"

Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack leaned forward in his seat. "I'll echo what Rob said, Mister President. It’s a bad blow but we shouldn’t overestimate it. The Algal Bloom is confined to continental shelf areas and then only to isolated parts of that shelf. Those parts make up a substantial proportion of the total maritime area but by no means all of it. The bad news is, we've lost the fisheries in the continental shelf areas and that's hit shellfish production, especially shrimp and lobster, and put the short-range fishing boats out of business. However, deep-sea fisheries and fish-farming are not affected so we've got a substantial proportion of our fish supply maintained. It's the same around the world, shallow-water fishing is hammered but deep sea fishing and fish farming is all right. It's a blow but its survivable."

"How did this happen?"

General Schatten glanced at Secretary Vilsack who deferred to him. "At first we thought it was another case of seeding by angels but we've ruled that out. The Algal Bloom is a natural phenomena that is kicked off by excess nutrients in the water. Our current hypothesis is that an underwater gate was opened in various areas and a large volume of nutrient-rich sea water was injected into the areas affected. We think, and this is a guess Sir, that other attacks were made on deep-water areas but even with the extra nutrients the conditions there weren't suitable and those parts of the attack failed. Another encouraging sign for us, Yahweh is nowhere near infallible.

"We know that no angels were responsible for this. We have a nation-wide portal detection network, we set that up as part of the response to the sky-volcano attacks. Now and then, it's detected portals forming and fading away, we are more or less certain they're the result of angels arriving and departing. Oddly there are concentrations of such formations around San Francisco, Las Vegas, El Paso and New Orleans. Why that is we do not know. One last thing Sir, the Uriel attacks, the mass die-offs? They're moving north, towards us. One was reported in Honduras three days ago. Eight thousand dead."

"Thank you." Obama glanced around the room. "Now, the economy. Tim?"

Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner laughed a little desperately. "What economy Sir? We don’t have one any more, we've got a train wreck instead. What most people don't realize is that the economy was heading for a major crash before all this happened. People had borrowed too much money and couldn’t repay it, the banks had loaned money they had little or no hope of collecting and the whole house of cards was about to come down. As a matter of fact, it would have collapsed by now if it hadn't been for the mobilization. We've been printing money like mad to pay for it, we've pumped trillions into the economy, nearly all of which has stayed here in the United States. The result, of course, is inflation which is only being stopped from reaching runaway proportions by price controls and rationing. The overall effect has been to devalue people's debts. Also, because of triple-shift working at all the mobilized industries, the reopening of shuttered factories and so on, people have more money in their pockets. Rationing means there aren't many things they can spend it on so they put it in the banks and that's recapitalized them. After all, they can't buy cars because no cars are being made for the civilian market, they can't buy houses because the contractors are building defense installations instead. In economic terms, the mobilization is a massive stimulus program. The problem is, its all just building problems up for the future. When the controls come off, all economic hell will break loose."

A grim silence ran around the conference room. At last Obama broke it. "Janet, internal security?"

"There, Barry, the situation is pretty good. Crime-rate is way, way down. Spree killings and so on have virtually stopped, it seems like the majority were the direct result of demonic possession. Street crime is way down as well, partly because everybody is working all hours of the day and are simply too tired and partly because the police, U.S. Volunteers and armed citizens are on the streets all the time. Street crime has just got too dangerous. We do have problems with what was called 'the fifth column' back in World War Two. Mostly, the remnants of the extreme religious groups who didn’t lie down and die with the rest. There have been some acts of obstructionism, trying to get in the way of military convoys and so on. A few cases of family members of serving military personnel being harassed. Most, all pretty short-lived, the perpetrators have no popular support and in a lot of cases, they're lucky if the police get to them before the local citizens. You heard what happened to a guy called Phlops?"

The Cabinet shook its collective head.

"Well, he was the self-appointed leader of an extreme religious cult down south somewhere. Offshoot of the Baptist church although they disowned him a long time ago. Anyway, he and some members of his congregation started disrupting the funeral of some troops who got killed on active service. Yelling abuse at the family of the slain, saying the dead got what they deserved and so on. Anyway, the local population went berserk and lynched them. I mean really lynched. Phlops's body was lashed behind a pick-up truck and dragged around city limits as a lesson to anybody else who might have the same idea in mind."

