The Thermostat Wars!

[MKSheppard]

Link

A/C Setting Can Push Couples to Boiling Point

By Steve Hendrix
Washington Post Staff Writer
Sunday, August 2, 2009



It was the middle of a steamy summer night, and the frame house in Cleveland Park was quiet, dark and, for Bill Adler, way too hot.

He tottered over to the thermostat and there it was: treachery. Despite a long-fought household compromise standard of 74 degrees, someone -- Adler's suspicions instantly centered on his wife -- had nudged the temperature up to 78.

For the sleepy freelance writer, it was time to set things right . . . right at 65 degrees. "I just kept pushing that down arrow," he said of his midnight retaliation. "It was a defensive maneuver."

Let the thermostat wars resume. With the belated arrival of Washington's signature summer brew of brick-oven heat and steam-room humidity has come the return of the region's first law of domestic thermodynamics: When one spouse wants to jack up the A/C, the other wants to turn it down. Mild-mannered helpmeets in March and April become ferocious defenders of the dial in July and August.

Researchers who study sex differences agree that when it comes to temperature, it seems women are from Venus and men are from Planet Freon.

"This is a real phenomenon," said Kathryn Sandberg, director of the Georgetown University Center for the Study of Sex Differences in Health, Aging and Disease. "We have lots of data showing that women generally are far more sensitive to feelings of cold."

Studies among several species of mammals have shown the same results. Given a choice between two chambers on either side of their comfort range, males prefer one that is "too cold" and females one that is "too hot." And military research has shown women to be more susceptible to frostbite, hypothermia, Raynaud's disease and other cold-related conditions.

Natalie Grande of Garrett Park is another spouse who bundles up each summer, at least until her husband, Mario, leaves for work each morning. Then she decommissions the A/C, throws open the windows and invites the tropics in for the day.

"I'm perfectly comfortable right now with just the fans," she said on a steamy mid-summer afternoon. "When he walks in, he'll say, 'Oh my God, it's hot in here,' and stomp around and close all the windows and turn on the air conditioning. I know he's a miserable wretch if he's hot, so I just put on my L.L. Bean wool-lined slippers and endure it."

She pauses. "And after he's cooled down a little bit, I sneak over and notch it up a bit."

Grande is far from the only Washingtonians changing from beachwear to ski wear as soon as their significant other comes in the front door. Corey Rodgerson, service manager at Climate Heating and Cooling in Springfield, said he gets dispatches from the thermostat front nearly every day. As soon as temperatures settle into the 90s, his phone starts ringing: One member of a household calls to say the A/C isn't working properly. Rodgerson's technicians arrive on the scene only to find that the system is working fine but that someone has upped the thermostat setting.

"What normally follows is a threat of bodily harm to the other person in the house," Rodgerson said. "We get it all the time. Now we make sure to have them check the setting while we've still got them on the phone."

There isn't much HVAC technology can do to defuse these cold-button issues, according to Michael Hartman, president of Thomas E. Clark Heating and Air in Silver Spring. Automatic dampers installed in the ductwork of each room can let each person in the house create a separate climate, he said. Or warring factions in a house could use window units to boost the cool in a particular room. But those require individuals to stay in their own segregated honeycombs within the house.

Otherwise, folks just have to find a compromise. "It's just like at my house," Hartman said. "It's always the husband who wants it cooler and the wife is freezing."

The difference in temperature preference between men and women is explained by several factors, Sandberg said, including women's lower ratio of body mass to surface area, lesser muscle mass and a slower resting metabolism.

Further, women have a lower tolerance for cold than men. When Sandberg has had male and female volunteers hold their hands in ice water as long as possible, women are typically quicker to max out. In a survival response that researchers don't fully understand, a woman's sympathetic nervous system, which helps the body regulate its temperature, activates under cold stimulation more easily than a man's.

"If a woman likes it less cold in the house, it's probably partly due to this low tolerance to the pain of cold," Sandberg said. "Women are more sensitive to that discomfort."

