Attack Of The Clones... Damnit.

[Havok]

Why does this movie suck so bad?

The character interactions are fucking horrible, especially between Padme and Anakin. They are in an 'awkward teenager' role, but they both manage to make it just fucking creepy. The only time it is good is when Padme is in boss mode and Anakin is in bristling anger mode. Unfortunately that is only one or two scenes.

The dialogue seems to be extra special crappy in this episode, which is saying a lot for this franchise.

The CGI looks worse than The Phantom Menace (except for the space ship stuff)

What is with those stupid fucking quick zooms?

Even the score is awful.

The only thing the movie does well, aside from make me not want to watch it, is show the absolute craptastic level of arrogance the Jedi have.

Hey, did we ever decide if a unit was one individual clone or a group. The way the tall dude talks about them, it seems like a unit is a single clone.

Anyway, I'm tired of listening to people bitch about TPM, which is a far better movie all around than AOTC, so I started this thread.

[Havok]

OK, because I am the Fox fucking News of hating AOTC, fair and balanced, I will say this... The scene between Padme and Anakin on Naboo when they are talking about her past in politics BEFORE he rides the space cow, are OK and has some pretty decent chemistry. Then it just gets creepy again.

Also, the Kamino scenes are OK CGI wise, until Jango and Obi-Wan start talking. I also want to punch Boba in the face.

P.S. Is that Mandalorian Jango is speaking to Boba? Because it sounds nothing like what Traviss 'invented'.

P.P.S. Why the fuck does Padme dress like a harem girl for diner?

[Havok]

Jesus christ! Put on some damn protective eye wear when you are going that fast on a speeder. Seriously, Jedi or not, there is now way he is keeping his eyes open on that ride.

Also, some Imperial March would have been better than Duel of the Fates. Duel was Maul's music. The March is Vader's. It was always a symbol of Vader's badassedness and his obsession with finding Luke, which would have fit perfectly with him going off to find his mother.

And holy shitballs. Why do the chicks in Anakin's life just die because of superficial wounds.

[Formless]

Just to be predictable

Anyway, I'm tired of listening to people bitch about TPM, which is a far better movie all around than AOTC, so I started this thread.

I could not agree more with you, Hav. Even from the lame title you know its going to suck. And hey, it didn't suck all the way through-- I liked the opener, the assassination scene where we got to see Coruscant in a whole new way. It managed to make it feel like a place that people are honestly living in rather than a collection of ivory towers. But of course, it got worse from there...

Its like it existed solely to justify a throwaway line from ANH (even though only one side used clones). Well, that and to be a love story, but that depends entirely on whether or not you give a shit about Anakin and Padme. Frankly, I felt the whole time like this was really more of Obi Wan's story because he is the only one who actually does something until the film's shit climax.

[Phantasee]

Obi Wan is the fucking man in all these films and I wish he hadn't died at the end of ANH. He should have died in ESB, duelling Vader there on Cloud City, and then we see that despite his and Yoda's training, Luke still isn't ready to deal with his daddy issues and gets some parental discipline (slice!).

Then we could have seen him in a fighter again, chilling with R2 again, and providing a better thread of continuity than Anakin fucking Skywalker.

I dislike the prequels for making Darth Vader just a grown-up emo bitch. It changes his casual force-chokes from "Holy shit this guy is SERIOUS BUSINESS" to "he's just being a dick because he can". AOTC was the first for that, at least he's just a little kid in TPM.

[Havok]

Dude! Could Palpatine and the blue guy be any more transparent when talking in front of Jar Jar about what they want him to do? You would think Bail would figure out the whole fucking plot and that Palpatine was the Sith Lord from the amount of cheese they are laying on. 'If ONLY senator Amidala were here.' Palpatine should have just fucking winked at Jar Jar and got it over with.

[Havok]

Oh what the christ? Did Padme learn to pick locks with her mouth in Queen school?

And really George... the strategically ripped belly shirt... really?

[Havok]

Also, is it me or does there seem to be a lack of score in certain parts where there should be some?

[Havok]

My god. Could that Jedi lets all activate our lightsabers individually scene look any more fan filmish? It is fucking horrible.

Oh... Jango appears to be a fan of westerns.

Ha ha douchebag! That is what you get for showboating!

[Havok]

Man, Jedi fucking suck. They all get their asses handed to them by a bunch of slow moving retards and are only saved by Yoda+Guns. More civilized age my ass.

Oh you think that is bad Boba, you are going to be killed by a blind guy with a stick! Dumbshit.

P.S. 3PO made a fallen and can't get up joke.

[Crazedwraith]

Oh what the christ? Did Padme learn to pick locks with her mouth in Queen school?

She's dual class: Monarach/Rogue. Oh wait that's only in Darths & Droids. Plus, I'm reasonably sure she used a lockpick not her mouth

As to AotC, I'm reasonable sure I liked it at the time but then I was all of 14 at the time. I just get bored when I try to re-watch it. Like TPM; one of the few reasons to watch it the lightsabre duel at the end, until Yoda gets there. Because who though; 'kermit on crack' was the best fighting style for an elderly and venerable sage? The sad part is his little TKing his sabre to his hand is pretty cool and really hyped the fight for me and then he screeches and jumps all over the place and its... not that good.

[Havok]

Yes she had some sort of pick in her mouth. I didn't really think I had to clarify that I didn't think that she was picking it with her tongue.

And who thought that the lightsaber ballet was a good idea. Man, sometimes I want to punch Rick McCallum in the throat.

What the... shouldn't two Jedi Masters settle it with the Force, not with lightsabers.

Fuck this shit. I'm turning it off. Fuck you GL.

[Crazedwraith]

Ok, I'm not currently watching it but didn't Padme just hide the lock pick in her mouth until she was manacled and then spat it back down into her hands so could pick the locks. She didn't pick them with the lockpick still in her mouth?

[Teleros]

And holy shitballs. Why do the chicks in Anakin's life just die because of superficial wounds.

Film rating or internal bleeding. Take your pick .

Ok, I'm not currently watching it but didn't Padme just hide the lock pick in her mouth until she was manacled and then spat it back down into her hands so could pick the locks. She didn't pick them with the lockpick still in her mouth?

Yes.

[Darth Yan]

Hav, I agree in some areas. However, Anakin's been part of a monastic order for a decade and the only woman he's ever known is his MOTHER. Therefore, it's reasonable to assume he's inept at dialogue with a woman. Overall though, you are right. Attack of the Clones was shit when compared to other two prequals.

[Eleas]

I like some things about AOC, and certainly I don't detest it like Hav does. All the same, if I've said it a million times I'm still gonna say it again - the Yoda fight scene is made of suck. A week ago I rewatched it, and I realized one aspect of why that is so.

There's no visible for most of Yoda's attacks to hit Dooku. They fall short of the intended target by a foot or more. This isn't because Dooku parries or avoids; it's because Yoda is out of range.

Ponder that for a moment. "The best warrior the Order has ever seen" performs a whole battery of attacks that couldn't even fucking reach the intended target.

[Channel72]

I don't think AotC is quite as bad as Episode I, but it was still pretty disappointing. However, the opening chase through Coruscant was one of the rare moments in the Prequel trilogy that managed to capture that elusive, fuzzy aura of good old "Star Wars nostalgia" for me. For a few minutes, AotC actually felt like a real Star Wars movie.

I also enjoyed the subplot with Obi Wan following a trail of clues to the clone factory. However, it was always bizarre to me that the Jedi seemed ambivalent over the obvious link between the creation of the Clone Army and the Separatists. I mean, the template used to create every single clone soldier was a bounty hunter who clearly worked for the Separatists. I realize the Republic had little choice but to make use of the Clone army at the time, but didn't this warrant further investigation?

[Simon_Jester]

Man, Jedi fucking suck. They all get their asses handed to them by a bunch of slow moving retards and are only saved by Yoda+Guns. More civilized age my ass.

Now here you're missing something:

"More civilized" implies "less violent." The Jedi could afford to fool around with lightsabers back in the day (hundreds of years ago), because they generally weren't being hosed down with automatic weapons fire from six people at once. Now they are, and they get ventilated. Simple.

[Havok]

Man, Jedi fucking suck. They all get their asses handed to them by a bunch of slow moving retards and are only saved by Yoda+Guns. More civilized age my ass.

Now here you're missing something:

"More civilized" implies "less violent." The Jedi could afford to fool around with lightsabers back in the day (hundreds of years ago), because they generally weren't being hosed down with automatic weapons fire from six people at once. Now they are, and they get ventilated. Simple.

Bullshit. Part of being civilized is being advanced. A barbarian that could block a few arrows with his sword, when he has a shield available isn't considered more civilized over an armored knight that can block a lot of arrows with a shield. He is just considered stupid for not using a shield.

The Jedi's fighting style and tactics are fucking stupid.

[Havok]

Ok, I'm not currently watching it but didn't Padme just hide the lock pick in her mouth until she was manacled and then spat it back down into her hands so could pick the locks. She didn't pick them with the lockpick still in her mouth?

No, she picked it with the pick in her mouth. Remember that her hands were bound above her head.

[Patroklos]

Hav, I agree in some areas. However, Anakin's been part of a monastic order for a decade and the only woman he's ever known is his MOTHER. Therefore, it's reasonable to assume he's inept at dialogue with a woman. Overall though, you are right. Attack of the Clones was shit when compared to other two prequals.

Not a good excuse. There are plenty of women in the order and he has been traveling the galaxy on missions for years. He has interacted with thousands of women. A person apparently trained to interact socially with thousands of different species of sentient aliens shouldn't have any problem with a women of his own species (insert human woman joke here). Not to that degree anyway.

And Padme is not a teenager, she should be going all cougar on his ass.

