Unnamed Porno Fanfic From Shep, Falkenhorst, and Fanboy

[Kuja]

LOL

after

LOL

after

LOL

after

LOL!


Just funny as hell!

[Ted]

ROFLMAO

[Zaku-chan]

He hadn't taken a shit for days, and he was feeling alot better. He began cackling evilly as the horrible rotten stench spread throughout the vast chamber and the small batlike rodents in the upper rafters began suffocating and dropping lifeless from their perches from the deadly effects of his rancid Sith fart.

I seriously fell out of my chair and was ROTFLMAO at this one.

[Sea Skimmer]

There will be little topping this chapter.

[Raptor 597]

Real funny. Though the defiling of the Emperor's reputation was a bit dissappointing. But fucking hilarous, nonetheless.

[Dalton]

Funny, but I don't understand what happened between Bashir and Odo.

[Falkenhorst]

Well, I've gotta say that defiling reputations is something this story is very good at, haahhaha. As for bashir and Odo, ask Sheppard about that part, he wrote it. The drugs they were talking about are a nod to Marina O'Leary (Duchess of Zeon)'s fanfic, FIST OF THE EMPIRE, in which it is revealed that the federation uses drugs in the replicators to keep it's people acting like sheep.

[MKSheppard]

UNNAMED PORNO FANFIC CH 5 Part 1 by Falkenhorst and Sheppard

*****************************************

Geordi LaForge sat back in his office on the Enterprise, a bottle of
Gin in one hand, and his dick in the other. In front of him lay the
complete technical blueprints for the proposed _Telemachus_ class
heavy battleship. Geordi's favorite pastime was jacking off
to the latest blueprints from the Advanced Starship Design Bureau
at Utopia Planita.

From time to time, his people would wonder why he always seemed
to have a problem with white scum buildup on his walls and
control panels.

Geordi gasped as he came, shooting his cum all over the walls. Damn,
he was going to have to find some other place to do this, but it kept
turning him on, to do it in such a public place.

Taking another swig from his bottle of gin, he pulled his pants back up,
and cursed as he saw some cum dribble down his left inseam. Fuck, that
was gonna leave a stain.

It had been a stroke of genius to use his high-level access to program
in a secret code to make the ship-board replicators produce high-quality
booze, allowing him to obtain cheap alcohol, and avoid the high prices
commonly associated with that bitch Guinian's secret Bootlegging operation.

From outside the office came a trickling noise, like a faucet being turned
on, and Geordi stuck his head out to see what it was. It was nothing but
a bunch of his guys having another one of their pissing contests to see
who could whizz the farthest down the core shaft before it impacted
the warp core containment field, giving them a mild shock. This was
known amongst Starfleet engine crewers as "tickling the lizard".

Normally, this would cause no problem, since if the piss didn't vaporize
on the forcefield, it would trickle down and pool in the field modulator
nodes. Today was different. Ten decks below, in the darkest reaches
of the Enterprise-E, Doctor Crusher was having one of her regular
gangbangs, with the entire crew of those lower decks running a
train on her.

After the last crewer had shot his load inside her, Crusher stood
up. She wrinkled her nose at the foul smell now clogging the
small compartment where she went for her weekly orgies.

"The Blowers should fix that problem, Doctor," said the man who
had just shot his load into her, and reaching over, he turned on
the main blowers.

A rumble shook through the ship as the giant blower units kicked in, and
ten decks above, 40 gallons of stale piss was sucked out of the warp core
and into the main vent shafts,where it vaporized into a fine mist and
spread throughout the ship. With the stale festering mess gone, the
modulator nodes unclogged and power efficiency zoomed up 10% in just minutes.

Thirty decks above, the recently promoted Captain Riker was pounding into
Troi on his new ready-room desk. He was enjoying the dark, mushy charms
of her Betazoid ass when a greasy, gurgling fart was heard in the ready room.

Riker paused, looking scornfully at her, and then realized the sound was
coming not from her well stuffed back door, but from the ventilator
grate on the wall.

Riker turned to look at it just in time to recieve a foul blast of
piss-mist in his face. He screamed in agony as the piss burned it's
way into his eyeballs, and he pulled out of Troi with a wet slurp.

All over the Enterprise, crewers screamed as the piss-mist swept it's
way through the Sovereign-class starship, quickly filling it with the
foul stench of rancid piss.

"Turn those goddamned blowers off!" shouted Riker as he stumbled
onto the bridge, his face burning from the piss.

"Yessir," replied Data, his android fingers rushing over his touchpanel
at lightning speeds to shut off the ship's blower system.

