U.S. Government Finds $20 Trillion Buried

[Mr. Coffee]

Not sure what the volume would be, but it'd weigh something like 22 million tons.

I'm pretty sure 200,000,000 bank notes wouldn't weigh 22 million tons. That would give a weight per bank note of almost 100g. Then again 20 trillion dollars wouldn't be 200,000,000 1,000 dollar bank notes it would be 20,000,000,000 which gives a more realistic weight per bank note of circa 1g if they weighed 22 million tons in total.

My bad, I was basing that off of it being twenty trillion $1 notes. Should've said that...

[Crossroads Inc.]

SO. 22 million tons... We need something to put that into perspective... Whats the weight of the Empire state Building?

[Sea Skimmer]

Around 350,000 tons, large steel buildings aren’t that heavy as they are mostly empty space. The largest supertankers are around 600,000 tons fully loaded, and the amount of debris removed from the World Trade Center attack site totaled around 2 million tons. 22 million tons is in the same range as the total weight of all the thousands of ships sunk by German U-boats in both world wars put together.

[Rogue 9]

You know, $20 billion buried away in budget items I could believe.

But not $20 Trillion literally buried.

Sorry Onion, that wasn't as good as some of the others.

Actually, I was looking over the Financial Report of the United States Government for 2008 yesterday, and there was $29.8 billion unaccounted for in the budget last year. So no, that would be perfectly believable.

[The Yosemite Bear]

it was probably all in Krugerands....

[loomer]

You know, $20 billion buried away in budget items I could believe.

But not $20 Trillion literally buried.

Sorry Onion, that wasn't as good as some of the others.

Actually, I was looking over the Financial Report of the United States Government for 2008 yesterday, and there was $29.8 billion unaccounted for in the budget last year. So no, that would be perfectly believable.

That's the funding for the Zodiac-3 project. Each vat-grown cyborg Zodiac assassin costs around 10 billion a year and twenty years to develop, and they're probably spending what's left to hunt down the only remaining Zodiac-1 assassin robot!

Sorry, channeling my conspiracy theorist side there. What's the actual chance those 'missing' funds are actually being spent on black projects, though?

[Rogue 9]

You know, $20 billion buried away in budget items I could believe.

But not $20 Trillion literally buried.

Sorry Onion, that wasn't as good as some of the others.

Actually, I was looking over the Financial Report of the United States Government for 2008 yesterday, and there was $29.8 billion unaccounted for in the budget last year. So no, that would be perfectly believable.

That's the funding for the Zodiac-3 project. Each vat-grown cyborg Zodiac assassin costs around 10 billion a year and twenty years to develop, and they're probably spending what's left to hunt down the only remaining Zodiac-1 assassin robot!

Sorry, channeling my conspiracy theorist side there. What's the actual chance those 'missing' funds are actually being spent on black projects, though?

I would bet it has more to do with sloppy handling of the bank bailout. 2007 had "only" $6.7 billion unaccounted for, down from $11 billion the year before.

[Modax]

I don't know why this hasn't been mentioned yet, -- certainly for most people here it is simply obvious -- but even if they did somehow find $20 trillion buried in the ground, by some act of Q, it wouldn't do fuck all for the economy, in fact it would probably destroy it. I'm pretty sure $20 trillion is at least order of magnitude greater than the entire U.S money supply; the result would be instantaneous hyperinflation. The smartest thing to do with the stash would be be to recycle the paper into something useful! Again, this is should be obvious to the majority of people, but the Onion authors are just making fun of Reagan-style neoliberalism, and the layperson's misconception that currency, fiat or no, has some kind of inherent value.

Sorry, I couldn't help myself. Go on with your discussion.

[Eleas]

I don't know why this hasn't been mentioned yet, -- certainly for most people here it is simply obvious -- but even if they did somehow find $20 trillion buried in the ground, by some act of Q, it wouldn't do fuck all for the economy, in fact it would probably destroy it. I'm pretty sure $20 trillion is at least order of magnitude greater than the entire U.S money supply; the result would be instantaneous hyperinflation. The smartest thing to do with the stash would be be to recycle the paper into something useful!

Of course. Particularly since, if we were to take the whole argument at all seriously in the first place, we might question whether the notes were even legal tender (the low denomination bills referred to in the OP would probably be; higher denominations might not). Regardless, questions would then be asked on how such a vast amount of wealth could vanish without the economy or politicians of the then-ruling party even noticing, and just who knew and who shut up about it... the media could have a field day!

Oh. I just remembered Reagan was a Republican; disregard that last sentence entirely.

Again, this is should be obvious to the majority of people, but the Onion authors are just making fun of Reagan-style neoliberalism, and the layperson's misconception that currency, fiat or no, has some kind of inherent value.

"Just print more money, and you'll eventually have enough for everyone!" Ah yes. Such a beautifully simple notion. About all we can say about this lunacy is that, horrific though they have been, some very publicized and large-scale attempts at trying out the notion have made its results abundantly clear. In any case, not even a modestly gifted fetus would seriously consider money by itself to be intrinsically valuable until taught it as common-sense truth.

But that's the difference between it and a neoliberal armchair economist. Fetuses evolve.

[Rogue 9]

"Just print more money, and you'll eventually have enough for everyone!" Ah yes. Such a beautifully simple notion. About all we can say about this lunacy is that, horrific though they have been, some very publicized and large-scale attempts at trying out the notion have made its results abundantly clear. In any case, not even a modestly gifted fetus would seriously consider money by itself to be intrinsically valuable until taught it as common-sense truth.

But that's the difference between it and a neoliberal armchair economist. Fetuses evolve.

You dunce, neoliberal economic theory doesn't call for just printing money. Quite the opposite, in fact; fiscal discipline is a key tenet of neoliberal policy. It certainly isn't a perfect governing philosophy, but you should at least know what you're criticizing.

[Eleas]

You dunce, neoliberal economic theory doesn't call for just printing money. Quite the opposite, in fact; fiscal discipline is a key tenet of neoliberal policy. It certainly isn't a perfect governing philosophy, but you should at least know what you're criticizing.

Yeah, I was being overly facetious and the joke didn't really scan anyway. In all honesty, I'm not criticizing the neoliberals who actually have studied these things enough to have the right to pretend to an opinion on the matter, but the previously mentioned armchair economists, who believe ideology to be the same as economic reality.

That's a problem not specific to neoliberals either; a lot of wishful thinking is going on in regards to cause and effect, and I'd argue it's basically a human trait, although it can be more or less pronounced and encouraged.