What If...

phongn · Post by **phongn** » 2003-02-11 02:38pm

"When Gods Attack!"

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2003-02-11 03:09pm

phongn wrote:"When Gods Attack!"

Was going to say that but I'd feel far too cheesy or corny or any other "c" starting food.

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-02-11 03:10pm

<-- wonders why Wong didn't say give anal sex??

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-02-11 03:41pm

verilon wrote:<-- wonders why Wong didn't say give anal sex??

Obviously, you don't watch enough porno. First the girl gives a blowjob, then vaginal sex, and then anal sex. There is a proper order.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-02-11 03:45pm

Darth Wong wrote:
verilon wrote:<-- wonders why Wong didn't say give anal sex??
Obviously, you don't watch enough porno. First the girl gives a blowjob, then vaginal sex, and then anal sex. There is a proper order.

Eating the girl out comes after the blow job and before the vaginal sex. You're getting careless.

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2003-02-11 03:46pm

Darth Wong wrote:
verilon wrote:<-- wonders why Wong didn't say give anal sex??
Obviously, you don't watch enough porno. First the girl gives a blowjob, then vaginal sex, and then anal sex. There is a proper order.

It says so right here in the good book o' porn:

"Thou shalt suck it, fuck then plug it."

Galvatron · Post by **Galvatron** » 2003-02-11 03:47pm

Darth Wong wrote:
verilon wrote:<-- wonders why Wong didn't say give anal sex??
Obviously, you don't watch enough porno. First the girl gives a blowjob, then vaginal sex, and then anal sex. There is a proper order.

What about Rocco-style A2M?

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-02-11 03:49pm

As for what if Jesus had a second coming ... I guess I'd feel pretty stupid.

"What, you mean this is true? Aw, man, in college they said this was all bullshit!"

Post by **NecronLord** » 2003-02-11 03:56pm

Raoul Duke, Jr. wrote:
Darth Wong wrote:
Sir Sirius wrote:When jesus returns he will have a sword sticking out of his mouth (Revelations 1:16) and if you do not repent quickly jesus will fight you with the sword that he has in his mouth (Revelations 2:16).
Then he will discover to his chagrin that the 12 gauge shotgun is a tactically superior weapon to a sword sticking out of your mouth.
Um... based on the premise of the opening thread, I have to point out:

12 ga. shotgun < Omnipotent Being

Still, I will say that if faced with a Cosmic Hippie who was chewin' on a Bowie knife, I'd probably break out the Remington Welcome myself.

Actually he isn't ommnipotent, neither is his father who in the book of judges cannot defeat an army with Iorn chariots. Saddam Hussein will kick so many kinds of shit out of him it's not even funny.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-02-11 03:56pm

If it was the real Jesus, and he said he was the embodiment of God and all that, he would get arrested for mass murder and other crimes against humanity.

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2003-02-11 03:57pm

Durandal wrote:As for what if Jesus had a second coming ... I guess I'd feel pretty stupid.

"What, you mean this is true? Aw, man, in college they said this was all bullshit!"

LOL...how true that is.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2003-02-11 04:06pm

Darth Wong wrote:
Stravo wrote:Here's an even thornier question:

Suppose Jesus comes back, Mohammed descends from heaven abd teh Buddha appears. They are each what they say they are and that their God is the true God, in teh case of Buddha, he has the true answers. Whoch religion do you choose to follow now having absolute proof that each one truly exists.

BTW I don;t mean to offend any Hindus not knowing how many are on this board please assume that those gods have been proven correct as well.

In other words, given incontrovertable proof that each releigion is valid, which is closest to your heart OR do you simply refuse to believe in any and go on your merry way.
Since all of the religions are simultaneously true, this means that you are bound by the rules of whichever religion you chose to subscribe to.

Can I interest you in the cult of Osiris? we have an afterlife that specifically involves being able to do everything you did in life, specifically including fucking (no shit, that's in the book of the dead) and our god doesn't condem people to eternal torment, he just tosses the evil into non-existance.

Therefore, Jesus and Mohammed are out. Both of them represent religions where any misstep or disloyalty sentences you to eternal torture.

