Sumerians Look On In Confusion As ChristianGod Creates World

[Dominus Atheos]

Onion

Members of the earth's earliest known civilization, the Sumerians, looked on in shock and confusion some 6,000 years ago as God, the Lord Almighty, created Heaven and Earth.

According to recently excavated clay tablets inscribed with cuneiform script, thousands of Sumerians—the first humans to establish systems of writing, agriculture, and government—were working on their sophisticated irrigation systems when the Father of All Creation reached down from the ether and blew the divine spirit of life into their thriving civilization.

"I do not understand," reads an ancient line of pictographs depicting the sun, the moon, water, and a Sumerian who appears to be scratching his head. "A booming voice is saying, 'Let there be light,' but there is already light. It is saying, 'Let the earth bring forth grass,' but I am already standing on grass."

"Everything is here already," the pictograph continues. "We do not need more stars."

Historians believe that, immediately following the biblical event, Sumerian witnesses returned to the city of Eridu, a bustling metropolis built 1,500 years before God called for the appearance of dry land, to discuss the new development. According to records, Sumerian farmers, priests, and civic administrators were not only befuddled, but also took issue with the face of God moving across the water, saying that He scared away those who were traveling to Mesopotamia to participate in their vast and intricate trade system.

Moreover, the Sumerians were taken aback by the creation of the same animals and herb-yielding seeds that they had been domesticating and cultivating for hundreds of generations.

"The Sumerian people must have found God's making of heaven and earth in the middle of their well-established society to be more of an annoyance than anything else," said Paul Helund, ancient history professor at Cornell University. "If what the pictographs indicate are true, His loud voice interrupted their ancient prayer rituals for an entire week."

According to the cuneiform tablets, Sumerians found God's most puzzling act to be the creation from dust of the first two human beings.

"These two people made in his image do not know how to communicate, lack skills in both mathematics and farming, and have the intellectual capacity of an infant," one Sumerian philosopher wrote. "They must be the creation of a complete idiot."

You can also mark this as "Debating help" since it would probably be a great story to use against creationists.

[AATC-86]

This is priceless! I simply must use this next time I debate my creationist friend.

[Patrick Degan]

It's cute, but creationists would only dismiss it as blasphemy.

[CaptJodan]

It's cute, but creationists would only dismiss it as blasphemy.

Agreed. Remember that many of these people are the same people who believe that dinosaurs and man lived together, and that they were all vegetarians in Eden. Science has already proved through multiple independent means that the world was here long before 6,000 years ago. Although the Sumerians add to that body of evidence, it also is about as convincing to a YEC as Lucy is.

[Napoleon the Clown]

It's cute, but creationists would only dismiss it as blasphemy.

Agreed. Remember that many of these people are the same people who believe that dinosaurs and man lived together, and that they were all vegetarians in Eden. Science has already proved through multiple independent means that the world was here long before 6,000 years ago. Although the Sumerians add to that body of evidence, it also is about as convincing to a YEC as Lucy is.

More accurately, this is more like a YEC using the Bible as proof. Both are works of fiction, and neither one has a chance in hell of swaying either side.

[wautd]

Nice

[Surlethe]

Okay, this has lived its time in SLAM. Off to OT.

[Jeremy]

It has all been made up, mistranslated, misunderstood, and altered.

Refer to:
Historical Record
Fossil Record
Geological Record
Astronomical Record

[Phantasee]

It has all been made up, mistranslated, misunderstood, and altered.

Refer to:
Historical Record
Fossil Record
Geological Record
Astronomical Record

What the fuck are you going on about?

[Ikari Shinji]

It has all been made up, mistranslated, misunderstood, and altered.

Refer to:
Historical Record
Fossil Record
Geological Record
Astronomical Record

What the fuck are you going on about?

I think he means that the Bible has been "made up, mistranslated, misunderstood, and altered" and he has proof of this...I hope. I don't care much for online religion debates, but this is important. Having proof is a way of showing one's credibility and integrity. I think this article, obviously parody (Onion) gives a interesting insight in it's own joke. Much of Genesis is from Mesopotamian tablets written in cuniform. Not to mention that the order of which God creates corresponds to the Kabbalistic Tree of Life. I think that alone is proof that the Jews might have made alterations to the original text, sometime after they returned from Babylon or later. I am by no means an expert in this area, but find it interesting nonetheless.

Good find there, and even more so considering the source of it. First time I've seen the Onion get political or make a stand on an issue. Maybe I haven't seen enough from them to comment on that matter.

[The Yosemite Bear]

no, he's refering the the YEC's statement, that the Astromological, Geological, Historical, and Archological records are all incorrect. These are people who determined the length of the universe, by counting the "Begats" in genesis and factoring in a dark ages average 12-16 year turn around....

science is something that folks who are still in the 900s in their thinking still don't get.

[Jeremy]

Sorry to Necromance this thread but I forgot to check back in.

It has all been made up, mistranslated, misunderstood, and altered.

Refer to:
Historical Record
Fossil Record
Geological Record
Astronomical Record

What the fuck are you going on about?

The YECist opinion (and actually a lot of unsavory opinions) are completely incoherent in their attempts to rebut arguments. For instance a YECist would claim the fossil record is a deliberate and systemic fake and would later claim that it has been simply misunderstood--being equally adamant in both of these contradictory opinions.