Valentine's Day - an Editorial by Me

[Solauren]

You know, when most people rant about Valentine's Day, they say it's too commerical, it's for the trading companies, etc.

After all, how much Candy and how many cards are sold in relation to that day?

Lots.

Yet, people buy into it.

Now, I'm not slighting the young, or the hopeless romantics for it. The young pretty much need a day like Valentines Day, as they lack the experience to handle things otherwise.

Conversely, the Hopeless Romantics are just upping the ante on Valentine's Day, to match other special occasions, like Anniversaries, Birthdays, 2nd Tuesday of the Month, whatever.

I'm slighting everyone else for buying into it. And I think I know why.

Because a lot men need the excuse.

That's right. Men, you think we need the excuse.

And that's just damn pathetic.

My wife and I don't celebrate Valentine's Day. I have never once planned to pick up flowers or candy for her on Valentine's day. Either when we were married, or when we were dating. 14+ years, not a single heart-shaped box of chocolates to be found.

I've offer, she declines.

Her reason: "I don't need that. You do romantic things for me all the time."

I've come to realise, she's right. And the sad thing is, I never realised it, or how, until she said it. And most men probably don't either.

Here are some examples of the romantic things I do on occasion for my wife, without even realising it. She considers them romanatic, I consider them 'duh, I should be'.

- I have an extra $2 on the way home. I stop at a convience store, and pick up 2 packages of 'Reeses Peanut Butter cups', and eat them with my wife later. Those are some of her favourites.

- My wife and I get home from work, and are both tired. Either nothing was taken out for dinner, or my wife is too tired to cook, or it's too hot out to turn on the stove, or the mean would take 45 minutes or more to make, and my wife didn't get a lunch break at work. Etc.

My response: "Okay, what do you want on your sub?" (When we lived close to a sub-shop), or "Walk me throught making it", or "Okay, you up to driving over to..." (insert restaurant here).

- Turning off a show before it's done, because my wife wants to go to bed early, and wants me in the bed to snuggle up to her (at least until she falls asleep).

- My wife is too tired to walk the dogs with me. No problem, there is only 2 of them.

- My wife gets home from work on the weekend, and tada, I did her half of the house-work too. (Oh, and there's a package of peanut butter cups in the fridge)

- To tired for sex? Not a problem.

My wife also does similiar things for me. Including if I forgot something work related at home, her dropping it off on her way to work, despite the fact she now has to leave 10 minutes or more early.


Now, alot of intelligent, emotioanlly self-aware people are going 'Well, you should do stuff like that.'

You'd be amazed how many people I've known over the years that don't get that.

I've had male-friends that found out about stuff like that, and literally laughed in my face for doing it, asking stuff like "What are you, whipped? You're balls fall off? She wear the pants, so you're in the skirt?" and "What is it, Valentine's Day?"

And I think that's the problem. They honestly believe that crap, and only do romantic things (some would say nice/humane/probably should be doing anyway) on special occasions.

And guess what else? Whipped is divorced, Balls-off never has a relationship that lasts more then 4 months, Skirt is paying child support too several different women, who have all since married, and What-is-it has never had a girlfriend beyond 2 dates.

So, to those people, and those that don't get what I'm saying, let me pick up my clue-bat, and beat it into you:

You don't need Valentine's Day to be romantic, or to do nice things for your romantic-partner.

If you want to do things on Valentine's Day, that's great. But do them on other days of the year/month/week as well.

Now, I'm not saying 'go nuts'. Instead of buying a box of cholocates, get her a little treat you know she likes. If she's on a diet, make it non-edible.
If she's tired, offer to cook dinner, or take her out for something to eat. Do the laundry, or clean the dishes afterwards.

I mean, come on, you can record your show, or pause it, or watch it on You-Tube. You're book will still be around to read later, if your friends don't understand they're probably not worth hanging out with, and you're going to lose interest in that video game in a few days anyway.

Your lover should be among the most important, if not the most important (next to your kids, if any), person in your life. Period. You should be putting her (or him) ahead of you over stupid little things like video games, hobbies, etc.

You don't have to be successful at it all the time. I mean, I know I'm not. But it's the effort that counts.

If shows her she counts, and it's what makes you count.

And you shouldn't need a annual event to do that.


Tonight and Tomorrow (Valentine's Day), my wife is working. I have a nice office job, so I don't work on the weekend.

Tonight, she's going to come home around 7, the kitchen will be cleaned up, the dishes will be done or in progress in the dish-washer, and the laundry will be in progress in some way. Odds are, I'll have walked, or be walking the dogs too.

Same with tomorrow night, but with the extra dinner might be waiting for her.

And that's not because it's Valentine's Day. That's because I love my wife. Same as last weekend, same as next.

(I'd have dinner waiting tonight, but she asked me not to. Odds are, she's having a big lunch at work or going out with friends afterwards).