Despite their numerical advantage, the women in Adler's house have raised the white flag and hauled out the fleeces and wool socks. "There is no more war. We have surrendered," said Peggy Robin, Adler's wife and defeated leader of the household's less-like-a-meat-locker-please faction, which includes the couple's two daughters. "Now we just put on sweaters and suffer. He went on a business trip to California last summer, and the kids and I have never been more comfortable."

Adler likes waking up with condensation on the windows. Robin, also a writer, stays buried under blankets until she hears the compressor switch off. Then she takes her coffee and newspaper to the porch to escape the dairy-aisle climate of the kitchen, where her thermometer routinely shows it to be in the mid-60s.

Adler admits, in a hushed voice, that he knows setting the upstairs thermostat at the compromise 74 degrees actually results in a downstairs temperature several degrees cooler. That's just fine with him. "My philosophy is that it's much easier for everyone else to put on a sweater or a down parka than for me to walk around completely naked," he said.

If temperature sensitivity breaks down so neatly along sex lines, does that mean same-sex couples don't fight over the thermostat? Scientists don't have data on that, but it's clear not all same-sex couple are models of thermal harmony. Tibby Middleton and Barbara Kenny of Frederick have been partners for 43 years but haven't yet resolved the quest for the right temperature.

Kenny said the difference emergences once they settle down in front of the television. "She will have on a fleece jacket, a green fleece blanket and little earmuffs. I'm sitting there in shorts and a T-shirt in front of a fan. It's always been that way."

In contrast, Brad Ward, who has lived for more than a year in a chilly house in Crestwood with his spouse, Sanj Grewal, said: "My husband and I both feel compelled to leave the thermostat as cold as humanly possible during the summer. We're in total agreement on keeping cool."

Couples shouldn't despair over thermostat conflicts that might last a lifetime, said Diane Sollee, head of the Washington-based Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education. In fact, because the stakes are relatively low, garden-variety thermostat disputes could even help build a strong marriage.

Happily married couples, the ones who make it all the way to the rocking chairs, argue pretty much nonstop about an average of 10 "irreconcilable differences," Sollee said. "Couples are always going to disagree about some things, always. The important thing is to talk about them with love and respect. In marriage communication, we have to teach couples to talk to each other, even when they disagree, in a way that will make them want to make love that night."

What, in this heat?

[aerius]

The important thing is to talk about them with love and respect. In marriage communication, we have to teach couples to talk to each other, even when they disagree, in a way that will make them want to make love that night."

What, in this heat?

Yeah, it's called "hot sweaty sex" for a reason.


I can't say I'm surprised, I saw this with my parents and many of our family friends when I was growing up. The men would be wearing shorts & t-shirts while the wives would all be wearing long-sleeved tops and pants, and only when the temperature got above 27°C or so would they start wearing short sleeved tops.

[Darth Wong]

Rebecca and I have been fighting a thermostat war for 20 years (we were together for 3 years before we got married). It's a low-level conflict. I have made (and will continue to make) the argument that my side is intrinsically more reasonable because she can bundle up with more clothes, while I have no such option. What am I supposed to do, walk around the house naked while carrying a fan around to keep myself cool? Her option for mitigating an uncomfortable temperature environment is much more convenient and reasonable than mine.

Having said that, the other reason for strongly making this argument is not to necessarily have the thermostat set your way all the time, but to make sure she appreciates how difficult it is for you when you let her set the thermostat her way. I might let her have the thermostat half the time, but I want to make sure she understands how uncomfortable I have voluntarily chosen to be, for her sake. I just don't want her to take it for granted.

Moreover, my chivalrous willingness to sweat in what feels like a sauna for the sake of her comfort can translate later into her willingness to give my balls a loving tongue bath. This is the fine art of marital diplomatic negotiations, folks. Learn from the master.

[FireNexus]

Rebecca and I have been fighting a thermostat war for 20 years (we were together for 3 years before we got married). It's a low-level conflict. I have made (and will continue to make) the argument that my side is intrinsically more reasonable because she can bundle up with more clothes, while I have no such option. What am I supposed to do, walk around the house naked while carrying a fan around to keep myself cool? Her option for mitigating an uncomfortable temperature environment is much more convenient and reasonable than mine.

