CAPAlert: "You Make All Christians Look Bad."

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2003-02-11 04:42am

This is not satire, although it reads almost like something from Landover.
http://www.capalert.com/youmakechristianslookbad.htm

UltraViolence83 · Post by **UltraViolence83** » 2003-02-11 05:00am

Didn't want to read through all that crap. Aren't those people the same jerks that give horrible reviews to pretty much every popular movie ever made, saying they're "blasphemous" and whatnot? Pricky bastards.

Robert Treder · Post by **Robert Treder** » 2003-02-11 06:40am

I've actually spent hours reading the CAPAlert reviews of movies. They're pretty hilarious. American Psycho is the only (I think) movie to have scored 0/100. Just one more reason that movie is awesome.

Sir Sirius · Post by **Sir Sirius** » 2003-02-11 06:42am

Man that was STUPID!

As you browse through their, incredibly stupid, site please note how they continously try to sell you stuff (non-profit my ass). Is it just me or are fundies and creationists always selling something?

Mr Flibble · Post by **Mr Flibble** » 2003-02-11 07:12am

Sir Sirius wrote:Man that was STUPID!

As you browse through their, incredibly stupid, site please note how they continously try to sell you stuff (non-profit my ass). Is it just me or are fundies and creationists always selling something?

Well it makes sense to use fundies and creationist to sell stupid products, because no one else would be stupid enough to buy them. The non profit bit is just to avoid tax.

Read half of it and gave up, because it was just a load of nonsensical drivel.

Sir Sirius · Post by **Sir Sirius** » 2003-02-11 07:22am

You guys have to see their analyzis of Dogma. It is so fucking funny...

BTW what is " the most foul of the foul words"? It is appereantly used a 103 times during Dogma.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-02-11 08:17am

"fuck" is most foul. dunno why tho.

capalert is so funny. they hate everything from schreck to southpark.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-02-11 10:15am

Woohoo! Now we have a valid excuse for hating Christianity!!

SAMAS · Post by **SAMAS** » 2003-02-11 10:31am

Check their review of Barbershop. One of their Gripes is: Offense to God: "Jesus wasn't a Christian."

That right there tells you all you need to know...

jegs2 · Post by **jegs2** » 2003-02-11 10:31am

Frank Hipper wrote:This is not satire, although it reads almost like something from Landover.
http://www.capalert.com/youmakechristianslookbad.htm

That rather long-winded (and somewhat confusing) diatribe could have been condensed to read, "love the sinner but not the sin."

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-02-11 11:29am

jegs2 wrote:That rather long-winded (and somewhat confusing) diatribe could have been condensed to read, "love the sinner but not the sin."

Or "you're all going to burn in hell if you don't do exactly what we say," which doesn't sound quite as nice but is a completely accurate description of their attitude.

GrandMasterTerwynn · Post by **GrandMasterTerwynn** » 2003-02-12 01:38am

Frank Hipper wrote:This is not satire, although it reads almost like something from Landover.
http://www.capalert.com/youmakechristianslookbad.htm

Hey, I use the capalert site to check out all movies I want to go see. The lower the rating, I figure the more entertaining the movie.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-02-12 01:46am

I remember that I read the review for The Fast and the Furious at a Christian review site. I just remember them being pretty racist and assuming that the villains were Chinese just because they were Asian. Despite, them not being played by Chinese actors, them not having Chinese names in the movie, and them not even really looking Chinese.

salm · Post by **salm** » 2003-02-12 10:20am

hey, good christians dont watch these kind of movie. how do they know that all that stuff happens in them. i guess there´s either one or more hypocrites or one or more of them sacrifice their soul to save the others. that would be noble.
would the soul of this sacrificed soul be something like the jesus among the souls?

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2003-02-12 10:25am

That site is still hilarious even after people have brought it up four or five times. Those guys are so extreme it's funny. Ridiculous really.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-02-14 08:54pm

Stormbringer wrote:That site is still hilarious even after people have brought it up four or five times. Those guys are so extreme it's funny. Ridiculous really.

Yes, they are quite funny. A an example of their idiocy, I'd reccomend this link:

http://www.capalert.com/capreports/bugslife98.htm

Also, check out these quotes from their "Ice Age" review:

An eye for an eye" as justification for revenge
story foundation in the theory of evolution

I'm sure they'd consider it too innapropriate if a couple was sleeping in different rooms.

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-02-14 09:16pm

I've always been tempted to submit a copy of the "God is a homo" thread for analysis.

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2003-02-14 09:21pm

weemadando wrote:I've always been tempted to submit a copy of the "God is a homo" thread for analysis.

*laughs*
"Today on springer..."

beyond hope · Post by **beyond hope** » 2003-02-14 09:46pm

Check out the review of Nemesis (and also the high-pitched nasal whine about Trek) on this page. Note that the highest-ranked film in terms of "acceptability to God" is Insurrection: I'm sure this says something.

Oh yeah, and when you're looking at American Psycho's score of 0, you should consider the other ones that are unscored because he walked out. Those include Belly, The Bird Cage, Bulletproof, Bulworth, Jacka: The Movie, The Last Days, Matilda, and Solaris (to be fair he says he dozed off during Solaris, not walked out.) You read that right: one of the films that was just too horrible for him to sit and watch all the way through (The Last Days) was a Holocaust documentarty. One of his reviews (I'm not going to go back and look up which, because my sanity is failing before the onslaught) even assigns a final score to a movie that by his own admission he only watched an hour of. Incidently, the other film with a 0 rating is Scary Movie. There's another on there somewhere that earned a 2.

Clearly the man has some voyeuristic attraction to watching films like American Psycho, and feels compelled by guilt to cover it up by sitting there proclaiming to the world what a horrible assault on his senses it was.

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2003-02-14 10:26pm

Frank Hipper wrote:This is not satire, although it reads almost like something from Landover.
http://www.capalert.com/youmakechristianslookbad.htm

"Blah blah blah, you are sinners, blah blah blah, you deny Jesus, blah blah blah, you go to hell!"

*Yawn*

Dooey Jo · Post by **Dooey Jo** » 2003-02-15 05:58am

Funny that they failed to notice the destruction of an entire planet in Star Wars: A New Hope but listed the alien "monsters" in the cantina as "violence"...

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2003-02-15 06:00am

Grand Admiral Thrawn wrote:
Frank Hipper wrote:This is not satire, although it reads almost like something from Landover.
http://www.capalert.com/youmakechristianslookbad.htm

"Blah blah blah, you are sinners, blah blah blah, you deny Jesus, blah blah blah, you go to hell!"

*Yawn*

*chuckles* You know...you could save 'em a fortune in bandwith....

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2003-02-15 10:21am

I made it through the 1st paragraph then for the sake of my mental health i stopped. I'm guessing it was the usual YOU'RE ALL WRONG WE'RE RIGHT YOU'RE GONNA BURN shite

beyond hope · Post by **beyond hope** » 2003-02-15 12:05pm

Darth Pounder wrote:I made it through the 1st paragraph then for the sake of my mental health i stopped. I'm guessing it was the usual YOU'RE ALL WRONG WE'RE RIGHT YOU'RE GONNA BURN shite

Have you considered a future as a psychic?

Seriously, you didn't miss anything: standard issue "the godless heathen barbarians are at the gates and we're holding the ramparts" schpeil.

Marcus · Post by **Marcus** » 2003-02-15 03:28pm

You know, these people make me want to go out and make a movie.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

CAPAlert: "You Make All Christians Look Bad."

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