[LadyTevar]

You have a very lucky wife, Solauren

[Alyrium Denryle]

You have a very lucky wife, Solauren

Yes. He definitely goes.

[Sela]

This definitely belongs in ARSE also; by the way - it's a wonderful editorial and its just like you said: Basic relationship knowledge that everyone ought to know and yet so many don't.

[Darth Wong]

You know, when most people rant about Valentine's Day, they say it's too commerical, it's for the trading companies, etc.

People are always ranting that some kind of event is "too commercial". I've come to loathe that particular whine. It's so goddamned predictable, and it gets trotted out for every major event. Hey guess what, people are always looking for excuses to sell stuff. Wow, what a shock! Quick, stop the presses!

After all, how much Candy and how many cards are sold in relation to that day?

Lots.

Yet, people buy into it.

Now, I'm not slighting the young, or the hopeless romantics for it. The young pretty much need a day like Valentines Day, as they lack the experience to handle things otherwise.

Conversely, the Hopeless Romantics are just upping the ante on Valentine's Day, to match other special occasions, like Anniversaries, Birthdays, 2nd Tuesday of the Month, whatever.

I'm slighting everyone else for buying into it. And I think I know why.

Because a lot men need the excuse.

That's right. Men, you think we need the excuse.

And that's just damn pathetic.

My wife and I don't celebrate Valentine's Day. I have never once planned to pick up flowers or candy for her on Valentine's day. Either when we were married, or when we were dating. 14+ years, not a single heart-shaped box of chocolates to be found.

I've offer, she declines.

Her reason: "I don't need that. You do romantic things for me all the time."

I've come to realise, she's right. And the sad thing is, I never realised it, or how, until she said it. And most men probably don't either.

Here are some examples of the romantic things I do on occasion for my wife, without even realising it. She considers them romanatic, I consider them 'duh, I should be'.

- I have an extra $2 on the way home. I stop at a convience store, and pick up 2 packages of 'Reeses Peanut Butter cups', and eat them with my wife later. Those are some of her favourites.

- My wife and I get home from work, and are both tired. Either nothing was taken out for dinner, or my wife is too tired to cook, or it's too hot out to turn on the stove, or the mean would take 45 minutes or more to make, and my wife didn't get a lunch break at work. Etc.

My response: "Okay, what do you want on your sub?" (When we lived close to a sub-shop), or "Walk me throught making it", or "Okay, you up to driving over to..." (insert restaurant here).

- Turning off a show before it's done, because my wife wants to go to bed early, and wants me in the bed to snuggle up to her (at least until she falls asleep).

- My wife is too tired to walk the dogs with me. No problem, there is only 2 of them.

- My wife gets home from work on the weekend, and tada, I did her half of the house-work too. (Oh, and there's a package of peanut butter cups in the fridge)

- To tired for sex? Not a problem.

My wife also does similiar things for me. Including if I forgot something work related at home, her dropping it off on her way to work, despite the fact she now has to leave 10 minutes or more early.

Well yeah, the world is full of guys who treat their girlfriends or wives shabbily 364 days of the year, and these long-suffering women demand romance one day of the year as a vacation from that shabby treatment. You could have gotten to the point a bit quicker, though.

Now, alot of intelligent, emotioanlly self-aware people are going 'Well, you should do stuff like that.'

You'd be amazed how many people I've known over the years that don't get that.

I've had male-friends that found out about stuff like that, and literally laughed in my face for doing it, asking stuff like "What are you, whipped? You're balls fall off? She wear the pants, so you're in the skirt?" and "What is it, Valentine's Day?"

And I think that's the problem. They honestly believe that crap, and only do romantic things (some would say nice/humane/probably should be doing anyway) on special occasions.

And guess what else? Whipped is divorced, Balls-off never has a relationship that lasts more then 4 months, Skirt is paying child support too several different women, who have all since married, and What-is-it has never had a girlfriend beyond 2 dates.

Of course. Guys who are terrible at relationships always insist on imparting their relationship advice to others. They actually think it gives them special qualifications, and say things like "I've been divorced three times, so I've got more experience than you." It's kind of like a guy who's totaled three cars saying "I've been in twelve serious car crashes, so I've got more driving experience than you". Yeah ... more experience at failing.

So, to those people, and those that don't get what I'm saying, let me pick up my clue-bat, and beat it into you:

You don't need Valentine's Day to be romantic, or to do nice things for your romantic-partner.

If you want to do things on Valentine's Day, that's great. But do them on other days of the year/month/week as well.

Now, I'm not saying 'go nuts'. Instead of buying a box of cholocates, get her a little treat you know she likes. If she's on a diet, make it non-edible.

If she's tired, offer to cook dinner, or take her out for something to eat. Do the laundry, or clean the dishes afterwards.

