Let's Play: HOUSE OF HELL

[Ford Prefect]

Nonsense. Bound off a desk, do a three quarter turn and half flip, then split it from groin to head with the ornate letter opener.

[Lusankya]

Nonsense. Bound off a desk, do a three quarter turn and half flip, then split it from groin to head with the ornate letter opener.

This is so much better than my idea.

We need to make kung fu sounds at the same time.

[avatarxprime]

Can't be just kill it and move on. We won't get to loot its corpse until we bring it from undead to just plain dead. And if you must, cut off it's head with the ornate letter opener and have it bite off its own balls.

[Civil War Man]

Can't be just kill it and move on. We won't get to loot its corpse until we bring it from undead to just plain dead. And if you must, cut off it's head with the ornate letter opener and have it bite off its own balls.

The zombie will not die unless we kill it in the most elaborate and unnecessary way possible. And while your decapitation and auto-testicular-mastication is certainly creative, it may not be feasible since we already repeatedly stabbed it in the dick.

I suggest the old-fashioned classic "cut off its arm and beat it to death with it" tactic

[The Yosemite Bear]

hey it worked for Beowulf, besides we could always write our intials on it's back....

[Phantasee]

Kill it like Ford says - with STYLE.

[Stark]

Zombie = 12
Us + Ornate Letter Opener = 18

Game over for zombie.

We're now (overall) at 2 fear and down six stamina. Now, to loot THE BOX!

Awesome! Killing a Zombie in mortal kombat got us... a way out of the room with the zombie!

[Lusankya]

I didn't even know we were locked in...

Oh well. At least we stopped that paedophile from molesting the curtains.

These rooms have been kinda boring though. Let's go down to the landing.

[The Yosemite Bear]

nice that's almost as bad as the troll having a sword of fire....

[Stark]

I'm pretty sure not finding out you were locked in saved 2 FEAR points, but reduced the amount of sense the game makes in context. It was a close one. A close SHAVE!

So further along... spooky window!


Hmm... satanists?

Or Nazis?

Along the landing, we find a GIANT STAIRCASE going down. We still don't really know what floor we're on atm due to head trauma.

[Ford Prefect]

I'm putting my vote in for downstairs, yo.

[Civil War Man]

Take the unmarked door. The named rooms turned out to be duds, so an unnamed one logically will lead to excitement and adventure.

[avatarxprime]

I vote for the door. We need to continue looting until we find that bloody dagger. It's not a proper boss battle unless you have your character's ultimate weapon.

[Vendetta]

I vote for the door. If we're ransacking some old dude's mansion, we should do the job right.

[Phantasee]

Go for the door and see if you can find his drug stash. The AK will probably be there too.

[Lusankya]

The unmarked door. I often keep biscuits hidden behind unmarked doors, so maybe that's where these people keep their biscuits.

[Straha]

Door it. What's the worst that can happen? Another Brit Zombie?

[Stark]

Oh man I know what you guys want now...



Okay let's take stock here.
We've successfully looted for some time, and only murdered one person. We're now DOUBLE armed with pointy things. There is a mysterious bottle here. All our stats are max or nearly max (although we don't have any food yet).

And there's a whole nother door in this storeroom!

[Ford Prefect]

We are goddamn unstoppable. Drink the liquid.

[Lusankya]

Man, I was so hoping for biscuits, and all we get is this stupid garlic.

Oh well. Drink the vodka. What could go wrong?

[Vendetta]

362 does not sound like a promising number. I say go for the door.

[Stark]

Man I remember that sense as a kid. Nothing good ever happened on 314! Don't go there!

[Lusankya]

Nah. The white liquid has to be ok. This is a cupboard full of edibles and stuff. It can't be detergent or anything, because you keep that stuff under the sink, and definitely not in the pantry. If you did, that would be bad safety standards, and what if some kid came along and drank it all and died? You wouldn't be able to use them in your satanic ritual because they would have died from some stupid mundane problem!

[Stark]

Oh man, due to the course of entry you guys took you don't know some FACTS (due to head trauma and no dinner). It will be roffle!

Anyway, due to the structure of HoH (ie, rooms with 2/3 choices set up in a mendacious series of 'door y/n' or 'door l/r') I think it's probably the worst book I coudl have chosen for a satirical LP. I think next time I'll jump right to the more surreal and 'grown up' later books.

[Lusankya]

Do Island of the Undead!

But just resolve the combat without too much input from us, because otherwise we'd be here forever.