"Blowers stopped, sir."

A beeping noise came from Data's station.

"Oh for fuck's sake, what now?" snapped Riker.

Data looked at his panel, then replied. "Sir, Admiral
Janeway is coming aboard in an hour's time for the
annual Starfleet inspection required of every ship in
the fleet."

"Fuck me dead." was Riker's only reply as his hands
clenched into fists.

Goddamn it. Not now...

[1 hour later]

Despite the Enterprise crew's frantic efforts to cover
up the ship's newly-acquired smell with lots of replicated
air-fresheners, the ship still stank of rancid piss.

As the transporter beam faded out, and conscious thought
returned, Admiral Janeway took a sniff of the ships' air,
and was almost bowled over by the acidic stench of stale
piss...

For the first time since Voyager's return to the Alpha
Quadrant, she felt like she was at home again.

[Pu-239]

[Kuja]

ROTFLMAO!

[Sea Skimmer]

You'd think the stuff would have evaporated over time.......

[Falkenhorst]

I guess it didn't evaporate, due to TREKNOBABBLE, hahahaha!

[Captain tycho]

ROFTLMAO!!!

[Darth Fanboy]

Its been nearly two weeks and still no more chapters to this. The greatest of all ST fanfics.

[Falkenhorst]

don't worry, sheppard is cooking up another crazy installment this very minute, EHHEEHEHEH.

[Darth Fanboy]

resubmitting y request for a new chapter. there has been little to laugh about in my life recently and I demand no cost low quality yet fanfuckingtastic entertainment!

[Falkenhorst]

d00d, for a cheap, 3rd rate substitute for UPF until we make the next chapter, I recommend you pick up a copy of the NATIONAL ENQUIRER and read the latest Jacko horror-story, HEH HEH HEH

[Micheal Ryans, Beta pilot]

LOL !!!!!!

Can Sisko please get his hands on Odo and Bashir? Because I sure as hell want to see his revenge .

[Darth Fanboy]

BooTLeG uNNaMeD PoRNo FaNFiC BY DaRTH FaNBoY
--------------------------------------------

Kira Nerys, no longer content with the hi-powered sex pistion purchased during shore leave on Risa threw the 15 inch device to the floor in disgust. Normaly she would just dial up Odo and use those shapeshifting powers to her own advantage, but for some reason he was being all secretive and talking to Bashir more than usual.

"Fuck it, time to go get a holosuite"

Kira stormed her way down to Quark's, the Ferengi was notably absent. Taking advantage Kira walked over to the closest holosuite and opened the door.

"All right time's up asshole Its my......What?"

Kira was stunned to see Ezri Dax, sitting in a holographic jacuzzi completely naked. She was writhing herself in pleasure over one of the jets, she barely noticed the door open.

"Ezri what the fuck?"

"Oh! Major! I was just umm well..."

"It's ok, looks like we're both here for the same reason"

"Odo not around to shapeshift into whatever you want?"

"What? Yeah how did you know?"

"Odo has fucked every girl on this station, I only knew about it at first because I have some of Jadzia's memories. One time she had odo morph into a Romulan ridgeworm and god damn...."

"That fucker! He said he only did that for me!"

"why dont you just sit down in the tub and relax. the water is all nice and bubbly on my teats anyway?"

"did you just say teats?"

"You wanna fucking enjoy this or what bitch!"

Kira, suddenly turned on by the domineering Trill stripped and then jumped into the water.

"You know what I like best about being a woman major? We know what we like, Curzon used to spank it with a thumb up his ass to Orion slave girls taking it DVDA?"

"DVDA?"

"Double Vaginal Double Anal, like when Odo turns into the Andorian multispider with the slick legs"

"Oh yeah....hey shut the fuck up its not funny!"

"You think you're the only girl to be fooled by Odo? He is such a fuckin star it isn't funny,"

Ezri then moved over towards kira and climbed on her leg. Besides, everyone on this station thinks your a dyke anyway!"

"The hell I am! What makes people think that?"

"Come on major, the short hair, military attitude, hell some of these memories from Jadzia about that time on the Runabout..."

Kira gasped slightly and screamed

"THAT WAS JUST AN EXPERIMENT!"

"Sure it was, now heres the deal, quark's holographs have no stamina whatsoever, to cater to his male customers probably. I think i'm going to have to use you instead."

"Use? Me? I'm a superior officer!"

"Shut up, you're my bitch thats what you are. Computer, program Dax Beta Nine"

Almost instantly the tub disappeared and the two nude women were surrounded by a virtual dungeon, devices from all corners of space surrounded them.