I mean, come on, you can record your show, or pause it, or watch it on You-Tube. You're book will still be around to read later, if your friends don't understand they're probably not worth hanging out with, and you're going to lose interest in that video game in a few days anyway.

Your lover should be among the most important, if not the most important (next to your kids, if any), person in your life. Period. You should be putting her (or him) ahead of you over stupid little things like video games, hobbies, etc.

You don't have to be successful at it all the time. I mean, I know I'm not. But it's the effort that counts.

If shows her she counts, and it's what makes you count.

And you shouldn't need a annual event to do that.

Tonight and Tomorrow (Valentine's Day), my wife is working. I have a nice office job, so I don't work on the weekend.

Tonight, she's going to come home around 7, the kitchen will be cleaned up, the dishes will be done or in progress in the dish-washer, and the laundry will be in progress in some way. Odds are, I'll have walked, or be walking the dogs too.

Same with tomorrow night, but with the extra dinner might be waiting for her.

And that's not because it's Valentine's Day. That's because I love my wife. Same as last weekend, same as next.

(I'd have dinner waiting tonight, but she asked me not to. Odds are, she's having a big lunch at work or going out with friends afterwards).

I agree with all of these things, but I must point out that it's a lot easier to say these things when you haven't been married long and/or you haven't had kids. When you have kids, there is so much workload that your relationship is often dominated by chores, exhaustion, and stress. Romance, being a strictly unnecessary activity, is the first thing to go. So yeah, you've got the right idea so far, but it's way too early to pat yourself on the back.

[Solauren]

Oh, I fully admit, the rules change when you have kids, or after you've been married for 5/10+ years (depending on your age). I'm sure when if and we when reach such a point (kids), I'll look back at this and say 'geez, what a tool'.

However, anyone at that point in a relationship would be in the group that doesn't need to be 'told off', and I wasn't writing this with them in mind.

It was more of a vent anyway....

[Anguirus]

Posted some thoughts of my own on my blog (in my sig). I don't think we quite see eye to eye, but we certainly agree that our loved ones deserve to be treated that way every day of the year.

[General Zod]

You know, when most people rant about Valentine's Day, they say it's too commerical, it's for the trading companies, etc.

People are always ranting that some kind of event is "too commercial". I've come to loathe that particular whine. It's so goddamned predictable, and it gets trotted out for every major event. Hey guess what, people are always looking for excuses to sell stuff. Wow, what a shock! Quick, stop the presses!

The real hilarity is that most people don't bother considering that the only reason Valentine's day gained any prominence at all is because of people looking for ways to sell more greeting cards. You may as well call Valentine's day "Hallmark day".

[Darth Wong]

Posted some thoughts of my own on my blog (in my sig). I don't think we quite see eye to eye, but we certainly agree that our loved ones deserve to be treated that way every day of the year.

Actually, while this is a feelgood thing to say, I don't think it's true. Romantic gestures are, by their very nature, impractical and objectively useless. They consume money and/or time and/or effort that could be more constructively used elsewhere. Most days of the year, romantic gestures are kept to a simple "I love you" sentiment expressed verbally, or a hug, and just that warm feeling that comes from knowing that the two of you are there for each other. Occasionally, a couple will go overboard, and take a special day to remind each other that they're still passionately in love.

People keep pushing this "you should be romantic every day of the year instead of doing it on special occasions" line, but that's a lot like saying "you should learn how to relax more every day instead of going on vacation once a year".

[Knife]

Posted some thoughts of my own on my blog (in my sig). I don't think we quite see eye to eye, but we certainly agree that our loved ones deserve to be treated that way every day of the year.

Actually, while this is a feelgood thing to say, I don't think it's true. Romantic gestures are, by their very nature, impractical and objectively useless. They consume money and/or time and/or effort that could be more constructively used elsewhere. Most days of the year, romantic gestures are kept to a simple "I love you" sentiment expressed verbally, or a hug, and just that warm feeling that comes from knowing that the two of you are there for each other. Occasionally, a couple will go overboard, and take a special day to remind each other that they're still passionately in love.

People keep pushing this "you should be romantic every day of the year instead of doing it on special occasions" line, but that's a lot like saying "you should learn how to relax more every day instead of going on vacation once a year".

Indeed. I think it is a case of focusing on a symptom rather than a disease. Love and relationships are work, you can't always be working at 100% on such endeavors; though, that doesn't excuse operating at 10% either. You should be working at your relationship at all times but a lot of the time it just isn't practical to go all the way, hence while every once in a while, you need to go the extra mile. So, going back to the OP, while it is nice to remind people that you need to be romantic with your significant other all the time instead of once or twice per year, it is also important to realize that you really can't be all super cool every day and it is nice to take a day or three or ten per year and go all out and do 110% with romance on the wife/husband.