Having said that, the other reason for strongly making this argument is not to necessarily have the thermostat set your way all the time, but to make sure she appreciates how difficult it is for you when you let her set the thermostat her way. I might let her have the thermostat half the time, but I want to make sure she understands how uncomfortable I have voluntarily chosen to be, for her sake. I just don't want her to take it for granted.

Moreover, my chivalrous willingness to sweat in what feels like a sauna for the sake of her comfort can translate later into her willingness to give my balls a loving tongue bath. This is the fine art of marital diplomatic negotiations, folks. Learn from the master.

Perhaps you missed your calling as a relationship counselor, Mike. For Rebecca's sake, I hope you shower prior to the that tongue bath.

[Darth Wong]

Perhaps you missed your calling as a relationship counselor, Mike. For Rebecca's sake, I hope you shower prior to the that tongue bath.

Always. Good sex may be dirty, but the participants should always be clean.

[Slacker]

Well, I've only been living with my now-wife for three years now, but our thermostat war is generally of lower intensity than most. She's remarkably reasonable about just wearing long sleeves around the house and has gotten used to me wearing a tshirt and shorts out of the house in November.

[charlemagne]

Man, I'm pretty glad that I live in a sturdy brick house with thick cool walls that doesn't really heat up in summer (and takes a while to get really cold in winter, too) The only A/C thermostat wars I'm aware of are fought in cars since A/C has become pretty much standard there.

Although, in winter the exact same thing might happen over who gets to control the heating... but then again, most houses won't let you control temperatures directly and down to a degree, most of the time the only real choice to heat a room is going for full blast and then dialing back once you're comfortable.

Personally, our little war is about shut bedroom windows during the night. My fiance is pretty susceptible to lung problems when breathing cold air all night long, so I have to put up with stale air. The things we do for love...

[General Zod]

Amusingly I see this effect all the time in the office I work at. Some of the female employees will be complaining that it's too cold and chilly while me and other guys can find the temperatures just fine or vice versa.

[ArmorPierce]

Studies among several species of mammals have shown the same results. Given a choice between two chambers on either side of their comfort range, males prefer one that is "too cold" and females one that is "too hot." And military research has shown women to be more susceptible to frostbite, hypothermia, Raynaud's disease and other cold-related conditions.

Interesting. I have always heard it argued the opposite due to female fat deposits. It do make sense. Even though they may have a higher fat deposit women still tend to be smaller than men and thus retain less heat.

Amusingly I see this effect all the time in the office I work at. Some of the female employees will be complaining that it's too cold and chilly while me and other guys can find the temperatures just fine or vice versa.

I always thought that it was because men tended to wear more layers and long sleeves and pants where women could go sleeveless and a skirt.

[General Zod]

I always thought that it was because men tended to wear more layers and long sleeves and pants where women could go sleeveless and a skirt.

Since the place I work at has a fairly relaxed dress code I'm guessing "no".

[Solauren]

No Thermastat wars here.

Then again, I can lounge around in my shorts in 5 degree celsius and it not bug me.

[Alerik the Fortunate]

It's usually the opposite here, being in the desert. I don't mind the heat, but my wife absolutely cannot tolerate anything more than a few degrees above eighty without becoming incredibly grouchy and tired. I've also noticed my ex girlfriend, my mom, and any other female I've spent much time around is much more sensitive to the heat than I am, but then most men like it less than I do as well. So I always let her set the temperature, since it only bothers me if I get too cold while sleeping, and I can always just wear more clothes to sleep (except, oddly, that whatever I go to bed in tends to be completely removed by the time I fall asleep, so maybe that doesn't help too much).

[SCRawl]

I'm fortunate that my wife is fairly reasonable when it comes to the thermostat. She'll happily wear a sweater (or whatever) if it's too cold, and I'm usually able to tolerate more extreme temperatures than she is, at either end of the spectrum. We set the thermostat around 22C in the winter and 26C during the day in the summer, to keep the furnace/air conditioning to a minimum.