Did I mention there are no specific rules?

Buddha might be a better solution because you're not necessarily tortured forever if you don't make the big boss happy, but reincarnation is pretty weird. I'd say that you'd be best off trying to start your own cult at that point, since its rules would be true too, and you can simply concoct useful rules like "Beautiful women must give me blowjobs every day".

That'll take up so much time... and semen, may I suggest the prefix A or Several?

Zoink · Post by **Zoink** » 2003-02-11 04:10pm

Can the Jesus mk2 be killed like Jesus mk1, or has he adapted? I'm not up on the fine details of revelations...

Post by **NecronLord** » 2003-02-11 04:17pm

Zoink wrote:Can the Jesus mk2 be killed like Jesus mk1, or has he adapted? I'm not up on the fine details of revelations...

We are Jesus of borg

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2003-02-11 04:22pm

Zoink wrote:Can the Jesus mk2 be killed like Jesus mk1, or has he adapted? I'm not up on the fine details of revelations...

He is... Jesus.

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2003-02-11 04:30pm

NecronLord wrote:
Zoink wrote:Can the Jesus mk2 be killed like Jesus mk1, or has he adapted? I'm not up on the fine details of revelations...
We are Jesus of borg

Proof Jesus uses frequency based weapons?!

Post by **NecronLord** » 2003-02-11 04:33pm

SirNitram wrote:
NecronLord wrote:
Zoink wrote:Can the Jesus mk2 be killed like Jesus mk1, or has he adapted? I'm not up on the fine details of revelations...
We are Jesus of borg
Proof Jesus uses frequency based weapons?!

nope, proof that bullets will kill him.

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2003-02-11 04:35pm

NecronLord wrote:
SirNitram wrote:
NecronLord wrote: We are Jesus of borg
Proof Jesus uses frequency based weapons?!
nope, proof that bullets will kill him.

Concession accepted!

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2003-02-11 04:37pm

As long as they don't come out with the "Jesus Queen" I think we'll be okay.

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2003-02-11 04:52pm

hmmm i think i would dance around him while waering robes singing 'What's the fuzzz?...tell me whats-a-happening!"

"Jim! You don't walk up to the allmighty and ask him for his ID!"
-Leonard McCoy
actually i think that one line was the only bright spot in ST:V

Raptor 597 · Post by **Raptor 597** » 2003-02-11 06:19pm

Sir Sirius wrote:When jesus returns he will have a sword sticking out of his mouth (Revelations 1:16) and if you do not repent quickly jesus will fight you with the sword that he has in his mouth (Revelations 2:16).
Doesn't really sound like he is going to subject himself to a rational debate with someone...besides talking might be a bit tough with a sword in your mouth.

Well, personally I'll blow his brains out then start go chasing down Rabid Fundies.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-02-11 06:39pm

Col. Crackpot wrote:hmmm i think i would dance around him while waering robes singing 'What's the fuzzz?...tell me whats-a-happening!"

"Jim! You don't walk up to the allmighty and ask him for his ID!"
-Leonard McCoy
actually i think that one line was the only bright spot in ST:V

There was also, "What does God need with a starship?"

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-02-11 09:39pm

Darth Wong wrote:I would ask him whether he seriously intends to torture every non-Christian forever, as the "true believers" say. If he says no, I would tell him that there are an awful lot of people who have been spreading shit about his intentions for about two thousand years. If he says yes, I would debate the morality of his intentions with him.

good man. I planned similar.

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2003-02-11 10:04pm

In the original question, I'd be quite interested in getting some questions in to him. If he comes at me with this supposed sword, though, it's on baby. .22 rifle vs. sword.

In Stravo's example, I make myself the Sourcerer and imprison the divinities away so life can go back to normal(And I build myself my wizard's tower).

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-02-12 12:17am

Darth Wong wrote:
verilon wrote:<-- wonders why Wong didn't say give anal sex??
Obviously, you don't watch enough porno. First the girl gives a blowjob, then vaginal sex, and then anal sex. There is a proper order.

Obviously you forgot you're tlaking to a GAY guy.. and no, I don't watch porn cos I don't find it necessary.