GI JOE: Rise of Cobra (Spoilers Ahoy!)

[Death from the Sea]

There's a great Cameo by a certain actor, and I'm going to have to go find out which Joe he was supposed to be. It was a "Is that.... OMG IT IS!" moment.

Spoiler

If you are talking about Brendan Fraser's cameo.... everything I found said that he was supposed to be Gung Ho

[Stark]

Lol spoiler tags in spoiler threads for gi fucking joe.

I'm curious to hear the tales of the movies development - evidence of rushed prodction and last minute re-editing is throughout. I guess we'll get the original ending on BR.

[neoolong]

He's not Gung Ho. They call him by name in the movie. The director's was asked and he said it was Sgt. Stone.

[neoolong]

Lol spoiler tags in spoiler threads for gi fucking joe.

I'm curious to hear the tales of the movies development - evidence of rushed prodction and last minute re-editing is throughout. I guess we'll get the original ending on BR.

I doubt we'll hear the whole story. There was a story about how Sommers was fired and kicked out of the editing room because Paramount wasn't happy a while back, but that was spun.

[hongi]

I never had GI Joe in NZ, who's the guy in the presidential bunker's closet, err 'secret doorway'?

[The Yosemite Bear]

Did Big Ben show up?

They could have got the Guy from Snatch/Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels to play the SAS member/Giant Scotsman

[Stark]

I never had GI Joe in NZ, who's the guy in the presidential bunker's closet, err 'secret doorway'?

While it's arguably obvious, the response doesn't make much sense. Anyway, the movie was obviously supposed to be full of this kind of foreshadowing (including about 25% of everything Destro says) before they got nervous and hacked it into a 'good guys win lol' ending with teleporting good guy fleets.

[neoolong]

Which is actually sort of odd, since a sequel would presumably have Destro and CC bust out of prison. Which means you might as well just have them get away in the first movie.

[Ford Prefect]

Storm Shadow stole the show. The guy was suave as all get out. Also, it's a pity about the rather shoehorned ending; the movie is actually surprisingly clever, otherwise. It's like when Destro looks at Duke and says 'dude you really do not get me do you', it's fairly clear they did some thinking when it came to the writing. Hey, maybe we'll get a director's cut DVD release which follows through on it?

[Stark]

Bust out of the LASER PRISON PISTONS that don't allow them to even SIT DOWN or MOVE THEIR ARMS?

The cutting at the end - particularly with regard to Destro's transformation, where he's hysterical, then solemn I HAVE IFNALLY BECOME A MACDOUGAL OF MY FOREFATHERS ETC and then hysterical again in about 10s - really suggests to me that they had the 'badguys escape' stuff set up for the sequels (with the Cobra Commander reveal right at the end before the macho NEXT TIME ON GI JOE stuff) and that they then changed it.

I lol'd when it turned out Black Person was moving to air, had an hour of foreshadowing so he can fly the not-Blackbird... and then it turns out Duke is Luke Skywalker anyway for the chase scene. And the crippled Joe sub is now on the other side of the crazy icemaze (but invisible seconds ago) etc etc. Destro spent the middle part (the most polished part) talkng about how his plan was to create chaos so 'someone' who wasn't him' could take over, and that NATO needed to be discredited etc... and then bad screen tests apparently convinced them to put a 'proper' ending in.

[hongi]

While it's arguably obvious, the response doesn't make much sense. Anyway, the movie was obviously supposed to be full of this kind of foreshadowing (including about 25% of everything Destro says) before they got nervous and hacked it into a 'good guys win lol' ending with teleporting good guy fleets.

Oh wait. That guard who shot all the people in the bunker, he was just a drone? I thought that was Zartan. So it was Zartan/President inside that trapdoor. Though the response was sort of cryptic, I would've been like 'wtf is going on here' instead of 'you...'.

Destro serving the most powerful man in the world...that was Cobra? Damn it, I knew I should have been paying attention to the plot instead of Scarlett.

[Stark]

Well that's the thing. It DOESN'T make much sense - even if Zartan has magic shapeshifting powers - for the President to freak out like that.

Earlier in the movie Not-Mindbender says that they've made 18 'neovipers' with 1 already in Washington, which I figure was the bodyguard. Of course, they've got way more than 18 armoued doom soldiers... but.. hey.

[Bug-Eyed Earl]

Stark, you're right- I got the script last April, and McCullen/Destro and CC got away at the end. I don't see why they were captured, as they would have to take the time to bust them out in the next movie.

Sommers said in an interview that Storm Shadow did not kill the Hard Master. The novelization has a moment where Storm Shadow tells Snake-Eyes this after he gets stabbed before falling.

Anyway, I was pretty annoyed at the changes to CC and the Baroness. Baroness' brother being killed was a part of her backstory in the comics, but he had no connection to Cobra Commander. The GI Joe Reloaded comic somehow made Cobra and Cobra Commander entirely credible as a mere militia nut who slowly built an empire, and his followers weren't mind controlled- they followed him because they believed in him.

There was an earlier script where GI Joe was shut down, and the Joes went to South America to investigate Destro and started from scratch- getting money for new weapons, etc. The stripped down approach was pretty cool, and shows that GI Joe doesn't need billions of dollars of equipment to get the job done, but you know Sommers won't go that route. BTW, the team in that script was Duke, Scarlett, Snake-Eyes, Heavy Duty, Hi-Tech, and Wild Bill.

[Stark]

I actually liked how it went in the movie WRT Storm Shadow (although killing him was daft) - he says 'since the night our master was killed'. It really worked that they hate each other, but even in extremis Storm Shadow talks like he didn't do it. But hey, he stole most of the scenes he was in, because he's awesome.

What they did with the characters was pretty ker-azy (the Duke/Baroness stuff was eye-rolling, OH NOES I RODE AWAY ON MY MOTORCYCLE NOW YOU'RE EVIL) but I think in the context of the evisaged movie series, the MINDFUCK ending was pretty cool. It also worked in connecting MARS, COBRA, Dr Mindbender, evil research, and the US Army into one sequence which was kinda neat.

[Bug-Eyed Earl]

And what I liked: Kevin J. O'Connor's character was simply called "Scientist" in the script, and CC said he died in the bombing. But fans everywhere picked up on the casting and said he must be playing Dr. Mindbender. I remember trying to tell people that he probably wasn't even intended to be Mindbender, but it looks like the filmmakers picked up on this and made a quick change. Writing new lines for a guy whose mouth you can't see is pretty easy with ADR.

And this will never happen, but this idea occurred to me for the sequel:

1. Duke finally goes through Rex's possessions that were sent to Ana after his "death," and finds a Cobra tract, making it out to be a militia. So now we know that Cobra existed years ago, and that there was a masked man calling himself "Commander" even then.

2. Two teams of Joes lead two simultaneous strikes; one to capture CC, the other to do something else. But both teams find a man dressed and sounding like CC at two different sites. One is killed, and is revealed to be Rex. The other escapes, and decides to come out to the world after the death of his disciple, Rex, and goes back to wearing the blue hood he wore at rallies when speaking to his militia.

This works for a few reasons: One, it uses the huge departure from the source material to its advantage by providing a twist most movies like this don't bother with. Two, it plays off of how willing Rex was to throw away his career and commit treason in that bunker by showing he was already a secret member of Cobra, what was then a secret society. Three, it makes the real Commander seem that much more devious, that when it came time to reveal Cobra and its "Commander" to the world, he didn't really do it.

Cue the Empire Strikes Back ending, when the real Commander pulls off a plan that was allowed to follow through to the end because the Joes were busy chasing Rex.

I thought this up not so much because I disliked the changes to CC, but Hollywood filmmakers tend to think in terms of trilogies, and they've already wasted a whole movie setting up Cobra, which only really came into existence at the end, and they'll have to take the time showing them busting out. If that happens during the next movie's first act, we're left with 1 2/3 movies of the trilogy actually dealing with Cobra.

[Ford Prefect]

Of course, they've got way more than 18 armoued doom soldiers... but.. hey.

It's incredible how long the mask dudes managed to stay practically invincible for. They eventually stop being able to tank endless amounts of damage around about the time the Joes invade the undersea base, but still.

I actually liked how it went in the movie WRT Storm Shadow (although killing him was daft) - he says 'since the night our master was killed'. It really worked that they hate each other, but even in extremis Storm Shadow talks like he didn't do it. But hey, he stole most of the scenes he was in, because he's awesome.

I have to agree that while killing Storm Shadow was silly (because this means he cannot sex things up in the sequel), he was otherwise written well. And how lulzy was watching them beat the shit out of each other when they were ten? STOP STEALING MY RICE SHIT I AM GOING TO SET YOUR FEET ON FIRE

What they did with the characters was pretty ker-azy (the Duke/Baroness stuff was eye-rolling, OH NOES I RODE AWAY ON MY MOTORCYCLE NOW YOU'RE EVIL) but I think in the context of the evisaged movie series, the MINDFUCK ending was pretty cool. It also worked in connecting MARS, COBRA, Dr Mindbender, evil research, and the US Army into one sequence which was kinda neat.

Something which the film didn't need was the reveal that the Baroness was being mind controlled. On one hand there's something impressively twisted about not!Mindbender's 'affection' for his sister there, but at the same time it's lame. Why does the attractive villainess always turn to the side of good in the end? I rather enjoyed her particular brand of Gucci villainry. I enjoyed the other reveals though. In retrospect the stuff with the cobra tank could have given the game away, if the film hadn't fooled you into believing that monocle dude was actually Mindbender.

[neoolong]

Well that's the thing. It DOESN'T make much sense - even if Zartan has magic shapeshifting powers - for the President to freak out like that.

I figure that Zartan looked exactly like the President already when he stepped out or was in the process of changing, so that the real President was freaked out and figured that they were trying to replace him. I'd be freaked out if I saw a duplicate of myself too.

Earlier in the movie Not-Mindbender says that they've made 18 'neovipers' with 1 already in Washington, which I figure was the bodyguard. Of course, they've got way more than 18 armoued doom soldiers... but.. hey.

They had guys like that in the beginning battle before he made the neo-vipers. I thought a lot of it was due to the armor and not just being nanomite infected. So they only had about 20 neovipers, but the armor was used for other people too.

I believe they also have a shot of behind the bodyguard's ear so you can see the same nanomite scar that the rest of the neovipers, and the Baroness for that matter, have.

[AMT]

What's with all this talk of Storm Shadow dying? He got stabbed and went into the ocean. It's G.I. Joe. Of course he's not dead.

[Galvatron]

Excellent mindless action flick and I was a die-hard fan back in the day. I laugh at all you nitpickers.

[LadyTevar]

I never had GI Joe in NZ, who's the guy in the presidential bunker's closet, err 'secret doorway'?

While it's arguably obvious, the response doesn't make much sense. Anyway, the movie was obviously supposed to be full of this kind of foreshadowing (including about 25% of everything Destro says) before they got nervous and hacked it into a 'good guys win lol' ending with teleporting good guy fleets.

Zartan, the world's best chameleon, was being given a little nanomite 'help' to take over the position of the President of the US, the "World's Most Powerful Man".

Do you get the references now? Do you understand all the hints whenever Destro makes that statement? He was never talking about himself, he was talking about his little ace-in-the-closet, Zartan.

[LadyTevar]

What's with all this talk of Storm Shadow dying? He got stabbed and went into the ocean. It's G.I. Joe. Of course he's not dead.

Thank you, AMT. You have no bloody clue HOW many comics showed one of the villians falling off into the darkness, only to show up later. CC, Destro, Baroness, StormShadow.. Hell, even Joes did that trick.

Now, some people are bitching about the body count in the movie.
Those people never read the Comics, obviously. Cobra killed people there, folks. So did the Joes. One arc was about one of Cobra's top operatives living with his wife and two kids on Staten Island trying to link the base there to the Joes (and always humorously missing out), until the day he was killed. 24 hrs later, Cobra had a new operative, who had been given surgery to look just like the old one, take the place of the 'happily married' deceased agent. So, yes. People got Killed. Even Mindbender got killed at one point, permanently, by a secondary character that had been workign with SnakeEyes.

[Stark]

I never had GI Joe in NZ, who's the guy in the presidential bunker's closet, err 'secret doorway'?

While it's arguably obvious, the response doesn't make much sense. Anyway, the movie was obviously supposed to be full of this kind of foreshadowing (including about 25% of everything Destro says) before they got nervous and hacked it into a 'good guys win lol' ending with teleporting good guy fleets.

Zartan, the world's best chameleon, was being given a little nanomite 'help' to take over the position of the President of the US, the "World's Most Powerful Man".

Do you get the references now? Do you understand all the hints whenever Destro makes that statement? He was never talking about himself, he was talking about his little ace-in-the-closet, Zartan.

by 'great chaneleon' you mean 'picked up a forage cap lol'. Anyway, it's not clear if Zartan is now a shapeshifter, or merely given over-the-top plastic surgery to look like the President.

Frankly, your analysis is simplistic in the extreme. Destro could have meant his clients, he could have meant COBRA.
How any of this explains the Presidents reaction is beyond me.

It's hilarious having you try to lecture me, however.

[neoolong]

Uh, what? Zartan had the whole scene where his eyes are shifting color, his skin tone changes, and his hair alters color as a test of his abilities after the nanomite treatment. What kind of whacky plastic surgery is that?

[Stark]

Lol really? I must have been too busy lolling at the motorbike control system.

Regardless, the presidents reaction is pretty strange unless you figure Zartan looked like xyz person the President was in a conspiracy with and later changed to the President. It's good that plot didn't get much airtime, but I'm not sure which varient of the movie it was designed for.

[SylasGaunt]

Indeed, they show him being nanomited, he says he's spent 18 months observing his target for mannerisms and such (and in the same scene is reading a book on how the US government works), and then the president is swept off to a MARS manufactured bunker where a Neoviper can kill any witnesses to the switch. It seems pretty obvious that the intent was to wipe out the Chinese and Russian governments (if not more, it all really depends on when they were going to hit the killswitch on the green goo) while the President would survive the strike on Washington D.C. thanks to the wonderful patriots *nudge*nudge*wink*wink* at MARS while everyone looks to him to see what's going to happen next now that two of the most powerful nations on the planet have just had their governments eaten by robots.

Regardless, the presidents reaction is pretty strange unless you figure Zartan looked like xyz person the President was in a conspiracy with and later changed to the President. It's good that plot didn't get much airtime, but I'm not sure which varient of the movie it was designed for.

I figure he'd be perfectly justified in freaking out if an exact duplicate of himself just walked out of a secret passage.