Space Marines=Death Toys

[Bob the Gunslinger]

Psssh. I bet when you were 8 you read all kinds of stuff with exploding brain-pans and the like. When I was 8, Robocop and Aliens were quite popular with the kids, and as I told the warden, I turned out alright.

[Aaron]

Psssh. I bet when you were 8 you read all kinds of stuff with exploding brain-pans and the like. When I was 8, Robocop and Aliens were quite popular with the kids, and as I told the warden, I turned out alright.

Yeah I did, marriage and parenting involve some compromises though.

[NoXion]

Oh man, I was giggling while reading this. This is gold.

Cities of Death
Urban Tactics - Block By Block

What could be more fun than that?
Cities of Death! Yippee.

When children think of cities, they SHOULD think of them as great places to hide out to kill everyone they can find. Because that's what cities are for. Even churches are good to blow up and stuff because it's way fun. Everyone wants to blow up churches and mosques and hunt down every last civilian, with urban tactics and go block by block until you're sure every last one of them is dead.

I had a copy of White Dwarf when they brought out Cityfight, and I'm pretty sure they didn't mention blowing up churches and mosques and killing civilians as an integral part of the game. Well, I suppose one could invent a scenario where the attackers have to stop a Chaos ritual involving the murder of civilians, but even that doesn't present an endorsement of such activities.

[Lord Relvenous]

You missed the sentences after that.

Because that is FUN. It's a HOOT. A barrel of LAFFS. Let's have a Coke and a donut shall we?
We can talk about shooting little kids and pregnant women, because that's...fun?

[Connor MacLeod]

40K teaches you the importance of trench warfare and the bayonet charge as part of the NWO's military tactics, which is supposed to allow them to take over the world, no doubt.

I would love to see how the Orks figure into the grand scheme though. Or the Necrons. Maybe the NWO will implant us all in melty organic bodies and give us disintegrator rays!

[Falkenhayn]

He's got his phonetics all wrong. Azrael is the Islamic archangel of death. Hence the fetish for long robes and the color green. Sure the author may not be that religious, but 40k is actually suborning the concept of knighthood to enslave our children to the 12th Imam.

[Samuel]

40K teaches you the importance of trench warfare and the bayonet charge as part of the NWO's military tactics, which is supposed to allow them to take over the world, no doubt.

I would love to see how the Orks figure into the grand scheme though. Or the Necrons. Maybe the NWO will implant us all in melty organic bodies and give us disintegrator rays!

When the world's military technology reduces engagement ranges to 100 feet, than we have to worry about it being a training similation

Hmmm...
Orks- teaching us to be football holligans obviously.
Tau- obey, obey, obey
Sisters of Battles- nuns are hot
Inquistion- zealotry and religious fanaticism are all that keeps us from being destroyed by hell
Choas- no matter who you are, someone will accept you
Tyranids- biological engineering will give us super powered killing machines
Eldar- providing more opportunities for elf porn
Necrons- technology will solve all problems. Even death!

[Brother-Captain Gaius]

The sinister intentions behind Orks are obvious. GW got tired of seeing hot pink, silver, and bright yellow cars putting along in neat little lines with finely-tuned and well-maintained engines. They are subtly indoctrinating the world's motor vehicle driving population to paint all their cars red and street race wildly at the expense of everyone's safety.

[Oskuro]

They are subtly indoctrinating the world's motor vehicle driving population to paint all their cars red and street race wildly at the expense of everyone's safety.

*looks at throngs of sideways-cap wearing car-tuning street-racer wannabes* They are failing.

Also, weren't Tau supposed to mean "Manga! Anime! Mecha!"? Seriously, is about time that army gets its hands on a herd of squigs and deploys them via spherical grenades that teleport them in at the utterance of "Gutgnawer, I choose you!"

Fuck me, my Ork army needs those.

[andrewgpaul]

It already has Shokk Attack Guns. What more do you need?

[Havok]

That said, I find it interesting that she (?) assumes the game wouldn't be played or run under supervision. How many kids under twelve can paint decently anyways?

Yo! I was a model painting motherfucker back when I was a kid. Airplanes, miniatures, cars, ships. Granted I may be more artistically inclined than most, but kids under 12 can certainly paint miniatures. The problem is that most kids under that age can't keep their attention on one thing for that long.

Hell, my son (8) is begging to read the novels and comics on my bookcase but I refuse, mostly because the comics have brains being blown out of skulls and such.

You mean you haven't shared the Heavy Metals?!?

[Khaat]

1) Boys have played with toy soldiers since the invention of toy soldiers, and sticks before that
2) Older boys like having background (or "a story of why") for their toy soldiers
3) Conspiracy nuts need not apply their paranoia to an obvious fiction (that word means "story") designed to sell toy soldiers to older boys

Orks are obviously there for the militant white-trash contingent: "that car on blocks in your front lawn could be a Trukk or the shell of a Warwagon!" Don't tell me Gork and Mork aren't excellent parallels for tornadoes, Wierdboyz don't look like crazy-eyed evangelicals, and slapping around the runts isn't a favored pass-time!

No, I'm not serious, but you can see how an imagination applied in jest can be amusing.

