Moderator: LadyTevar
Oh. Oh my.Count Chocula wrote:FUCK YEAH!Armageddon? from Cleaned Up Fanfics wrote:Chapter One
Eagle Flight, Over The Eastern Pacific
“I, Satan Mekratrig, Lord of Hell, Commander of the Legions of the Damned do hereby declare my dominion over the earth and all that it contains. Crawl to me, humans, knowing the eternity of torment that awaits you.”
“Balls.” Said Lieutenant Michael Wong.
It's an easy way to draw people in, I'll admit.Ford Prefect wrote:Yeah. That's slightly creepier than I would usually expect, though.
my eyes rolled so far out of my head when i read 'mike wong lick lick rimjob lol satan' that i was blind for daysPick wrote:It's a lazy way to draw people in, I'll admit.Ford Prefect wrote:Yeah. That's slightly creepier than I would usually expect, though.
You're looking at this ass-backwards here. The question is not, "what minor revisions could make The Salvation War an interesting story as-is?" It's "what avenue of storytelling would serve the purposes of telling a compelling, interesting and dramatic story?"Samuel wrote:What would be the best way to make them more of a threat? Have Hell stockpiling weapons to take on heaven for the last 50,000 years and unleash them upon human forces?
The biggest rule in screenwriting (and writing in general) Show, don't tell.Count Chocula wrote:Although Armageddon turned into "The Curbstomp War," it was a close run affair and if it had lasted a few months longer, or if Satan had had smarter lieutenants (or if he himself had adapted past the Bronze Age), humanity on Earth would have been in an assload of trouble.
In the first few chapters of The Salvation War, Stuart alludes to just how close humanity was to running out of ammunition and equipment to fight Satan's minions.
That's why I said 'in principle'.Duckie wrote:actually it has the opposite on me. I've tried to read armageddon thrice now, since this thread provoked another attempt.
I can't get over the lameness of the first bit that chocula quoted in its entirety, as "Balls" said Lt. Wong is exactly where I quit each time.
When I did it, I did it because I couldn't be stuffed inventing a whole crew of characters, so I got users on the board to do it for me. In The Salvation War you get direct usage of usernames like 'Kuroneko' and 'Surlethe', which is awfully obtrusive. Has Doctor Surlethe even been given a first name?
Syncophantic? Syncophantic? Me? Mike and I don't exactly see eye to eye, but he's in the first chapter of Armageddon?.Ford Prefect wrote: I just think Chocula is being particularly sychophantic.
I said "people", not "me". I didn't actually realize it was Wong Wong the first time I tried to read it, but I still didn't get that much further in. I then skipped to a much later passage to see if the style changed, but it didn't.Duckie wrote:actually it has the opposite on me. I've tried to read armageddon thrice now, since this thread provoked another attempt.
I can't get over the lameness of the first bit that chocula quoted in its entirety, as "Balls" said Lt. Wong is exactly where I quit each time.
the obvious solution to this is to not read fanficsDarth Raptor wrote:At least names like "Wong" and "Schatten" are names that real people really have. Every time I read "Doctor Surlethe" or "Doctor Kuroneko" I died a little inside.
stuart may not know things about non-missiles film at eleven
Hey man, non-real person names are awesome. Then again, I might be more interested in The Salvation War if it was populated by people called Bear Fury, Athenian Grinn and Laser Circus.Darth Raptor wrote:At least names like "Wong" and "Schatten" are names that real people really have.
Chocula: hurf hurf it's good if you lower your expectations *beats up on board hobbyhorse and chewtoy*Count Chocula wrote:The most obvious solution is to read Karen Traviss and then try to take a red pen to most any fanfic.
The chances that you are in either Armageddon or Pantheocide is the same as mine: precisely zero.Duckie wrote:Also Also, am I in this fic? Please tell me I'm not.
raptor we shoudl be fanfiction brosDarth Raptor wrote:what can i say i'm a masochist and cannot spend all day writing my own terrible fiction
Abigor is one of those characters who should be very cool. Much like Michael-Lan, though, he suffers from this incessant need to depict humanity as the end of days incarnate. It's been said a few times now, of course.It was around when it became clear that the role of Abigor (the only character I ever gave a fuck about) was to be perpetually in awe of humanity.
I think the word you are looking for is documentary. If people wants to tell a story in TSW and focus on a small group of characters, there's no stopping you from writing fanfic about TSW.Pick wrote:Yes, there's something about it that is very... hmm. Reminiscent of a history text. It recounts events, but it doesn't do so in a way that especially draws one's attention. How should I describe it? Like a logbook. And the characters speak in a way that solidifies the impression. Their speech is indistinct, which contributes to the issue you brought into more light: the difficulty of mentally categorizing the constituent characters when they're not presented in a context that brings out their individual features. I actually don't think that a huge amount of characters means they become interchangeable, but the task of making them sympathetic as actual people becomes much harder.
