The Salvation War: Pantheocide. Part Forty One Up

[Chris OFarrell]

Finally caught up on all these chapters!

It's interesting that this attacking hydra/beast/whatever didn't have the same sonic weapon that the Angles have been showing. At that range against infantry, it could have been *deadly*, but it mostly got to sit there and take it.

And I wonder how public knowledge of Earths R&D facility is. If it is actually highly classified and NOT public information, then we have a major security leak here...

[Jamesfirecat]

It's interesting that this attacking hydra/beast/whatever didn't have the same sonic weapon that the Angles have been showing. At that range against infantry, it could have been *deadly*, but it mostly got to sit there and take it.

I think it's not surprising at all. Notice that most of the time when some angelic or demonic foe is about to get blown to bits by large amounts of heavy explosives, we tend to get interspaced bits of the story narrated from their point of view, this goes all the way back to the very first chapter of Armagedon.

In this case we didn't however, which I think is Stuarts way of telling us that whatever this thing is, it isn't really sentient.

With that knowledge in mind its obvious why it didn't have angelic sonic weaponry because remember the trumpets work based on more than just "shout really loudly" and so I doubt something as stupid as the leapord creature would be able to master using this particular device.

Most important of all its 200 feet tall, and apperently predates us as a species, I'm pretty sure Yahweh decided that it was "good enough as is" for destorying his mortal foes with just its claws and jaws without needing some kind of ranged attack, since after all once again up against Circa Civil war technoligy that thing would have been unstopable.

[Peptuck]

Most important of all its 200 feet tall, and apperently predates us as a species.

Considering the leapord Beast, like everything else in Revelations, was invented by Saint John on a 'shroom trip, I doubt the Beast predates humanity.

Unless I missed something.

[Buritot]

The one with a face like a man is one of us, humans. The other three are representatives of different alien species from other planets or bubble worlds. I have to admit I'm rather fond of this idea.

That's also an interesting idea. But it kind of clashes with Stuarts acknowledgement of the number of other entities involved. I think it was something like three. Except if these entities are different species from the throne beasts.

If you can boost solid objects via portal, what about liquids? Could you run a pipeline through a stable portal and use a pumping station to maintain a flow of whatever is needed, be it diesel fuel, water, or CNG?

...hasn't that already been done? I think it was mentioned in a previous chapter that data transfer as well as a fuel pipeline were installed at Hell-Alpha.

Which makes me wonder... visible light can't pass portals, but what about other wavelengths? Or maybe the energy gradient leads to a massive redshift, meaning visible light passes through but cannot be detected without specialised instruments?
Also, if the no-light-crossing is solely based on its energy, measuring the gradient via lasers would yield incredibly accurate results - if we could make them powerful enough to push through and be detectable.

Also, what is the minimum size for a portal? I suspect it's detectability is linked to its size. If we had a sufficiently small portal, and open it at precise locations, that would enable us to portal-assisted surveillance (a.k.a. espionage).

It could be that portals simply come with an energy barrier that goes along with transition from one dimension to another and the portal does something like conserves momentum on a transit (like Portal portals), and thus ignores potential energy in either direction.

Since airplanes fly through portals and don't have to start from a standstill when they're on the other side I think it's pretty safe to say momentum is conserved. Or did I read something wrong? Bah.

[Simon_Jester]

If Michael has the kind of bioengineering ability it would take to create the leopard-beast from scratch in a few centuries, we're likely to see a LOT of other monstrosities getting thrown at us. It seems far more likely that the Beast is a modification of some existing organism that already has most of what it takes to grow that large and be that dangerous.

[Jamesfirecat]

I guess it all comes down to what happens the next time we get a shot of God's throne room. If Micheal notes that one of the corners of the room is now lacking it's big as all get out beast, then we'll know that these things are the equivelent of Heaven's lost superweapons (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/M ... uperWeapon) and the smart money is on us not running into anything to similar after we're done with all three beasts.

If all four beasts are still around on the other hand, then we can expect to find more of them waiting in the wings.