"I sincerely hope the people responsible have been punished."

"Of course, Phlop's body started to come apart on the second circuit of the city limits. So the police pulled the truck in and charged the driver with dumping toxic waste. No other charges, nobody saw anything or could identify anybody. Oh yes, somebody tipped off a group of deceased troopers in Hell and they were waiting for Phlops when he turned up there. I understand the attitude adjustment was emphatic. But, Mister President, there are a whole load of issues that come out of this. What about capital punishment for example? Pretty much all the logical base behind many of our legal decisions has been swept away and we need to address that."

The members of the Cabinet nodded thoughtfully. It wasn't just criminal law that was being affected, the whole legal concept of death was being re-evaluated. Already the health services were beginning to ask how knowledge of Hell should affect the decisions they had to make. Did it really make sense to keep a dying person alive but in a vegetative state when all that was doing was delaying their transfer to a healthy life in an increasingly-comfortable Hell dimension? The philosophers were agonizing over these and many more related questions.

"Let us leave legal matters to the Supreme Court." Obama spoke decisively. "Let them interpret existing law first before we start making new ones. That's what they get paid for."

Training Camp, 1st Mechanized Infantry Battalion (Demonic), Dis, Hell, May 2009

"Spread out, don't bunch up. Stay grouped together like that and a single inbound artillery round will take you all out at once."

The Baldricks forming the skirmish line stretched out on either side of their armored personnel carrier obediently shuffled further out, spreading their line as the gaps between them opened. For warriors who had spent millennia training to fight with their shoulders actually touching those on either side of them, it was an aching readjustment. The problems weren't helped by the fact that all these Baldricks were veterans, some of the few survivors of Abigor's and Beelzebub's armies that were fit for military service.

Standing behind them, Sergeant Gray Anderson shook his head sadly. It was much easier training new recruits, they didn’t know anything. These Baldrick veterans were full of bad habits that they had to lose if they wanted to live on a modern battlefield. The shuffling stopped, Anderson sighed to himself, and repeated his instructions. "Spread out! Right out. At least twice as far as you are doing at the moment. Otherwise, you will all die."

That was a grim comment, the whole psychology of the Baldricks had changed since they had come under the lash of human artillery fire. As far as anybody could tell, they were more or less immortal unless somebody (or something) killed them. As a result, they hadn't really feared death before but now, after seeing nine of every ten men in their units dying, the fact and fear of death was ingrained in their minds.

"All right, now, look to your front. The targets are set up at the two hundred yard mark. Two hundred yards is as far as you're likely to see the enemies you are shooting at. Beyond that range, we use area fire and suppressive fire. Load one round, take your time, aim at your target and fire."

Taloned hands drew a .940 inch nitro-express round from their ammunition pouches. A quick pressure on the lever under the Martini-Henry rifle and the breech block dropped down. A quick pressure and the round was slid into the chamber, then the lever was lifted to seal the breech. The Martini-Henry was an old design, dating from a hundred and fifty years earlier, but it was uniquely suited to this application. It was immensely strong and could take the very powerful .940 cartridge that exploited the Baldrick's strength and size. The designers had corrected all the problems with the old version and had produced a weapon that was powerful, reliable and accurate. It was also single-shot so the automatic weapons carried by the humans still had the edge. Anyway, the human troops had artillery.

Each Baldrick in the line had lifted his hand, indicating his weapon was ready. "All right, in your own time, aim and fire."

Even through Anderson's ear protectors, the crash of the rifles was painful. The Baldricks didn’t seem to notice and their big bodies absorbed the brutal recoil without problems. That was one of the things that had made Anderson uneasy, at six foot five, he was a big man and he wasn't used to looking up at people who towered over him. He lifted his binoculars and looked carefully at the targets. Of the nine Baldricks in the unit, eight had put their shots inside the six-ring, one had even put his in the black. A big, really big, improvement. One shot seemed to have missed the target completely.