"You aren't going to use this stuff are you?"

"No this is one of Jadzia's old programs she used to do with Worf, now there are a pair of fucking freaks. i only need one thing...."

Ezri walked past several harness like devices, a set of odd looking straps, and a plasic egg and finally found what she was looking for. She picked up the object, a small computer chip looking device.

She then waked back over to kira and kissed her while inerting a finger into her drenched pussy, Kira responded back but pulled away when a sharp pinch hit her clit.

"Freakin Tap Dancing Prophets what have you done to me!"

" That computer chip was replicated so its not just a hologram. You're going to wear that around while I control it with this transmitter. Worf used to do this to jadzia all the time out on missions, sick fuck but its quie brilliant. I'll be in control of your every orgasm."

Ezri pulled out a small remote and pushed down on the button. Kira's legs began to melt and she fell to the floor with pleasure.

"Im in control now you hear? Now get yur clothes on and get back to your quarters bitch!"

Kira nodded gathered her shit and left.

Suddenly the naked female form turned to liquid and reformed as Odo. Odo was always in control of his bitches wether they knew it or not. he had just pulled almost the exact same trick on Ezri a couple days prior. Odo knew in his mind he was the man and even while he was busy helping bashir get his shit together there was no way he was going to lose control....over his bitches.

-----------------------------

w00t w00t 1 0WN j00, r0xx0r! ahahahahahah

[Micheal Ryans, Beta pilot]

Fucking great !

[Dirty Harry]

Need........more.........smmmmmuuuuuuuttttttttt!!!!!!



Riker sat in his quarters, sweating and watching the wall monitor.
He was watching, via the miricle of onboard security sensors,
Geordi Laforge tossing off to another of Starfleets latest warship designs.

He didn't know what it was about the sight of it, but he just could not
for the life of him stop watching Geordi masturbating.

On the monitor, Geordi took another deep swig from his gin bottle.
Riker could only surmise from all of this that the Leah Brahms
sex-slave holo programme that he had, but no-one was supposed
to know about, was not hitting the spot for him anymore.

Riker watched Geordi on the Holodeck too. Somtimes he would be
in there for hours on end, grinding away like a dog that missed
its masters leg.

Riker tied to make his sweat-dreched uniform stop sticking to his back
and moved in his seat. Riker himself was a mess, he still hadn't fully
recovered from the Piss-mist incident a few days back.

Oh, here we go, thought Riker.......
He had to hand it to Geordi, he was as regular as fucking
clockwork. From the moment he realised no-one was watching
and dropped his pants to the moment he fired his weapon in
anger, he never took more than 11 seconds

Riker imaged that what Geordi lost in the quality of each
individual wanking session, he made up with the shear
number of them he got in. This one was the 43rd of
the day.

It amazed Riker the excuses Geordi would come out with
to cover his addiction to wanking and booze. For the last 7
times today, Geordi had lied and said he had needed to
use the toilet. His staff must have thought he was Fucking
incontinent or something. Or they would if they weren't to
busy playing "tickle the lizard" and/or queing up for a
ride on Doctor Crusher

uhoh whats this thought Riker
It looked like Geordi had been noticed.
Geordi dropped his gin bottle, and tried to shove his cock
back into his pants, no easy task considering his hands
were covered in his own liquid silk.

This is what I came up with right now of the top of my head
and I carn't think of anymore,damn,damn,damn!!!!!!

[Darth Fanboy]

Bah! Fuck You! you are screwing with continuty! Unlike my bootleg which does not impact the main sotryline! for shame for shame. Your shit stinks!

[Xenophobe3691]

MORE, MORE DAMMIT! COME ON SHEP!!!

[Falkenhorst]

Just when you thought you were safe....




The UNNAMED PORNO FANFIC: CHAPTER 7

Written by FALKENHORST in absence of MKSheppard

Props to Darth Fanboy and Crayz9000 for conceptual help with this chapter.


Captain Sisko walked into his quarters, kicking off his boots. It had been another long, luckless day of fucking around trying to get to the bottom of the illegal porn smuggling operations plaguing DS9. He ordered a tall glass of Malt Liquor from the replicator and padded over to Jake's room. He found Jake curled up in a fetal position on his bed, rocking listlessly. Sisko was about to chalk it up to trauma over Nog's unfortunate accident a few days ago, when he noticed his son was whispering a rhyme as he rocked and hugged himself. It went like this:

One-Two, RayCav's coming for you;

Three-Four, he's at your back door;

Five-Six, he likes ripping up chicks;

Seven-Eight, time to be his mate;

Nine-Ten, never sane again...

