EA officially announced the next C&C strategy game - Command & Conquer 4. According to the publisher, Command & Conquer 4 will introduce "a multitude of innovations to the to the classic fast and fluid Command & Conquer gameplay while retaining the core compulsions that fans have come to love over the series’ history.
For fuck's sake, where did this retarded "fast and fluid" idea come from? Was it Tiberian Dawn when it took twenty shots to kill a tank, and practically every building and unit took a minute to build? Or was it Red Alert 1 where you need to spend 20 minutes resource collecting to build up an appreciable force to attack an enemy? Or was it Tiberian Sun where it takes 10-15 minutes for a unit to cross the map?
It's like that idiotic "Red Alert was wacky and cheesy! Now watch us turn every character into a blathering clown and make an entire faction based on Japanese anime!" brainbug. They're just making shit up.
And "core compulsions"? What the hell does that even mean?
Introducing new class-based gameplay, mobile bases and persistent player progression throughout all game modes, Command & Conquer 4 offers players new, innovative and compelling strategic depth."
Didn't Generals and Tiberian Sun cover all of that as much as a
decade ago?
“Command & Conquer is a powerful franchise with an amazing 15-year legacy.
Well, it's actually 14 years, but what the hell.
"This game is designed to give fans all the answers they’ve been looking for,” said Mike Glosecki, Lead Producer of Command & Conquer 4 at EA Los Angeles.
Instant fail right there. The only real thing I can think anyone cares about (besides "what the fuck is up with the Nod end to C&C3") is Kane. And there is
no explanation that either makes sense or isn't complete crap. Better that they're just lying.
The story of Command & Conquer 4 takes place after the events of the critically acclaimed Command & Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars™. The year is 2062 and humanity is at the brink of extinction.
Ah, so Kane got control of an indestructable Scrin teleporter in 2047 and has just been... sitting on it for 15 years?
With only six years left until the mysterious crystalline structure Tiberium renders the earth entirely uninhabitable, the two opposing factions – Global Defense Initiative (GDI) and the Brotherhood of Nod – inevitably find themselves in desperation for the same cause: to stop Tiberium from extinguishing mankind.
Ignoring, of course, the fact Kane's been working for the past
fifty years to spread Tiberium, preaching how it's the "next step in human evolution" forever.
The unthinkable becomes reality and Nod’s enigmatic leader Kane takes off for GDI headquarters. What is Kane planning in the heart of his enemies’ base?
Might it be the same plan he's been running with since Tiberian Dawn? Wipe out GDI and spread Tiberium across the planet? Or is that not wacky and cheesy enough?
I know these are just corporate suits spewing the regular sales pitch, but for crying out loud, you'd think they'd be able to make it sound more appealing than its 15 and 14-year old predecessors.
I don't know, I actually liked C&C3, if only because it seemed like they were actually trying. Maybe if I can get a computer that can actually run it, I'll give it a shot. But if it's RA3 with a coat of grimdark on it... no chance.
"He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot."
"Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero."