Show Trial for Chocolate Kiwii

[Thanas]

This Show Trial is now called to order. This long and grand tradition of SDN has fallen into disuse later, but with the senate being disbanded the time has come to resurrect it.

Your judges for today will be Dalton, Edi and Lagmonster.
Thanas will prosecute and defend. Prosecution will start with opening statements and evidence.

Thanas: "Good evening. Chocolate Kiwii is charged with being a complete and utter worthless moron, a trolling child, a waste of genetic material and bandwith as well as being a complete and utter disgusting sociopath. His lack of genitals is only overshadowed by his lack of intelligence, for which that pathetic little virgin tries to overcompensate with generic tough-guy jingoism. He is neither amusing nor funny nor knowledgeable enough to keep around.

As per this post, Kiwii will be 35 in 2024. That makes him around 20 for now, which means he should have grown into a somewhat well adjusted young men by now. That he did not is only evidence of his obvious retardation. From this post onwards, he gave a very poor showing of himself. The following is clearly evidenced in that thread:

1. Generally useless comments, indicating little or no thought.
2. Multiple logical fallacies
3. No arguments besides "AMERICA. FUCK YEAH."
4. Being a worthless, sociopathic waste of genetic material
5. Disobeying the orders of several moderators

Any of that would be reason enough to ban him. But he is a special case, for rarely did we see such ignorance and arrogance in one package, a most potent combination.
Or, in the words of Shroom:

Outstanding, Kiwii. Come on, talk some more shit about the impotent turd-worlders and how "civilized" you are, since that's really some brilliant grade-A crap that's coming right out of your mouth. Show people what's really under that facade of self-righteous nonsense, that you're really just a degenerate little piece of shit. Go stick some crystal meth in your cock and wave that syphilitic cock around for all of us to behold while gonorrheatic goodness dribbles out, make an exhibition out of your rancid little prick.

So, go on some more about savages and inferiors and primitive turd-worlders, please. You've proved my point all along, so thanks for lifting that facade for me and sparing all of us the trouble by coming out as the shitbrained fuckstain you are. Thanks and domo arigato mister shitcocko.

Thanas: : "In true form, Kiwii of course rose to the challenge."

And wha'cha gonna do about it when the forces of Freedom and Righteousness come kicking in your roofs---And by kicking I ofcourse mean FIRE-BOMBING!

Thanas: : "But that was not enough for poor little Kiwii here. When being gently warned by a moderator, he reacted thusly:

You know Thanas. You have totally cowed me. You have completely obliterated my suggestion that wiping out the enemies of my country and enacting brutality that was used to great success by the Nazi's, Tojo's, medieval Europeans, or Rome is an unwarranted and incapable strategy: through the logic, consistency, and impression of your green name.

Thanas: : "Emulating Nazis? Awesome. When a supermod delivered a more sternly worded warning,, Kiwii responded via PM:

I am full of shit. Just laddened with it. Seeping from my nipples and cock, regurgitating a burbling, choking, belching sort of diarrhea. My lungs are constipated, and my heart seeps it through my veins and arteries. Oh, and my nails and hair? Dried out fecal matter.

Thanas: : "By his own admission, he is a worthless lying troll who feasts on feces. Though I admire him for feasting on the same substance that composes his brain matter, his stink is getting overbearing and it is time to flush him. The Prosecution rests."

Lagmonster: "Defence will now start opening statements."

Thanas: "Ban him."

Dalton: "Thank you for that stirring defence. Chocolate Kiwii, this court finds you guilty on all charges and specifications. Do you have anything to say?"

*Chocolate Kiwii rises, but only feces streams out of his mouth. After a few seconds of general shock and disgust, he is quickly silenced and carried away to the sewage dump he was born in*

Edi: "Although Kiwii's fate has already been decided, the members will now get a chance to show their approval of this administrative action."

[GrandMasterTerwynn]

I would go far enough to suggest that the sort of talk he's spewed suggests to me that he should be slapped with a "Racist Donkey-Raping Son of a Whore" custom title. And banned. We really don't need his kind of person around here.

[Frank Hipper]

Now this is my kind of democracy!

[Shroom Man 777]

As my personal loveslave, he would be treated to the native traditions of my primitive turd-world awesome Murrican tourist friendly land by bleeding his breasts with crucification and turning his testicles into balut eggs. Filipinos are a savage barbarian hospitable and generous people and we will share this delicacy with you mangs.

With this in mind, exercise enlightened Western-style democracy and vote for the best option or else I shall massacre five dozen of you, plus journos, and bury you in a hole!

[Mayabird]

Hooray for fire! Huzzah! Yaaaaaaaaay!
[line 2]

[[R_H]]

As my personal loveslave, he would be treated to the native traditions of my primitive turd-world awesome Murrican tourist friendly land by bleeding his breasts with crucification and turning his testicles into balut eggs. Filipinos are a savage barbarian hospitable and generous people and we will share this delicacy with you mangs.