Sisko realized he remembered a similar rhyme from an old 20th Century horror flick he had once seen. He backed slowly out of his son's room and sat down heavily on the couch, and slammed back several mouthfuls of his beverage. Something about that Backdoor line rubbed him the wrong way.

"Computer," he said, after a moment of reflection. "Analysis of bowel movements for Jake Sisko in the past month;" he said.

"Restroom records indicate Jake Sisko had 45 bowel movements in the last 30 days." Replied the computer in it's annoying feminine voice.

Sisko considered his next query very carefully. "Computer, how many of those involved loaded pants?"

"Please Specify."

Sisko took another deep sip from his glass. It was now about half empty.

"You know, the squirts, the shits, sitting in the mud, that kind of thing."

"Restroom records indicate that Jake Sisko soiled his trousers 30 of the last 45 times he used the restroom."

Sisko blinked and guzzled the rest of his malt liquor. So someone was buggering his son. He reached for his communicator to call Eddington. This was a mystery he would solve with maximum vengeance.

Meanwhile, Doctor Bashir grinned in lecherous satisfaction as he wheeled Nog's medical cart back into the storage closet behind the supply room of the infirmary. Julian Bashir was smugly satisfied that he would come through this latest round of investigations without trouble. He had been "seeing" Jake Sisko a few times every week after he had used his contacts with Odo to blackmail the young man into becoming his personal plaything. Odo had tipped off Bashir that one Miles O'Brien was taking out his frustrations on his lovely wife, Keiko, and a plan had formed in his twisted, genetically enhanced mind.

Julian had arranged for a PADD containing security footage of one of O'Brien's more brutal nights at home to be left where Jake would find it. When Bashir was certain from the disturbed look in the boy's eyes that he had seen the PADD, Julian had taken him aside and assured him that unless he cooperated fully with whatever the Doctor wanted him to do, Bashir would tip off O'Brien that Jake knew his dirty secret.

Jake had feared for his life and played along with all of Julian's sick fantasies until the Doctor had begun to grow bored. That was when he made Jake do the one act which cost him his sanity.

One fine morning, Jake was sitting on the balcony on the promenade with his friend Nog. Jake was jittery and shaking, but he did his best to hide it. Nog was pretty broken up himself, what with the death of his uncle Quark at the hands of that dusthead whore. The whole incident had caused a major scandal on the station, on top of the fact that everyone naturally assumed the Ferengi were the cause of the whole Porn mess.

Nog was in the process of bitching and moaning about all this to his best friend Jake. Jake thought about Julian's violent threats about telling O'Brien if he didn't do this one thing for his Uncle Julie, as he called himself. So Jake slipped a compassionate arm around his friend's shoulder and made as if to console him.

In an instant, the boy had gripped the railing with his free hand and shoved the whining Ferengi off the walkway. Nog wailed with surprise and fear as he dropped like a rock. Out of morbid curiousity, Jake leaned forward and peered down. Nog's flailing body slammed into the floor 30 feet below, feet up. He landed on his left shoulder and his neck snapped with a horrifying ripping, cracking noise as his bulbous head rammed into the deck at an off angle.

Jake began to scream as Nogs' blank eyes stared up at him, his crippled body quivering in spasms as his ruined nerves misfired wildly. As medics rushed to the scene, Jake Sisko went nuts.

Doctor Bashir began humming a little ditty as he locked the door tight and rolled some other carts of medical tools over in front of it. He had purposely bungled the operation to repair Nog's broken neck, leaving the young Ferengi a helpless Quadraplegic. For the last couple weeks, ever since he had sent word to Rom back on Ferenginar about his son's unfortunate death in an airlock accident, the Doctor had been playing out his sick fantasies on the comatose Nog. Julian knew that when Rom came back from taking care of his Brother's estate on Ferenginar he would have to either sell or snuff Nog, but he was enjoying him too much right now to think of the future. Still humming, he flipped off the light switch and walked out into the darkened infirmary. It was the late shift, and he was going to his quarters for some sleep after his exhausting session with Nog.

As Julian stepped into the corridor, 2 large men stepped out of the shadows.

"I'm Frankie," said one; "and this is my pal Seppo." he finished.

"Our bosses want us to give you a little message." said Seppo, pulling out a truncheon.

Julian tried to turn and run, but suddenly he got a splitting headache, and the last thing he saw was the deck rushing towards him.

END CHAPTER 7

[Singular Quartet]

Disturbing, funny, and weird.