Either way of course the Humans on earth should be preparing to face down many more than just three of the monsters because it's better to have the preparations in place and not need them than then reverse.

Luckily given the conversation Micheal had with Uriel recently I think the odds are fairly decent that he'll be paying another trip to the big man sometime in the near future...

[Shroom Man 777]

Most important of all its 200 feet tall, and apperently predates us as a species.

Considering the leapord Beast, like everything else in Revelations, was invented by Saint John on a 'shroom trip, I doubt the Beast predates humanity.

Unless I missed something.

Micheal's internal monologue might not be entirely correct. Who's to say that shroom-tripping John made it all up himself?

[Stuart]

Chong Sadao, Thailand

"Where the hell have you been? My people have been cut to pieces up here because you broke your word." Captain Momrajong was almost spitting with sheer rage. The fact he was speaking to a Senior Colonel, a rank equivalent to a one-star General in most other armies didn't really register. "We were promised, promised, that if there was an invasion we'd be relieved by regular troops within 12 hours. That was two days ago."

Senior Colonel Thawat bit back the response that would have left nothing of the captain but a pair of smoking boots and nodded apologetically instead. At one level, a rebuke would have been pointless, the Tahan Phran belonged to a different chain of command than the regular Army. They weren't even funded by the Ministry of Defense, the Home Affairs Ministry carried the cost of the militia units. At another level, Thawat knew the captain was right. The lightly-armed militia weren't intended to confront regular armies, they were supposed to protect their villages against minor incursions and guarantee security along roads. In most areas of the country that meant looking after tourists. The Tahan Phran had no heavy weapons, no night vision equipment and their body armor was locally-made Level Two. That wouldn't stop a reasonably powerful pistol round.

"I understand your anger Captain, but we're here now. In regimental strength. My men are relieving yours all along this area of front. The people responsible for this screw-up have been relieved. We can't change what went wrong, we can only make sure it doesn’t happen again and go on from here."

"That's fine for you to say. I had some of my wounded die because they didn’t get the casualty evacuation we were promised. Are you going to tell their families why they died?"

"No, my commander will and she will do so personally." Thawat's voice was drowned out by a red-and-gray camouflaged V-22 sweeping in and hovering overhead. He watched while the aircraft changed, its engine nacelles swinging up so that its appearance changed from a transport aircraft to a helicopter. Then it dropped in to land, the downbeat from its rotors causing the men to bend down. "As to casualty evacuation, get your wounded and the Osprey will take them straight to the hospitals in Kanchanaburi. How many men have you fit for duty? Out of how many?"

"I have twenty rangers left. My original platoon was twenty-five but I've absorbed two other units that were too badly chewed up to stay independent. We've taken forty dead and fifteen wounded, at least five of my dead would have made it if you'd kept your word."

All right, you've made your point, now drop it. We can't bring them back. Despite his irritation, Thawat kept the thought to himself, then corrected himself. Well, actually we can, for a short while anyway. Hell and the Second Life had changed a lot of ways of thinking and human speech habits were slow to catch up.

"Now, Captain, I want you to show me where the Myanmarese troops are and in what strength. Then we can go about making them pay for the lives of your people."

Momrajong exhaled, his breath shaking slightly as the pent-up anger slowly faded. "The Myanmar troops are moving along here." He got out his map and his finger started to trace out the Myanmarese positions. "They came south of the Si Nakharin Lake. Most of their forces are here, our estimate is divisional strength. Say 20,000 men at most. They are light infantry, they have mortars and machine guns but not much else. This," his finger traced eastwards, "is their primary axis of advance."

Thawat nodded. The dispositions made sense, Chong Sadao was the start of a funnel that led to Kanchanaburi, a natural route in towards the rich farming land of the Chaophrya river. It had been used by the Burmese many times over the turbulent history of the two countries. There was a reason why Chong Sadao was served by good, all-weather roads while further east, they deteriorated to single-lane blacktop and then to laterite, unpaved tracks. To the north, the way through was blocked by the lake and mountains, to the south by more mountains and dense jungle. Chong Sadao was the natural blocking point for any invasion and the long established defense plans for the area had tasked 9th Infantry with holding it. The militia captain was right, this area should have been occupied two days ago and the defenses here should have been built and ready. Soldiers would die because they were fighting from a hasty defense instead of a prepared one. Thawat promised himself that, at least, the militia units would suffer no more casualties.

"Captain, this is a straightforward infantry blocking action. My regiment can handle it. Please give the rest of your information to my staff, then I suggest, recommend, you use some of our transport to get your people to the rear where they can rest and eat. You've done enough, done more than enough and your work has been splendid."

"Work we shouldn’t have had to do." Momrajong was still bitter over how his militia had been hung out to dry. He knew the Colonel in front of him didn't really understand how deeply the sense of betrayal ran. Army units were just that, army units, assembled out of the mix of volunteers and conscripts that the Army used as its primary resource. The militia was drawn from villages and every member of each unit had known the others from earliest childhood. His losses had taken almost a generation of youngsters from the villages already depleted by those who had left to earn money in the big cities.

"I know, but now we must do the work we should have done all along."

The Ultimate Temple, The Eternal City, Heaven.

"They killed Wuffles!" Yahweh's voice was a mixture of rage and anguish. The thunder rolled around the throne room, drowning out the eternally-chanting choir. Michael-Lan watched them carefully, was there a hint of malicious satisfaction in their eyes at the sight of Yahweh's grief over the death of his favorite pet.

Personally, Michael-Lan had never liked the beast. Foul-tempered, cantankerous and ill-disciplined to the point of being antisocial. It was lucky they had humans here to clear up the mess the incontinent beast tended to leave behind him. That was the trouble with a beast that size, its droppings were in proportion and took a long time to shovel away. Still, the Leopard-Beast had served its purpose.

"All-Knowing Father, One Above All, I share your grief at the loss of your beloved Wuffles. But know that he fought bravely and inflicted great damage on the humans before they treacherously brought him down with their bombs and gunfire."

Yahweh did indeed look proud of his pet for a moment, but then grief and anger swept away the momentary lapse. The thunder cracked viciously and a sheet of lightning lit up the dim room. Still white Michael-Lan noted, Well, we have plenty of time. Let's get back to milking this situation for all it is worth.

"One Above All, Lord of Heaven." And not including Earth there is a nice little goad, all of its own. "I regret to report that Wuffles may have died because his mission was betrayed. The humans were waiting for him with all their weapons loaded and ready." Yeah, right.

"Betrayal?" Yahweh's voice thundered and the clouds in the room darkened notably. "There is betrayal in Heaven?"

"I fear this is so. Our most skilled and dedicated inquisitors in the League of the Holy Court have detected a conspiracy of threatening dimensions."

"Threatening? You say this conspiracy threatens me?" The lightning flashed in sheets across the throne room and a bolt spalled fragments of marble from the walls. In the background, the chief mason sighed and shot an accusing glance at Michael.

"Threatens you? Impossible, Lord-of-All." Michael-Lan mangled the phrasing just enough so it was slightly unclear whether the concept of a threat or Yahweh himself was impossible. Michael had his own opinions on that subject. "But those who are involved may believe that their feeble activities are indeed a threat to Your Omnipotence. Perhaps this snare was prepared for you long ago by the not-so-Eternal Enemy. Perhaps, in his defeat, he arranged for those of his servants who had not declared for him to carry on with his great design."

Michael-Lan was slightly surprised, he'd expected a cataclysmic burst of thunder and lightning at that idea but instead Yahweh sat silent and thoughtful on his throne. Could Wuffles getting killed have knocked some sense into him. If it had, perhaps it was time to arrange for some more of his pets to be blown away by the humans. The silence stretched on.

"Perhaps this might well be true. How high does this conspiracy go?"

"The League of the Holy Court does not know, Eternal Father of All. So far, they have identified only the lower ranks of the conspiracy but they are concerned at what they see. It is arranged in cells, each independent of the others and those in one know but few of those in others. They work diligently in uncovering the threat but they must take care for who knows who else is involved? It may even be that the League of the Holy Court itself is not unstained by this treason."

"Arranged in cells. This does seem like the work of the Morningstar. The late Morningstar."

And that, boys and girls, is why subversion is so much more productive than insurgency. Michael's thought had a distinctly gleeful note to it. "Indeed so, Eternal Father."

"Pursue this, Michael, greatest of my generals, pursue this with care. What other news is there? Do the Americans wail under the lash of Uriel?" There was more than a question built in there.

"Well, they would, if they had reason to. Of course, his first attack was a bit disappointing. A city of nearly two million and he only took thirty thousand souls."

That did it. At last Michael got his display of multi-colored lightning. A barrage of chips flew off the walls and the various strange creatures that danced attendance on Yahweh dived for cover. "Just thirty thousand? Is Uriel playing with them?"

"Well, One-Above-All, the humans took a pot-shot at him and he left rather hastily. I really don’t think is heart is quite in this you know. Perhaps he has spent too long on Earth and has become fond of the humans." Michael managed to get the words out without choking with laughter on them.

"I will tear out his heart and eat it!" For a second, Yahweh sounded just like Satan. Then, he got control of himself and the family relationship wasn't so obvious. "Perhaps he should be brought here to explain himself."

Not a chance. "Your slightest wish is our most urgent command, One Above All. But Uriel is preparing another attack, this one on the city of San Diego. It also is a city of millions and perhaps he will summon enough courage to make a better job of it this time." Michael-Lan sighed theatrically. "If only Uriel showed the loyalty and dedication of Wuffles. Still, I would counsel that we allow Uriel to make this new attack and judge him on his success there."

"Perhaps it is Uriel himself who is at the head of this conspiracy?" Yahweh's voice was thoughtful.

"Surely not, One Above All, Highest of the High, Ruler of All. Uriel's loyalty had never been questioned until now. I would swear that his fealty remains untarnished."

"Nevertheless, instruct the League of the Holy Court to investigate him thoroughly." Yahweh's voice dropped and he sounded tired. "These are strange days, Michael, greatest of my generals. The Eternal Enemy, killed by humans. Those same humans defy my commands and reject the answers I give them. They kill my servants and destroy my pets. Are the Bowls of Wrath poured on them?"

"They are, O Highest of the High. The first three have already been poured and caused much grief and lamentation. Soon, the fourth shall be poured," as soon as I think of a way to do it "And then their anguish shall be multiplied many times over."

"Is it time for our Legions to overwhelm them?"

Are you out of your tiny little mind? Michael-Lan almost blurted the question out allowed before he managed to stop himself. In any case, he reminded himself that's a foolish question to which the only reasonable answer is 'of course'. "Lord of All, the time will surely come and when it does, perhaps your own son should lead them in the victorious march against the humans. The power and the glory shall forever more add lustre to your Holy Name."

Yahweh settled back and contemplated the prospect of final victory and a triumphant procession through the conquered cities of Earth. Then, he remembered that his beloved Wuffles would not be there to share it with him and grief once more clouded his mind.

Michael looked at him and quietly slipped away. As he left the Throne Room, the Head Mason spoke quietly to him. "Michael-Lan, you're slipping. We won’t have to replace all the wall surfaces this time. What was that you said about job security?"

"You just wait, the best is yet to come. Once the League of the Holy Court find out who is behind this stupid plot, He'll go ballistic. Until then, drop down to the club for a drinkie, we've got a new angel working there. Name's Maion, give her a try."

"Maion eh? I'll do that." The mason looked grateful. "What would we do without you Michael-Lan? You've made Heaven worth living in."

DIMO(N) Conference Room, The Pentagon

"So what part did the Succubae play in the Great Celestial War?"

Colonel John Baylor forked up some mushrooms from his plate and savored them. Good portobellos, sauteed with garlic, an excellent accompaniment to lunch. The trouble with being at war was that rationing was slowly creeping across the whole spread of the U.S. economy. First fuel, then vehicles, then anything that needed steel or aluminum. Then food had started to be affected, fish stocks were low and the ration of eight ounces per serving was onerous. It was lucky Indonesia and Vietnam had donated some of the product of their fish farms to the United States or shrimp would be in even shorter supply. Of course, post-war, they'd be using their generosity to lever better trade terms for themselves.