With this in mind, exercise enlightened Western-style democracy and vote for the best option or else I shall massacre five dozen of you, plus journos, and bury you in a hole!

It's a fitting punishment, and besides, Shroom's proposal is most persuasive. :P

[The Spartan]

Sentence him to be Shroomy's love slave and then ban him like Dalton did with TD: at some random, arbitrary point in the future.

[LadyTevar]

*passes out popcorn* I just love show-trials.

[Lord Pounder]

Ban it, anything else just gives it the attention it craves so badly.

[Serafine666]

And he was so entertaining... *accepts my bag of popcorn from LadyTevar and munches* Ooooh, extra butter! :)

[Starglider]

Clearly, his writing style can only really be described as 'deliberate trolling'. Now that can be amusing, but only with rather more creative flourish than that displayed by this poster's chosen caricature.

I say ban him because of the '100 reasons why humans are awesome AND YOU MAY NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES DISAGREE WITH ME' thread. We get enough circlejerks on this forum as it is without explicit threads for them.

[Havok]

This is lame. Just ban him and be done with it.

[aerius]

This is lame. Just ban him and be done with it.

Show trials are a proud tradition of SD.net.
I welcome the return of show trials, and look forward to many more in the future.

[Havok]

Yeah SDN is all about tradition. :roll: Hey, they were lame then too.

[Oni Koneko Damien]

*sniff* It brings a tear to my eye to see the return of a completely useless and self-indulgent aspect of board tradition. Banning or not, I think 'Shroomy's love-slave' is an awesome title.

[Havok]

*sniff* It brings a tear to my eye to see the return of a completely useless and self-indulgent aspect of board tradition. Banning or not, I think 'Shroomy's love-slave' is an awesome title.

I can agree with that. :D

[Chocolate Kiwii]

Uuhhhhh, I just wanna clear up a few things.

I did not vote in this thread. At all. That last option? Totally not my vote.

I say ban him because of the '100 reasons why humans are awesome AND YOU MAY NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES DISAGREE WITH ME' thread. We get enough circlejerks on this forum as it is without explicit threads for them.

Here is an idea: You see that top left corner just beneath the title of the board your in. No, further down. The where it repeats the name of the board in bolder letters. Ya, that "New Topic" button. Turns out. . .You can totally click it. You can click it and make your very own thread. A thread in which you can circle criticize and bitch-piss about the failings of our species to your hearts content! Hell, you know because of the mercurial and paradoxical nature of humanity; you'll probably even get people who are posting on my thread about our "Glorious Awesomeness" posting in your thread about our "Degenerative Lameness!" Hey! I like to bitch as well, I'll probably come in and join you.
Swear to god! Go, go now. Try it.

Oh, and please excuse my circle-jerk. It's just that, it seems a pretty common occurrence in modern society to bitch endlessly about our inadequacies and failures of ourselves and our peers. I-AM-SSSOOO sorry, for trying to breath in a little bit of optimism, and pride in our species by celebrating our achievements. I'm so stupid, and wrong. God, I hope you can some day forgive me for my horrible lamitude.

This is lame. Just ban him and be done with it.

Where is your sense of drama and flair!

*sniff* It brings a tear to my eye to see the return of a completely useless and self-indulgent aspect of board tradition. Banning or not, I think 'Shroomy's love-slave' is an awesome title.

I can agree with that. :D

I disagree. I think the minds of this board could up with something a bit more obscene. How about "Shrooms Splatter Spitton", or "Shrooms Jizzy Sock" or "Shrooms Nasty Slut Doll" or "Shrooms Favorite Glory-Hole". Love-Slave? What are we, in 70's playboy magazine. This is the age of desensitization, and openness to weird kinky shit, the blossoming of BDSM. Love-slave implies enthusiasm and consent on my part. New posters are gonna be all like "Ooo, are they gay married over the internet" and "Ahh, thats so sweet!" "Wow, you'd think with all of the horrible things they say to each other they would be anything but close but---Oppisites attract", etc, etc.

[TC Pilot]

I'd like to change my vote from "Shroom's love slave" to "ban him" now.

[Oni Koneko Damien]

You know, the twit coming in here and continuing to troll and whine in an attempt to sour the humour would normally draw some of the fun away from it. But the fact that he's quite definitely going to get banned in short order means that nothing he can do will detract from the hilarity of this.

[Chocolate Kiwii]

I'd like to change my vote from "Shroom's love slave" to "ban him" now.

Ahhh! Lame, totally lame!

"Ha-blah-blah-blah mixed in with valid points and entertaining pizazz"

Please don't ban me. I like this forum. A lot. And some day. . .I think it will like me two.

[Superman]

And wha'cha gonna do about it when the forces of Freedom and Righteousness come kicking in your roofs

Someone is spending a little too much time in front of the TV watching Monday Night Raw, me thinks. Now, if he would have screamed this while tearing off his own tank top, I might have given him a point or two for comedy... but it seems clear that he's just another turd that needs to be flushed.

