GI JOE: Rise of Cobra (Spoilers Ahoy!)

[Master of Cards]

Even if it was only something that ate metal, wouldn't humans still die from it? Let alone pacemakers and other implants being ate, what about the iron in your blood? Fillings? Peircings? (the more exotic ones).

[Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba]

Even if it was only something that ate metal, wouldn't humans still die from it? Let alone pacemakers and other implants being ate, what about the iron in your blood? Fillings? Peircings? (the more exotic ones).

I don't think the mites burrow through your flesh and organs.

[Cykeisme]

The nano tech is clearly not very rare itself - the specific nanos that were in the weapons were different, but Rex had all kinds of essentially 'medical' robots.

Not just Rex.. the introduction to the nano-machines near the beginning of the movie states that they were originally used for medical purposes, and MARS developed a metal-eating application for them. They already had cancer-curing nanites and stuff like that.
Although I suppose Rex was even more advanced even in that; he had mind-control, venom-expelling, brain-modifying nanites, not to mention the face-altering ones he put in Zartan.

At the start of the movie, I thought it was funny how they'd need it to be metal-eating to be considered a weapon; I would expect that flesh-eating nanites would be even more scary. Or perhaps their breakthrough was allowing the nanites to replicate and assemble new copies of themselves out of eaten metal, which you'd need for them to be really be effective on a large scale.

[Zor]

Or perhaps their breakthrough was allowing the nanites to replicate and assemble new copies of themselves out of eaten metal, which you'd need for them to be really be effective on a large scale.

This explination is the only one which i am convinced of, besides even if it did not kill people it would destroy anything of strategic importance it came across and any infastructure (Power, Water, Heat, fire control), not to mention that it would make any building with a metal structure collapse.

Zor

[dragon]

Finally got to see it. Pretty good especially when Ripcord falls flat on his ass then gets hit by the car. Everyone one in the theater busted up laughing. But man those accelerator suits those were some nice power armor.

[weemadando]

I caught this with Mr Flibble in Adelaide a few weeks back. Off the top of my head here are the biggest, most annoying plot-holes/annoyances in that movie.

-If it's a fucking Nanomachine warhead why does it need a fucking Particle Accelerator in order to be weaponised? Surely this shit should be weaponised already?

-Who the fuck builds a massive underground base in the middle of a shifting sand-dune desert? What's their maintenance budget like - clearing all that grit from those hangar doors must be a bitch. Not to mention how many deaths have probably occurred when a sand-dune that's shifted suddenly drops a hundred metres onto an open area below.

-Where the fuck did the subs come from at the very end? Jaw-face and squealy-bitch have to chase the Dr and not-Keanu through all sorts of tunnels and doors and shit, and then suddenly the whole force is there to back him up when he needs to be a hard-arse? How did the sub-carrier even fit through there?

-Why didn't Clint Eastwood gank the Wayans brother and then steal Firefox?

-Cobra would have been successful if they hadn't designed their missiles to jink around constantly. Put all that thrust into linear motion and you'd have hit your targets.

-This was an amazing case of censor-baiting. Heads explode but there's no blood. Guys get cut, but wounds don't bleed. And no matter how much stabbing happens, the weapon is never bloodied. Maybe if America wasn't such a puritanical fuck-up we could have had Shroomy's dreams come true and have Baroness Blood-Tits on screen.

[CaptainChewbacca]

-This was an amazing case of censor-baiting. Heads explode but there's no blood. Guys get cut, but wounds don't bleed. And no matter how much stabbing happens, the weapon is never bloodied. Maybe if America wasn't such a puritanical fuck-up we could have had Shroomy's dreams come true and have Baroness Blood-Tits on screen.

Men only need one picture of the Baroness:



Practicing her clarinet.

[Big Orange]

Oh man, you think Storm Shadow being a vicious, brutal murderer is somehow inconsistent with a personal dislike of killing women AND you think that's a major plothole in the gossamer veil of a story?

He's a warrior, not a serial killer, it is a clear character contridiction if he was disgusted at a female soldier getting stabbed in the back and then was a perpetrator of a 9/11 scale terrorist attack that must've killed hundreds of unarmed civilian women.

-If it's a fucking Nanomachine warhead why does it need a fucking Particle Accelerator in order to be weaponised? Surely this shit should be weaponised already?

Yes, that plot point was never properly explained and made any sense.

Also the nanomachines are dedicated to eating through metal, but I doubt it would do people any good.

-Cobra would have been successful if they hadn't designed their missiles to jink around constantly. Put all that thrust into linear motion and you'd have hit your targets.

The enemy organization was not Cobra, but MARS Industries. I agree the ICBMs were not depicted realistically. But you do see the Cobra emblem painted on the submarine that Rex and McCallum were escaping on.

[SylasGaunt]

-If it's a fucking Nanomachine warhead why does it need a fucking Particle Accelerator in order to be weaponised? Surely this shit should be weaponised already?

Well they mentioned they weren't being weaponized during transport, probably to prevent accidents. Best explanation I could think of was that it makes it easier to control their distribution. Stealing nanomite warheads does no good unless you've got a particle accelerator handy which limits the number of people who can support their use.

-Cobra would have been successful if they hadn't designed their missiles to jink around constantly. Put all that thrust into linear motion and you'd have hit your targets.

To be fair they were going straight at the start. It's probably evasive manuevers since IIRC the stated top speed of McCullen's personal firefox was higher than that of the missiles.