"Hunkhalaphinarexes! You closed your eyes again!" A groan went along the line of Baldricks, unit cohesion was building up and the failure of this one Baldrick was taken by them all as a reflection on their own ability. "Try again. Load up." Anderson walked over to him and squatted on the ground. "You must keep your eyes open when you fire. Otherwise you'll wander off-target. Now try again."

The Baldricks watching were keenly aware that, in the old days, a recruit who fouled up this badly when firing his trident would have suffered a gruesome few days of imaginatively brutal torture. Hunkhalaphinarexes took a deep breath, forced himself to freeze his eyes open, and squeezed the trigger in the approved manner. The shot ripped a hole in the target, three o'clock in the eight-ring.

"Not bad at all Hunky, not bad. We'll make a soldier of you yet. All right, fire ten round at your target, in your own time. Try and get a good, tight group. Remember, doing things right is what we want, doing it fast comes later."

Anderson walked over to the unit's carrier and climbed in the back. It was a highly modified version of the old M-113 with an extra roadwheel each side and new hull that had an open crew compartment in the back. Crew of nine, commander, driver and gunner with six dismount infantry. The gunner had a .50 caliber machine gun mounted on the forward edge of the fighting compartment. The forward compartment had space for the driver and commander, the latter having a radio. Anderson picked the speaker up and patched through to his platoon command.

"One-Delta-Alpha Actual here. We're finishing up on the range now. We're coming back in about thirty minutes. The boys will need feeding."

"Copy that Alpha-Actual, we'll butcher a food-beast for them. How are they doing?"

"As well as can be expected. For recruits with so much to unlearn." Anderson sighed gently, it was only a few months before he'd been in a nursing home, remembering his years of military service while marking time, waiting to die. Then, there had been the day he hadn't woken up in his room but in the recovery ward on the Phelan Plain and the interview with the placement officers who had been waiting for him. One mention of the fact he'd spent thirty years training recruits for Her Majesty's Army and he'd been found this job. The odd thing was, he was rather enjoying it and the memories of his life on Earth were becoming remote. Not fading, if he made the effort they were as clear as they had ever been, but he just didn't think of them so much. His life was here now. "Hey Mitch, do me a favor, pick out a good-looking food-beast for my boys right, they've worked hard today."

[Mr Bean]

Timing is everything, reading.

Edit spelling mistake noticed

You heard what happened to a guy called Phlops?

[Xenophobe3691]

Wow, so Phelps...oops, Phlops, now gets what he deserves, eh? Toxic waste indeed

[JN1]

Nice work, with a little side mention of the Credit Crunch of @.
The way the Baldricks are being trained and armed reminds me slightly of the old British Indian Army. For much of the later part of the 19thC they were largely armed with single shot weapons, when British troops had rifles like the Lee-Metford, and all artillery was in British hands. Very much a legacy of the Mutiny.

Is nothing of Sheffield and Detroit going to be salvaged?

Oh yes, somebody tipped off a group of deceased troopers in Hell and they were waiting for Phlops when he turned up there. I understand the attitude adjustment was emphatic.

Ouch, not only does he get lynched but also beaten up in Hell.

[Hawkwings]

It's not a misspelling, it's intentional. Stuart doesn't want to get sued over this, after all.

[tim31]

Is nothing of Sheffield and Detroit going to be salvaged?

The specific line was that the 'affected areas had been abandoned.' You've seen what lava looks like when it cools, right? Not exactly something you cart away with front end loaders and dump trucks.

[Sidewinder]

Awesome. By the way, does the APC require a human driver, or was the design modified so one of the Baldrick infantrymen could drive it? (I'm assuming it still requires a human maintenance crew, so if the Baldricks decide to go Grand Theft Auto, we can simply wait for the APC to suffer a mechanical failure and become a paperweight.)

And is Gray Anderson a real person?

[Pelranius]

I thought we had a forum member by that name.

It would be interesting to know how many of the total Baldricks are being trained as soldiers. I can't imagine the various Free Hell groups (except for ones like Caesar who are using them already) would like that too much, though.

Funny. I thought Phlops would have dropped dead around the time of the message.