In a strange reversal of trends, my mother would always prefer a house which was relatively chilly. It wasn't something that bothered me -- I like it cool, too -- but it must have been expensive to run the AC as much as she did.

[Serafina]

Perhaps you missed your calling as a relationship counselor, Mike. For Rebecca's sake, I hope you shower prior to the that tongue bath.

Always. Good sex may be dirty, but the participants should always be clean.

Sigged

[Stofsk]

My mum puts the heater on to 30 C (it was winter here for the last 3 months) which always made me go WTF. In summer if it's a hot day (over 30 in other words) then the air con gets turned on. I've tried pointing out this contradiction in her policy, but to no effect.

[RedImperator]

I like the cold. In the winter, I'm perfectly happy keeping the heater at 60, and I actually go outside to enjoy the cold air. Sometimes, I even ride in the car with the window down, if it's not too wet outside.

You can imagine how well this goes over with my girlfriend.

[Gil Hamilton]

My relative comfort at a broad range of temperature, but my girlfriend has a 0.1K temperature range that she's actually comfortable at. Typically, I just let her set the thermostat and that's it because I honestly don't care.

The problem is that my overall perference is cold and that is often TOO cold for her. When we get to sleep together, when I am attempting to sleep, she will steal blankets and also sleep cuddled up next to me, then mysteriously heat up to a thousand degrees and boil me in my skin. I might roll away, get some air and some not steaming air temperature, but she unconsciously will snuggle up again, pushing me to the very edge of the bed.

This fact is compounded by the fact that despite me being much larger than her, somehow she can occupy 3/4ths of a full sized mattress by herself, expanding like some sort of gas to take up the area available to her*. I might go for the thermostat to lower the temperature - she's got all the blankets anyway -but then it's TOO COLD.

(*studies should be conducted on how a 120lb, 5 foot on a good day girl can actually occupy more space on a mattress than a 6'4" 290 lb man)

[Slacker]

My relative comfort at a broad range of temperature, but my girlfriend has a 0.1K temperature range that she's actually comfortable at. Typically, I just let her set the thermostat and that's it because I honestly don't care.

The problem is that my overall perference is cold and that is often TOO cold for her. When we get to sleep together, when I am attempting to sleep, she will steal blankets and also sleep cuddled up next to me, then mysteriously heat up to a thousand degrees and boil me in my skin. I might roll away, get some air and some not steaming air temperature, but she unconsciously will snuggle up again, pushing me to the very edge of the bed.

This fact is compounded by the fact that despite me being much larger than her, somehow she can occupy 3/4ths of a full sized mattress by herself, expanding like some sort of gas to take up the area available to her*. I might go for the thermostat to lower the temperature - she's got all the blankets anyway -but then it's TOO COLD.

(*studies should be conducted on how a 120lb, 5 foot on a good day girl can actually occupy more space on a mattress than a 6'4" 290 lb man)

Yeah, Gil, that's a secret skillset women learn through the double X chromosome combination, I've fallen off of my bed more than once because I rolled over only to discover I'd been rolled off the bed by an aggressive female full-press bed annexation.

[jcow79]

Without doing any research I've always assumed this phenomena for males was an evolutionary preference to increase fertility. Don't warm balls decrease your sperm count?

[General Zod]

Without doing any research I've always assumed this phenomena for males was an evolutionary preference to increase fertility. Don't warm balls decrease your sperm count?

We're talking hot tub level temperatures right against your balls before you'd see any noticeable sperm count drop.

[Medic]

I'm with the women on this one; I just don't have the blubber around my belly button (or arms; my legs have woolly mammoth hair though so I can stay in shorts) to withstand under 70* comfortably and it only gets worse if I'm UNDER the AC vent. (which adds moving air)

I don't mind the cold that much but if I'm indoors I'm generally not active enough to be anything but susceptible to the AC. I'm perfectly comfortable being outdoors in winter temperatures generally cause I'm usually moving around some.

[madd0ct0r]

The solution we reached was cinnammon tea. (Using the bark and hot water)

warms hands becuase it's a hot mug
warms core body becuase it's a hot drink
the cinnammon also seems to make the body temp rise.