[GuppyShark]

He's a warrior, not a serial killer, it is a clear character contridiction if he was disgusted at a female soldier getting stabbed in the back and then was a perpetrator of a 9/11 scale terrorist attack that must've killed hundreds of unarmed civilian women.

That is REALLY not an uncommon attitude. Stabbing someone in front of you is psychologically very different to launching a missile.

And knocking over the Eiffel Tower is not really 9/11 scale (3000 dead, though I don't recall the fatality count from the Joe movie offhand).

[CaptainChewbacca]

In terms of damage to national pride and striking terror, I think a big swirling cloud eating half of the Eiffel Tower is probably on par with 9/11.

[Stark]

A cynic might say that that's exactly what they wanted to conjure in the movie, without hurting any American's feelings.

[Vympel]

That entire sequence seems like a homage to Team America to me. It's a silly fun chase with lots of booms. I mean really, there's no way it could be so tongue in cheek and yet still be trying to conjure up the horror of terrorism.

[Cykeisme]

They did have a throwaway line stating that the Eiffel Tower was evacuated (though strangely the area around its base was not), so the casualties would be confined mostly to the bridge the falling tower landed on.
Still, bad guys have to be shown to be properly nasty, even if it's a campy fun action movie.

On another note, I didn't like that the movie ended with Rex/Cobra Commander and Destro in the good guys' custody.
True, it might be a bit cliched if they slipped away at the end of the movie (cop-out sequel setup style), but it still feels a bit wrong that they're all locked up.

Edit: Although admittedly this will allow a hypothetical sequel to start with an awesome elite super-tech team of evil commandos to do a totally over-the-top prison break action sequence.

[SAMAS]

It sets up for a dramatic escape/breakout scene in the next movie: Maybe Firefly and the Dreadnoks?

[Vympel]

It sets up for a dramatic escape/breakout scene in the next movie: Maybe Firefly and the Dreadnoks?

The Dreadnoks are just ... dated. It'd be like the invasion of the Village People.

[SAMAS]

Their concept is basically the same as any of the Biker Gangs out in the US right now. It just needs an update.

[The Yosemite Bear]

Well they could be an international Biker Gang since Kipper and Torch are from Aussieland. Though Zartan's little girl is kinda cute....

oh god, I believe this was a fruedian slipp it's supposed to be Ripper not Kipper....

[wautd]

Finally got to see it last night.

This is, like the best action flicks, a walk-in, turn-off-brain, watch-things-go-boom movie.

It was also enjoyable. TF2 did the same things, but that movie bored me to death.

I didn't liked what they did to the Baroness though. She turns to comic-book villain for a mere broken hearth, but sees the error of her ways at the end of the movie. Why not make her an evil, spoiled brat and leave it that way?

[SylasGaunt]

She wasn't comic-book villain because of a broken heart it was because she'd gotten a neckful of nanites that were altering her behavior.

[Cykeisme]

Wautd was incorrect about the Baroness being evil because of a broken heart (nanites did it), but I have to agree with him; it would have been more awesome if she was just a spoiled brat.

..after which it would take the totality of the hero's raw macho manliness to turn her back to the side of good!
Winning plot!

[wautd]

She wasn't comic-book villain because of a broken heart it was because she'd gotten a neckful of nanites that were altering her behavior.

Right, I forgot.

Still, I don't see why they had to rewrite a perfectly good villain into this mess.

[white_rabbit]

God help me, I actually enjoyed this film. From the anti-hype, I was expecting something unwatchable.

Subtract the always useless Wayans character, and it'd be even better.

[Plekhanov]

I saw the movie on Friday, and I enjoyed it a great deal. It was almost exactlylike an episode of the cartoon, and I consider that a good thing.

What I love about it is that, in almost open defiance to what whorish snobs...I'm sorry, Movie critics want G.I. Joe has only as much plot as is required to make the underlying origin story function. Everything is based around setting up Cobra, setting up the Joes, and leading to the Big Fight At The End...and frankly, I thank GOD for that because I got a horrifying feeling some idiot was going to try and make this into some shit political commentary or something. Refreshingly it seems that movie makers (successful ones anyway) are starting to outright give media snobs the finger and just make good, straightforward action movies like those that were produced in the 80s before peopel gave a shit what some fat Jay Sherman knockoff had to say. Thank Christ

<snip yet more inverse snobery of the most retarded kind>....

Transformers 2: Michael Bay makes a billion dollars in a week, Roger Ebert eats a gun, cue celebration form the end of ROTJ.

Yeah because if there's one thing I thought when sitting through those really well done and entirely necessary scenes involving President Obama's civil servant acting like an arrogant stereotypical jerk for no fucking reason in the steaming pile that is Transformers 2 I thought sure this film may be stuffed full annoying human characters and abysmal attempts at comedy and very little in the way of giant robots fighting but atleast "some idiot" hasn't tried to "make this into some shit political commentary or something"

Like Star Trek 2009 GI Joe was a good lightweight action film that moved along with enough charm and at a fast enough pace that you barely notice how dumb it's plot and characters are till it was over, I really rather liked it.

They should let Sommers do Transformers 3 he'd turn the series into what it should be - wall to wall action scenes. If he had the money to have immaculately rendered giant robots on the screen he'd have them doing cool stuff not bumbling about the place performing pratfalls in some of the worst comedy routines ever conceived.