Lugasharmanaska's teeth ripped at the raw horse's leg with relish. As an obligate carnivore, she would have been hard-hit by meat rationing so it was fortunate that Succubus taste ran to the toughest, stringiest meat that was available. 'Unfit for human consumption' had acquired a whole new meaning, 'preferred diet for Succubae'. It was an odd thing, as she'd started eating other meat, her craving for human flesh had faded. Now, it was mostly just a memory, except for the odd treat of course.

"Us? We had to find the portals. Remember, most of the fighting that took place in the Great Celestial War was here on Earth. It's carried in your folk-memories and earliest myths. How many of your stories have scenes of towns besieged by armies of monsters? They're us."

"I'm sorry, I don't understand." Baylor looked at Luga ripping her meal apart, droplets of blood staining some of the papers in front of her. The stenographer in the corner of the room looked positively ill at the display. Then again, it was lucky that the floor ventilation ducts were working at full blast or one of the humans in the room would have offered Luga a bite out of their arms if she'd asked for one. It was rumored that more than one of Luga's lovers had left with bite-sized pieces removed from their anatomy. Hence one of the new proverbs that were spreading through the human race. 'Never have oral sex with a Succubus.'

"It's near impossible to create a portal from Heaven to Hell. But, it's easy to create portals from Heaven to Earth and Hell to Earth. So, to get from Hell to Heaven, we have to go by Earth. Or its equivalent. But, it's quite hard to create a useful portal from Earth to Hell or Earth to Heaven. So, say, Michaellan would create a Heaven-Earth portal for one of his armies and we'd try and capture it. Or we'd create a Hell-Earth portal and he'd try to capture that. Just like you did with the portal in Iraq. That's what all the fighting and campaigning was about.

"Our job was to find where Heaven had its portals, seduce those who were tasked with closing them and persuade them to keep them open. Heaven tended to use humans to find out where our portals were. If you read your folk myths with that in mind, you can see how the stories survived. The Garden of Eden, that was a portal and the snake who seduced its guards was one of us. That's why Yahweh was so annoyed."

"So, did you ever capture a portal and get to heaven?"

"Me? No." Luga thought quickly about suggesting she had but lying to humans was dangerous. She'd learned that lesson to her bitter cost. "But we did capture portals now and then. We'd storm through them and enter Heaven, killing and looting whatever we could find. They would capture ours sometimes and they'd do the same, stealing and robbing us of what was ours, sometimes taking away slaves. That was how armies fought until you changed the rules."

""Wait a minute, you say Heaven took slaves from Hell?" Baylor couldn’t quite get his mind around the concept.

"Of course, they would use them to build things like fortresses and kill them when they were done. Unless they were valuable of course. We would do the same, only we had more fun killing the useless ones. Was your warfare then so different?"

"I guess not. What's Heaven like?"

"Much like Hell except the air is clean there, and the light is white not red. Heaven's a bit bigger than Hell. There are those who think Hell is much older than heaven but why they think that I do not know."

Baylor leaned back in his seat and wondered what the scientists would make of all this. "Right, now about the fighting on earth……"

[tim31]

Oh no you did NOT. Wuffles

as soon as I think of a way to do it

That is so meta, Stuart

[Burak Gazan]

"Wuffles" ?


applause, another great chapter

[Morilore]

"Lord of All, the time will surely come and when it does, perhaps your own son should lead them in the victorious march against the humans. The power and the glory shall forever more add lustre to your Holy Name."

What's his angle here? The previous story established that Michael and Jesus are friends, and on first blush it looks like he's trying to get Jesus killed. Wouldn't Michael, as the "Great General," lead such an army himself?

[Kodiak]

So, to get from Hell to Heaven, we have to go by Earth. Or its equivalent. But, it's quite hard to create a useful portal from Earth to Hell or Earth to Heaven.

I could think of hundreds of people who want that little tidbit explained more. Myself included.