[Patroklos]

Do any of you guys watch Law and Order:Criminal Intent, the show where Gomer Pyle sees a bit of thread and immediatly knows it is from the basket weaving peoples of southern Peru on the north shore of lake Titicaca, probably lattitude and longitude such and such?

Thats how stupid it was when big fish dude tells Obi Wan exactly where a small dart comes from in a galaxy of millions of inhabited worlds and thousands upon thousands of species and cultures, only times a thousand. And supposedly from a race that is particularly unknown. Well, I suppose it could have had "Kamino" printed on it, but then we are forced once again conclude that Jango is a complete idiot instead of a ruthless and cunning assasin of the highest order.

[Knife]

Hav insprired me, so I just watched it. Really, while there are problems with all the movies, AotC's is about equal with TPM or even RotS, though I usually put RotS higher due to space battles. Anyway, both AotC and TPM are good stories at heart and both have cringe worthy moments. For every 'through the planets core' remark in TPM, there is a 'I love you Padme' moment in AotC.

That said, some of Anakin's and Padme's scenes are quite well done. The fireplace scene where Anakin lays it all out for Padme, along with them arguing about going to Geonosis are well done. Perhaps Lucas made a mistake of putting too many scenes with Ani and Padme leading up to their relationship, and perhaps a more subdued and implied way would have been better.

I agree that the Obi Wan plot line was far superior to the Anakin plot line and I really enjoy that bit.

[Oni Koneko Damien]

I also enjoyed the subplot with Obi Wan following a trail of clues to the clone factory. However, it was always bizarre to me that the Jedi seemed ambivalent over the obvious link between the creation of the Clone Army and the Separatists. I mean, the template used to create every single clone soldier was a bounty hunter who clearly worked for the Separatists. I realize the Republic had little choice but to make use of the Clone army at the time, but didn't this warrant further investigation?

This is easily the part that bugs me the most, intellectually, about the movie. Obi-Wan, with Yoda's help, uncovers a vast conspiracy concerning the creation of the entirety of the Republic's army, a conspiracy that involves someone breaking into the archives at the Jedi temple, a conspiracy that, by the kameenoans' (or however you spell it) own admission, involves a member of the Jedi Order, a conspiracy that directly involves the separatists, a conspiracy that comes up during a time when the Sith have come back for the first time in a thousand years...

...so of course they immediately launch an internal investigation for treason, immediately go over the entire clone-creation process with a fine toothed comb to look for anything suspicious in their training, genetic manipulation, etc., go over every microsecond of security footage in the Temple at all possible times the alteration to the records could have been done, looking for suspicious activity, and most importantly of all, immediately take steps to ensure that Jedi aren't at risk of a sudden insurrection by clone soldiers.

No, wait, that's not what they did, in fact... THEY DO NOTHING ABOUT IT!

Jesus tittyfucking Christ, they have everything laid out right in front of them that there is something very wrong about this clone army, and it involves both the people the Republic is fighting against, and the legendary, mythical evil that has a hard-on for wiping out the Jedi, and they do nothing. They couldn't even be arsed to do an in-depth investigation on how the clones are created. Like, y'know, looking for any hardwired mental triggers to react a certain way to certain orders. The retardation is just unbelievable. "Hey, we suspect that the group that has wanted to see us dead for a thousand years has been directly fucking with the creation of the army we're leading so... we're going to allow our guys to be spread out and isolated, hundreds to one, with that very same army!"

On a lesser note: Exactly what race is Padme? Allegedly she's human, but I don't know of any human that fails to visibly age over a 10-15 year period (especially when those 10-15 years cover a period of life where most people are still physically changing relatively drastically. I wouldn't be surprised if someone didn't change all that much between the ages of 60 and 75, not so much for someone in the 15-30 range).

And while we're on the Padme binge, she's not exactly the brightest:

Anakin: "Yeah, I just got pissed and slaughtered a bunch of sand-people, innocent women and children included."
Padme: "That's alright, to be angry is to be human."

Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but if my paramour just committed impulsive mass-murder, that would raise a whoooole lot of red flags to me. At the very least I'd have a chat with his mentor about it. Impulsive mass murder, to me, would be a bad trait for someone in the position of a Jedi knight to have, when conceivably hundreds of thousands of lives can rest on a single Jedi's actions.

[Elfdart]

Her hair was pinned up in a bun, so is it much of a stretch for her to have pulled one of the pins and used it?

I think Clones is the weakest of the three prequels by far. The editing (and especially the music editing) sucked pretty hard. Anakin's confession scene should have been done either without music or with a very faint rendition of the Dark Side theme, Vader's theme, or even the opening cue from "The Appearance of Darth Maul" (TPM Soundtrack, track 14 3:17) which sounds like a wild animal howling in the distance. That's close to what they did in ROTS when Palpatine reminds Anakin of the Sand People and his mother and the scene worked much better.

The IMAX version was great, though. They cut about 15-20 minutes (and the number of times Padme says "Oh Annie!") and it felt more like a Star Wars movie.