[Havok]

Out of curiosity, if "his fate has already been decided", why is he still posting?
Although, I'm not in favor of banning him, but instead giving him a chance to adapt to the place since he has made all of 50 posts.

[GrandMasterTerwynn]

I say ban him because of the '100 reasons why humans are awesome AND YOU MAY NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES DISAGREE WITH ME' thread. We get enough circlejerks on this forum as it is without explicit threads for them.

Here is an idea: You see that top left corner just beneath the title of the board your in. No, further down. The where it repeats the name of the board in bolder letters. Ya, that "New Topic" button. Turns out. . .You can totally click it. You can click it and make your very own thread. A thread in which you can circle criticize and bitch-piss about the failings of our species to your hearts content! Hell, you know because of the mercurial and paradoxical nature of humanity; you'll probably even get people who are posting on my thread about our "Glorious Awesomeness" posting in your thread about our "Degenerative Lameness!" Hey! I like to bitch as well, I'll probably come in and join you.
Swear to god! Go, go now. Try it.

Here's another idea. Learn to read. And then read the motto of the board. You know "Get your fill of sci-fi, science, and mockery of stupid people." If you want to create a criticism-free thread, go start a blog. Or make a self-masturbatory video on Idiot-tube. Otherwise . . . go fuck yourself.

Oh, and please excuse my circle-jerk. It's just that, it seems a pretty common occurrence in modern society to bitch endlessly about our inadequacies and failures of ourselves and our peers. I-AM-SSSOOO sorry, for trying to breath in a little bit of optimism, and pride in our species by celebrating our achievements. I'm so stupid, and wrong. God, I hope you can some day forgive me for my horrible lamitude.

God may forgive you, but we would just like to say; don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out.

This is lame. Just ban him and be done with it.

Where is your sense of drama and flair!

We buried them about the same time you lost what little amusement value you had.

*sniff* It brings a tear to my eye to see the return of a completely useless and self-indulgent aspect of board tradition. Banning or not, I think 'Shroomy's love-slave' is an awesome title.

I can agree with that. :D

I disagree. I think the minds of this board could up with something a bit more obscene. How about "Shrooms Splatter Spitton", or "Shrooms Jizzy Sock" or "Shrooms Nasty Slut Doll" or "Shrooms Favorite Glory-Hole". Love-Slave? What are we, in 70's playboy magazine. This is the age of desensitization, and openness to weird kinky shit, the blossoming of BDSM. Love-slave implies enthusiasm and consent on my part. New posters are gonna be all like "Ooo, are they gay married over the internet" and "Ahh, thats so sweet!" "Wow, you'd think with all of the horrible things they say to each other they would be anything but close but---Oppisites attract", etc, etc.

I prefer "Racist Donkey-Raping Son-of-a-Whore" after seeing your contribution to the HoS, but "BANNED" will work just fine.

[Chocolate Kiwii]

And wha'cha gonna do about it when the forces of Freedom and Righteousness come kicking in your roofs

Someone is spending a little too much time in front of the TV watching Monday Night Raw, me thinks. Now, if he would have screamed this while tearing off his own tank top, I might have given him a point or two for comedy... but it seems clear that he's just another turd that needs to be flushed.

I'm not into wrestling. I think Sgt.Hatred said something like that on the Venture Brothers.

Out of curiosity, if "his fate has already been decided", why is he still posting?
Although, I'm not in favor of banning him, but instead giving him a chance to adapt to the place since he has made all of 50 posts.

Their letting me stew. You know, enjoy the server some more. Let me go on thinking I have a chance for deliverance only till after this thread dies down to be all like "Got'cha bitch! HAHA! You thought we forgot about you, you sad-sad little creature. You seriously believed you were gonna get to stick around, and enjoy the cutting edge science posts, and enrich yourself with lively discussion about politics and the goings-ons of the world stage---You. . .FOOL!" and be forever banned from this awesome gumbo that is the Stardestroyer forum. Their sick like that.
It's quite maddening really.

You know "Get your fill of sci-fi, science, and mockery of stupid people." If you want to create a criticism-free thread, go start a blog.

Nothing in that description suggests criticism is compulsory, and you can criticize to your hearts content---On another fucking thread.

Heres an idea, instead of pissing because you don't like my posting style why don't you illustrate which fucking rule I broke when I made that thread. Do I need to show you how to get to that list? If not, eat a fucking pig-cunt.

I prefer "Racist Donkey-Raping Son-of-a-Whore" after seeing your contribution to the HoS, but "BANNED" will work just fine.

Don't call me racist, twat. I have never, on this forum or in person ever suggested discriminatory acts towards others because of their heritage, genetics, or personal backgrounds. . .
Except for that last thing, on that thread that is womb to this one were I was all like "Kill the unworthy, and rape their women!" Unfortunately however, the sincerity of that is now suspect because Lagmonster isn't nearly as kewl as I thought he was!

[Simplicius]

I pair Yankee taciturnity with German efficiency and say we ban him.