[tim31]

There have already been references to another world that Yahweh has started tapping into for his love-hit. The demons have probably done the same in their own history and for their own purposes.

[Buritot]

So, to get from Hell to Heaven, we have to go by Earth. Or its equivalent. But, it's quite hard to create a useful portal from Earth to Hell or Earth to Heaven.

I could think of hundreds of people who want that little tidbit explained more. Myself included.

If it really means other universes beside ours, sure, I'd like to know, but I was thinking she meant from Heaven to Hell.

Was the light in Hell really red? I thought it was white above the clouds...

I was surprised the Great Celestial War was fought while contact with earth was already established. I assumed the fall out between Yah-Yah and Morningstar (a wonderful name) was without much delay after discovering Hell.
But on the other hand it was mentioned the found Hell by accident in portalling. And I just made this whole paragraph obsolete.

Also, Wuffles!

[phongn]

"Lord of All, the time will surely come and when it does, perhaps your own son should lead them in the victorious march against the humans. The power and the glory shall forever more add lustre to your Holy Name."

What's his angle here? The previous story established that Michael and Jesus are friends, and on first blush it looks like he's trying to get Jesus killed. Wouldn't Michael, as the "Great General," lead such an army himself?

Who says they're friends? Michael may just be using Jesus - like everyone else.

[tim31]

I dunno... The references to smoking some awesome weed with Jesus in the first book sound more like a genuine buddy relationship, but Michael has shown himself to be a self-serving prick, so the jury's out on this.

[Kodiak]

There have already been references to another world that Yahweh has started tapping into for his love-hit. The demons have probably done the same in their own history and for their own purposes.

But the fact that they're sitting there, face-to-snaky-face with a being that may have experience opening a portal from hell to another world "equivalent to earth" in our could be invaluable for extraterrestrial or even extra-solar exploration.

[Buritot]

What's his angle here? The previous story established that Michael and Jesus are friends, and on first blush it looks like he's trying to get Jesus killed. Wouldn't Michael, as the "Great General," lead such an army himself?

Who says they're friends? Michael may just be using Jesus - like everyone else.

Does Michael even have friends? Or confidents? So far he seems to be malignant to the core. In that lane I suppose Big J is just his pot buddy or whatever you want to call it.

But the fact that they're sitting there, face-to-snaky-face with a being that may have experience opening a portal from hell to another world "equivalent to earth" in our could be invaluable for extraterrestrial or even extra-solar exploration.

Huh. Maybe some of the other worlds are not really other universes but rather different planets in our universe. But there is probably some distinguishing feature like phase oscillation or another handwave that would allow us to identify other universes on the spot.

Uriel has yet to strike. I kind of wish he would succeed in snuffing a large percentage of his target, just to give Michael unknowingly an up-yours. On the other hand it would be great capture him, analyse his powers and talk some common sense into him. I doubt he would come around directly, not for a few years, but I think he could be both fiercely loyal to his Lord and simultaneously help the humans capture Him, if not at least to try to show Him how He erred in his ways.

[The Vortex Empire]

Wuffles?!

I'm almost feeling sorry for Uriel. He's completely oblivious to how Michael is playing him. I wonder if he'll die or get captured over San Diego.

[erik_t]

Michael may wish to depopulate Heaven as much as possible, and remove an influential Jesus, before he tries to usurp Yah-yah directly. Jesus might come back and (upon thought) be accepting of that, but I suspect his immediate reaction would be fealty to his (actual?) father.

[GrandMasterTerwynn]

Wuffles?! :lol:

I'm almost feeling sorry for Uriel. He's completely oblivious to how Michael is playing him. I wonder if he'll die or get captured over San Diego.

I doubt he'll get captured. He's not the sort of semi-sympathetic character that Abigor was in the last book. He's also personally responsible for killing tens of thousands of people in the name of Yahweh. He seems to be the sort who would sooner die in Yahweh's service than surrender to humans.