[Aaron]

Yo! I was a model painting motherfucker back when I was a kid. Airplanes, miniatures, cars, ships. Granted I may be more artistically inclined than most, but kids under 12 can certainly paint miniatures. The problem is that most kids under that age can't keep their attention on one thing for that long.

I couldn't paint shit and still can't. Bang on with the attention span though, I must have had a dozen unfinished models on my shelf when I moved out.

You mean you haven't shared the Heavy Metals?!?

Those are being saved as a gift for when he's 14 or so.

[Batman]

But by then it'll be too late to corrupt him!!! Don't you want the Forces of Evil to win?

Ha! I thought this crowd had moved on to video games as the new evil

Maybe they figure that since kids that got turned into homicidal maniacs by games are smart enough to PIRATE the games that did so so nobody'll ever know they got turned to begin with, said kids would be smart enough to enact their inummerable killing sprees where nobody would ever find out about them so the public would actually believe there's no problem to begin with? So they turn back to something they KNOW (well, eventually. Any day now. Really) will turn children into homicidal monsters by means they (think they)understand-i.e., board games. Until they tun into actual wargame rules, anyway.

[Swindle1984]

I went to their home page, as I was curious to find out what PBS stood for. I still don't know. Paranoid Bat Shit crazy? I don't know, maybe. Tremble before the New World Order and their Space Marines!

I'll admit if there was a New World Order that could do that, I'd sign up. Completely rebuilding the human body? Control of the mind? That level of biotechnology has so many useful purposes.

Shit, I'd sign up if I got genetically and cybernetically augmented into a superhuman killing machine with ridiculously awesome powered armor and a fully-automatic grenade launcher.

Actually, I'd contemplate it just for the free lasik surgery and dental plan.

[Connor MacLeod]

And wouldn't the GEoM be a much more cooler god than anything we really have? He can shoot beams from his eyes!

[Swindle1984]

Isn't the God-Emperor of Man a shriveled husk sitting on a life-support throne doing nothing?

[Samuel]

Isn't the God-Emperor of Man a shriveled husk sitting on a life-support throne doing nothing?

Now he is, but back in the Good Old Days he kicked ass and took names. Plus that understates what said husk can do- just because his body is dead does not diminish his awesome power- the man can control time.

[Aaron]

Isn't the God-Emperor of Man a shriveled husk sitting on a life-support throne doing nothing?

Well, he's apparently powering the Astronomican (with the help of psyker sacrifices), keeping the Chaos Gods at bay, at various times he's cleared or caused warp storms, sped up travel for ships etc.

I never knew he shoot eye beams though. Even sitting on the Golden Throne he's a far more interesting god then the RL ones.

[Samuel]

Isn't the God-Emperor of Man a shriveled husk sitting on a life-support throne doing nothing?

Well, he's apparently powering the Astronomican (with the help of psyker sacrifices), keeping the Chaos Gods at bay, at various times he's cleared or caused warp storms, sped up travel for ships etc.

I never knew he shoot eye beams though. Even sitting on the Golden Throne he's a far more interesting god then the RL ones.

That is because they have to justify why real life ones aren't doing things and it gets rather pathetic... unless your dieties are assholes, in which case it makes sense (see Greek and Viking polytheism).

[Batman]

At least Greek and Viking mythology ADMIT their gods are arseholes

[Peptuck]

Look you can't do that; the army list clearly states the College of Cardinals only gets Demolisher armour at a +9pt IF it's deployed in full which is not viable at your level, not even if you ditch the laiety requirements.

Sigged.

That being said, I was left rolling at the article, especially the ticker at the top.

The results are in. Violent games and violent entertainment does affect people. Warhammer fanatics PROVE I AM RIGHT with their own emails.

Because emails are a fine substitute for academic study and scientific testing!

I also love how the author doesn't even attempt to get the lore they're busy screeching and hollering about right.

[Swindle1984]

Since it was mentioned earlier, and this kind of stupidity is fun to laugh at (even if you're a Christian like me): http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp

There's the Jack Chick tract on how Dungeons & Dragons teaches your children mind control magic and makes them want to commit suicide when their character dies!

Of course, if that happened, I'd be slitting my wrists five times a year the way my GM runs things.



And of course...

[Peptuck]

Also, the rant at the bottom of the page had me in stitches. Apparently, the fans of a particular work do not have the right to respond to you when you libel it on your public blog with your publicly available email address.

And heaven forbid you tell your friends about it so that they can voice their opinions, too.

[NecronLord]

Isn't the God-Emperor of Man a shriveled husk sitting on a life-support throne doing nothing?

Actually, he's a sacrificial god figure turned up to eleven.

Jesus is an example of this kind of diety - one that suffers and is awesome because of it. Of course, Jesus suffered briefly to save your souls, the Emperor has suffered continuous torture for ten thousand years to save souls and bodies.

As for what he does; he directs a lot of things psychically, powers the astronomicon, does mental battle with the chaos gods, sends some kind of spirits to intercede on the Imperium's behalf, and directs his servants via the emperor's tarot.

Also, shits the stuff in psyk-out grenades.