[Jamesfirecat]

On the issue of what Micheal said about Jesus, for all we know he's just telling Yah-Yah exactly what he wants to hear, that there will come a time when Heaven will bring Earth to bear and even his disobediant son (who started that foolish religion which dared to excomunicate the Lord of All) will come around to see things his way. Micheal might not be trying to sell out Jesus just stroking his boss' ego, since after all he knows that it would be foolish and unlikely for Heaven to launch a full scale attack on Earth, so in turn it makes a twisted sort of sense that he'd be volutneering his friends for a plan that sounds dangerous but will never come to be. "Yeah, me and my buddy would love to lead the charge, but instead of dashing forward maddly why don't we have these less important people try and flank them..." Make sense?


Also apperently I was right on how the four beasts aren't part of some Bioengineering plan that Micheal was responsible for, so I think after we take down the other three there are unlikely to be anything else like them thrown at us.


By the way Stuart you should know that this is the first chapter in which you actually managed to make Yahweh sound like he actually "loved" anything besides his own ego. He's gone from being a flat out "I'm so much better than you that you should all fall on your knees and worship me" evil overlord to more of a Psychopathic Manchild (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/M ... icManChild) especially given his "Fluffy the Terrible" (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/M ... heTerrible) style of naming his pets. I wonder what the other three are called? (If you want to continue with the discworld references, Maurice, Big Fido, and Binky come immediately to mind as pretty good ideas, especially "Binky")


Finally, its interesting that Sucubi came into being so quickly after they found Hell (well I'm assuming there wasn't a lot of time between Hell being discovered and Satan claiming it as his own but has this been contradicted by anything in the story?) in the first place, I wonder what it was about that place that made Angels and Baldricks diverge onto different evolutionary paths so quickly...

[Simon_Jester]

"Lord of All, the time will surely come and when it does, perhaps your own son should lead them in the victorious march against the humans. The power and the glory shall forever more add lustre to your Holy Name."

What's his angle here? The previous story established that Michael and Jesus are friends, and on first blush it looks like he's trying to get Jesus killed. Wouldn't Michael, as the "Great General," lead such an army himself?

I can think of several reasons:

1) Michael does not want the army to succeed, and is planning to load it down with loyalist angels that he wants dead. Therefore, having a militarily inept figurehead in charge is to his advantage.

2) Michael does not want to die, and is trying to stay out of cruise missile range of human militaries

3) Jesus has (relatively) good press with humans, and a reputation for not being a monster. This has two advantages from Michael's standpoint:
- An army led by Jesus will likely do less to enrage human populations than one led by a random angel.
- If Jesus surrenders, humans are more likely to accept his surrender than they would be if the same surrender came from, say, Michael or Uriel.

4) Jesus has a proven track record of surrendering to human soldiers when he is outgunned, having already done so in the past. Therefore, Jesus has a relatively good chance of accomplishing something like the "Abigor Ploy." Moreover, if that works, Jesus will also be in a good position to save Michael's hide in the event that all his other plans go wrong.

5) Jesus has close ties to Michael and is fairly biddable, being on at least the outer edges of Michael's subversion conspiracy. Michael can give Jesus secret instructions or advice with a reasonable assurance that he'll listen.

6) Even if the plan fails and Jesus gets killed, this may advance Michael's plan to provoke Yahweh to the point of doing something rash that allows him to stage a coup or defect to the humans and pull an Abigor on his own.

[Morilore]

Why is it that Michael seems to have a monopoly on talking to Yeah-what? Shouldn't Uriel be able to get a word in edgewise in his own defense? They're in the same rank, and Michael's shit-flinging is grossly hypocritical given the way he's playing up those puddly little "Bowls of Wrath" which seem hardly more effective than Uriel's attacks.

I wish Uriel would start to catch on, at least a little bit, to the fact that Michael is fucking with him. Right now it looks like Michael is having basically everything go his way, and it would be nice to see Uriel fighting back by talking smack about Michael's Bowls, etc.

[Peptuck]

While Wuffles had me laughing, the real king of hilarity came from this line:

Hence one of the new proverbs that were spreading through the human race. 'Never have oral sex with a Succubus.'

Two minutes of straight laughter at the poor bastard that happened to.